I'm so sorry your daughter is going through this. I would not try to find or engage this person....you don't know who you are dealing with. I would change her number or get a new phone. If it is a phone from her employer, she should notify them and they can make the necessary changes.

That is so scary! I would do exactly as Joanie suggests and change her number. I am so sorry this has happened to her, and I don't blame you for being furious. I have a 21 yo daughter, and I know I would feel the same way.

If it is a cell phone there is an app called Mr. Number. It blocks calls and messages, works wonderful.

I would move. Seriously.

A few observations:

1. This could be a coworker (or a client) of hers at her new job. Three weeks at a new job is about enough time for a male colleague to develop an infatuation with her, gain access to her cell phone number, and decide to target her. Please advise her *not* to give out any personal information at work, or to fraternize with any male colleagues. If possible, she should report the phone call and other details to a female (female only) colleague at work, simply for documenting it, or even possibly with the HR dept., even though they would not consider this a work-related incident. Who knows... someone else at this workplace may have had this happen to them, too.

2. Have her document everything that happens. Everything, even the little things. Ask her to share this with a trusted female friend, or with you. She may not feel comfortable with sharing all the details with you, as her mother, so as not to worry you. But encourager her to share everything, even odd instances or "gut feelings" in documented form with a female friend. (Editing to add here that she should also keep this documentation on her personal computer/laptop, and email it to the trusted female friend/you, so that it can easily be traced, if needed. I know this prospect is upsetting, but taking steps like this can help her feel in control of a situation rather than feeling helpless.)

3. This may sound hokey, but encourage her to take a self-defense class at a local YMCA or college. Doing so can be incredibly powering for her. In addition, heaven forbid this person is physically stalking her, then he knows she's not going to let herself be a victim and be fearful of him.

My prayers for you, as her mother. I can't imagine going through this.

This post was edited by peony4 on Wed, Aug 6, 14 at 0:49

Definitely do not make contact with the caller again. It sounds like he just called her once, but your husband called and texted multiple times. I'm afraid that he could try to turn it around and accuse your husband of stalking and harassment.

I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter, but I have to assume that due to her job there is a very high probability that she will be targeted by a man/husband/boyfriend of the women that she is trying to help.

She needs to ask at work what the procedure is when a client crosses the line and how it is handled. I'm sure other women at the office have advice to give her, but they might not volunteer the information unless she asks them directly.

That sent chills down my spine. I agree with Anele, she needs to move ASAP, and she needs to do it on the down low and not tell a soul she moved.

It sounds to me this person knows her since he knew it was a new job and a new apartment. Possibly a co-worker.

Good luck to her!

Although my first reaction was to have her move too, if it is indeed a stalker, he will find her at her new place. It is unsettling that he got her cell phone number. This points to him knowing someone who knows her or he has access to private information at her job.

There must to protocol for this situation. I am sure it is not the first time. I am unclear as to why this possibility wasn't addressed in her training.

She needs to be super cautious. As someone who has worked in Social Service and had to navigate through high crime areas, you always need to err on the side of caution.

A self defense course is great, but I would take it up a notch and do an actual Tae Kwon Do class or something similar. I have taken the self defense classes and after a while, you tend to forget some of the basics. Your daughter needs to be at the top of her game. It will also be a way of creating a family for her.

I understand her DH's reaction and mine probably would have done the same. But, from the point forward you need to take the advise of experts.

THis is very scary and very unfair!

I would figure out how to record phone calls so that if he calls again, she can record it as evidence against him. Also know how to print out any text messages so she can save them if she receives them. I agree about changing cell numbers too. I too would think there should be training in place where she works given the nature of her job and she should discuss this with the HR person there. I also agree, as crazy as it seems, that your DH should not contact this person again as it can provoke the creep and/or get him in trouble for harassing the creep. And by contacting him, you've now given him your own phone number. The more you know about him the better...the less he knows about you, the better.

Hopefully he's been scared off at this point, knows she's got friends and family watching, and will leave her alone.

I think moving is a bit much. Sad to say, in the job she's in, something like this may happen - and more than once. She can't just up and move every time. I know he got her telephone number and knows she is in a new apartment, but I didn't gather from your post if he knows where she lives? It's possible he doesn't. Even so, if she moves, more than likely he could easily find her again. Sounds like she is in a fairly secure place, has people watching out for her (especially glad the policeman came by!). I agree with Chispa about asking at work what to do in the situation. Also agree with others about not contacting the caller.

Does your daughter happen to have a male friend who could maybe stay with her a while? If for some chance she is actually being watched, that might be help. Is she allowed to have a dog? Again, might help.

tina

Moving does sound like a bit much, but there is NO piece of "paper" that will protect her. Even if he's caught, what will happen to him? It's not like he's going to jail, or not for long if he does.

Again, I would move, but for certain I would seek the help of a professional for how to lose a stalker before I did, so I could make sure I took every precaution. I would not rely on police protection. I have only respect for the police, but often, their hands are tied due to bureaucracy or just not enough staff.

As others said, this is likely the consequence of the job . . .though I have a social worker friend who worked closely with domestic violence victims and this was never an issue.

I strongly recommend "The Gift of Fear." (I have the one for protecting children by the same author.) It's possible there are suggestions for this situation. The premise is that our instinct (not paranoia) for fear is our greatest asset in personal protection. He says most crime is very predictable.

Here is a link that might be useful: The Gift of Fear

I would also recommend she really try to stay off social media. You just never know who is looking at your profile.

I also have to wonder if she has been hacked by phone or computer.

Do not answer calls from someone she doesn't know. Is it possible that she can get a work cell phone only and keep a personal one separate? She should definitely report to her higher ups if she hasn't done so already.

Is there a chance she had posted about her move and new job on Facebook? If so, it might be one of her 'friends' (or friend of a 'friend' depending on her security settings) who is too shy to identify himself.

Somehow he got the correct telephone number for her, knowing of her recent change in job and location.

I would not suggest she move unless another creepy thing happens.

ML

She needs to set her personal phone to not reveal her number AND use a "work phone" for making work related calls, not her personal phone.

Do NOT put work info on Facebook, Twitter or any other social website, except on their official page with her official job title and no name.

It's tedious, but tracing the links from a work tidbit here to a tidbit there to her favorite restaurant because a friend tagged her to her doorstep is damned easy.

The person replied, "I am just a secret admirer who heard she was getting a new job and wanted to no how it was going. No harm meant".

translation - I'm a stalker ... maybe a newbie stalker, but a stalker.

She needs to ask at work what the procedure is when a client crosses the line and how it is handled. I'm sure other women at the office have advice to give her, but they might not volunteer the information unless she asks them directly.

This should be covered in her first day of training ... if it isn't, the agency is NOT doing their job.

EXACTLY ML & Lazy! That is why I use an "online name" and have an email account in that name. Years ago I used to post on a now defunct website and someone started emailing me. Presented to me my home address, etc. I will never know for sure, but he told me he was a police officer and he wanted to show me just how easy it was for people to track me by the info I had provided. Just as a recent thread on this board about our privacy controls when posting pix, etc. (something else I am reluctant to do - of my home, etc.).

It amazes me what people put out on Facebook, down to when and where they are on vacation - very convenient for a would be thief!

This post was edited by tinam61 on Wed, Aug 6, 14 at 11:39

Posting photos taken from a cell phone on social media sites is also risky if a specific GPS setting has not been turned off inside the phone. With a few clicks it would allow others to see someone's geographic location when the photo was taken. It's very accurate. Creepy stuff, but an easy fix. I've pasted a good basic link below, I saw a really good video on this done by a former detective but it was a couple years ago can't locate it. If I find his video I'll post that too.

Here is a link that might be useful: Avoid Potential Risks of Geotagging

re: geotagging. There is a site called IKnowWhereYourCatLives.com -- it's just what it says -- they take pics of people's cats (anonymously) from their social media sites, analyze the geotagging info, and overlay it to a googlemap satellite photo showing the house where the pic was taken. It's not always 100% accurate, but it's spooky enough when it works. The scientists who made the site did so precisely to show the risks of posting geotagged photos on social media sites.

Here is a link that might be useful: I know where your cat lives

I don't want to freak people out, but here in the Carolinas there was a HS guidance counselor who was recently murdered by some loser career criminal who started following her on social media. She had no connection to this guy other than I think his mother lived in the same apartment complex.

Here is a link that might be useful: Sad story that will also get you mad

I have no words of wisdom other than to say I am so sorry you are going through this. I would be totally freaked out. My daughter has lived in China, Chicago, New York City and other major cities and I constantly worry about her safety. Fortunately she's in a building with a doorman 24-7. I would not try to contact the guy again, but there's no doubt I'd be trying to find a means to track him down. I would report the incident to her supervisors at work. And I'd be beefing up the security and locks on her doors.

Not to sound morbid, but the caller has now left evidence he called (the phone call & his number). If anything were to happen, he would be the first place law enforcement would look. Thus, it would be in his best interest that she stay quite safe.

I would never ask him to identify himself, since it is so unlikely he would confess on a phone call. Better to take the stance, ''I know who you are'' - even if you don't, and not let him know that you don't know who he is.

I agree with hilltop. I know you said a PI friend tracked the number to a company. But, there must be ways to go further.
Better to know who the person is if possible, especially if it's a coworker.

Peony4 had great advice. Agree w/o everyone who's said not for her to move, because if he wants to find her, he can just follow her home from work.

DD1 had a stalker ex-boyfriend. For years after she broke up with him, he would call or send emails randomly, knew where she had just moved to (even though he moved back deep into the North Bay, then L.A. and she still lived in San Francisco), knew where she was working and would call and send flowers on Valentine's Day and her birthday. This went on for 8 years. She even named him "Stalker" in her cell phone. She was never afraid of him and could probably have kicked his little behind anyway. He hasn't called in about a year now, but her birthday is this month, so we will see.

While there are those creepy stalkers that end up going the next step, most don't and won't. Just tell her to ALWAYS be aware of her surroundings, keys in hand on way to car, only unlock her door, etc. Wise, common sense things that many don't think about.

If he is at her office, would HR not have access to everyone's cell phone numbers? So many don't have land lines these days.

So sorry your DD (and you and your DH) have had to go through this. I agree she should stay put, mainly because as others have said, she can easily be found again. Just make sure she doesn't share her personal information at work, even with those she is closest with - "I'm going out of town this weekend, I'm moving, I have a new phone" - any of these statements could get back to the wrong person. I'm sure she has her guard up.

There are creeps around unfortunately. Let's all hope this was just one isolated incident and that he is now laying low and will not call again.

I am sorry this is happening too. But she can do things to empower herself so she doesn't feel afraid. He should be afraid of HER!
Many years ago, I had a peeping Tom at my window. He was never caught, but I did take a self defense class offered at our local police station ( fairly big city ). One of the things that has always stuck with me is to not take it lightly. Rapists don't start out as rapists but as peeping toms..it is progressive.

She could also carry a gun if that makes her feel more empowered.

Your husband called the phone number and used his "scary" voice from 2 1/2 hours away? And then called him back? Then you contacted your PI friend? All this due to ONE phone call? I think this is a major overreaction.

Did your daughter report this to HR at work? If not I would since it could well be related to her job.

Thanks everyone. Great advice.

I am not convinced it is from her job. She is just out of college and I have a feeling it is someone from there. It could be a creepy ex-professor or even fellow student or friend. She hasn't been at her job for very long and has not been really active with the cases yet as she hasn't had all of her training. At school she was friendly with a lot of nerdish boys who didn't have a lot of social skill. Could be that. Her High School is a Charter School and the kids there could definitely be suspect.

We considered the coworker angle, but she works at a YWCA. Several of coworkers are older, motherly lesbians. A couple of the others are wives of police officers. Not a lot of men around, but she did mention seeing two boys from school working at the courthouse. We even considered that a coworker could be trying to scare her off. She didn't think that was a possibility and says that only one woman at work has her number. I'm sure it is probably accessible to the others though.

We're documenting everything, though nothing else has happened. I'm sure she will be way more careful as things move forward. The ladies at work have said they haven't ever had problems like this before. It could even be someone from the restaurant where she worked here at home.

All in all it is a little exhausting worrying about it. She calls when she leaves for work and arrives. Her landlady said that maybe they should sign up for self defense classes down the street. She has a FID card and is eligible to get her license to carry here in Massachusetts, but she hasn't really had enough practice with a gun to make it an option at this point. I'm afraid it would be more of a liability.

Thanks for all of your suggestions, I love how everyone approaches a situation differently.

Ratherbesewing, yes, he did and he'd do it again. We have one daughter and we feel like it is better to be safe than sorry. If it's a shy dork she went to college who had no idea that his call was scary, well then he learned a lesson. If it is a kid playing a joke, then maybe he learned it isn't funny. If it is someone who thought she was an easy mark and a young girl on her own, he may have learned differently. I feel like these things can escalate quickly and why not push back immediately? I'm hoping it is no big deal.

I'm sure all of the women here have had unwanted attention at some point. When you're young,inexperienced and awkward it can really be discomforting. Having us to back her up is helping her confidence and eventually she will be strong on her own. It's funny, she is a beautiful 6' blonde, but hasn't dated a lot or even socialized much. In the Summers she worked 6 days a week and was too tired to go anywhere after. During college she worked as a peer rape crisis counselor and in the psych lab, so she had very little free time. DH is going to offer to send her to self defense classes, I know she will love it.

She was a disciplined, fearless young woman of great promise, a Wesleyan University junior with a passion for womenâÂÂs health issues. He was apparently disturbed, a man with shaky relationships and a malevolence toward Jews, threatening them and others on the campus in Middletown, Conn., in a journal he kept.

The lives of Johanna Justin-Jinich, 21, and Stephen P. Morgan, 29, had intersected briefly ��" and ominously ��" two years ago, when both attended a summer course at New York University. He called repeatedly and sent 38 harassing e-mail messages. The university and the police were notified, but he had left town and she declined to press charges.

There was no way to foresee the sudden, nightmarish sequel. Mr. Morgan walked into a campus bookstore about 1 p.m. Wednesday, then toward the Red and Black Cafe, where Ms. Justin-Jinich worked. He was a bearded, menacing figure on the overhead surveillance camera, a dark gun in his right hand swinging at his side, and something else hidden behind him in his left hand.

It was a long-stranded wig and he put it on, the baldish man undergoing a bizarre transformation as he confronted her, raised the gun and opened fire, a point-blank, seven-shot execution, officials said. Ms. Justin-Jinich fell, mortally wounded.

Here is a link that might be useful: Lives of Wesleyan Student and Her Stalker Collide

Lucy.....everyone is well aware of how some stalkers take it to the extreme. The last thing Bethpen needs right now is your post.

Thanks Joanie, this is the #1 reason why I am not sorry for calling this idiot at his first attempt.

I would never want to look back and wish I didn't try harder.

She received this call on her cell phone, correct? Does she have REASON to believe he knows where she lives? I am not seeing the connection between the call and her apartment. I agree I think you have pushed this as far as you can. Leave it go, see if he backs off. So far it sounds like a major over reaction, if he really didn't mean to "stalk" her. Yes it happens but those cases are the RARE exception. ONE call does not a stalker make!!!

Yes Arcy, if you re read the original post the man asks about her apartment in $$$$. He knows where she lives.

If it were my daughter, I would be feeling the same as Bethpen.
Through the college years, we were able to help our daughters secure decent apartments. But for my youngest, for her senior year, A roommate's mom helped them find an apartment. It was a beautiful two bedroom duplex with two balconies. All newly renovated. When we went to help on moving day, I was shocked. It was next to a large rehab center and the walk in storefront below her was a private drug clinic! Not exactly an ideal choice.

I took a walk and basically stopped any young person and asked about the area. Whether I over reacted or not , I was uneasy throughout the year. My DH said that there were more students running around once school started.

Phone call or not, a young girl living alone has be be diligent and street savy.

I think the fact that he didn't and wouldn't identify himself constitutes stalking, coupled with the fact that he had her number and knew she had moved to a new city.

My daughter is 28, single, lives in the city where she attended college 6 hours away so has been on her own for 10 years now. It's always in the back of my mind----is she getting home safely late Friday and Saturday nights after being out with friends, is she being mindful as she walks to her car at the mall, etc...and she's an itty bitty thing....5', 110 lbs....no match for just about any guy.

Not much else can be done for now....hopefully he was scared off and that is the end of it.

Just read the OP and first few responses, wanted to say our DD at age 23 was living in Miami Beach and started getting weird hang up calls and then strange messages on her cell phone. She changed her number immediately, no more problems. But her building was a secure building with guests having to be seen on camera and buzzed in when the door wasn't manned, so we felt she was fairly safe there. The parking lot was also gated and safe.

I would never minimize the danger of being the target of a stalker, but you want to know that you are dealing with that before you react accordingly. Good luck to your DD and to you. It is very worrisome! Our DD is 27 now and in a doorman building in Atlanta, but she travels M-Th and takes the subway home from the airport. That short few block walk from the station to her front door..... I worry...

Please - all you Mamma Bears (said with great respect - I'm a mom too) take a deep breath, stand back, and calm down.

I have no doubt that that phone call was upsetting and frightening. Your daughter was smart to call you, and I think you were smart to investigate and also for Dad to call back and make himself abundantly clear. If the caller had bad intentions, he now knows that your daughter has a pissed-off no-nonsense male for protection. That can't hurt.

But please do consider that the caller may not have had bad intentions. As you noted Bethpen, your daughter was kind to several young men with poor social skills, any one of whom might have made that call without understanding at all how it might have seemed to her... He may genuinely have considered her a friend, and have wanted to reestablish contact and see how her new job was going, and had no idea how creepy it would have seemed. But your daughter's creeped-out reaction may have alerted him to the fact that the phone call wasn't going well, so he declined to give his name for that reason - not thinking how that would make it all even worse...

This type of action and lack of insight would be very typical of a young man with autism. This call was a single action, not a series, that was perceived as creepy because it did not conform to social norms. There was nothing threatening in what was said, but the social inappropriateness (that's the nature of the autism disability) created a perceived problem. A mountain out of what could truly be a molehill. At this point there has been one phone call with a message that was inappropriate and yes, creepy, but not actually threatening. Please try and keep that in perspective, and carefully consider the option that it may not have been meant to provoke fear.

That said, I do agree with the suggestions to inform HR where your daughter works, and to ask for specific training about how to handle threatening calls. Given the nature of her work, that can only be of benefit.

This post was edited by sweeby on Sun, Aug 10, 14 at 14:24

Everyone is freaking out about this one weird call...I have to say that when I was young, I used to get prank phone calls to me ALL THE FRICKIN' TIME! I just think it's kind of part of being young and to me what was said really just sounds like someone pranking her. It sounds just like something stupid to me. They weren't threatening her and sounds like they were disguising their voice. Probably just someone jealous of her success and maybe got their brother to call her. Kids are just so immature and love to do stupid stuff like that.

Another thing, to suggest that she move? What good is that going to do? If he found her phone number now I would say that it's most likely someone she knows. Who would have her number and was it her cell phone he called, if so that's even crazier to suggest she should move. A cell phone would not be listed so if someone had that number, it's either someone she gave her number to or a "friend" or associate.

I realize it is unnerving to get a prank call but let's not go overboard and assume it's a serial killer.

This post was edited by arkansas_girl on Sun, Aug 10, 14 at 14:59

WOW, maybe she should consider a big a** dog and a big can of mace pepper spray.

I recently saw that a good protection is a can of wasp spray! It is easy to aim and has a long, long reach.

If I can't get a close-in parking space, I always park under a light.

And be aware of your surroundings, and aware of who is around when you talk about where you live, work, go out, etc. Some people just take things the wrong way. I was vacationing with some girlfriends, and we were so excited checking into the hotel we chatted about our room number. Two guys were behind us in line, and when we actually started palling around with them later, said they thought we were "coming on" to them with the way we "announced" our room number. They were perfectly nice guys, just, well, guys!

I'm just guessing here but from what he said "how is your apartment in 'new town'" that would kind of suggest to me that it is from someone in her old home town or college town and not the same town she is currently in. Was the phone number local to her now or in her college town or home town? You said Cambridge which doesn't mean anything to me as far as the proximity goes. It would be much less of a worry if the phone call came for far away from where she lives.

The phone call came from a spot about halfway between home and her apartment. I'm thinking it is someone from here or from college.

No new calls or troubles.

Cell phone area codes are really meaningless when trying to determine where a call came from. Both my kids still have their numbers from when they were in college, and both have moved away from those areas. My son's cell phone number is from an entirely different state.

I didn't read all the responses above, but if you have not called your cellular provider, you need to do so immediately. Besides being able to block such a caller, you need to report him. They can trace numbers.

She needs her number changed immediately. And she needs to not share the number.

She needs to stay off of Social Media, which is not easy for anybody her age.

We have a friend whose daughter was stalked in college and received cell phone calls like this by someone she didn't know. The FBI was involved in that case. In fact they told her to not change her number so they could get the evidence they needed. He was stalking multiple people at once. So, maybe a call to the FBI is in order too.

Don't "let it go".

************************
to help lighten the mood I'd like to paint a picture of my insane life...
My own daughter was getting calls back when she was in high school. Not sure if the person even knew who he was calling, but they were being very suggestive. So one day..My daughter answered the phone heard the creep, hung up. Then immediately dislocated her knee (it was some sort of thing that eventually we had to have surgically repaired) which caused the most God awful screaming to come out of her little body, 5 seconds later my husband walked in the door from being in China for 2 weeks, (welcome home) and the creep called back at this moment. Let's just say that Dad answering the phone during the total chaotic moment was enough to cause this creep to stop calling. He must have thought we were totally insane.

Beth, I'm so sorry you all are having to deal with this.
It may have been just a prank call, but for the fact that the phone number was listed with what appears to be a bogus company, I'd have your PI friend check history in the city this company was listed as being in. If there once was a company of that name there, check ownership and go from there to see who owns this number.