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Grammar, punctuation help

Lori A. Sawaya
10 years ago

I need expert wordsmithing help. What is the correct grammar/punctuation for this paragraph?

Responsible for supporting a business unit and respective region, my team of seven managers are located in Minneapolis MN, Phoenix AZ, St. Charles IL, Blackwood NJ, Juarez Mexico, Oggiono Italy, and Tianjin China.

Comments (8)

  • kellyeng
    10 years ago

    First, "my team of seven managers IS..." The subject of the sentence is TEAM which is singular so you need to change the verb to IS so they agree.

    I would probably turn the sentence around so it is not in the passive voice.

    Here it is in an active voice:

    My team of seven managers, located in Minneapolis MN; Phoenix AZ; St. Charles IL; Blackwood NJ; Juarez Mexico; Oggiono Italy and Tianjin China, is responsible for supporting a business unit and respective region.

  • awm03
    10 years ago

    First of all, "team of seven managers is located", not "team of seven managers are located". Team is the subject, and it's treated as a singular. (At least in American usage.)

    I'd use two simple sentences for clarity's sake.

    My team consists of seven managers, each supporting a business unit and a respective region. Locations are in Minneapolis, MN; Phoenix, AZ; St. Charles, IL; Blackwood, NJ; Juarez, Mexico; Oggiono, Italy; and Tianjin, China.

    (use semicolons to separate items in the list because commas are used between city & state/country).

  • PRO
    Lori A. Sawaya
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Oh my stars - thanks so much. I admit I rely on spell/grammar check a lot but it didn't flag anything in this paragraph. Knew it wasn't right but didn't know why or how to fix it.

  • Fun2BHere
    10 years ago

    Generally, one wouldn't use the two-letter postal state abbreviation when writing text. See link for more information.
    http://www.apvschicago.com/2011/05/state-abbreviations-use-traditional-or.html

    Here is a link that might be useful: AP Style

  • awm03
    10 years ago

    Gosh, funcolors, I didn't realize your business was multi-tiered and international. That's an impressive operation you've got there!

    Grammar skills are nice to have, but business skills are better :)

  • PRO
    Lori A. Sawaya
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    Yeah, I wish. lol!

    This is for my DH. It's a follow-up, thank you, after interview letter. Going to overnight it tomorrow.

    Fingers crossed, Ts & Ps that he gets the job - he/we REALLY want it to work out.

  • awm03
    10 years ago

    Ha! Well, at least I thought you were capable enough to run an international empire, so take the compliment :)

    Very best of luck to your DH.

  • graywings123
    10 years ago

    My gut feeling is that "My team of seven members are located . . ." sounds better to the ear.

    There is flexibility in using a plural verb (are located) when the singular subject is a group (team). I found this reference at grammarbook.com:

    Collective nouns such as team and staff may be either singular or plural depending on their use in the sentence.

    Examples:
    The staff is in a meeting. (Staff is acting as a unit here.)
    The staff are in disagreement about the findings. (The staff are acting as separate individuals in this example.)
    The sentence would read even better as:
    The staff members are in disagreement about the findings.

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