I dont know that theres a simple answer to that question, as it depends on the type of wedding, the venue, and the time of day and year. But I will tell you one thing to ease your mind--- out of all the weddings I have attended, I don't remember a single MOG dress!

My son married recently and I can pass on the advice I was given and what worked for me. I think kswl's comment is spot on - as the MOG you don't want to stand out in the photo because you're wearing a giant red and black floral print when everyone else is in baby blue.

It's important to know if the Mother of the Bride is wearing a long dress or not. Follow her cue on this one and I would come right out and ask her what she's wearing - the color and length. Keep in mind all the wedding photos that will be a lasting record of the event. You'll also know what color the bridesmaids are wearing so that you can avoid a matching color. Other than that look for something that you feel comfortable wearing - it can be a long day.

I do still remember one MOG dress...because it was long and off white just like the bride's dress! I thought that was just terrible. Fortunately it didn't bother the bride at all.

I agree to follow MOB on length and then get a color that coordinates with what the girls are wearing without matching. You want to look nice as you are an important element of the party, but you don't want to stand out or compete with the bride.

My other suggestion is to try and avoid MOB dresses. Some of them are just awful because they scream MOB...if you can easily picture Dorothy from Golden Girls in it, don't.

Traditionally, the mother of the bride picked out her dress first, then told the mother of the groom the color (so the MOG wouldn't get the exact same color) and the basic style--formal long evening dress, short cocktail dress, etc., so the MOG could match in formality, and usually, in length.

But your question makes me wonder if you have encountered a bride who wants you to coordinate with the wedding party and is insisting on your wearing a certain style or color? That's more complicated.

You don't want to start things off on the wrong foot with a new DIL, but on the other hand, I don't think you should have to wear a style or color that is unflattering to you, nor should you have to buy a dress that someone else picked out for you, nor should you have to meet someone else's expectations of how much you are going to spend to attend their wedding.

A situation like this calls for a lot of tact. You should be able to explain that orange makes you look as if you are dying, and you would be very uncomfortable in a strapless dress for hours, and couldn't the two of you go shopping for a dress that meets Bridezilla's requirements, but that will also allow flatter you and allow you to spend the day without worrying or fussing with your clothing.

It's my belief that both MOB and MOG should be told the formality of the wedding, so that they can get clothing that suits. The only other thing the bride should be saying is, "Go out and fit an outfit that makes you look and feel fabulous, so that you'll look beautiful on the day."

And congrats on the wedding!

If the bride is immune to - or undaunted by - the tactful approach, then you can always try to enlist her self interest.

(You:) "Oh, my dear Bridezilla-darling, I would absolutely love to do that, but.... alas, if I did I think it would risk making your wedding pictures look awful because......(fill in the reason why the style, color, etc. won't work on poor, defective you)."

In one of my many odd-ball gigs I occasionally used to do flowers for weddings. And in my experience, Bride-Z's are that way because they are supremely anxious to not screw up at something everyone tells them is the most important day of their lives (at least so far.) Which gives one a very powerful trump card to play once or twice in any wedding plan. Choose your moment.

L.

All these answers are just what I expected. I have been mother of groom 3 times, and am sure I got it right. The reason I posted this I am on a fashion blog that is very weird. I am just there for entertainment..But those on there are drop dead serious. So someone posted photos of her bright red sleeveless sheath dress she was wearing as MOG. Comments were how wonderful she looked, and one that said how proud her son will be of a mother who looks so stylish. I was going to post something like did you check with MOB or bride to see if this was appropriate, but I have posted some of my thoughts on there, and mostly got either ignored or politely reprimanded , so I don't post. I figure someone who is bold enough to wear something like that as MOG will be immune to any negative comments anyhow. If she is really blowing it with brides family then I would certainly side with them. One good thing now with all the photo editing, etc. software she can be xxxed out of the family photos.

Now you must give us a link to that blog!

OK, so you are really not looking for suggestions.

Perhaps she knows the red will go with the bride's colors.

This post was edited by luckygal on Thu, Aug 1, 13 at 14:47

Lately, around here at least, most wedding parties are not photographed the way they were in the olden days when I got married.

We usually will see the bride, groom and their attendents do a planned group photo, but I haven't seen where both families join in for a long time.

More info is needed in this case. Not knowing the wedding colors, if there even are wedding colors? How do those commenting on the MOG's dress know if its appropriate or not?

ML

My dds wedding pictures were not "staged". I paid a small fortune for a photographer to take pictures that were natural and unplanned. I don't think I was in one picture with the mother of the groom.

My dd wanted us to wear what we wanted to wear irregardless of what the other was wearing. I wore a long but simple dress and she wore a knee length dress. Neither dress was white but we did not match each other or the bridesmaids.

My dds wedding was not traditional in many other ways.

On the other hand, sometimes the 2 moms should have dresses of the same length and of a similar color. It's up to the bride, IMO.

My dds wedding pictures were not "staged". I paid a small fortune for a photographer to take pictures that were natural and unplanned. I don't think I was in one picture with the mother of the groom.

My dd wanted us to wear what we wanted to wear irregardless of what the other was wearing. I wore a long but simple dress and she wore a knee length dress. Neither dress was white but we did not match each other or the bridesmaids.

My dds wedding was not traditional in many other ways.

On the other hand, sometimes the 2 moms should have dresses of the same length and of a similar color. It's up to the bride, IMO.

This reminds me of a wedding I went to many years ago. It wasn't the MOG, but the MOB who wore what was talked about a lot. It seems that the MOB was an entertainer, so she picked out a gown that she could wear in her act. It was appropriate for her act if she were a Las Vegas showgirl.

I attended a wedding where the 2nd wife-quite a bit younger than the husband-stepmother of the groom wore a long, white dress. It was rather odd. She was an attention seeker in many ways so the dress was the icing on the cake. The bride was not surprised or upset by it, she just rolled her eyes and carried on with the party.

On the flip side, I don't think a bride has the right to dictate what anyone but her attendants wear. That goes with the territory of being an attendant.

Once I witnessed a groom picking out tuxes & ties wthout the bride present. The clerk said what color are the women wearing. He pointed to a swatch on the display board. As he said mocha, the clerk said cafe au lait. The groom looked panicked and no! It's suppose to be mocha! He looked like a deer in headlights, so afraid he was getting something wrong. The clerk was able to calm him down explaining as long as they were discussing the same swatch it didn't matter what it was called.