Shop Products
Houzz Logo Print
ratherbesewing

The Dugger father is way too controlling!

ratherbesewing
9 years ago

The newly married couple will live in the Dugger fixer upper while the other daughter's boyfriend leaves his home to stay in the Dugger guest house and work for Jim Bob. it's too bad these young ladies are marrying boys and not men. Creepy.

Comments (65)

  • Deeby
    9 years ago

    I still think the Duggers are mentally ill hoarders. And what possibly is that 1880's hairdo the mother wears??? These people are as much a turn off as the Honey Boos or whatever it is.

  • beaglesdoitbetter1
    9 years ago

    I think they all seem very happy. I am sure there are plenty of women out there who want to take the submissive role in their relationships just as I'm sure there are men out there who would rather defer to their wives on major decisions. Why judge them for their choices?
    These people aren't asking for handouts but seem to be well able to take care of themselves and their family, so I don't see the problem.
    With so many broken families and children being raised w/o fathers in today's world (and all the consequences that this has for children), I don't think the Duggars are particularly deserving of criticism.

  • glad2b
    9 years ago

    Well said beagles! It's not for me, that's for sure, but as long as they aren't living off of tax payers, who cares? I don't watch the show, but have seen a few minutes here and there.

  • graywings123
    9 years ago

    I don't watch any of these family shows - Duggers, Honey Booboo, Kardashians, or the Duck Dynasty people. What concerns me about all of them is that other people then want to emulate them. And I fear that some of the people emulating the Duggers don't have the means to do it.

  • JoppaRich
    9 years ago

    "The difference between the Dark Ages and now is options. These women can make the choice of how they want to conduct themselves in their marriages. "

    When you've been indoctrinated since birth with the fear of hellfire and eternal damnation for not obeying, is there really a choice? Getting shunned isn't real pleasant either.

    And yeah, clearly knocked up before the wedding (not that there's anything wrong with that, but I hate me some hypocrites)

  • tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM
    9 years ago

    Of course being shunned is not pleasant but there is a difference between going against the grain in a small village in a third world country when you have no education in a society where you depend on your relationships with men for survival and sustenance to the US where there are many other options available to women, especially ones that have a reasonable education and resources like the ones in the Duggar family. It seems to me too, that there are plenty who were indoctrinated in the hellfire and damnation theology (though I am not sure if that paricular brand is so dominant in this family) and threw off that yoke.

  • dedtired
    9 years ago

    Oh come on.It's all about the money, I am sure. They must be raking in a bundle from that show, so they all play their roles.I do believe they live the lifestyle, but now they are playing it to the hilt. I hope the new husbands can stick with it after the show fades away. You now at least a couple of those kids will go haywire, and we will be watching, or at least the celebrity gossip nags will be.

    I think those younger rascally boys are a riot. I can't tell one from the other. I don't watch the show regularly but have seen enough to get the idea.

  • LucyStar1
    9 years ago

    For a long time I had no interest in the Duggars, but I started watching some of the old shows this past summer. I have to say that they seem like a happy family and all of the kids seem to be happy. The shows centered around the two older girls having boyfriends. They must have used the word "relationship" a thousand times! I had never heard of the side-hug before.The girls seemed to be starry-eyed and very naïve about marriage. As far as them living in the parents' old house, I think that is just a way for the Duggars to spread the money around and financially help out their kids.

  • deegw
    9 years ago

    Christian patriarchy promises women that if they give up their autonomy and submit to the patriarch that they will be rewarded in various ways. Michelle chose the path after having a normal upbringing. She didn't have to take care of multiple babies, she attended public school, she wasn't a family maid, she played sports, etc.

    The Duggar girls appear happy because they are trained to submit and appear happy. I sincerely doubt that all nine girls don't have dreams and aspiration beyond being submissive to a boy they barely know.

  • work_in_progress_08
    9 years ago

    This thread happened to be timely for me as I was channel surfing over the weekend and happened upon this Duggar reality freak show.

    I don't normally comment on a couple's choice of how many children will make their family complete. However, when they have 19 children and advertise the number to name their reality show, I feel okay in letting loose.

    Recently in the news I heard the approx. dollar amount it costs to raise a child thru high school. I thought the estimate was low, but hey, maybe I spend too much on mine. Multiply the conservative estimate by 19? The Duggars better be praying that there is always a tv audience interested in their kind of crazy.

    Controlling dad doesn't even begin to scratch the surface. There are too many "issues" with the entire family to take time to list.

    Some limited viewing examples: Each older child is assigned a younger child to care for (as in, essentially care for as a parent should), despite that older child didn't choose to birth the younger sibling.

    The idea of the next oldest female at home was in charge of the family's "packing" for a road trip episode. Really, how about the parent(s) & age appropriate children do their own packing?

    If you want 19 kids, then knock yourself out. Just don't pair older children w/younger ones to be in charge of.

    I would have to guess that they are now making a tidy sum of money, similar to that of the other reality shows that now seem to be all over the cable stations. Have to say, I watched for only a very short period of time before I was yelling at the tv, and then tuning away in disgust.

    Total freak show IMO, but hey there must be an audience.

  • LucyStar1
    9 years ago

    The reality is that with that many kids, the older ones have to help take care of the younger ones. I've seen it not only with the Duggars, but I read blogs where the parents don't believe in birth control and just accept the kids that come, however many. And in those families, too, the older kids take care of the younger kids.

  • lucillle
    9 years ago

    It is amazing to me how much venom there is here for people and cultures which are different than we are.
    It might be, if they ever took the time to think about it, that other cultures might consider Americans brainwashed in certain social aspects.
    If one is uncomfortable with another culture, is the source of discomfort them, or is it you?

  • Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
    9 years ago

    Good question Lucille! I could care less what the Duggers do, they all live in America and have amazing choices to live their lives however they want.
    They have the choices most of the world do not have.

  • sixtyohno
    9 years ago

    I'm sure the cameras are on them for hours and hours to create a one hour show. We see what they want us to see and then hustle off to the bank. Frankly, it feels like all the other reality shows. The Kardashians are rich and useless. The duck people are really rich clean shaven guys who came up with a good idea. The Honey Boo Boos are embarrassing to watch. I hope they are getting tons of money for farting and smelling each other and doing nothing.

  • camlan
    9 years ago

    The Duggar boys are sent here to the programs at the link below.

    There's a similar program for the daughters. Those who watch the show regularly claim that if one of the kids doesn't seem to be toeing the line, they get sent away to one of these programs as often as it seems necessary.

    Punishment? Retraining? Putting the fear of God into the kids?

    And check out Bill Gothard, whose religious teachings the Duggar's claim to follow.

    Here is a link that might be useful: Alert programs

  • daisyinga
    9 years ago

    My mother grew up in a large family that paired an older child to take care of a younger child. That system worked very well in her family and the paired siblings are/were very close (some of my aunts have passed). My mom's family is very close and both the older kids and the younger ones treasure those memories of their childhood.

  • Olychick
    9 years ago

    I've never watched the show, no tv here, but am aware of them. I think anyone who thinks it's fine to use the planet's and country's finite resources for their own narcissistic ends is not okay with me. Every extra kid they have uses water, food, air, oil, lumber, etc. and every other natural resource that is necessary to support the lifestyle they/we have deemed essential. Just think of the numbers of children and grandchildren that will be created, will have to have homes, land cleared, gasoline burned, water pumped from the earth, plastics, garbage created, etc. to support them.

    It is greedy beyond our usual USA grab of more than our share of the world's resources. It really makes me sick.

  • SunnyCottage
    9 years ago

    Here's my seven-word opinion: A uterus is not a clown car.

  • Olychick
    9 years ago

    SunnyCottage...lol, but I know it's not funny.

  • tinam61
    9 years ago

    I have never watched this show - and now - I never will . . .

  • nanny2a
    9 years ago

    IâÂÂm with tinam61. Sounds nauseatingly senseless.

  • Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
    9 years ago

    The beauty of America, we get to choose, unlike China, for instance.
    (Feel free to move there if the USA is that bothersome!)

  • sergeantcuff
    9 years ago

    Feel free to move to China yourself if you are bothered that people have the right to criticize them and their ilk!

  • Olychick
    9 years ago

    Yes, the beauty of the USA (and Canada) is that we all get to have our opinions (usually without being told to move to China if we don't like something).

  • dbarron
    9 years ago

    I knew a family in Oklahoma who had thirteen naturally born children...it was outside my experiences. They had a rough time, but I've never met a nicer family (parents and kids), and they were all apt and able to do many handyman/skilled building tasks that I neither knew how, nor cared to do.

    I often asked them if they'd be interested in (whatever I needed to have done) and was never displeased with the work.

    Point of fact, I had a plumber put in an additional outside water outlet for the garden....his fixture was loose and wiggly...and it froze the first winter.

    I asked the patriarch of this family if he could install me one, he sent his oldest son instead. The faucet is there to this day and quite functional and sturdy...this was probably ten years ago now.

    At least if they had a large family, they raised them to be wonderful productive people. I'm friends with a couple of the older boys as well as the father after living there for 13 years. No finer people that I've met.

  • dbarron
    9 years ago

    Post dup'd (deleted)

    This post was edited by dbarron on Wed, Sep 10, 14 at 23:37

  • joaniepoanie
    9 years ago

    The Duggars live in a vey insular Christian subculture. The goal for girls seems to be they marry young and have as many babies as possible. College and/or a career are out of the question. I understand that if kids dissent they are shunned and sent away to get straightened out. They may look happy but it doesn't mean they are. I find it all absolutely abhorrent, but they are certainly entitled to live and believe however they want.

  • lucillle
    9 years ago

    A lot of other people look happy but they aren't. Being unhappy but putting on the happy face isn't confined to subcultures.
    And people who actually are really happy with big families? They wouldn't make a peep on THIS thread, they'd get straightened out in a hurry.

  • joaniepoanie
    9 years ago

    In no way did I say that putting on a happy face is confined to subcultures.

  • tinam61
    9 years ago

    Bumble - what are you talking about???

  • Acadiafun
    9 years ago

    I come from a large family with many foster siblings. Sometimes there were 10 kids in the house. Everyone thought my parents were saints taking care of all those kids. My sister and I (the older children) got up at 5 a.m. to start giving bottles to the babies before school. Then we did all the cleaning and at least 6 loads of laundry each day as well as all the dishes.We watched the children, played with them, fed them, disciplined them and covered for them. Mom never lifted a broom, a mop, a vacuum cleaner or a child if she had a choice. My youngest brother introduces me as "this is my sister- she raised me." I loved the kids, but never had a childhood myself.

  • golddust
    9 years ago

    Each to his own. I'm sure each and every single person alive could be torn down by anyone. I've given up thinking I know what is best for others.

  • sergeantcuff
    9 years ago

    I think it's irresponsible to have a multitude of children, but it's a free country. People who have a bunch of kids because they LOVE children and are enthusiastic about raising them is one thing. I know some lovely large families. I am concerned about people who crank them out due to religious or cultural pressures. My devout Catholic parents were overwhelmed with 8 children, continuing even after No. 2 had some issues and No. 4 had very serious problems.

    I am No. 7. My mother was very worn out after my birth. If I was ill or troublesome, she had my 11 year old!!! sister stay home from school to care for me. My older siblings were somewhat interested in me, as I was a surprise, several years younger than they. They were disgusted when my younger brother arrived. My elderly father is shell-shocked.

    This post was edited by maureeninmd on Wed, Sep 10, 14 at 23:13

  • golddust
    9 years ago

    Maureen, I'm sorry for your experience and I totally understand
    and agree with your position. ( I'm not religious because of stories like yours BUT there are always those stellar examples who make me feel wrong for judging. People who actually fit the model.)

  • camlan
    9 years ago

    As one of seven kids (yes, we're Catholic), not all larger families are awful. Some are. Some aren't.

    Yes, I had chores. We had chore charts. KP charts, really, as Dad was in the military. But they were basic things--setting the table, doing the dishes, taking out the trash, sweeping the kitchen floor--those were daily tasks that we rotated through weekly. Once a week, I'd have to vacuum, or clean a bathroom or wash the kitchen floor. Those were weekly tasks that we rotated through monthly.

    I knew how to cook and could produce a simple meal if Mom wasn't home, but so could Dad. I helped with the grocery shopping and and laundry.

    But I still had plenty of free time to read and play with the rest of the gang--nothing like what Maureen or Arcadiafun describe. Mom did most of the laundry and food shopping and cooking. I might "complain" about having to learn to change diapers and feed babies when I was seven, but at no point was the bulk of the babies' care placed on me. I helped, but was never, ever the primary care-giver for the other kids. If Mom wasn't there, Dad stepped in. If Dad wasn't there, Mom was.

    As one of the older kids, I was assigned to look after one of the younger kids on occasion, but certainly not every day. Mostly when we were out of the house. My parents felt an extra pair of eyes on the smaller kids might help keep them from running off.

    We were a bit regimented--the KP charts, assigned colors for things like towels and sheets so you always knew which ones to use--things like that. But with seven kids, you need some kind of organization.

    At one point, Dad had some sort of office-type job that kept him out of the house from 6 am to 8 or 9 pm. We were still pretty little--I was about 5. He went through the trouble of getting an extra security clearance so that he could bring work home, so that he could get home before we went to bed. And lining up to get a special "Daddy Hug," where we ran at him and he scooped us up and lifted us up to touch the ceiling, then lowered us into the best hug ever is one of my fondest memories of childhood.

    Some people aren't cut out to be parents, no matter what the size of their families.

  • Gracie
    9 years ago

    I think my neighbors are practicing the Quiverfull. The house is a rental and it's got me thinking about moving.

    They are Russian, most likely religious refuges supported by evangelical churches. So far they have seven children under the age of about 10. The youngest was born in May. What is bothersome is our houses are about 8 feet apart and both mother and father yell constantly at the kids. Ever hear anyone yell in Russian? I can't enjoy the solitude of my garden anymore.

    The sad part is that there are two toddler boys who are the ones crying during the yelling. They didn't have very long to be the baby of the family. The older ones are all girls and they are inside all day. I have seen them home on school days, so they might be homeschooled.

    I am not a religious person (raised Catholic in a family of five kids), but it seems to me that patriarchal religions are based on control and fear of what their women might do if given choice. It rubs us wrong because women have fought so hard for their rights, so families like the Duggars make us feel like they are regressing. I'm not sure who dictates the size of the family in those homes (well, I do know--God), but I would not want to live the one life I'm given as a vessel for constant reproduction. It's really a radical Christianity--all that prayer warrior stuff and building an army of God's children for the coming Muslim war. Ooookay......

    It's been awhile since I heard anyone say "if you don't like it here, move." I live in a very liberal state and like it very much.

  • lucillle
    9 years ago

    "Ever hear anyone yell in Russian?"

    My grandparents. There were never two people who loved each other more, and I'd give anything to hear them again. But that was the way they communicated to each other many times.
    Perhaps it is a cultural thing, there are some other cultures that seem loud at times also.

  • dbarron
    9 years ago

    Regarding last post, may I suggest Italians (course you could shut up every obvious Italian I ever met, by immobilizing their hands (sorta a joke...not really..never seen a culture that talks with their hands more)).

  • jlj48
    9 years ago

    Loved your post Camlan. What a wonderful upbringing and fond childhood memories. You're blessed!

  • SunnyCottage
    9 years ago

    The suggestion that people should move to another country if they don't like what happens in the United States angers me, because it's nothing more than a backhanded way of saying, "Shut your face and don't express your opinion, as it's not the same as mine."

  • tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM
    9 years ago

    "It rubs us wrong because women have fought so hard for their rights, so families like the Duggars make us feel like they are regressing."

    I do not see it as regression. My hope for all people (regardless of gender or race) is that they are able to pursue a life of their choosing and that we as a society provide at least a minimum of education that should one decide to alter or change the trajectory of their life, they have at least a bare minimum of resources to fall back on.

    I think it would be sad for women rights to free women from one master (patriarchy) to find themselves subjected to another, with that other being told/forced to live their lives according to the standards of other. I want to pursue the life that fulfills me, not the one other's say should fulfill me (regardless of it is women or men setting the standard). My hope would be that all women and men get to pursue the life they want.

  • Bumblebeez SC Zone 7
    9 years ago

    It angers me that people aren't accepting of lifestyles different than what they think should be. The Duggars have every right to have as many kids as they want and raise them however they see fit. Intolerance works both ways.
    If this thread were about a same sex couple having a child via surrogate, I sincerely doubt any criticism of them would be tolerated here.

    This post was edited by Bumblebeez on Thu, Sep 11, 14 at 12:13

  • marlene_2007
    9 years ago

    Many who choose to (or perhaps don't have the choice) not have any children get judged as well. I can't count the times I've been asked why I don't have human kids. My standard response is: "Why would you ask such a question?"

  • Gracie
    9 years ago

    "I think it would be sad for women rights to free women from one master (patriarchy) to find themselves subjected to another, with that other being told/forced to live their lives according to the standards of other."

    Do you think some woman have less children than they want because of what others might think?

    Lucille, it's the yelling at the boys who are age one and two that grates on me when I want peace and quiet to enjoy my garden. Yelling at toddlers and the resultant crying would bother me in any language, but Russian does have a way of carrying. The previous owners were Taiwanese and they yelled a little too, but it didn't carry as much.

    Now I am thinking about which culture yells the worst--lol. I can tell you it's not the Norwegians since I live with one. He's very quiet. ;)

  • violetwest
    9 years ago

    I think my problem with their philosophy (BESIDES my personal disgust with religious fanatics) is that we are failing to remember and honor the travails of our foremothers.

    People forget how common it was for women to die young after being worn out from repeated pregnancies; how so many women died in childbirth; how many, many infants died.

    We forget that for the entirety of history, and for many places in the world today, women had.no.choice. We were chattels, with no rights, and still are today in most places. Our bodies were used up with hard labor and childbearing.

    We are heirs to those brave women who championed birth control at the beginning of the 20th century. It was a fight for control over our own bodies and lives without being forced to submit to a life of being barefoot and pregnant.

    The Duggars can do whatever they want. But it makes me sad to think we still need to fight that fight.

  • SunnyCottage
    9 years ago

    I don't understand why anyone should take it personally that some of us feel the Duggars' choice to have umpteen children is ridiculous. They are, after all, the subject of a television show and have therefore knowingly and willingly put themselves out there to be scrutinized. Their lifestyle (or the condonement or acceptance of it) is also nothing akin to a same-sex couple raising children, in no small part because heterosexual Caucasians have never had to fight for their right to construct their families freely and openly, with full support of this country's laws.

    Certainly the Duggars may produce one child after another after another after another. That IS their right, as it is also my right to think they are horribly misguided.

  • lucillle
    9 years ago

    And, to complete the circle of rights, it is the right of others here to have opinions about your opinion. It's a discussion obviously important to many, reproduction and family are subjects near and dear to a lot of us.

  • melsouth
    9 years ago

    I don't have 19 kids, but I do have four.
    This thread has been a reality check, let me tell you!
    I now see that I have more than my fair share.
    I hate to admit this, but, yes, we all breathe air, and we do use up clean water.
    I feel really bad about it, but I'm trying not to, because I know that getting all emotional will increase my body temperature and just add to global warming.

    Oh, the footprint...!

    BUT WAIT!
    My sister was unable to have ANY children--surely that cancels out two of mine!
    (If not 2.5!)
    Oh, AND we recycle!!!
    So...

  • Gracie
    9 years ago

    I thought this thread was about excessively large families, not about anyone's choice to have more than two kids. Funny how personally some are taking it who don't have 19 kids or anywhere near that number.

    When resources are limited, the rich and important will get them, so why worry about something out of your control. The Duggars will be suffering right along with the rest of us.