I've seen that over and over, with weddings being the most glaring example. Seems that those who may feel 'economically inferior' are desperately trying to show that they're not... What a shame.

I designed and sewed both my prom and wedding dresses, so each cost well under $100. Heck, I think BOTH together were probably under $100. ;-) My wedding reception was held at home in my parents' lovely garden with recorded chamber music, hors d'oeurves and wine and champagne. But because my family was financially comfortable, there was no 'public shame' in that at all...

One of the local radio stations in our area has organized an annual charity where gently used prom dresses are donated by listeners so someone who can't afford a dress still has the chance to have one. It's provided the opportunity for thousands of girls to attend who wouldn't have normally been able to.

When a $1000 or more is the norm for a prom and a rental limo and fancy tux and dinner out etc...who could be surprised that $20K is the new norm for a wedding...and of course you have to have a new car and house and then the baby has to have all new everything..it just escalates...ok..sorry for the rant...blame the fact that I am getting old I guess. c

So, nearly half the students will never graduate.
Many of the women will never marry, or at least never have a church wedding. Some of them have children already. Many of them will have children by different men.

Prom is a high point in the life of people in certain cultures, who are unlikely to graduate, unlikely to have a wedding reception etc.

On the other end of the spectrum, in a few of the suburbs here, $1000 would be routine to spend on some event for an offspring--prom would probably be more. The son of a patient of mine spent $1000+ getting a tuxedo hand couriered to him at college when he forgot it at home. (The courier flew up on a commercial flight at the last minute).

I think those two categories are lumped in with the average family who spends an average amount on prom.

Proceeds benefit the YWCA, and tickets are cheap, but the kids will spend beaucoup bucks on Sno-Ball. It's a Sadie Hawkins dance, so girls really go all out. My eldest DD went and she had a lovely dress we got on clearance, borrowed shoes & jewelry, we did her hair & nails and I made her a wrap for her dress. Her date bought her flowers and his parents were chaperones, so they provided the transportation & dinner (no limos for our kids!) My son was asked by a girl who would have done one of the $1000 proms, if she hadn't gotten in trouble 2 weeks before the dance and her parents grounded her from Sno-Ball. (They even told us they'd have their daughter reimburse our son for his tux rental, but we were able to have my stepson use the rental credit). HIS date was one of the spoiled socialites, they did have a limo (shared with other kids) and a shared dinner at a nice restaurant. Stepson wanted to rent an Armani tux (all the 'cool kids' were doing that) but he got a basic tux.

This was about 8 years ago, and I know that some kids were spending hundreds and hundreds on the event. Our area is a mixed bag, economically, but teens are teens and some parents don't want their kids to have to be like the Pretty in Pink movie, so they will go all out for the event.

Your point is well taken Pal -- For some, it is the highlight...

Besides, with the economy the way it is, a lot of people are having to choose between their daughters prom night, paying their rent or putting a meal on the table. What I love about this charity is they set up a location where the dresses are racked up just like they are in the stores. The girls have the fun of picking and choosing and unless they tell someone the dress was previously worn, no one is the wiser. I think that is so cool! I just wish some of the salons would donate time to do their hair too! I know if I was a hair stylist I'd be calling to volunteer.

Same applies for Homecoming, too.

Lukki: stylists here easily charge between $50 and $80 for an up-do.

Exactly, my sister is a stylist and charges that easy.

I think the new norm is way higher than that.

At Passover dinner a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about weddings because my 25 yr old DD will be getting engaged very soon. My very frugal brother said he's been told the new norm for a wedding is in the 6 figure range. What? No way! DD and I haven't talked about exactly what her wedding will be like or how many people will be invited, but I can safely say it will not approach 6 figures! I know DD wants a nice wedding, but I also know she would never expect to spend that kind of money. But, the fact that my brother said that does scare me. My brother is one of the most frugal people I know!

And yes, there is a recession going on. DD went to prom almost 3 yrs ago, but it was still an expensive indulgence. I think 2nd hand prom dress projects are great and there are many of those available in certain cities.

Although I am a bleeding heart liberal, I still think personal responsibility for your own spending habits is well, your responsibility. Spend what you have or what you choose to spend. The whole "pressure" thing is ridiculous. This goes for proms, weddings, decorating, wardrobes, purses, colleges, whatever. However, there are cultural differences that do influence what people find "reasonable" for different events. I don't think I need to judge what others choose; they make their choices for a whole bunch of reasons that I have no idea about! However, if you choose and then complain about your choice, well that certainly opens the door....:)

Like many of you have already mentioned, the thought of spending close to $1000 on a prom sounds like an awful lot to me, but perhaps we just live in a part of the country where folks don't spend that much. I know that DD and her close friends won't be spending even half that.

I did hear that both Albuuquerque and Santa Fe were having free prom dress events last month, which I thought was such a great and thoughtful idea. I'm wondering if any of the restaurants around here will be having specially priced, budget-friendly prom night dinners. That would be much appreciated by both kids and parents.
Lynn

I also agree with what Bumblebeez has said about our kids contributing and learning the principals of life. My daughter always had to contribute towards whatever it was she wanted, nothing outside of birthday or Christmas was free. If she didn't help on a monetary level than she did extra chore(s) or helped an elderly person in the neighborhood. I also believe that when kids see their parents stick to a budget it teaches them there are limits and you are right, we need to be happy with with what is available.

I'll give to my favorite local animal charity. I'll take everyone in the family away for a long weekend. I'll do a home improvement project that we'll enjoy permanently and will add to the value of our home. But my kids know there's no way anyone's getting a thousand smackers for one night. Plus, if most post prom stories I've heard are typical, prom ISN'T a fairy tale and the night usually fails to deliver the big emotional payoff the girls are dreaming of.

Even though that is not how I would spend my money, I don't blame people for wanting their daughters to have an extra-special occasion, when they so often go without experiences that more middle-class kids take for granted. I know kids in high school who have never been to a zoo or an amusement park, let alone a spring break trip to the beach.

At the other end of the economic scale, where the $1000 is just part of the day-in, day-out conspicuous consumption of the class of people who just like to show their money, I am less sympathetic, perhaps because the sense of entitlement their children often exhibit when I encounter them in my work makes me shudder.

Here in the suburban midwest, prom is more of a $300 event for my daughters.