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Posted by shannon01
Tue, Jul 8, 14 at 10:48
|I wanted to THANK some of you for being honest and blunt with me a while back. This forum allows us to do that. I figured some of you may have wondered where we ended up. A big THANKS is long overdue!! |
My then middle school aged DD was having problems. Besides normal growing up there were serious peer issues, social media, my having breast cancer just to name a few factors getting in the way of her decisions. Several suggested counseling, getting DH more involved etc. My DH and I finally did come together with complete honesty about the situation. We found a child with low self esteem, bullied by peer, but talented and worth more than what some adults felt she was worth. I reduced my hours at work to pick her up after school. We removed her from all forms of social media. Removed her social circle. She was pretty much with us 24/7. The high school admin and school sherrif saw her like we did, a child worth saving. They stepped in and kept her safe at school. She started to feel safe, the creeps stopped bothering her. The VP literally would walk up to anyone he thought was checking her out and would tell them to move on. It was like a shield. Her "friends" moved on without her, after a few months of them harassing her daily (we are talking out loud shouting profane things at her for no reason but to cause her mental anguish). She found refuge in the only safe place, the band room, with a teacher who saw her worth and our desire to help her. Music became her love and it carried her through the last few years. Last fall my DD said to me "I finally see why you did what you did for me, I get it now". We haven't completely let down our guard but it is a much happier life for all. It is like she lived in a fog and now that the fog is lifted she can see how wonderful her teen life can be, and now is.
Would I do it all over again?? ABSOLUTELY!! Was it easy? NO!! We almost lost her,once. She tried going to her bff's house. The mom is my friend and helped her see that HOME is the only place she needed to be. DD realized that WE loved her and all the drama had to be removed from her life for her to see that. Every child is worth it. I don't care if some kids or their parents think I am a biotch or overprotective. We had to stand up for our kid and say "enough!". Every time I see the admin he tells me she is worth it. He tells her how proud he is of her. Every time we see her old friends on the street or hear about their problems, she is reminded of how much our efforts were worth it. She is so relieved to not be in all the drama. She is surrounded by positive people and life choices that she makes. No one but her decides her fate anymore.
So, thanks again. Hug your bratty teen and love them to the moon and back again!!!!
|I remember your anguished posts in the past Shannon, and have always wondered what became of you and your daughter. This is such uplifting news, and I personally thank you for sharing it with us. Youâ€™ve come a long way, a long a hard road, for both you and your daughter. You must be so proud of her now! It sounds like she is finally sensing the security that she needed and feeling her own accomplishment. Hats off to all of you! Your perseverance pays.|
I remember your story too. I'm so happy that your family came together and you have all made such a great improvement! Terrific news. Thank you for sharing, I'm sure someone out here can benefit from your story.
|Proof positive that sharing our difficult experience can shed new light on the situation. You are two smart parents. So happy to hear the outcome.|
|What a wonderful outcome! So glad your husband got involved....strong dads are so important in a young girl's life...moms too...but they say girls with strong fathers have better self esteem and are not prone to promiscuity. And you hear of so many schools turning a blind's eye to bullying...kudos to the adults at school who looked out for her. |
High school was not a particularly happy time for our daughter but I did not realize it until her junior year. She had friends but was not in the "in" crowd, etc. I think what saved her was her sport, which was not school affiliated, and a good relationship with her dad who went to her competitions, etc. Sounds like your daughter found her "home" in the music dept.
Our daughter went away to college and that is when she really blossomed and came into her own. It was wonderful to watch her transformation. Good luck to your daughter...sounds like she is going to be just fine. You done good!
|What a wonderful story and thank you for sharing it! It must have been very hard for you and your family to walk this road. I have not been participating all that long on this forum on GW so I don't recall your earlier post here, but I have seen a lot of similar anguish from others. We know your story can only benefit someone else who might be going through something similar. |
Kudos to you all, both at home and at school, for acknowledging the gem that is your daughter, and ensuring she had the help and encouragement she needed.
|When you have a child worth saving, and who of them isn't in the long run, all those really tough decisions and those sacrifices are well worth it. And when you have an admin staff on board and a teacher who becomes a mentor you have the makings of a success. I know of what you speak. |
I too was called overprotective, and didn't care. My son came out the other end of a problem stronger than when he went in and he is becoming a very strong adult.
I'm so glad you and your daughter made it.
|So glad things turned out well for you and your daughter. |
One thing disturbs me though. You wrote."The high school admin and school sherif aw hew like we did, a child worth saving." Are there actually children out there NOT worth saving?
Not sure if there is an answer here, it just struck a strong cord in me.
It is often difficult for parents to admit to short comings, either in themselves or their children. It is difficult to be brutally honest, yet you can't move forward if your aren't.
|Hi Shannon, I'm so glad to read your outcome, I do remember so well how you worried about your DD. |
I hope you are well health wise and all !!
|That's so great about your daughter! I'm happy to read that. It's also nice to read that the school was helpful in this. I hope all else is well with you and your family!|
|I'm too new here to be familiar with your original posts, but thank you for sharing this update. |
What you've taught your daughter is that she determines who she spends her time with and who makes her feel valued. This will serve her well for years to come. The peer problems, social media issues, etc., continue well into adulthood. Petty, bullying children grow up to be petty, bullying adults. You've provided her with a solid foundation for dealing with all the future BS. :-)
|Hi Shannon. |
I well remember all the difficulties you were going through, and have occasionally wondered how you were, and especially your daughter, of course. I am so glad to read this success story...thank you for returning here to let us know. Wonderful!
Marti( leahcate, back then)
|I am so happy to read your update! I have thought of you so often, wondering how things are going. |
Great job, Mom.
|Ellendi- Yes, everyone is worth saving. Unfortunatley, there are so many kids who need help. Not all want it or have family support. Not everyone has the time or energy and it can be very disheartening to try, only to have it go in one ear and out the other. Admin and teachers get overwhelmed. For us, we had a middle school admin that was horrible. They make struggling kids feel like crap. Even when she asked for help they didn't have time, or just saw her as a problem not worth their time. We couldn't wait for her to get out of there. The high school admin is so different. They see every kid is worth at least a try if they want help. In our case, they saw a kid wanting help and parents who wanted to work with them. She was not crap, she was a smart girl who just needed a safe envirnonment to start making her own choices rather than the negative peer influences making them for her. Admin walking the halls, watching out for the underdogs, calling out the bullys. Not allowing trouble a place to thrive. It not only gave dd a safe place to thrive, it helped the negative influences because they didn't have her to approach. They would move on and in some cases mature and stop alltogether as they saw from admin that they didn't have to behave badly, they too could choose to thrive. Our HS is a great place with great admin. |
Golddust, you are just up the road from us:) I wondered if you would comment....If you listen, you just might hear her music resonating in the hills.
It amazes me how dismal her world was, but her music has carried her through her struggles and now she plays the flute, piccolo, oboe and piano (wants to learn every instrument). She plans to pursue music education and either teach or instruct in some manner. We have always told her to pursue what she loves, she is talented and has the ability to touch others with her playing. She says she wishes everyone would feel the music in their hearts the way she does, to feel it heal the heart like it has done to hers. Besides school music she takes private lessons and is now actually giving lessons herself and has become a role model for incoming students. New kids only know the musician, the free spirit that makes her who she is. Her past problems are becoming more and more distant. She is in a music leadership position and has even been asked to mentor at a youth orchestra music camp. Hard to belive she has low self esteem.... but at least she is finally realizing that no one can hurt her anymore if she doesn't allow them to. She is now more of a normal teen with normal teen issues. But at leaset all of the hurt is gone and it is the music that remains:)
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