I know it was fast, but is there a way to talk to last week's teacher and see what she was seeing? Is this behavior new from the move to the school or the new classroom? The allergy meds send up a red flag for me also. Perhaps it is time for a visit with a doctor?

Arcy, that is a good idea about talking to the previous teacher. One of the problems when they changed, is that they consolidated that teachers class into the other 2 classes making for a larger class size. He has told me that he is not adjusting to the new school.

I would be concerned about the allergy meds but the problems started before making sure he got the meds. He is having Benadryl at night and Children's Claritin for the day and as I said before, his behavior at home is normal. While the allergies are more intense this year than previous, they should be over soon.

Something's going on that he's not telling you and you need to get to the bottom of it. If this is new behavior for him, then it's important to find out why. Could he be being bullied? Or worse? Is his teacher the issue? Something is making him feel very unsafe.

Feeling unsafe is what I was thinking, too, Annie. Putting his head down, going to the nurse, sitting under the table... he's trying to removed himself from a situation that makes him feel unsafe/uncomfortable. Does he have friends in his class?

I agree with what Annie said, but I'll add this:

When I was in 5th grade my teacher retired mid-year. When the new teacher came in I was awful. Looking back, she was a fine teacher. I was just mad about the change. It could be as simple as that. Granted I was older than your son is, but I "got over it" by doing something nice for the new teacher. We learned that she was engaged so my friend and I (with the help of our parents) planned a little in-school party for her to celebrate her engagement. It made me feel special that I was doing something nice, and I think she appreciated it too. Perhaps you could talk to your son about how the new teacher may be feeling (nervous, excited, etc) and perhaps he could make her a card or something to welcome her to the class. Redirect the focus to the teacher.

I think that his insecurity is coming from all of the change. He has not been faced with much change before so it is an adjustment for him. The laying under the table is likely a copycat from his older brother who is autistic and that used to be one of his favorite coping devices.

The friends that he was closest to ended up at another school. I did tell him he would not need to ride the bus any more, as that I think was making things worse, but not the whole problem. I offered to walk him to class in the mornings if he would like instead of just dropping him off. He declined. I may talk to the teacher to see if it would help if I sat in the class for a couple of hours on Friday.

"The friends that he was closest to ended up at another school."

I'd think this ^ is more of a problem than the two changes of teachers. If he was with his mates he'd probably be less affected by it all. Poor guy.

Bless your heart and his! I agree with kswl that the loss of his friends is probably the heart of the matter. I wouldn't go jumping to conclusions that he is being bullied (or worse). That's a lot of change for a guy that age. Copying his brother's actions make sense too.

Has he made any new friends in this class? I might suggest making a play-date with 1 or 2 others. This might help him to make new friends in this class.

Do you think the Benadryl has not completely worn off the next day? I know that sometimes benadryl really knocks me out. Perhaps he's groggy/grumpy from it in the morning?

Start with the low hanging fruit - work on getting him integrated with the new classmates as kswl and tina said and gail has a great point about the Benedryl, too. I get flakey as all get out when I have to take it - who knows how a small body could react. More than anything else, I would not approach the school or him as if there's a problem because that has a way of becoming the reality. More often than not, the bumps in the road our kids experience iron themselves out over time - it's the parents who create the crisis!!! Please understand I'm not suggesting that you are over reacting or should turn way from your son if you really think he's struggling - your mom radar is your best friend. You obviously know the drill if this is the youngest of 4 and you're not a nervous new mom . Listen to your gut - if it's telling you this is more than beginning of the school year jitters or missing his friends then by all means call in the bigger guns and talk to the staff. I hope this is an easy fix.

Have you tried just the Claritin? It's supposed to last for 24 hours, so could you just cut out the benadryl?

I would ask the teacher for advice and input...she's probably seen this behavior before with other kids. Asking your son if he wants to invite some new classmates over is also a good idea. Also, the Benadryl could be a factor....I can't take it...it makes me feel drowsy and wired at the same time...if that makes any sense.....hate the stuff! Hope your little guy settles in soon.

Unfortunately, the Claritin does not last 24 hours and the Benadryl is only before bed. He is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and full of mischief in the morning but I do think it is time for him to have a well child check. I can also see if there is a better allergy medication for him and do a just in case check for diabetes (which i am not all that worried about but DD has it).

I actually wonder if he is having a growth spurt, that always seems to be a time when my kids regress a bit and the only thing to do is wait it out.

He did not want to go to library with his class so the principal came and visited with him. He completed his work during that time. He was quite impressed that he was able to get all of the work done in that short period of time (little stinker). There are some clubs at the school and I may force him to go a few times to one to get to know some more kids, something like try it for a month and if you do not like, you do not have to go anymore.

Tomorrow is a new day so we are going to try and start it off right with bacon (his favorite) and pancakes. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

Poor little guy, something is definitely bugging him. My DS was always sensitive and hard to pin down when things were bothering him. I always had the greatest success in the car...something about driving alone with him would make him open up a little bit. (at 17, it still does). Maybe you can take a little time away from his siblings this week and talk a bit. I know it's a lot harder to do than it sounds, especially this time of year, it seems getting everyone back into their routines takes forever.

Good luck.

Beth

This is going to sound off the wall, but hear me out... Ask him to play a game with you called the "Yay/Boo" game. The rules are that he has to tell you 3 things about his day at school that he loved, and you both yell "Yay!" after each one (or do something silly and crazy that he would appreciate). Then, he tells you 3 things about his day at school that he didn't like, and you both yell "Boo!" after each one. (Substitute other words that your family uses for positive/negative experiences. In my family, it was always "Yay!" and "Boo" that worked.) (As a sidenote, one of my friends took this game to a level where she and her son would tell the "boos" to the toilet and then flush them away... We still joke about this today with our own issues!)

I used to try to guess what was bothering my boys in these early elementary years, and I projected a lot of what I thought should be bothering them, but really wasn't. This game helped me to help them to focus on the positive (and learn gratitude), and then address the negatives, too. I was often surprised at the negatives... I would never have guessed some of the issues that bothered my boys at school.

And, as others have noted, talking with the teacher and setting up some playdates are fundamental approaches to helping him adapt, as well. Good luck to you and him!

This article has helped think of ways to draw out more info from my 5 year old. I have a totally different situation I am trying to figure out but it still might help....

Here is a link that might be useful: 25 ways to ask how your day was.

I would also ask the teacher about his lunch and playground breaks. Is he engaged with playmates or off by himself? If your school has a guidance dept, perhaps the teacher (along with you) can get them involved to help acclimate your son . I would also ask for daily updates from the teacher regarding his attentiveness and reinforce the positive.

The Benadryl is a red flag for me. I think some mornings he could feel groggy, while other mornings he is fine.

Other than talking to him (ask if he's sleepy), I would switch to Claritin twice a day and see if that makes a difference.

Tish, I looked up Benadryl for kids and the side effects, it mentions how they behave in school.

Since this is a 24 hr. med, I'd bet the farm it's the Benadryl.

Here is a link that might be useful: Benadryl and school performance

I also agree that it might be the benadryl. It might take a few days after you stop giving it to him before you notice a difference.

You can substitute a nasal spray and/or get a room size HEPA air purifier unit to give him a break from his allergy triggers at night.

Peony, that flushing of one's woes is not silly, or crazy. I visited a Shinto shrine in Japan where monks kept fires going so supplicants could write down their worries on a slip of paper and burn them. It's amazing how the visual and tactile experience of getting rid of something actually helps you get rid of it.

I agree that it's best to look at the physical first (Benadryl, diet).

I am sure it's that all the changes are affecting him, too-- how could they not? Probably not just one cause.

I would also not discount the idea that the work is too easy for him. Sometimes kids can only take "too easy" work for so long. Maybe he felt more nervous in 1st grade to act out about it . . .but it does seem like a drastic change.

Again, it's likely a combo of things.

You're right-- parenting is not for the faint of heart. So hard.

I love your game idea, Peony, and will use it.

Get the doc to check for illnesses as well. My little guy would act up horribly at school and would never tell me he was feeling bad. Every time I took him to the doc after his bad behavior it would turn out that he had an ear infection or strep throat--he never runs fevers so the behavior was my only clue.

DK, that is a great point, about strep specifically.

I know of some kids, IRL, who have behaviors triggered by strep. Not what Tish's child is experiencing, but good to know.

Here is a link that might be useful: PANDAS

some great advice given. I printed the 25 to ask and the 28 to ask teens to send to my daughter. My grandson is also having trouble adjusting to his new school. His reaction is not being still, he has always exhibited high energy. He is about the same age as the OP's son. Daughter is not having problems with teen; but thought that might help her think outside the box.

DK my son never complained when he had ear infections. The only way I knew was when I stood a distance behind him and in normal tone asked if he wanted ice cream. When he wouldn't answer I knew.

Claritin is 18-24 hours compared with 4-6 hours for Benadryl

Maybe the doctor can prescribe something different. It would be good if you could find something that is truly 24 hr.

Annie said that something is going on that he isn't telling you - he may not have the words yet available to him to tell you what is going on. He may not yet have the emotional maturity to describe his feelings to you.

Does the school have access to a child psychologist or perhaps your doctor can recommend one. They are marvelous about drawing young children out.

DS2 was 8 when we ran into some completely unexpected changes in his behaviour. And he said to me "I don't have the words to describe what is going on". A child psychologist had it figured out in one session.

Your son is going through a lot and has completely lost his sense of place and routine. I'm not sure that bribing with food as rewards or taking away privileges as punishment is the answer. He may already figure that he is being punished for something - I had to go to a different school than my friends, what did I do wrong. I have a new teacher, didn't my other one like me, what did I do wrong.

I hope you find an answer.

I second your instinct to sit in on the classroom. For one he will probably behave himself while you are there, and you can get a sense of what is going on as far as class dynamics, teacher handling of class etc.

Had a third grader with issues. Turns out she was bored. Between threats to come sit more often and the teacher providing her with worksheets to do it solved the behavior.

What a fantastic bunch on this board, so many great suggestions. I will spend time going through the 25 ways (and the equivalent for teens). The Boo/Yay sounds incredibly cathartic. I believe that there is a tradition within Judiasm of casting cares onto flowing water to be carried out to the sea, here in the desert, the toilet could act as flowing water.

He did mention the noise level being difficult in the classroom and they found some headphones for him to use to dull the noise. There have been times at lunch when he has chosen to eat in the classroom alone rather than with his class. The teacher has mentioned if there is somebody in the class he would prefer to sit by or not by, to let her know. I will ask about the school psychologist.

As far as the foods as rewards, the reward was the celebration, the sundaes were just part of it. The oatmeal pancakes and bacon this morning was to start the day off on a good foot. We normally do a better breakfast for the first day of school and it did not happen this year so now was just as good a time as any.

As far as removing privileges with the computer, it was not the first step but we felt it was necessary. One thing he does understand is the behavior required of him. Putting your head down on the desk is much different than collapsing on the floor under the table and tipping over the chairs. Also, any work not completed in school still has to be done and thus would need to be done during the computer time. One thing we have spent a lot of time on in our family is how to communicate that we need a break, something is wrong or whatever. Everybody goes through difficult times, is in a funk or whatever, and that is normal and perfectly okay, but we still have standards of behavior at that time. I am also very cognizant at this time of striking a balance with the computer games. It is far too easy for him to become completely absorbed into that and so we are treading very carefully.

To address the allergies, we do have an appointment set up and will see what is available. The air purifier is a great idea and it will also benefit his brothers in the same room. We instituted the benadryl after the behavior problem manifested itself in an effort to help remove the allergies from the equation. Unfortunately, increasing the Claritin frequency is not an option until I have a discussion with the doctor as it goes against the recommended dosing. I cannot take the same liberties with his young body that I might consider in dosing my older, larger self.

I will say it again, there are many wonderful suggestions here and I appreciate the time taken to help. Hopefully it is just a funk that will pass in time but even with the funk, he can learn some lifeskills and know that we his mom and dad are there to advocate for him and support him when he needs it.