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runninginplace

50 shades of are you kidding me???!!!

runninginplace
11 years ago

WARNING: My own opinions follow, so you're warned. This is not diplomatic!

So, my friend loaned me her copy of this (in)famous mommy porn book that is sweeping the country. I loaned her my copy of Anna Quindlen's latest book Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake. (As you might surmise from the title of this post, IMO my friend got by far the best of that exchange.)

Anyway, last night at 9 pm I settled in with it to see just what the fuss is about. And at 11 pm I closed the book, never to re-open it. Luckily since I didn't actually buy it I am out only, as the famous saying goes, 2 hours of my life that I'll never get back.

I cannot get over how badly written this book is- cringingly, horribly, stunningly awful. The characters, the plot, even the sex scenes are ridiculous. I won't even go there on the subject of BDSM; as a feminist that stuff is so far beyond my ken that I can't imagine it as any type of acceptable interaction with another person. To each her own but I'll skip being imprisoned and beaten as part of my bedroom romps, thankyouverymuch

Below are a few excerpts of Amazon reviews that amusingly mirrored my own reactions:

"If I wrote like that, I'd use a pseudonym too."

"Did a teenager write this???"

And last but not least, this one made me LOL:

"At my age, my arthritis flared up just reading about Ana's sexual gymnastics. And for some reason, I kept thinking about her contracting genital warts."

So, at least from this review the latest literary--and I use that term extremely loosely-sensation merits a loud and decisive thumbs down.

Ann

Comments (80)

  • nancybee_2010
    11 years ago

    so funny, runninginplace!

  • tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM
    11 years ago

    Thank you TR and natal for posting, I will look some up when I get a chance. I am not a prude but I have definite lines I have no wish to cross. Once I started rading The Way of a Man with a Maid, a supposed classic and at first I thought it was fun but then it way, way, way beyond anything I was comfortable with. I think it is a more difficult genre to be good, great even without going overboard.

  • martinca_gw sunset zone 24
    11 years ago

    Oh running, think you covered them all. Too hilarious!

  • lynn_r_ct
    11 years ago

    Of course I had to read it because of all the hype. And of course because of all the hype I was a bit disappointed at first. However... while the sex scenes were graphic, I am adult so nothing "shocked" me. I hate to admit that at my "age" I found a number of them to be "hot".

    Re: the S&M, if you isolated that alone, I could see where people could take offense. As you read, you realize there is more to the story than the sexual aspect. It is a tale of someone who has had a very sad life and has used the S&M as a release of his emotional pain.

    I am now finishing the second installment and I am happy I did, Maddie was oh so right. It truly explains the horrors of this poor man's upbringing. It also reveals how much he has grown to love this young lady and how he is trying so desperately to learn to "love differently".

    Certainly there are aspects of the book that most of us can dream of as martinca said. Who doesn't want to be filthy rich and have a drop dead gorgeous boyfriend?
    Yes, it is hot, and steamy, and erotic - if that offends you this is NOT the book for you - but in my opinion it real is a modern day love story, and I'm an "old lady" no less.

  • martinca_gw sunset zone 24
    11 years ago

    "Certainly there are aspects of the book that most of us can dream of as martinca said. Who doesn't want to be filthy rich and have a drop dead gorgeous boyfriend? ...". Nope, i that wasn't my post.

  • stinky-gardener
    11 years ago

    Martinca, I enjoyed your witty, insightful review.

    Lynn, I think Polly alluded to harboring a fantasy about being kept by a rich fellow who buys her a lot of expensive shoes.

    Runninginplace, you're SO funny!

  • CaroleOH
    11 years ago

    I've read all three, and enjoyed them immensely. I agree 100% with Lynn r ct. The first book is a bit shocking at first, but I honestly got more into the story line of his upbringing and how that influenced his life and sexual development as a teen boy.

    I had to laugh at the comments and Amazon comments on how poorly written it is. What does that mean?? It's not destined to be a masterpiece, but honestly, it wasn't written to be one. It's a quick read meant to entertain and show you another side of life.

    As far as the comments on feminism and how could she submit to him - read all three. You'll see how she stood up for herself and what she wanted out of the relationship.

    I do agree with the biting her lip comment - that did get old, and I don't see how that could be so erotic. I admit to skipping over some of the sex scenes as I progressed through the books because I got more interested in the story that was their relationship and the sex stuff got a little repetitive.

  • lynn_r_ct
    11 years ago

    Sorry martinca - I should have credited Polly to that thought. Honestly, in my years I have never met anyone that doesn't want to be filthy rich - and not to just buy Jimmy Choo shoes, but for the piece of mind money can buy. Didn't say happiness, but not worrying where the rent money is coming from can ease a lot of tension.

    Just ordered the third installment from Amazon. Seriously need to finish this so I can get some work done! Can't wait to see the ending. No spoilers please! I am glad I am not the only one who can see a real story line here.

  • fourkids4us
    11 years ago

    I know you've never met met, Lynn, so I don't count I guess. Perhaps you were speaking tongue in cheek. I do agree that not worrying about rent money or a mortgage payment can ease tension, but you don't need to be filthy rich to attain that peace of mind.

    But honestly, I have no desire to be filthy rich. Comfortable, but not filthy rich. My father worked for the federal government for over 30 years so my parents are by no means wealthy, but they live comfortably and happily. No debt, have a modest vacation (2nd) home, paid for three kids to go to private colleges and live comfortably in retirement. OTOH, my mother never desired things like Jimmy Choo's in her day, but she was able to afford the things she desired. That is what I hope for my family.

    That said, I haven't read the books, but have heard all about them, in the press and from friends who have read them. I have no burning desire to go out and buy them, but I might check one out if someone gave me a copy. I don't typically go for that genre and have a ton of other books higher on my priority list, but just for fun I'd consider seeing what all the hype is about.

  • Faron79
    11 years ago

    So......

    Should I buy this book for DW?!?!?!?

    ;-)

    Faron

  • lynn_r_ct
    11 years ago

    fourkids4us - points well taken however, I have learned all too well how comfortable can go to uncomfortable in the snap of a finger. Unpredicted business failures, the economy (as many of us know) etc. can cause an easy reversal of fortunes for us middle income folks.

    Yet if you look at Bill Gates, my version of filty rich, I can pretty much guarantee you there is 0 chance he is going to be applying for unemployment or facing foreclosure on his home(s).

    To me the greatest thing money can buy is not health, but health care. My son has been ill, and the best hospital we wanted to send him to does not accept insurance of any form. If I were Bill Gates, I would simply cut a check now wouldn't I? That's what filthy rich can buy that is more important than anything else.

    Faron, you go boy... get the books - but be prepared!!!

  • polly929
    11 years ago

    What the heck is wrong with fantasizing about lots of expensive shoes??

    I knew I'd somehow get criticized for that comment.

  • golddust
    11 years ago

    Book one and two are on my reading pile for the week at our cabin. Because of this thread, I have included a couple extra books just in case I can't get through them. I am going to give them a very good try.

  • lynn_r_ct
    11 years ago

    Polly, damn if I didn't get "cankles" as I grew older. Why didn't they have the great looking shoes they have now when I was hot to trot??? I would have been the first person lined up at the store to buy some of those "Jimmy Choo's shoes"!

  • polly929
    11 years ago

    Lynn, the only skinny on my body is my ankles and wrists the rest is fluffy. I have a shoe addiction, but of course I shop at Marshalls/TJMaxx. But if I had a Christian Grey, I'd be at Niemann Marcus buying Jimmy Choos and Louboutins without a doubt. Just a fantasy......I'm perfectly happy with my cute sandals I wear.

    And the honeymoon on the private jet to the French Riviera.....LOVED THAT!!

  • ellendi
    11 years ago

    I am still on the waiting list and my number was over 500! I think what I want to know is, why did this book hit such a nerve in so many people? What is all the hype about?
    So curiosity... and all of that.

  • funnygirl
    11 years ago

    Lynn, I wasn't familiar w/David Baldacci until a few days ago. DH and I were visiting friends who live on a lake and took us by boat past his house. They have many autographed copies of his books and I'm anxious to begin reading some of his work:)

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    This is undoubtedly the DUMBEST book ever written. I read a few chapters and felt my IQ dropping like a stone. To preserve what was left of my intelligence, I stopped reading.

    IMO, this book is symptomatic of the dropping reading levels in all areas of society. Most instructions are now written at the fifth grade level. This book is porn written for illiterates, and quite honestly, the "porn" part of it isn't even that interesting.

    There must be a LOT of women out there with completely unsatisfying sex lives who also cannot read anything more difficult; they are the ones who constitute the market for this junk, and I think it is pathetic, capital P.

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    "too much of a feminist, I guess. Stories of BDSM and/or any guy telling his woman what to do would definitely have the opposite effect on me. Heck, I even hated "My Fair Lady" because that insufferable, know-it-all Professor Higgins made me want to punch him in the face from the get-go. And I changed every one of my daughter's fairy tales when I read them to her, making Cinderella and the lot of them save themselves and get a college degree before marrying anybody. "

    Lynnie, are we sisters separated at birth? I love your comment and did the very same thing with my DD. You may enjoy the Second City satire of Disney tales, just go to youtube.com and put

    advice from a cartoon princess

    into the search box. There are three: Belle, Snow White and Little Mermaid, and they are HILARIOUS. I sent the links to my daughter, now 25 and a IT systems analyst, and she loved them!

  • CaroleOH
    11 years ago

    Oh my goodness, you all are taking this way too seriously.

    Reading this book isn't going to ruin your intelligence or change how you interact with men anymore than watching some of the TV and movies out there right now. Other than the sex part, it's pretty much a love story probably on par with the harlequin romances.

    Which, for pure mindless entertainment, I admit to reading every now and then. Not every book written has to be gut wrenching, mind altering, life changing or thought provoking. I'm particular to mystery/serial killer/murder trial books - Patricia Cornwell, Michael Connelly, etc. Every few months or so, I feel the urge to read something stupid to balance out all the gore I usually enjoy reading!

    If you didn't like it, then you didn't. But there's a lot of stupid books out there that I've read and shook my head at how sappy they were. I know I'm going to get nailed for this one but I find just about any book written by Nicholas Sparks to be cringe worthy. But, even though I find his writing to be less than exciting, he sells a ton of books, so I'm obviously not in the majority.

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    I agree about the Nicholas Sparks genre, caroleh, but admit that I worry when something (50 Shades) this poorly written is such a big hit. I absolutely think it means we are getting dumber and dumber. Think about Jane Austen's writing in the 1700s in comparison with this heinous crime against literature... it's a frightening decline into vulgarity. And while I don't mind mindless stories either, I do require them to be at least passably written. There's a lot of well-written crime fiction out there as well as a lot of junk.

  • Sueb20
    11 years ago

    I agree with you, Caroleoh. I read them, I liked them. I rolled my eyes at times, and I curled my toes at others. ;) Is it a literary masterpiece? Of course not. I didn't expect it to be.

    I don't think reading those 3 books lowered my IQ or made me more shallow or submissive. They were just fun to read, IMO. Having never read a Harlequin romance or really any "erotica" in my life, they were different and new for me.

    From people I know IRL, maybe half of them loved it and half of them couldn't read beyond the first few chapters because they found them distasteful. I don't judge anyone for their decision one way or another. I do think you need to get through the first half (or so) of book one to see that there is a real story there.

  • terezosa / terriks
    11 years ago

    I think what I want to know is, why did this book hit such a nerve in so many people?

    I guess it's because of the particular nerve that was struck.
    ;)

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    "I read a few chapters and felt my IQ dropping like a stone. To preserve what was left of my intelligence, I stopped reading.

    And I thought this was pretty obvious hyperbole.

  • CaroleOH
    11 years ago

    I know kswl that you were probably exaggerating, but I just had to comment because you obviously felt it wasn't worth your effort or brain power to read, and I just feel like sometimes reading something of that calibre is relaxing.

    Probably in the same vein in how I enjoy watching the Housewives shows. There is nothing about their lives that parallels mine, but for some disturbing reason I keep watching. Same thing with these stupid books!

  • tishtoshnm Zone 6/NM
    11 years ago

    Terriks, I believe you are likely right.

    I have not read these books but admit to reading the Twilight books multiple times. I admit, I am a moody person. Sometimes I just want something light and fun, to get in touch with a less serious side and just enjoy on a superficial level. Not only do I sometimes want something light, but sometimes I need that. It is a break, perhaps escapism, just for a time. What is true for books is often true for the movies too. Other times I am ready for something deeper, less superficial and choose accordingly.

  • lynn_r_ct
    11 years ago

    From kswl "This book is porn written for illiterates, and quite honestly, the "porn" part of it isn't even that interesting.

    There must be a LOT of women out there with completely unsatisfying sex lives who also cannot read anything more difficult; they are the ones who constitute the market for this junk, and I think it is pathetic, capital P."

    As it seems to be, there is about a 50/50 opinion on the book. I happened to be one of the ones that enjoyed it - and guess what - I AM NOT ILLITERATE!!! AND... I can read books more difficult. How insulting that you should suggest otherwise of me and anyone else who is enjoying this love story. If... you only read a few chapters, you have no ability to comment on the quality of the "porn" as you call it.

    I was reading a 700+ pg book on Alexander Hamilton when these books came out (love American history), so I am not an ignoramous as you seem to want to label anyone who liked the series.

    I usually have two books going at once - one serious and one frivolous because who knows what mood I'll be in when I crawl in to bed.

    Caroleoh, I too am a lover of true crime. I read a lot of Ann Rule. There was only one that made me lock the windows though - trying to remember which one (Do you have a favorite?). I agree with all your comments 100%. Some people just need to back off. If they don't like it, then don't read it - that's not too complicated is it?

    Carole

  • beaglesdoitbetter1
    11 years ago

    I remember at one time reading an analogy that I think was in a review of the Twilight books but which seems to apply here as well. The books are like Twinkies. No one eats Twinkies expecting them to be gourmet food and everyone knows they are kind of junk and have no nutritional value. Yet, you can be a gourmet food snob and know what good food is and sometimes you are just in the mood for a Twinkie. The 50 Shades books are the literary equivalent of a Twinkie!

    I liked the books too, having finished all three of them now. I don't get exactly why they became such best sellers when there's lots of similar and better-written books out there. I only wish I'd written them since they don't seem like they would have been too difficult to write- that's my real escapist fantasy, LOL! I'd sure like to get $5+ mil for movie rights for something silly I wrote (perhaps on a different subject matter, though, LOL)!

  • CaroleOH
    11 years ago

    Don't think I've ever read a book written by Ann Rule�off to the library site to see if I can check one out on my Nook!

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    Lynn_r_ct, the only way my opinion can "insult" you is if you believe it or care what I think--- and obviously you do not, lol. I don't apologize for my opinion; we're talking about one of the worst written books in recent memory, for heavens sake!

    "Keep Calm and Carry on"

  • lynn_r_ct
    11 years ago

    beagles, I just love, love, love the Twinkies analogy! Hmmm... I wonder if there are any chocolate bars in my daughters room. I'm hungry now.

  • polly929
    11 years ago

    Honestly, I think it's far worse that 9 and 10 year olds read the violence in the Hunger Games. I think THAT's a problem in society, not a poorly written book that has women curious b/c their newsfeeds in FB are filled with posts about them. I don't think it says your "dumb" or makes you "dumb" to read the books at all. I have an advanced degree and I'm a health care professional that cares for sick newborns, my real life is very serious and often very emotionally draining. And when I'm not at work I'm at home with 3 young children and that's also very demanding. When I read a book I'm looking for an escape from all that. Fifty shades was nothing more than a fun read for me.

    I love twinkies, but only eat them like once every couple of years. Love the twinkie analogy beagles.

  • OllieJane
    11 years ago

    It doesn't diminish my perceptions one bit about people who read 50 Shades! I just couldn't get into it. I can't believe someone would think their IQ would drop by reading it, I know that was an exaggeration, but that is like saying poeple who read books about American History (like lynnrct is reading) are all boring and uptight!

    Of course, I can't get into those either, I'm somewhere in the middle I guess.

  • Sueb20
    11 years ago

    We were at party with HOME MADE Twinkies and Ding Dongs last weekend. I didn't try the DD, but the Twinkie I had was amazing!

    Sorry, very OT.

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    11 years ago

    Trailrunner is right, I think Anais Nin does a very nice job with the genre.

    I'm part of a bookclub and we switch between classics and current titles, with a focus on fare that at leasts attempts to be literary. Life is too short to read krappy books, imho.

    It just occurred to me that Madame Bovary, which we just read, was so scandalous in 1850's France that Flaubert was prosecuted for obscenity.

    I'm guessing Shades of Grey wont be in print in 160 years, so the similarity stops there!

  • ellendi
    11 years ago

    Well, my number on the waiting list is now 18.Mmmmm...

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    There's a world of good fiction out there--- not all classic--- and really good pornography. I don't know why anyone would waste time on 50 Shades when there are so many wonderful things to read.

    I do get the Twinkie analogy, and I enjoy a good Twinkie every now and then, but I wouldn't sit down to a plate of garbage and call it a snack.

  • slflaherty
    11 years ago

    I'm currently reading this series, and while I will continue to read it to the end, I 100% agree with the OP's review and every single one of kswl's comments.

    These books are HORRIBLY written. Maybe the people reading them are not illiterate, but it's pretty obvious to me that the author is. If you can get passed the spelling mistakes, grammatical errors, and annoyingly repetitious dialogue and commentary, it's fairly obvious that the author did ZERO research before writing these books. Does it not drive anyone else crazy that, while the "story" is set in the U.S., all of the characters use British slang?! Apparently publishers are picking up all kinds of garbage in hopes of duping people into reading "the next big thing"...

  • slflaherty
    11 years ago

    Oh, and I would like to add that I DID NOT allow my 9 year old daughter to read The Hunger Games, despite all kinds of tears, yelling and the classic "but all my friends are reading it!".

    I made sure to educate myself by reading the series before I made my decision, and I feel that it is absolutely not appropriate for 9, 10, 11 or probably 12 year olds. I doubt that the 9 years olds who have read this book have parents who also read it...

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    "Maybe the people reading them are not illiterate, but it's pretty obvious to me that the author is."

    You are right, this is a much better way of conveying what I meant to say, thank you stephf!

    I also agree with you about the quasi-British slang. In short order everyone now is making comments like, "Well done, you."

    Sheesh...

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    11 years ago

    Stephf,

    Luckily, my daughter's teacher decides what is appropriate for his 4th graders, and he won't allow Hunger Games. Parents can of course override and let them read what they want at home, but I find it useful to have his stamp of approval as I might otherwise be unaware of what's in some books.

    And since he is otherwise the coolest teacher ever and much beloved, the kids are pretty accepting of his guidance.

    PS my book club met yesterday to discuss Madame Bovary, and I would say 2/3 had read or are reading 50 Shades. The consensus was the only reason to read it is as a popular culture phenom, as there is certainly better literature but even much better "porn". I have too many books in waiting to read something for its popular culture value, so I will pass on this one. I just finished reading all the Pulitzers and now I am working on the unfortunately named CLap 100. For anyone looking for a some summer reading, Ive linked to it.

    Here is a link that might be useful: book ideas

  • fourkids4us
    11 years ago

    Mtnrdredux, thanks for the link - I've bookmarked it and hope to make my way through as many of the books as I can.

    I see that you read all the Pulitzers. What did you think about A Visit From The Goon Squad? My book club read that not too long ago, but I did not like it at all. Perhaps I'm not a good judge of literary achievement, but I really had to slog through this one. Several in my book club didn't finish it and of those who did, no one liked it.

  • runninginplace
    Original Author
    11 years ago

    Fourkids, I *loved* A Visit from the Goon Squad but my book club colleagues felt the way you and most of your group did. Another woman and I wanted to pick it but nobody else would go for it.

    I enjoyed it mostly because it was a book that kept me on my toes. I could appreciate the author's skill in juggling and blending all the disparate characters and threads and how she pulled all of it together in the end. Wonderful read! However I clearly am not a majority opinion on this one...

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    I did not care for A Visit From the Goon Squad either, fourkids. Slogged through it... That's what I did, too.

    But the book Ive disliked most in recent memory was Freedom, by Jonathan Franzen. My lower than low opinion of the story and characters (albeit very well written) sparked an internecine family war :-)

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    11 years ago

    Four kids, and Running,

    I read it for my list, and it so happened it was also a book our book club picked.
    I can't say it was a favorite, for any of us. But, we agreed it had its merits, was thought provoking and memorable.

    I think I read that some of it was from short stories she's already written --- it felt that way to me. I actually liked the Powerpoint chapter; I thought it was sort of an intriguing new form!

  • lynn_r_ct
    11 years ago

    Just got installment #3. No sleep for me tonight.

  • rilie
    11 years ago

    I downloaded a sample of the first 50 Shades book onto the iPad, and didn't even finish that.

    Wasn't there an interview with the author awhile back and even she said the books weren't very good, and that no one was more surprised that her when they became SO popular? I didn't read the interview, but remember hearing something about it....

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    Mtnredux, I felt tht way (something new and entirely different) when I read Absurdistan, by Gary Shteyngart. I wasn't sure I liked the style....felt I had been run over by a Mac truck by the end of it. That was in 2006. The next thing of his I read was in 2010, Super Sad Love Story. I loved it--- felt like actually being in a brave new world instead of reading about it. Most of the people I know who have read it reacted very negatively, except my youngest son. Well, his favorite book in sixth grade was A Confederacy of Dunces, so I guess that's all part of his offbeat humor.

  • runninginplace
    Original Author
    11 years ago

    Kswl, I'm going to have to check out Absurdistan because Confederacy is one of my favorite books EVER. I re-read it for our book club a few years ago. That was another one that some people loathed.

    As for Freedom, count me in as a non-fan. I think what bothered me was that the author didn't make me care about a single character. In fact I actively despised each and every one. Not to say I expect to love everyone in every book. However a good writer pulls you in and makes you at least care what is happening. Makes you understand someone or something. Makes you stop and say 'huh, that's so true' or conversely 'huh, never saw it that way before.' Jonathan Franzen did not do that for a single page in Freedom. I actually tried to read The Marriage Plot a few weeks ago and dropped it immediately for the same reason. In that one, I did not for a second believe the Eugenides even had an inkling about who or what his characters were supposed to be and do. Feh. Life's too short and there are too many amazing books out there.

    Which brings me to a recommendation of something I just read that was stunning: Girlchild by Tupelo Hassman. Have linked to it below. A coming of age story, not a light read but what an amazing debut novel. The writing, the protagonist, the structure...all incredibly well done. Warning-it's episodic too and the chapters aren't strictly expository but well, well worth reading. IMO of course!

    Here is a link that might be useful: Girlchild: A Novel

  • kswl2
    11 years ago

    Thanks for that recommendation, runninginplace, it was not even on my radar. I agree about Confederacy, it is a tour de force and Ignatius remains one of the most memorable characters I have ever met in literature.....a force of nature!

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