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kellyeng

Entertaining House Guests Etiquette

kellyeng
10 years ago

My sister, her husband and son are visiting in a couple of weeks. This is the first time my sister's husband is coming along. With just my sister and nephew, when they visit, it's very relaxed and we just do stuff on a whim or nothing at all.

However, with my BIL coming, I'm feeling some stress about creating an itinerary with activities because BIL gets bored very easily and is very outdoorsy. We can do plenty of outdoor stuff except my mom will be with us and her knees are so bad, she can't keep up even a little bit, so that means she would be left out.

So I'm just wondering, is it really my responsibility to make sure a grown man isn't bored? Can't I just not worry about it and enjoy their company? I should add, my sister is adding to my stress because she's also concerned about keeping her DH happy.

Comments (8)

  • trailrunner
    10 years ago

    I have never visited anyone family or otherwise and expected them to keep me or anyone with me entertained. The reason I visit has nothing to do with being "entertained". It has to do with sharing time and closeness.

    If BIL is that difficult to keep entertained then he has two choices...stay home and entertain himself in familiar surroundings or come along and be responsible for his own activities.

    The first thing I do before I ever go anywhere is look up what there is to do "outdoors". I have to be out and active. I never ever expect anyone else to have this desire and if they do then for sure I welcome them to come along. I also don't let my desire to be "out and about " interfere with other's plans or with my host/hostess's plans. I just fit in what I can when I can.

    I wouldn't stress out for one minute about him and I hope your sister does the same. Perhaps he will be just fine and rise to the occasion ! I sure hope so and hope that you ALL have a great visit . c

  • tinam61
    10 years ago

    I totally agree with Caroline. If I were you, I think I would make a couple of suggestions for your BIL and maybe plan a couple of outings - but outings that your mother can enjoy also. Would your husband be willing to do a couple of outdoor things with your BIL and let the women have some time together?

    I agree that the most important thing is to just enjoy the time together!

    tina

  • ellendi
    10 years ago

    I have a sister who likes to have every day planned out, to the point where she isn't concerned if others are on board with her ideas!
    So, I get where you are coming from. It is not only about making plans, but the dynamics between all of you and your sister and her husband.

    I say, have something that he can do every day, but as Tina has suggested, most of those things cannot include your Mom. Certainly, even he will understand that you can't all do everything everyday together.

    Get a plan together, but I would not share it ahead of time. You can share it at the first nights dinner.

    Also say to the group that you are open to suggestions, this is everyone's vacation after all.

  • 4boys2
    10 years ago

    "I should add, my sister is adding to my stress because she's also concerned about keeping her DH happy."

    Sounds like your sister has deeper issues with her husband that she may be placing on you to resolve.After all is said and done will her husbands boredom then be placed at your feet ?

    Sorry~ I don't know all the players ..
    And I don't mean to offend.

  • maddielee
    10 years ago

    It would be nice if you had a list of area attractions that your brother-in-law might enjoy. Maybe just for him and his son.

    Is your mother visiting too? There's a good chance she might enjoy a girls lunch with you and your sister. She also may be fine with sitting home an afternoon or 2 while you and your guests do something that she knows she can't physically do.

    ML

  • kellyeng
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Trail - I'm exactly the same. I don't want to be entertained and am totally happy to just do what everyone else is doing.

    Tina - Mom can't do any outings unless there's somewhere she can sit. I do think mom needs to understand her limitations tho and be okay with us going hiking or something. So far I have our restaurants figured out, we can go hiking, swimming at the river and explore a local cavern. None of those things are all day excursions so if mom can just hang out at the house although I feel bad asking her to do that. Unfortunately, DH will be working most of the time but if we can find an extra mountain bike, they could spend a morning riding.

    Ellendi - We have the same sister! Totally has to control everything. Luckily, I'm pretty laid back and just let her most of the time. Sister's DH is a very sweet guy but he has adult ADD and is very task oriented. That coupled with Sis's high-strung tendency of making a mountain out of a mole hill is what is probably fueling my stress. Her DH probably doesn't even care!

    Forboystoo - No worries about offending. Sis's "deeper issues" are very apparent.

    Maddielee - My mom lives is our same area so she'll be here everyday. We do plan on going out one night and mom will babysit.

    Okay, I just wanted to make sure I wouldn't be a poor host for not have an activity schedule planned out. Like I said, I have some loose options and then let everyone else decide if that's what they want to do.

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    10 years ago

    You aren't a tour guide, and this is family. Also, I think the greatest deference should go to your mother, out of respect for her and her needs/wants.

    That said, a cranky guest might derail things. I might try killing with kindness (deserved or not). Maybe I'd even email him and say, what kind of things would you like to do when you come? Make some suggestions, offer to get tickets or whatever. So that if he is even half way reasonable, he'd feel guilty for ever complaining.

  • jmc01
    10 years ago

    What about renting a wheelchair for your mom?