dlm, two rules to remember after 50:

1. Never look at photos of yourself

2. Never look down in a mirror

The first time I broke rule No. 2, I let out a scream that I am certain was heard a state away :-)

And that's the thing - how you view yourself is so different from how others view you, right or wrong, critically or not.

I went to my nieces wedding this summer and looking at photos afterwards and I'm just thinking: I wonder if I could be photo shopped out of the pictures. My sister, on the other hand, thought I looked adorable. Seriously?.

What I do notice is that when I leave my house and check myself in the mirror I think ok, I look alright, everything matches, everything is clean, the look is classic. AND THEN I happen to catch myself in a mirror or a window and I think to myself - "What was I thinking, I look old and stupid, I am pathetic."

Thank you ladies - so glad I'm not alone! I really hate that vanity trait of mine but it's there so I have to deal with it. Life would be easier if I didn't care!

I'm the youngest of 4 so in my teens and early 20's my mom was in her early and mid 50's. She'd look in a mirror, fuss with her clothes, smooth or gently tug her face to mimic a face lift and ask me if this lipstick was better or this blouse...... I'd shrug and give some b*tchy noncommittal answer but think to myself it doesn't matter because you're old - get over it! I was a horrible daughter, she was NOT old and was as cute as a button all her life. I need to remember that.

marlene, rule # 3: NEVER take a selfie!

LOL Nancybee.

Unfortunately, I broke that rule as well.

I don't care a whit what others say or think about my clothes. I'm 75 and am happiest in bright vibrant colors, cute T's, floaty skirts. Who could or should tell me my clothes aren't "age appropriate"??

I'm blondish/gray, small. Put me in beige and I'd disappear. Put me in a leopard print or Hawaiian print crops and I'm confident and most importantly HAPPY.

Rosie

Dlm, I had a similar thought as I looked at the photos from my big birthday party last weekend. I got all dolled up and went out for the night...not ONCE during the rest of the night did I even glance in a mirror (never even went to the bathroom, believe it or not). When I look at pics from later in the night I think, 'Shoot, why didn't someone tell me to brush my hair and reapply my lipstick?' I said this to a friend and she said, 'Are you kidding? You were GLOWING all night!' (Now THAT is a good friend -- I'm pretty sure I haven't glowed in at least 15 years!) But that did make me think, right, who cares, I was having a ball.

I think sueb20 hit it right. Those that are smiling, laughing, thinking they look good, do. Those that are nervous, fidgeting with their clothes, not smiling, afraid to dance, look older and not as good.

If you are having fun you will look good!

Some people are photogenic some are not. I am one of those nots (I seriously hope I look better in real life than in photos), I hate myself in pictures! My sister is the opposite, she looks so good in pictures but older in real life then me and she is five years younger.
We also went to a wedding this summer, Bought a new dress, new haircut and even new makeup, got lots of compliments.....but waiting to see those darn pictures.

On a positive note though, just got back from Costco, had our passport pictures taken. I still have ours from 5 years ago and so I compared them to see how much I have aged in 5 years. Surprisingly not too much, must be the shorter haircut, DH thinks I look younger now....did I mention how much I love that guy!

Nothing scares me more than when I am doing FaceTime & suddenly it's my face I see on the screen. I hope I look better than that IRL. I look better in a mirror.

Very interesting. I don't usually come to this forum but it was in the sidebar and the topic reeled me in. I'm in my early 30s and worked retail part time for an expensive women's clothing store (6 years) in addition to my full time job.
I always enjoyed the ladies who came in and knew exactly what they wanted or were willing to try something new. They weren't afraid of color or shapes that skimmed their curves rather than hanging like tents. (I always described the clothes as friendly, not intimate)
The ladies who broke my heart were the ones who tore themselves apart in the mirror. (Or allowed their waiting significant other to do so >:( grrrrrrrrr) The ladies who came in and wanted the exact same outfit as the ad were a close second.
I will tell you- especiallyblfenton- as I told them: critique your clothing NOT yourself. If you're experiencing some dissonance between how you feel and how you look, that means you need to pull a Miss Frizzel (Magic Schoolbus) and take chances! get messy with fashion! and most importantly HAVE FUN!!
Sorry to write a dissertation :) I just feel very strongly about women not putting themselves down!!

"Sorry to write a dissertation :) I just feel very strongly about women not putting themselves down!!"

Bravo, MeaWea. And I'd like to add I feel very strongly about women not putting other women down.

One of my all time favorite movies is Auntie Mame with Rosalind Russell. Coincidentally it will be on TCM tonight if anyone is interested. I have always wanted to be like Auntie Mame...especially as I aged.

I love it when people are confident about their clothing choices, regardless of whether or not I 'like' it. I wish I had more style!

I heard an interview a while back with Tim Gunn of Project Runway. Someone asked if people come up to him and ask how they look. He said all the time. So they asked him, what if someone comes up and they look really awful, does he tell them? He said he uses a line from an old I Love Lucy program where Lucy's "friend" Carolyn is wearing an outrageous hat and asks Lucy what she thinks. Lucy replied, "If that's the look you're going for, you sure got a good one."

I love it!!

Speaking of looking at yourself in event photos. At an out of town event, I had on a black St. John cocktail suit with nude lingerie. It didn't show up in real life, but in the photo with the flash, my undies were very evident! (lesson learned....wear a cami and half slip!)

I have a friend who is slightly younger than I. Our daughters married close to each other. She's very creative and free-spirited. She wore something vintage and flow-y to her daughter's wedding. I'm rather button-downed. I wore a tailored silk cocktail suit. She felt good in her outfit, which you would never have caught me wearing. And I felt good in mine, which she wouldn't have worn on a bet! I guess we've each found our style.

I'd like to think my style is "classic," but often I think it is just dowdy and boring.

I have absolutely no concept of time, so I can't say for sure when it was, but it was more than likely not long after losing my Mom (June, 1995) that I realized what we wear and how we feel about how we, or others, think we look, is not the point. It's the joy we had when those photos were taken that counts.
As for others wearing things we think is inappropriate? Yes, there are some I can think of that wear things that aren't what I feel is flattering to their figure, or sometimes not appropriate in my mind, but that doesn't make the person wearing them any less beautiful to me. It just means they have a different idea to what is flattering and/or appropriate than I do.

Finding the right clothes has always been a challenge for me. I'd try to replicate an outfit that looked good on someone else, but it looked ridiculous on me. I finally read up on Dressing Your Truth and that has made a huge difference. I actually splurged and paid the $99; however there's a lot of free info out there (in articles and on youtube) so a person wouldn't have to buy the material. In the program she talks about the 4 different profile types and each person having a primary and secondary. For me it was like a lightbulb went off. I realize I was buying things that just didn't "fit" my style. I like clean classic lines, tailored, solid core colors. There are certain patterns that work for me and now I know which ones and why. Same with jewelry.

It's made me more understanding of why others dress the way they do and why they may or may not look put together. Some try to hard to be something they are not, or to wear fashions that just don't work for them, or to put together items that don't compliment one another.

But at the same time, I currently wear shoes that are probably questionable at times. But due to foot issues, the days of wearing stylish shoes are gone. For me, the shoes must tie, or cinch up, but also accommodate an insert. That narrows my selection.

Finally, I am another of those who hate to be photographed. Smiling does not come naturally. Pictures are only a snapshot in time and don't get my full dimension.

This video falls perfectly into what MeaWEa wrote. We're all too hard on ourselves. Life is short. We all try, and do the best we can at the time. Unless we walk in others shoes we don't know their story.

Here is a link that might be useful: http://youtu.be/kuoBEJ9DkJM

Thanks, hilltop, that video was very touching.

Murphy's Law of Style: If you run to the grocery store for just one thing dressed like hell, you will run into everyone you ever knew. Chances are they will be coming from a wedding a dressed to the nines.

Romy, I hear you on the Facetime thing. Painful. I cant decide who is lying -- Facetime of the mirror.

As for style, I never fell like I got it right. I have one particular figure flaw that makes finding clothes difficult. That coupled with having to be somewhat budget conscious makes clothes shopping a nightmare. I also never feel confident about what is appropriate for some occasions. I must not be the only one because I see all sorts of clothes at different events. I clearly remember going to a fundraising cocktail party and seeing one older woman there who looked like she was dressed for a square dance. I bet she thought she looked cute. She didn't.

I usually dress in a fairly simple, classic style with a little bit of flair and love color and know which colors look best on me. That's not the problem. Last night we went to a wine fest...outdoors, 4-9 pm, in a local park. So pretty casual, but I saw a lot of younger folks more dressed up in slinky tops, little dresses with boots, etc. I had on a pair of capris and a knit top and so did the other female we were with. Most of the older people were similarly dressed I might add, or even more casual. I find myself wondering, 'where did she buy that cute thing', and try as I might, I can never find those cute things when I shop. Or I find something, try it on, and it looks like crap on me. Of course I don't really shop much, so therein probably lies the problem, Lol!

I clearly remember going to a fundraising cocktail party and seeing one older woman there who looked like she was dressed for a square dance. I bet she thought she looked cute. She didn't.

Or perhaps she's like so many other women who have not a clue as to what to wear, struggled terribly over it, couldn't find anything, ended up with what she had and hated it but wore it anyway, and once she got there, she realized what a mistake she'd made but too late...

Yes, that video says it all! Thanks Hilltop!
I had written more to my last post, but decided it was too wordy and didn't go with the OPs question, but what I was going to say was how much I cherish the photos of my Mom, even the ones she herself hated. We all are too often critical of ourselves when what we should realize is that others don't see the same view as we do. They see who we are and that alters how they see us. Love makes all things beautiful!

It's been interesting reading all of your responses. Nice to know that we are all in the same boat in many ways.

I learned a long time ago how to take a good photo and I've taught my daughters. Basically you try to actually feel happy as you smile. Try to stand up straight and if it's a full shot, put one leg in front of the other toe pointing out.

Since I have lost almost an inch in height, the weight that I used to be able to carry is now too much weight. I never had much of a waiste, and now it's worse. So my favorite picture are from the chest up.

While out to dinner with three friends, we often have the waitress take a photo of all of us. We still laugh about the time one friend called out, "no waists in the picture and you get a bigger tip!" So, it's something we all struggle with.

I do love my sister-in-law and would never in a million years ever comment about her choices to her. But it's what Pal stated, "she would look so much better if..."
But, if she is happy that is really all that counts and although I would like to know the thought process behind choosing that Prairie dress, it's just not going to happen;)

"I clearly remember going to a fundraising cocktail party and seeing one older woman there who looked like she was dressed for a square dance. I bet she thought she looked cute. She didn't."

"Or perhaps she's like so many other women who have not a clue as to what to wear, struggled terribly over it, couldn't find anything, ended up with what she had and hated it but wore it anyway, and once she got there, she realized what a mistake she'd made but too lateâ¦"

Or perhaps she loved what she wore and felt great in it⦠why are we so judgmental and nitpicky over someone else's clothing. If it's not hurting anyone else or indecent, I think I have better things to do with my time. I hope other people don't waste their time tearing down my appearance at every event I go, I'm sure they could find something to talk about regardless of how I look. I've always been a people pleaser but as I've gotten older, I've gotten much better about living for me and enjoying life. Who cares. It's just too short to worry about other people's opinions constantly. Not trying to start anything, jmho.

I think we look at other people because we have developed senses of what is aesthetically pleasing, and I don't think most people evaluate bad clothing choices to make fun of people.

(I am not past making fun of people but I don't make fun of nice people that I like for their choices. I make fun of people who are not nice, who I already don't like, and their bad choices just give me the ammunition, I'll admit it.)

But I have a couple of women friends, --and a sibling-- who could just look so much better than they usually do. My sister doesn't care much one way or the other, so that's okay really. But I have a few women friends who, for some reason, when they actually get it right, tend to revert back to whatever it is that is wrong.

For example, one woman's hair is routinely greenish/tortoiseshell, like a cat's. She had been given a makeover and they did a great color and cut on her, but the next time around it was back to blotchy highlights that make her hair look, well, green. I have another friend who wears clothes that are too small, too garish, and often too young. She thinks she looks "boring" whenever she wears something that's actually flattering.

And the thing is, they both critique others just as actively. I didn't know that it's apparently a current taboo for any women of any age to wear stockings at summer social events. Another woman who I work with, 60ish, who wears extremely flattering clothes (but the sort of thing that could be 1995 or 2015--very basic and repetitive, but still very nice) was very embarrassed to be caught wearing stockings at the last graduation. But to be honest, every one of the other women over 50 who didn't have stockings on, I felt, from a realistic aesthetic point of view, should have. They have to wear them as a part of protocol at work. There are several of them with very nicely shaped legs, but one has legs that are grey with veins, another has age spots and sags and scars and all sorts of things, But when they have stockings on at work, that little bit of blurring covers the minor flaws and they look great.

They both had beautiful suits from Neiman's or Saks but the battered looking legs were what I really noticed--and I can't be critical of their legs considering their ages, it's natural, but au courant or not, I think the lack of nylons was a detraction. And yet they sort of embarrassed the other woman for wearing them.

This post was edited by palimpsest on Sun, Sep 28, 14 at 17:41

Pal - "(I am not past making fun of people but I don't make fun of nice people that I like for their choices. I make fun of people who are not nice, who I already don't like, and their bad choices just give me the ammunition, I'll admit it.)"

OT but, Pal, not that you will care what I think but you just became somewhat human - in a good way. That comment is funny.

I have an acquaintance (she used to be a friend) who is so very critical of what our friends wear to various things and I figured if she is that critical of others I wonder what she says about me to them. - hence - she *used* to be a friend. I'm critical enough about myself and I sure don't need help on that.

The nylon issue is touchy. My legs are decent in terms of being toned and nicely shaped but I do have varicose veins which I blame on 40 years of running. ( please don't dissuade me from that thinking :).) In the winter if I'm wearing a dress I do wear nylons but in the summer I don't wear them. I do wear nice shoes and paint my toenails in the hopes that the art of distraction will work and I wear knee length shorts or dress..

Oh pal, if you had any idea how awful life in hose is you'd forgive every vein and sag and just be grateful men aren't thusly tortured. They are horrid, hot and don't stay up, cost a fortune and snag and run at the most inappropriate time. I wear tights in winter and thank my dear mother for giving me legs that at age 60 are not embarrassing. Even if my legs were rotten I think I'd sacrifice perfection for comfort.

To be honest, I people watch, especially in airports, and have thought to myself, "Oh my! What were they thinking when they put that on this morning!" but it's usually over things that are very ill fitting, (there is no question that the clothing is not the same size as the person in it) or things that are completely impractical, sky high platforms heels and a miniskirt look like you should be going to a nightclub, not catching a flight.

I used to enjoy watching What not to wear, I find it fascinating the difference it could make on some people, just learning how to dress your body to highlight your features and camouflage your "flaws". I know that some people need help, and if they want advice, then by all means let's help them out, they should feel good about themselves. It's the people that are totally happy with what they wear and how they look and we feel it's our job to help them conform to our vision of beauty/style that I have issue with I guess.

I've always considered myself stylish and frequently get compliments on clothing or have been asked by friends to shop with them to help them out. But I have always been a conformist, and I've always secretly admired the rebels.

Pal, I am in complete agreement that many, many people--- young people included----look better with stockings than without. I think it gives a certain polished look to a dressy outfit, and I am practical, so I also wonder what their bare feet are doing to the insides of their Ferragamo pumps....ick.

"I'd like to think my style is "classic," but often I think it is just dowdy and boring."
Bbstx, sometimes I suspect the same thing. Every time I hear someone say a cardigan or a string of pearls is dowdy or matronly I want to put my hands on my hips and say I did NOT just hear you say that! My lovely DD once said to me that while she did not especially like my style, she respected it. I felt like an artifact from an anthropological dig.

There was a book that came out about 5 or 6 years ago called How Not to Look Old or something similar.

Basically it said: No hose. Use self tanner on legs (Unless you are in DC/NYC/Philly-then hose are OK). Wear Spanx. Use face primer under your makeup. Get a good hair cut and color. Wear up to date clothes that fit correctly. Use a tailor. Don't wear frumpy shoes. If you don't look good in something then never wear it. Then went a bit further into some more high maintenance things that are just not happening

I have that book! Lots of good tips but also lots of directive for rigging up ones jiggly parts with multiple spanx "shape wear."

I have that book too.

DH says if my hair was sticking straight up from my head, my eyes were crossed, and I had spinach stuck in my teeth, but I looked thin in the photo, I'd order a 16x20 of it.

Damn, and he'd probably be right, wouldn't he? I'd put the photo on my Christmas card.

"Use self tanner on legs."
So I'm getting a little OT.
Let's talk about that self tanner. I always think of some ladies on QVC when the topic comes up. There are products that can give you a light sun kissed look that I think can be pulled off as natural, but when you try to look like you spent weeks on a beach in Jamaica...QVC ladies...Do they look thinner? Well, dark recedes, but I hope they realize, IMO, it doesn't look natural.
I actually think it's pretty easy to spot an outside tan vs. tanning bed vs. sunless tanner.

"I actually think it's pretty easy to spot an outside tan vs. tanning bed vs. sunless tanner."

Me too, shee.

There are some things that for me, are too iconic for me to ever wear. I can try to tell myself it's silly and I can rock my own look, but it just doesn't work ... I can't get it out of my mind.

Barbara Bush pearls

Hillary Clinton Black pant suit

Jackie O sunglasses

Mary Tyler Moore's cigarette pants
{{gwi:1521025}}

This post was edited by AnnieDeighnaugh on Mon, Sep 29, 14 at 7:40

I think some women make the mistake of dressing on how they feel at the moment. For example: IâÂÂm refinishing doors, drywall and doing many other projects right now. My hands are a mess, I feel sweaty, disgusting and fugly. I have a few events coming up and need new clothes (and an overhaul pedicure/manicure/facial) but what to wear? I want to wear a tent in black but of course I canâÂÂt. My attitude would be much different if I felt more coifed at the moment or if I wouldnâÂÂt have become delinquent on my exercise and felt healthier (not putting myself down exactly as I know this is temporary). I have friends that all of a sudden start wearing racy clothing and all I can think of is that they are either having good sex, or want it desperately or they think their two months of working out miraculously turned them into Madonna. IâÂÂm trying to overcome buying on my emotional level at this time by standing back and looking at cuts that would flatter my shape and be appropriate for the occasion.

kswl, LOL! I really did laugh out loud!

"they are either having good sex, or want it desperately or they think their two months of working out miraculously turned them into Madonna."

jterrilyn, this also--good stuff!

I adore the MTM pants.

See other thread regarding leggings. I can't do the leggings, but CAN do the cigarette pants.

Have been following this with relish. Just saw the post linked below.

Looking forward to your thoughts.

Rosie, grandmother of ten.

Here is a link that might be useful: Take a cue from Grandma.

Intereting article rosiew, but I think I'd rather be noticed because I look fabulous than be noticed because I look crazy and a lot of those ladies look crazy. Clearly they are enjoying themselves, which I guess is part of what it's all about, but not for me...not yet anyway. Maybe never...or they may send out the men in the white coats after me!

I mean, this gal looks like she tangled with a box of curtains and lost. "Well I saw it in the window and just had to have it!"

I wish I had the chance to dress like that. The stores in my community cater to the under 30's and for us mature women (?) it's only boring department store clothing choices.

I agree with annie. If she (the woman in the white outfit) wants to look like that, great! If I dressed like that, I would feel silly and odd.

I would rather look like Barbara Bush does in that picture- I think that's the best picture of her I've seen!

And then we have Betsy Johnson, who is my age(72), and even though she may be a designer, has definitely decided age is just a number, she's a bit wacky, or both!

Who 'does' buy her clothing anyway? Come to think of it, I picked up a winter jacket a couple of years ago that I love, but not at all like most of her line. I have a couple pieces of her fashion jewelry also. I do gave to wonder who her wacky wear really appeals to or what age group she thinks she's designing for. Maybe herself?

Here is a link that might be useful: fashionista or not?

When, i started scrapbooking I realized there were very few pictures of me. And those we had, I was usually trying to hide behind something. Then I ran across some photos of my beloved Grandmotherand it dawned on me-she tried to avoid photos too. But everyone loved her despite how she looked or what she wore. It didnt matter to anyone! So from that day forwardI decided to embrace me. Those wwho know me know my quirks and now I live in acceptance of my physical appearance and proudly pose for all pictures. I try to steer clear of costumes (like the woman in white above, and i try to be appropriate for the occasion, but I dont criticize myself for my choices and i dont avoid the mirror or camera. In 20 years my family and friends wont look at that picture and say `what was she thinking?` or `Look at those jowls`, they`ll say She looks so happy!

I wonder if some of these older women dress that way because they once got a lot of admiring glances, and when they became "invisible" around age 55 or 60, didn't like the lack of attention, and get it by dressing in kind of a crazy way. Maybe not even consciously. Just a theory.

I live in the Austin Metro and have a lot of funky artistic friends who dress very similar to the older ladies in the article Rosie linked. Those ladies have probably always dressed funky and aren't about to change who they are.

I have no doubt they rejoice when a "vanilla" casts aspersions on there fashion choices.

My sister lives in Stepford NJ, home of the twin-set, and I find it stifling when I visit for too long.

absolutely, the world is all kinds of flavors and vanilla too.

I'd say I'm a vanilla covered in hot fudge!