I would include them all. Fingers crossed hoping they can't all come, but if they do, a crwded party is always more fun! Plus, you'll spend less time with the difficult ones. I would also hope for good weather and set up some chairs and tables outside.

This is one of those occasions when family loves to rally around to celebrate a milestone in your child's life. Give them that gift. If need be, hire some teens to watch the kids, play games, serve food, unless you can afford a caterer, then do that!

I'm not a religious person but was raised Catholic. I know this is a special day for your family and in that respect, my heart agrees with Cyn's view about inviting them all. However, the common sense side of me says, it's a family event, you know what you can manage and are comfortable with and you should just invite those who really have a special connection or you know would value the experience. With that said, if it were me, I probably wouldn't bother inviting family members that never come or RSVP.

I know Mom's can be a challenge sometimes but under the circumstances, I would hope that your mother would understand the relationship you have with your Aunt and Uncle and respect your choices without a fuss.

Since you said it would be nice to see everyone again, maybe a nice alternative would be to plan a BIG Summer BBQ at a local park and invite EVERYONE for a family get together.

I forgot to add that no, I don't think it's rude at all and I hope your event goes well.

Invite who you want to invite. I'm tired of feeling as though I must invite family members who I don't like to events. Who made that rule anyway?

I don't think it would be rude. I agree with Lukki's thoughts and like her idea about doing something in the future (away from your house) for everyone. I also liked Cyn's idea that IF you do invite everyone - move some people outside. Most of all, have FUN and enjoy this special day in your little one's life!

tina

I think the rule was invented by someone who was tired of dealing with the "but you invited her and not me!" school of family relations.

I tend to invite or not invite categories of people. So, only in-state relatives get invited. Great aunts and uncles, but not their kids/grandkids.

There's a big difference between hosting 30 people and 50 people and 80 people. It's more time and money and effort. So if the OP would like to keep the guest list to about 30, I don't see a problem with that. (And with 80 people, the OP might not be able to host at her own home. How many bathrooms do 80 people need? Probably more than the 2 the average family home has.)

With the OP's situation, I'd invite the great aunts and uncles, but not all the cousins and their kids. Then invite her dad's sister and brother and his wife.

Mom's siblings, who live 3 hours away? Safe to not invite. If Mom complains too much, just tell her that you are sorry she feels that way and she is free to not attend the party if it is too difficult for her. (Seriously, she should not be letting the divorce infest her granddaughter's First Communion party.)

But how many people more would it be if you did invite your mother's siblings? There's no reason you can't invite them, if you would like to have them there. Says the woman who drove 450 miles to be at her niece's First Communion.

My father's family is huge. I don't get invited to all the smaller celebrations--inviting aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and their spouses and their children would be about 75 people. Then add in my own siblings, their spouses and the nieces and nephews--that's 22 more people. And that's before the other side of the family is considered, or friends. People from large families should be able to realize that it is simply not always possible to invite everyone to every event.

Thank you Fun2BHere.

I'm also inviting 3 very close friends. DH says it's not fair to omit family and invite friends. But my friends are there for me and my children on almost a daily basis. They have children that are friends with my children. When I was sick last month with strep, one of them took my kids to school for me, and the other brought dinner for my family. I didn't even ask them to do any of it, they just did.

You know what? When it comes to these parties I do all of the work. I clean before, prep, send the invites, cook, decorate, shop for favors. DH does none of it. It may not make him happy, but if I'm the one doing all the prep for it, then I'll do the guest list as well.

Thanks for all your responses. Three years ago, I invited EVERYONE- 100 people in grand total for DS' first birthday. It was a debacle. DH and I had a huge argument, because I was sitting down feeding the baby and not helping serve the food. I said then never again. And now I'm sticking to it.

I suppose I was just looking for some relief of guilt by posting here. I opened myself up to feeling more guilt when those respond and agree with DH. Anyhow, if I'm putting so much effort into it, I should at least enjoy the beautiful day celebrating my daughter, so I'm going to go with what I feel I can do and not what I'm "supposed" to do.

I'm not catholic so forgive my ignorance about this, but are invitations going to be sent out or does it just involve phone calls? The reason I ask is maybe the invites by mail or e-mail could be simple, kind of cold and just state that you're having a small family gathering to celebrate your child's event. Of course the people that you really want there you would be in communication with already and discussing the details and excitement beforehand. Otherwise - love the idea of having it at the park. Ask everyone to bring a lawn chair for themselves. We have beautiful parks in our city with lots to do. It is customary here for people to use them for birthdays, graduations, reunions, ect. I know what you mean about family - we have our share of challenges too. In the end just do what you feel most comfortable doing and what would make your child the most happy.

Okay, after reading the other posts, I have changed my mind. Invite the few you want and enjoy the day. No sense running yourself ragged and not having fun. I agree that since you do all the work, you should be in charge of the guest list, too!

Also, after thinking, since it is a party for your daughter, she could end up feeling quite overwhelmed if there are too many people around and you do want her to remember the day as a fun one.

How's that for a turn around?! :) I should have thought longer.

Let YOUR heart and no one else be your guide. I agree, if you are the one doing all the work, then it's up to you how many and who to invite. Just set the rule that if DH or your mom want a say, then they have to help EQUALLY with the prep.

I know what you mean about feeling guilty, as the hostess you want to make EVERYONE happy, but at what expense? Hosting "only" 30 people is still a huge amount of work. You're daughter will only experience this once, so regardless of how many people you invite, why not ask your Mom and DH to help out with the hosting part anyways and assign tasks?

My mom conveniently scheduled a bunionectomy for 3 weeks before, and will have no part in rescheduling. She will be in a cast. DH- well, he thinks he helps, but I know the truth, he sort of does, but then he doesn't. I don't think he knows how much goes into party planning. I really do enjoy all of it, especially since my daughter is so looking forward to it. She is helping with the planning as well. It's just once the party is happening, when there are too many people here it gets chaotic. DH gets stressed and then turns on me. I am hiring 2 people to serve the food and be in charge of the clean up at the party so I can enjoy it. I had them there at DS' birthday- but once there are too many people it doesn't matter, it just gets out of hand.

I'm just going to plug along, doing it all myself. If he gets angry when he sees who is coming, I will just say since I did all of the planning, I did the guest list as well, and since you weren't there to discuss it, I made an executive decision. And that's it.

I am curious...do you and your family really know all 100 relatives, and do you get invited to, travel to, and attend all of their similar events? I understand that First Communion is a big deal, but along with first birthdays, eighth grade, high school, and college graduations, baptisms, Confirmations, weddings, showers, and all the other festivities in the future, well, you have a lot of opportunities ahead. Will you also have similar parties for each of your children as they reach these milestones?

I have a big family, too, but, except for the ones we see regularly at events other than weddings, great-aunts and uncles, second cousins, etc. are not all on our intimate party list. You may be surprised to find that some of your relatives would be relieved to be excluded, even if your mom and husband think otherwise. Don't feel guilty about not inviting them

I think the guests should be people that sustain your family (you, DH and DD) on an on-going basis (which INCLUDES those friends who support you-- those people save DH's b-u-t-t, too). After you count those people up, the balance could be divided evenly between your and DH's wish list (people you just want to share the day with).

shermann- to answer your question- no. We don't get invited to all of their events. And that's my rationale. It's my DH that needs to "get" that.

And yes, I agree about the "relief" to be excluded. Trust me, when I get invited to one of my cousin's events that is 3 hours away, I often wish I wasn't included. Last fall we attended my cousin's wedding with all 3 kids. We left at 9am, got there for the noon wedding, left at 4:30, and returned home at 8PM. It was a long day, and not very much fun...at all.

Thanks javachik. So very true.

There is also the possibility that by sending invitations to people you know won't come, that they will think they are expected to send a gift/money. You could always use that as an excuse for not wanting to invite them - just tell your mom that you aren't inviting those that you don't anticipate are coming b/c you don't want them to feel obligated to send a gift.

We've had three First Communions and we have one more next year. We only had one party though. Long story short - dh's family is all on the West Coast, my parents and brother's family are here, but my sister and her family are six hours away. We just went to brunch for my older two as only my parents and MIL could come. Last year, my sister wanted to come b/c she is my son's godmother, so we decided to have a small party with a few neighbors invited as well. Even though my entire immediate family was here, plus MIL, we didn't send invitations to dh's family b/c we knew they wouldn't fly here and didn't want it to look like we were expecting gifts.

Families sure are funny, aren't they? No matter what you do, you won't please everyone. Some might feel excluded even if they wouldn't have come anyway while others will be relieved that they aren't expected to attend and/or send a gift. I would invite who you feel is important in your child's life and not worry who may be offended. Congratulations!

Can I come? I'm close enough & sort of family lol

I remember your big party & thought you were crazy to have such a large party. I can't imagine hosting 100 people. Reading your 1st post; I knew what was coming with your other posts; been there; done that. Back when we were at the old house; we used to have large bashes; for one; my 1/2 brother that was given up for adoption was there; we just found him & I was so busy running around hosting that I didn't get to spend much time with anyone.

My hub has a large family; 1/2 of the 8 kids are here while the other 1/2 is in Ohio. We don't expect to get invited to anything in Ohio; & most times we're not asked to go to events here either because we're so far away & it doesn't bother us. What we did think was weird was an invite to a few things where you normally send a gift of money for one or 2 of the 7 or 8 nieces/nephews he has out there.

While inviting people to a Communion is nice; they also may look at it as being invited just for the "gift". If the people you're planning to invite aren't normally invited to your gatherings; an invite to this may seem tacky. How do other relatives handle religious ceremonies? What about the church? Who will expect to go to the service? As far as friends; people in your every day life that you are close to should get an invite. We have friends we are closer to then family that we have

You should find out what's going on with your hub because the last thing you need is drama with every gathering. Mine was always great with helping to grill & even any inside cooking if need be; but there were days where he was tired of working the grill.If we had an inside gathering; everyone knew to leave by a certain time because he starts getting really cranky.

Well, that is a bummer about your mother, but at least you have hired help. Good for you! Yes, it can be fun to plan these things and doing this with your daughter will make it even more special, but wow, that is a lot of planning!

Lots of good advise. My concern is that your DH is not on the same page with you. I would like to see you two resolve these issues together. Large parties are stressful enough and you two need to be on the same team.
My husband and I have planned our guest lists together. However, he always seems to under invite! It is usually OK with me with who we are excluding, but after the event when we are discussing how things went, sure enough he will say "You know, we should have invited...."
When discussing this party with your DH maybe you can remind him about what happened when you invited 100 people.

When there is situation where I do all or most of the work, then I make the decision. However, I find it best not to discuss it with DH because then it sounds like I am including him in the de ision, and sometimes hard feelings arise as a result. So, I think you are doing the right thing. If your DH helps, he gets a say. If not, you truly know what you can handle.

I have a teeny house but still tried to cram people in. Once I planned a big outdoor party and it rained. Too stressful since the house is so small. Now I invite different small groups, like for the kids' birthdays, I invite the godparents along with core guests. It makes it easier for everyone.

Congrats to your daughter!

I think you should invite those you are close to, that you have regular contact with and those who send you a Chrstimas card. I made the mistake of having that guilt trip. Ended up inviting and planning on a lot of people for my wedding and those I shouldn't have invited didn't even bother to RSVP. I thought I was being thoughtful by inviting them and they should be how much they thought of me. No need for you to feel guilty about anything you decide to do.

You can go one of two ways, make it very intimate or make it a blow out, but which ever way you go remember the day is for your daughter not those extended relatives.

"You may be surprised to find that some of your relatives would be relieved to be excluded, even if your mom and husband think otherwise."

Ex-actly! Invite the ones you are close to and who will genuinely want to come. If grumbling starts in the more distant relatives, you can always say you didn't want them to feel like they had to make the trek for what wasn't going to be a big deal -- but that of course, you'd love to have them...

As others have said, a party for 30 is one thing, but 50, 80 or 100 is a very different animal!

I think your husband and mother need to be reminded that this is your daughter's special day. It's not about them, and it's not a family reunion. Your daughter will probably be more comfortable being the center of attention among people she knows and is close to. I'd invite your Dad's sister and brother and his wife and not feel guilty about the others.

If you think this is tough, wait until you have to send out wedding invitations. My daughter's husband just has one sibling, but his parents both came from large families so he has 40!!! first cousins. We joked and told him if he couldn't remember a name in 10 seconds, they were off the list.

Being a bit older and having gone thru the whole DH who think he helps thing, if it were me I would invite the guests you want to celebrate this event.

My DD's communion day fell on the same day as a family wedding so we did a luncheon immediately following the service. Held it at a local restaurant which was very expensive, but since the guests were limited to immediate family who attended the communion, it made the most sense. The most important factor was that DD did not want a big party for her communion since she wanted to attended her then BFF's "big" party given on the same day. So, we did that and all was good.

Have a wonderful communion day celebration whatever you decide.

I can't believe you had 100 people for a one year old's birthday and lived to tell about it. That kind of party is definitely not for the kid--- but as you pointed out, you didn't have much fun, either. I would invite who I wanted to, and the number of guests I could comfortably cope with myself. If your DH objects, tell him he can plan the next first communion.

It's standard in my husband's family. We had practically the same guest list for my first 2 daughters, but their birthdays are in Nov and Dec, so we used our Community center and limited the party to 3 hours. My son's birthday is in June and we held the party in our yard. And that was where we went wrong. Yeah- some guests lingered till the wee hours of the morning. Really, I can't believe DH survived, b/c I almost lynched him when the baby woke at 2am, and my 4 year old woke up crying at the same time and he was still partying it up in the yard with some friends. I sent my 4 year old to the window to call him crying-lol.

It has been settled it will be our immediate family and local aunts and uncles and close friends (which is 2 families). DH finally listened to my voice of reason.

Thanks for all your input. I will update and let you all know how it went Mid-May.

Lol, Polly--- that was inspired, nothing like reminding a dad of family obligations like a crying four year old! :) I was still nursing at a year and a party that large would have sent me over the edge.

Glad you have settled the issue and the guest list will be manageable. I remember our children's sacraments like they were yesterday....they are some of my most cherished memories. Blessings to you all