I feel your pain! My husband and I have worked hard for what we have. I am fussy too. My adult children call my home "the museum." I love the grandchildren but.....

Lynn, you are not too fussy, you are blaming yourself for someone elses thoughtless behavior. It is your home and you have every right to keep it the way you want.
Next time, don't allow food outside of the kitchen and if necessary, hold the baby most of the time. If they make a big deal about how "uptight" you are, ignore it and mention the stains that happened last time. You can put your foot down in a nice way, ya know.

I had to put my foot down numerous times, one memorable occasion was when my mother was in a hospital bed in her bedroom at our childhood home and my brother was at the house, letting his son rollerblade on her beautiful, new hardwood floors. He still thinks I'm bossy and controlling.
if my mother could have rolled over, she would have.

You're not being fussy. I have a low tolerance for this type of thing.

I agree with Bumble about keeping food and drinks in the kitchen.

Too fussy that people are wrecking your house? Not at all.

I've gotten less fussy as I've gotten older. The behavior you describe is what would make me angry--- the carelessness and lack of respect for your home. A real accident ----shrug your shoulders and move on. But it doesn't sound like this is accidental, it's a pattern with your step daughter. Rather than not allowing her to take coffee into the living room--- which WILL make you look like a fussy nutcase--- why not just sit down with her and ask her what the problem is. Of course, if her own house is a pigsty, she's just a slob and it has nothing to do with you. Tell your husband you're going to need a new budget line item for cleaning and repairs due to her visits. Have a cleaning service come in when she leaves.

You have a beautiful home and want to keep it that way. It does amaze me how people have such different views of how a house should be treated. I have water stains on end table because my adult niece didn't ask for a coster.
A good idea would be to not allow food in the living room. But, how about getting throws for the couches and chairs?
People are more important than things. If you do talk to the step daughter, use levity, unless you really don't want her in your life. "Call me crazy, but I love, love, love my white sofas so let's keep food in the kitchen."

This reminds me of something that happened with my mom.

Mom's step-grandchild was jumping off the open stairs and onto the sofa. Her parents thought it was cute and Mom was horrified. She was worried about the safety of the little girl and the condition of the sofa. I was there, and yes it was dangerous to say the least. The sofa was even moving on the wood floor when the girl landed.

Anyway, Mom very politely but assertively said, "Angie, do not jump off the stairs one more time."

The parents were so offended, they gathered their daughter up and left. A couple hours later, the mother (SIL) called and spoke to Mom's husband and said that he will never see Angie again unless Mom apologizes. Almost a year went by and Mom apologized because they kept that little girl away from her grandfather.

Not saying this would happen in your situation, just giving an example of how horrible people can be.

Not too fussy at all!

And yes -- it burns me when folks decide that YOUR house is TOO neat and clean for THEM! Sheesh!

And yes -- I do agree that the stepdaughter MAY have some personal issues .... always a difficult, thorny situation! Yep -- try to keep things light AND in the kitchen! :)

Oh, this situation would absolutely make my head spin on my shoulders! I have a sister who likes to say to me, "You're so picky!". Because I'm not a pack rat, like to keep things somewhat (def not perfect!) orderly and organized does not a "picky" person make.

I really feel for you. Truly! You've been given good advice above....good luck!

I'm not fussy about my house most of the time. Most of my furniture is hand-me-downs from family and looks like it. I decorate to help the cat hair blend in.

But drawing on the furniture? Spilling coffee and not helping to clean it up or offer to pay for cleaning? That's just wrong. I mean, accidents happen, but grown-ups admit they had an accident, or by extension their kids, and do what they can to remedy the situation.

It's not like you're going around putting newspaper down in the floor so people won't walk on the carpet.

I agree, before the next visit, come up with some rules. Kids play in the kitchen/outside/on the porch/anywhere the damage can be limited. Food and drink stay in the kitchen.

"Oh, Dear Step-Daughter, I don't want you to have to worry about what Little Terror's doing while he's here, and I want him to have good memories of visiting his grandfather, so I've prepared this room specially for him--he can do whatever he wants here. And you can relax and not worry about him at all!"

I don't think it matters if your furniture is from the thrift shop or from a high-end boutique, it is a lack of respect for your home and belongings that, for me, would be irritating.

if this were happening in my home, I'd have blankets/towels/throws all over the furniture.

I remember my SIL over with her little one a few years ago and he got up from the table, walked over the DR drapes and wiped his filthy face off with them. I asked his mother to get him away from them and she acted like she was offended. The next time we ate in the kitchen.

You're not being picky.