Lots of good advice here. This is not meant as blaming the victim but I say -
What can YOU do to change this situation?

There are many things you can't change or control. That's just a fact of life.

But what can you do to make a difference and feel like you're taking control or the first step to control? Schedule an appointment with a doctor or therapist? A lawyer? Clean a room? Start an exercise program?

I have no idea what your stress is or what you need to do. But you do. Take that first step, however small it seems.

Prayer, for me should always be number one, but like you, I often find myself thinking "I should be able to handle this for myself". Yeah, well, that doesn't always work. Besides, God wants us to turn to Him. Think of God, as you want your children to think of you. If they were stressed, or even just upset about something, you'd want them to come to you, right? God feels the same way.

That's not saying you can't do other things. There's always that "God helps those who help themselves" thing. And to me that means that in order for God to help you, you have to let Him. I believe that means using the "things" (I'm using that term broadly) God has placed on this earth to help you. For me, it's plugging my Bose headphones into my iPod and listening to Dan Fogelberg. That never fails. Though there are times when I'm stressed to the point where I need to move, so I turn on the disco channel on cable TV and dance with my vacuum and sing at the top of my lungs. Oh, I should mention that I blast the TV so, just in case someone happens to be within listening distance, like the UPS guy delivering something, they don't have to be subjected to my voice. I doubt you can do either of these at work, but you could when you get home.

I'll be praying for you too.
And you too Sue.

Talk to someone who REALLY listens! Phone call acceptable.

Eat your favorite sweet treat!

Walk, run, or skip! Roller blade if more daring.

Talk to your pet.

Take a bath!!

Put on music, and sing your head off!

Dance(works with above).

Pound nails in a board!

PRAY!!

OT: Sue, glad to hear your son is back home. We also had some strife during my oldest HS DD graduation. I had to work hard at separating myself, so I could be in the moment and enjoy her graduation.
All the best this weekend:)

How I have dealt with stress - 40 years ago when I was in my early 30's I learned to meditate. That has been crucial for my survival over the years as my profession was stressful, I had 3 children and a sometimes absentee DH, and we moved often due to DH's career in the mil.

Meditation really has little to do with religion but is a method of accessing the relaxation response and can be similar to prayer. However, I believe that many people, when praying, often have many 'requests' for what they want which may not reduce their stress. Meditation, OTOH, is more about 'listening' for an answer from a higher power.

Diet can be an important factor in reducing stress. Eating foods that cause inflammation is unhealthy and changes the way the brain functions. If one reduces or eliminates sugar, unhealthy carbs and fats it can make a difference in how we see things.

All the best in finding balance and happiness in your life.

I'm another one who's been going through more-than-normal stress for a few months.
Mine is job-related, both my job and my DH's.
Both of our jobs have changed so much that the joy is harder to find in them.

I agree with the prayer and exercise recommendations.
I think doing those is why I'm still functioning.
Also I love the small projects/accomplishments idea.

So many great suggestions here.
I wish you peace.

Sorry to hear about your stresses, Daisychain, SueB, Peony and Melsouth. I do hope the coming days bring some more positive news your way...

What a nice array and variety of advice here. I too am queen of the lists. It's almost like a sourdough culture that you grow and cull, grow and cull ... there are probably things on my list that are 10years old (that'd be mainly hobbies or somesuch). I also totally agree about "doing the next thing".

One thing I would like to throw in, is to try to reduce the sources of stress. By that I mean, many of us take on too much. I am always adding things to my plate, or trying to find a way to optimize every little thing. I create stress by being this way. Even for those whose main source of stress is external, make sure you aren't taking on things or setting standards that also create stress in your life.

Exactly, Mtn. Being able to say "no." And, doing so without an apology or an excuse.

You've gotten good advice. I'd also suggest distraction. Find a way to keep yourself from thinking about your stressors, even for 10 minutes. Give yourself a mini-vacation. A loud, fast, exercise class is good. Dance around the lving room to an upbeat song. Sing at the top of your voice. If you like to cook, cook something complicated that makes you think through the entire process. (The cooking might work even better if you don't like to cook.) I once took hang gliding lessons---believe me, you don't think about anything except what you're supposed to be doing. Distract yourself.

My mother would tell you this too shall pass-----and it will.

I hope everything works out for you. You've been given some really great tips. Try to keep in mind everything has an end!

In spite of hating stress I do my best work when I'm under it, why is that? Waiting until the last minute for doing many things seems to be a way of life, and it may stem from having 5 kids in 14 years~there was always something more important going on that pertained to one of the kids. I'm too old to change my ways and somehow it just works. Oldest DD is just like me and only has one child, go figure.

Well, I went for a (very short) run this morning and had my DD download some of my favourite music (mostly Gospel Whiskey Runners) to my phone so I can listen anytime.

I'm ready to try meditation, but have no idea where to start. I guess I could google it.

The problem is I love my job (teaching young kids), but dealing with parents and administration is soul-destroying. Well, most parents are wonderful - it's the 1% that kill ya. And while I feel I should be growing a thicker skin the more I deal with these things, I find I'm having a harder and harder time keeping the small stuff in perspective.

Thank you so much for all the great advice. Even though I can't seem to find time to go for coffee with a friend, I kind of feel like I have after reading all the kind responses.

Hopefully, this thread helps others dealing with the same issues. I know everyone has there own "stuff" to deal with and I really appreciate your taking the time to share what works for you.

daisychain - I have to admit that whenever I sit down to come here and to KT I always have a cup of coffee with me because that's how I feel. Teaching young kids - I admire you for doing that. Thanks.

Boy, do I understand more of what you are dealing with, now that I know you are a teacher. I was a reading teacher's assistant for nine years and saw what teachers had to deal with. I was lucky to have only good experiences with the parents I met, but I heard stories. I did have to deal with the administration and it was not fun. The politics was a pain in the behind. The teacher I worked with for eight of the nine years, who was awesome, often suggested I get my degree because o my passion for teaching. Everytime I told her no way would I want
To have to deal with all she had to go through. My students were awesome and l absolutely
Loved working with them, but after just short of a full year with the woman that replaced the teacher l worked with, she retired, l walked out and never looked back. She was a witch that had something on the principal and one other teaher got along with her.
So my best advise would be to focus on your students and find a good therapist that works with those under stress.

This post was edited by justgotabme on Sat, May 31, 14 at 0:22

If you want to try meditation, start with guided meditation as it helps walk you through the process. The guided meditations also target specific issues.

My favorite is meditation oasis podcasts which can be downloaded or can be listened to on line.

Fragrant heart also offers free guided meditations.

http://www.fragrantheart.com/cms/free-audio-meditations

Look up on line about walking meditations as well. Sometimes we are too stressed to just sit and meditate, so walking while meditating can be useful.

Like anything else, it is a practice so the more you do it, the easier it gets and the more you learn about yourself and the process.

Here is a link that might be useful: Meditation oasis podcasts

I have one from Meditation Oasis downloaded on my iPod -- I think it was the shortest one I could find because I am antsy and a very reluctant meditator (even though I am exactly the type of person who needs it). I've only done this a handful of times but the one I have is "Deep Relaxation: Guided Meditation With Music" and it's 8:08 minutes.

And yes, it is ridiculous that I can't manage to do this 8-min. meditation once a day.

Thanks Annie and Sue. I will have a look at those. Sue, I can so relate. I get up at 530 every morning and know I could knock off a 15 minute workout without it being too much of a challenge, but do I? Of course not (well except for yesterday and today - maybe I can do this).

I am a former teacher, so I can identify with this: "I love my job (teaching young kids), but dealing with parents and administration is soul-destroying. Well, most parents are wonderful - it's the 1% that kill ya."

In addition to all the great suggestions here, like meditation, exercise, staying in the moment, etc., in dealing with folks who are difficult to deal with, I have found that trying to develop some compassion for them, including praying for them to find contentment and happiness, helped me. After all, I deal with them only in small increments, while they have to live with themselves all the time. It just gave me some perspective and made me more able to let things go. I also had a "G*d jar", a mental visualization of a place to put things and people that I couldn't do anything about at that moment. I could always take things back out and worry about them later, but it particularly helped me to sleep at night when I found myself going over things which couldn't be changed to mentally see myself writing the problem down and putting it in a big glass jar for my higher power to take care of for a while.

"After all, I deal with them only in small increments, while they have to live with themselves all the time."

I try to remember this, too, about "bad people". I always say that people of ill will are often suffering themselves, as well as suffering the consequences of their actions. Compassion toward them is better placed than anger, when one can muster it. Plus then you can feel smug, too -- LOL!

Also thought of this this morning - touch. Pet your dog, Hug your spouse, kids. It is very healing.

I hope this isn't going OT - when my kids come home from work or just being out and about and are complaining about what a jerk someone was - I have taught them that you (generic you) don't know what else is going on in their lives.

You don't know what kind of a day they have had, maybe their dog died, maybe their kid is in trouble, maybe they've been laid off. These aren't necessarily bad people or people who are carrying ill-will but I've taught my kids to not let the stress of those people become their stress and to have some understanding of the lives of others and what it may be holding.

However, demanding parents of some students, I've seen those parents, and they can be a whole different ballgame. The expectations of some parents wrt their children as students can be frightening and unrealistic. Now that IS another topic.

As part of our cleanse, she had us take a back brush...y'know the kind with a long wooden handle...and dry rub before taking a shower. You start with your extremities and work toward your heart making small circular motions....I always save my back for last as it feels so good. It is a great stress reliever... feels like a full body massage. Plus it has a lot of other benefits for your lymph system, your skin, cellulite, etc.

Here is a link that might be useful: Dry brushing...how to and benefits

Daisychain--- a teacher. Oh my, that is stressful especially if you are in a public school. My little sis is a teacher and has been off for several months trying to find a diagnosis for some weird symptoms. Multiple test, trying next to rule out MS.

Too soon for retirement like you but a teachers day is so grueling and it certainly doesn't end at 3:00 does it?

God bless you.

I heard Amy Cuddy on Public Radio the other day. That lead me to finding her TED talk. It is 20 minutes, but it is worth every moment of it. I hope you will watch it. I find her message very powerful. Please listen at least to the point where she tells about her accident.

Here is a link that might be useful: Amy Cuddy TED Talk

I am a teacher, too, Daisy. It is just not fun anymore. There are times with the students that are lots of fun and I plan to continue for a couple of years (special ed and want to see some of my kiddoes through sixth grade), but then, I am outta there. There are so many people who tell us "yea for you" or "wow, that is a hard job" or even thanks. Please know that I am not saying that isn't lovely, but the bottom line is no one who doesn't teach can understand. Society as a whole believes we aren't doing a good job (even that we are failing), we don't deserve to make a decent salary, and that teacher appreciation week means lunches, treats and trinkets. Our district is one of the wealthiest in the country and my salary was frozen for a total of seven years. Our 1.5-2% step increase for next year will be postponed until November 30. Forget any COLA. I am lucky in that I do not need to rely on my salary, but I still resent the lack of true respect. Most teachers in my district cannot afford to live there and thus have a miserable commute. The only compensation worth anything is that you know you are doing valuable work. You are not someone who makes a huge profit off society, has a golden parachute, or even a halfway acceptable retirement, but rather someone who gives back.

So, bottom line, the stress won't go away and it is more than just admin or parents. I find that coming home and gardening in the fall and spring, or walking the dogs helps. I need to get out in the air, and breathe, just breathe. I have stopped bringing home work, although I do still get to school at 7:00 and leave at 4:00 if it is a day I can get everything done and leave early. I work through lunch every day. Hang in there. If you can swing it, you might want to become an instructional assistant-no extra hours, work with kids, and no paperwork! I am considering doing that. Of course, if you think we teachers are underpaid, just check out the salary of an instructional assistant. Sheesh. Here is one of those teacher stories that every teacher enjoys:

The teacher at the dinner party
The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One
man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education.

He argued, 'What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his
best option in life was to become a teacher?'

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers:
'Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach.'

To emphasize his point he said to another guest; 'You're a teacher,
Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?'

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, 'You
want to know what I make?'

(She paused for a second, then began...)

'Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents
can't make them sit for 5 without an I-Pod, Game Cube or movie rental.

You want to know what I make?' (She paused again and looked at each and
every person at the table.)

''I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

I teach them to write and then I make them write. Keyboarding isn't
everything.

I make them read, read, read.

I make them show all their work in math. They use their
brain, not the man-made calculator.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to
know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand, placing their hand over their heart to say
the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag because we
live in the United States of America .

I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work
hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.'

(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

'Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, with me knowing
money isn't everything, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention
because they are ignorant... You want to know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make Mr. CEO?'

His jaw dropped, he went silent.

Of course, that doesn't really change anything or help with your stress, but at least you know that EVERY teacher in the US understands and feels the same much of the time. Hang in there. Live in the moment. Let it go. Buy extra large bottles of extra strength aspirin. ;)

Where is the LIKE button for cyn's story!

For me it's exercise and in particular outdoor exercise. The stress of moving, remodeling ( i'm part of the labor pool) and just recently my moms diagnoses of ALS had taken its toll. I wasn't eating healthy or doing proper exercise for a few months and that made everything much worse. I was just too worn out at the end of the day. I have started swimming and biking again and just that has cut my stress feelings down to less than half. After our soon to be leaving vacation to England and Croatia I'm adding Kayaking , Pilates and two days at a gym for weight machines. Adding lots of fresh veggies is also in the works. Exercise eliminates all the little parasitic thoughts that cling to the main problem and helps to deal with the main more logically.

Edited to correct some of my brain dead writing!

This post was edited by jterrilynn on Sun, Jun 1, 14 at 12:38

JT, I'm curious about your mom's dx of MLS. I'm not familiar with it and would like to learn more. Googling "MLS" didn't help (multiple listing service, etc.). I'm wondering if it is related to MS which my sister has (and does very well with, thankfully). Wishing her all the best!

Also, we are considering a trip to Croatia. I'd be very interested to know more about yours. Where you are going, on a tour or on your own, activities planned, etc. TIA!

Funnygirl, oh my gosh… Another typo queen mess up! Just goes to show my state. What I meant to say was ALS (Lou Gehrig’s). The sad part about moms whole diagnostic journey is that no one, not even her doctors believed there was anything wrong with her at first. She has had a lifelong history of crying wolf. Couple that with the recent loss of her sister to brain tumors, the stress and the uncanny resemblance to Aunts symptoms, well let’s just say that everyone thought this was just another ploy for attention.

How wrong we all were including the medical professionals (at first). It has been a long journey but eventually and with a second opinion we are now faced with the ALS diagnosis. Mom is going down hill very fast since the final diagnoses. The thing that is haunting me is that her mind is still there but will eventually be trapped in a body where she can’t communicate. I cannot imagine a worse hell. At the moment she can still feed herself and stand for around thirty seconds. Other than that she needs two people to assist her in everything else and is of course in a wheel chair. On top of all that I have this big vacation coming up that we have already paid for. Mom wants me to go and enjoy myself but the guilt of it is killing me. I am going fly up to her after the trip but still it just feels so wrong. I don’t think anything will happen to her during the two and a half weeks I’m gone but there is really no way of knowing.

The trip to Croatia is a family meet-up. My husband is from England so we are starting there and visiting in Brighton and Devon. I have never been to Devon so looking forward to that as I hear it’s very charming. Then, we are all flying to Split (two brothers in-law and one sister in-law)., next we will stay two nights in Dubrovnik and next a week in the upper west section of the island of Brac (within Croatia). My brother in-law has been a few times and loves it so we will have a bit of a tour guide. Also, he has friends who own the large house on the sea, they live there part time and rent it out the other so we are getting a great price on that. For the last leg we will be staying in another little village on the sea somewhat close to the airport for departure.

Thank you, JT!

Oh, I'm so sorry about your mom's dx! How difficult for all of you. I can certainly understand your feelings regarding your upcoming trip, but at least you have your mom's blessings and you can go knowing she wants you to enjoy yourself.

The trip sounds wonderful. We spent a day in Dubrovnik years ago and have always wanted to return to the area. I would love to hear of your impressions of the trip when you return; it really sounds lovely.

(Sorry for derailing, Daisychain:))

One line in your post really jumped out at me-Although I feel I should be able to control it. Why do you feel you should be able to control it? Many things are beyond our control; that's why they're stressful.

Women often put this pressure on themselves and the result is even more stress. Accept that most things are beyond your control and that will help reduce the pressure. Not doing so can lead to worse problems than stress. Been there.

Linda

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Bb,

The Amy Cuddy talk is amazing! Thanks for sharing.

Linda

Jterry--I'm so sorry about your mom. ALS is such an evil disease. Please let us know how she is and how you are.

Also would love to be able to 'like' cyn's post. Daisy, I hope another teacher's viewpoint will help you.

And JT, so sorry about your Mom. Hope you can enjoy a stress-free vacation. You will need your strength to refresh and renew to deal with the days ahead.

Does anyone ever have a good cry? I find when I let loose on the waterworks, it releases a good amount of my stress.Tears supposedly release toxins which are found in cancer cells making your resistance somewhat less.

IMO, you don't have to be an emotional basket case to cry, but you do need to believe it's a normal 'bodily function' which is effective when you are sad OR happy. I 'do' both. ;)

Here is a link that might be useful: tears

Patty makes a great point. I read this a while ago too, and have been working on allowing myself to cry again. For years I held back because I was somewhat ashamed to "admit" I was weak. Now when I'm hurting emotionally or physically, I allow myself to cry. With all that's gone on recently, one being the sudden loss of my dear Father in law, I have shed quite a few tears. I wonder if that's part of why my physical pain has been less?

jterrilyn, I remember your posts about your mom and your frustration with the situation. I am so sad it turned out to be something so horrible.

I completely agree that crying can be a wonderful catharsis. Like many, I too stop myself from doing it now that I'm older. It feels like such an indulgence. I should get over that.

Here is a comically insane example of what I have to deal with at work on a daily basis.

I am a lifelong gardener and have run a variety of garden programs with the kids at the school over the years - all volunteer. This year, as in the past, I have my students and kids from a higher grade come together for an afternoon of planting. We planted root vegetables that the kids can harvest in the fall to donate to our local food bank.

The gardeners here will know what was involved for me to get that garden ready for planting. I did it on my own time on a Saturday morning. I bought the seeds with my own money.

I asked the maintenance guy if he could get the student they hire to help with the grounds to move the pumpkin vines (we planted 2 pumpkin plants) when he cuts the grass. Maintenance guy is new this year and I guess he didn't like this (I am incredibly sweet and asked very nicely). So he went to the boss. My immediate administrator was then called in and read the riot act for letting me do this (this person is wonderful and supported me.)

So long story short, in order to save some summer hire kid from having to move a pumpkin vine (5 minutes tops) when he mows once a week, they are ready to scrap a program involving 2 grades, the local food bank so many science and social studies outcomes I can't even count them.

Also, every year I put in countless hours maintaining the school flower beds that were full of nothing but weeds when I started there and now are thriving with the perennials culled from own beds at home. I am trying very hard to laugh it off and do what is good for the kids, but right now, I just want to say forget it and walk away and never do anything above and beyond again.

This just happened today, so I'm sure tomorrow I will be back at it. And this event is so comically stupid, I can really almost laugh about it (almost). Most of the other stuff is more depressingly serious. Sigh.

This post was edited by daisychain01 on Mon, Jun 2, 14 at 20:38

jterri, I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's disease. But at least there's a name now for it and a better understanding of her situation.

Re stress and happiness, I just saw Shawn Achor on Oprah and found his recommendations for improving happiness very interesting. Apparently it's quite achievable with just a little practice and habit creation....

Here is a link that might be useful: Happiness

Annie, I saw Shawn Anchor in passing last week on PBS--the first I'd heard of him. His research about happiness is compelling that incorporates evidence-based research. At the very least, his 5 steps are easy to follow on a daily basis, and are based in gratitude, which can be easily lost in times of stress.

Jterrilynn, I, too am sorry to learn about your mother. I hope you are able to enjoy your trip--go, enjoy, and allow yourself time away for a while. Her mind is still strong and wants you to do so. (Easy for me to say, I know.)

This post was edited by peony4 on Tue, Jun 3, 14 at 1:20

Oh Daisychain, that is criminal stupidity. What a wonderful project and excellent real life learning situation for all those kids.

Is there a parent (ie. taxpayer) and/or a beneficiary (food bank rep) who can complain to the right people (higher up than the lawn guy's boss) to get this project back on track? One small thinking, and possibly lazy, person should not be able to derail this.

I don't know anything about gardening. Can the vine be staked up, just above lawn mower level, so they can cut without having to stop and move the vine?

Daisy, I totally get it. I would be just a furious as you. I too garden and this is such a wonderful project you bring to the students! It is just unbelievable that the stupid actions of a couple of people can derail something that can be of benefit at NO COST to the school system. If I lived near you, I'd come move the dam vine myself and help you!

I forgot - the kids! The kids need to speak to the school board, the principal, the lawn workers boss, anyone and everyone to make it clear this is a valued project that needs support.

I might be a gardener today if I had been exposed to it as a kid.

If I could I'd be standing right beside outsideplaying holding up the vine each week to prevent mower damage.

Check out Kelly McGonigal on TED on how to make stress your friend.

I don't feel I would ever want to make stress my friend, nor happiness, anger, sadness, joyfulness, love, and any other number of emotions. Emotions can sometimes cause physical or mental distress, even illness, but I believe this is what makes us human as well as what life itself is, to feel the many emotions during your lifetime. If life were to be perfect, maybe our body and mind would be immune from all emotions, leaving us robotic. Of course you don't want to 'welcome' negative emotions, but learn to accept them and deal with them in your own way. It will also help you accept who you really are, flaws and all, and not 'be the product' of others expectations.

The problem is that we can't suppress one emotion. If we suppress one, we suppress them all. And if we suppress them all then we really suffer because we can't let the love and other gifts in and we can't let the hurt and pain go. Mark Singer likened it to having a thorn in our arm, and we go through life protecting that thorn, trying to make sure no one touches it or bumps into it, carrying and shielding that thorn so we don't get hurt again, getting angry with people who bump into our thorn. We can do that, or we can remove the thorn, let it go and the healing can take place and the suffering will ease.

Thank you, Funnygirl, Red_lover, Outsideplaying, Daisychain, Annie and Peony for the kind words.
Mom went into the hospital last night because she couldn’t breath. I think she was having another anxiety attack as she mentioned that they gave her a shot to calm her down, but I’m not sure because I couldn’t understand her well over the phone.

Speaking of bottling up emotions…I’m very worried about my younger sister. She said that mom is just playing up her symptoms for attention. I don’t get that at forty nine she hasn’t let go of any of our shared early family life baggage. She has made it all so much a part of her everyday existence. While I do not agree with opening every single box of past doom to “heal” I think it’s manageable if you realize that you are not at all unique in struggling with past emotions. Past emotions are like little appendages that are always going to be with you. I think of mine as being in one toe (my little toe). That toe will get stubbed occasionally but you must keep moving on. Or, one could look at it like having the antibodies to measles. You will always have those antibodies just like millions of others. Some more than others will need to take steps in not walking around like one has an active case of measles and do what one needs to do to keep a good head. I know this is easier said than done though. My sister keeps everything bottled.

Terry--I'm so sorry. If your mom understands the disease then it's likely that she will have lots of anxiety and fear re: breathing. We had a youngish teacher that passed 2 years ago from ALS. She continued to work for half the year after the dx despite some falls etc. So hard on the family. My heart just goes out to you. You are going to need every bit of strength that you can muster.

You can't fix your sister or her issues. Just be there for her. But not too much. You need to save some of your strength for yourself. I didn't grow up in a perfect family either. Although my mother was and is pretty close to perfect. My dad was not. My oldest sis sounds like your sis. We can't fix her. I've accepted it. I can be a bit neurotic myself but can't we all? Perhaps these things that we grew up with are what made us who we are today. Perhaps they made us stronger and better. Maybe even wiser.

Lean on us as your mom gets sicker. God bless you in this difficult time.

Red_lover, could you get any sweeter? I think not lol!
I have recently discovered a way to my sister. As I said she bottles everything up. The more bottled she gets the less contact she makes. I simply text her and say “I need my sister” I say nothing else. That simple thing opens her up.

Terri--your sister sounds a little like my sister. She may be like your sister as far as isolating herself but comes through when others have not. She likes to be needed. Are you familiar with The Five Love Languages? If not look it up...especially Words of Affirmation.

"Angeles" by Enya

Angels, answer me,
Are you near if rain should fall?
Am I to believe
You will rise to calm the storm?
For so great a treasure words will never do.
Surely, if this is,
Promises are mine to give you.
Mine to give...

Here, all too soon the day!
Wish the moon to fall and alter tomorrow.
I should know
Heaven has her way
Each one given memories to own.

Angeles, all could be
Should you move both earth and sea
Angeles, I could feel
All those dark clouds disappearing...

Even, as I breathe
Comes an angel to their keep.
Surely, if this is
Promises are mine to give you.
Mine to give...

Here is a link that might be useful: Angeles

Very pretty Lucy.