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Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Posted by cooperbailey (My Page) on
Tue, Jan 28, 14 at 14:13

My DD is getting married this May!! Her colors are pale yellow and white. The 5 bridesmaids are wearing long pale yellow gowns of the same fabric but they chose style of top that best fits them. Some of you may remember her struggle with an eating disorder in college. She has done so much work and has been well for several years now, and I believe that she will continue to grow in a healthy way.
DD and I went to Nordstroms to shop for MOB dresses a few weeks ago. I bought this in the navy and I really like it. My arms aren't the best but, overall this dress looks very nice and is very graceful and easy to wear.
My DD is very relaxed about most details and says I can wear long or short in any color! We are having the best time planning!
The Mother of the groom told my DD she is wearing black, as that is all she ever wears and that EVERYONE will be wearing black. This after my DD told her that I wasn't wearing black because I didn't want folks to think I was in mourning. I love black for its slimming properties.
MOG is a pip. I may need guidance on that - she travels in a pack of sisters so I am way way outnumbered!
Anyway, I guess I just want outside affirmation that this dress is appropriate for the MOB, even though I feel inside its right for me. And my DD loves it.
The wedding is in a church and the reception is in a country club as my DD says she prefers understated elegance.
When my DD was in second grade I was diagnosed with breast cancer and that rocked her little world. So it is very meaningful to all of us that I am here for this.

Edited to say Thank you for the matronly thread! that got me looking outside the box!!

This post was edited by cooperbailey on Tue, Jan 28, 14 at 14:15


Follow-Up Postings:

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REe: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Lost the pic when I edited. :(


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

What a beautiful Dress! I think it is perfect and that you should wear it and feel beautiful in it! Have a wonderful time and your daughter's wedding!


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

I think it is lovely - and most importantly, your daughter likes it, you like it and you are comfortable in it. As for the sleeves -or lack thereof ---- I am very self-conscious of what I think are flabby arms. I never wear anything sleeveless. Last fall I was looking for a dress for a wedding. Everything was either for teenagers or Maude or sleeveless. I finally found one with the kind of "sleeve" yours has, just barely covering the shoulders. I was quite comfortable in the dress, so I think you have made a good choice in that regard!
As for the MOG --- too bad. I have three sons, two are married and I tried really hard to "shut up and wear beige" so to speak. I have truly wonderful daughters-in-law and we have a great relationship. But I have always try to remember that "a son is a son til he takes a wife ......" and knew that their wives would always be closer to their families. One is out-of-town, so that makes it easier. But I am always careful not to alienate and that started with the weddings. Unless the MOG has daughters, she might find her son pushing away from her, if he hasn't already done so. In both cases, however, after I was asked I was told to wear whatever I wanted. But never would I have said - I am going to wear ____________. It sounds though like your daughter might already knows what she is like!!


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

I think navy is fine...in fact I was watching the red carpet show on TV and they were saying how popular navy was becoming instead of the little black dress.

I'm old fashioned enough to not want to wear black to a wedding as its not a funeral....


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Best wishes to your daughter - what a happy time on so many levels for you both.

I think the dress is lovely and the color has depth and life (no pun intended!) to it that you wouldn't get with black. My girlfriend just had me look at her stepMOB dress, very similar to yours and also in blue. She is having a slight alteration done and extending the part over her shoulders a bit more so there is somewhat of a sheer sleeve covering her upper arm. If there is enough of the chiffon overlay on your dress you might be able to do the same. I'm sure Nordstroms could make it happen.


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I love it! What a wonderful, flowy dress. Who cares if you have less than perfect arms. Gail King doesn't have perfect arms and it doesn't stop her from from wearing cute things without sleeves.

As far as the MOG...when my dd got married a couple of years ago, I wore a long dress in an entirely different color than the short dress that the MOG wore.

My dd told us both to pick out what we liked the best irregardless of what the other was wearing.

As far as the sisters...remember you are the mother of the bride and she is the most important person of the day ;-). Have fun and enjoy.

And congratulations on being here to celebrate this wonderful milestone in your dds life after breast cancer.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Beautuful dress! I am taken aback that she did not ask what color dress was preferred by you and the bride. Shame on her, or *simply ignorant. Navy is fine. Navy and black together ( pictures, etc) not so much. Perhaps your daughter could suggest sweetly that she too wear navy, as there's little difference .
Re. flabby arms: this is one area of our bods that can be improved amazingly fast with weights. You have time between now and May to "gitter done". :) A light spray tan also helps.
*. Suggest your daughter buy a wedding etiquette book for her guy to give his mother, and present it like a little gift. ;>)


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Black, really? Wow.

The dress you have chosen is beautiful and looks like it will make you feel glamorous when wearing. I know it would me.

I will never be the mother of the bride with two sons but I would never wear black. Actually, except for whatever colour the bride and bridesmaids are wearing I will wear what I think is appropriate for me and the festivities. The next day I will take a back seat to their lives and cease to exist and that I know. Not only that but I don't have the money to buy something I will never wear again. Perhaps that is what the MOG is thinking.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Cooper, what a gorgeous dress!! I would definitely have no problem wearing it as the MOB.

And you need some pretty shoes! (please don't do black.)I love these(in the TAUPE color)and the strap will help them stay on with all the dancing you will be doing!!

Here is a link that might be useful: shoes


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

thanks for your kind responses. I was taking a nap, I am fighting off a bad cold that has me really knocked out of action.

Thanks for shoring up my confidence! I will love wearing the navy dress. I just want to look appropriate for her wedding. I had my own beautiful wedding and now it is her turn!

It is a splurge for me too, as I no longer have black tie events to attend for work, it is likely I will never wear it again, but I am only living once. And it will be my second most favorite dress ever. :)


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OOOh pretty! No I have no intention of wearing black shoes-I chose a long dress as I have a fused big toe bone and heels are out for me to wear. I thought flats with a short dress would be too old and matronly. Doing my best here with my limitations!
So maybe a silvery pair of tiny heels or flats would be pretty. I did see a pair of Laboutin silvery flats on Pinterest today. but I don't see that happening. $$$$


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I adore the dress, what a great choice !

As for shoes, my DD got married in August, and I ( like you) have problem feet and can't wear heels: what I did was find glittery pumps with a 2 inch thin heel, I wore those until it was time to sit down for the dinner ( by that time I felt like little daggers were in my feet ) but at least the pictures were taken , I had walked up the aisle, etc… then I changed in suede ballerinas for the remainder of the night.

keep us posted on the wedding, such fun !!


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

What a happy time for both of you.

Silver shoes with that beautiful navy dress would be perfect. What color shoes are the bridesmaids wearing?

DS married last year and I followed the usual MOG etiquette. "Wear beige and shut up". Luckily my DIL is fun, lively and sweet and told me to wear whatever I wanted. I did tell her that I'd wait until her Mother selected her dress. Her Mother was equally easy to get along with and she called me and told me to pick what ever color and length I wanted - even if we ended up in the same color she said she didn't think it was important.

However I do think if the bridesmaids wear long dresses it looks better in the photos if the MOB and MOG are also wearing long dresses. As for wearing flats - I had both knees replaced 3 months before the wedding so I bought 1 inch wedges in fabric and had them dyed to match my dress. Then I had my dressmaker leave the hem of my dress as long as possible so that my shoes barely showed. I knew I wasn't going to be doing too much dancing so as long as I could walk without tripping I was happy.

The MOB ordered her dress from a bridal shop and she ordered extra fabric and had chiffon sleeves added to her dress, partly to cover her arms but also because the wedding was in the fall.


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Sue - lovely dress and you will be lovely in it. Silver shoes would be fab with a navy dress! So happy for your and your daughter. Your post made me smile as I can "hear" your happiness through your words. Enjoy your daughter's special day! You will both be beautiful.

tina


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Sue - lovely dress and you will be lovely in it. Silver shoes would be fab with a navy dress! So happy for your and your daughter. Your post made me smile as I can "hear" your happiness through your words. Enjoy your daughter's special day! You will both be beautiful.

tina


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That is just lovely! It is exactly the sort of thing to wear as MOB-pretty, not matronly at all. I have nothing to add to what everyone else said!

Hope the cold/illness has passed. :)


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Love your dress.

What is a "pip"?


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I also love the dress, and agree with martinca that arms respond to exercise very quickly. I've used the video in the link below to tone up my arms. If you do it a few times a week you should be liking your arms a lot more by May!

Here is a link that might be useful: Tank Top Arms video


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

The navy dress is certainly very pretty, but I think the color is not appropriate for a white and pale yellow color scheme. Since you asked, I would think a dress in a different yellow, or gold, or in a softer shade of almost any color would be more appropriate than navy. However, for the MOG to wear black indicates either that she is very opposed to the wedding or is 100% socially inept--- which is going to make for an interesting rehearsal dinner experience, assuming the groom's family is hosting. As for the "pack" of sisters...... wolves always travel that way, lol.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

  • Posted by pesky1 7, Pacific NW (My Page) on
    Tue, Jan 28, 14 at 23:23

I have been the MOB twice now-both times I wore a sleeveless, long dress. But my arms are NEVER gonna respond to any workout-so I wore a wrap each time. During the ceremony and for pictures, but once the dancing began, off it went! '

I also have foot problems, but I got some low heeled mules from Zappos. One pair was silver and clear the other gold, strappy sandals. They were NOT matronly and very comfy.

This post was edited by pesky1 on Wed, Jan 29, 14 at 10:48


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Y'all are depressing me with all this talk lately of boys leaving your life. I guess I have awhile to get used to the idea, and I get it, but it makes me so sad as I see m almost 2 and 5 year olds in the bath this morning.

I love the dress and congratulations!


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I like your dress selection and the "flutter"sleeve. I think it balances the body out much better than a thinner shoulder strap. I, too, am self conscious of my arms even though I am thin. Since I don't tan well, I use a bronzer or a self tanner in the summer--it really helps to make my stark white skin look better. Be sure to practice tanning in plenty of time before the wedding--we don't want you ORANGE!! As for the yellow dressed bridesmaids, perhaps you can add yellow flowers/ribbon to your bouquet.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

I think it is a gorgeous dress. My feeling is that we overthink these things--you will look beautiful. Navy and yellow is a great combination and all you can do is your own part--MOG wants black, not your problem! Enjoy your day--I love your dress.


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Ps. I have bad feet from all of the years of running up and down marble floors in the hospital as a nurse. I have a horrible time finding comfy shoes.

I wore matronly pumps for dds wedding and shed them immediately for adorable, flip flops that my dd picked out for me for the reception. There is no way I could have kept those shoes on for the whole night.

I don't think anyone noticed or cared.

You are going to have so much fun!


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

I love that dress and think that navy and yellow is a very nice color combo. The important thing is that you and your daughter both love it.
As far as black, a majority of all the weddings I've been to in the last 5 years have the wedding party in black! And my dsd is getting married in April, on Tybee Island in GA, and she (against my advice) is having her bridesmaids in black. ugh.
Her mom is wearing a gorgeous navy dress, mine is silvery grey, and I have no idea what the MOG is wearing. I knew I was third in line in this wedding, but since we all went shopping together- my dsd's, their mom and I, we all bought our dresses at the same time.
I like the idea of buying the future MIL a book on etiquette. She is supposed to check with you first, and buy her dress to compliment yours.


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Lovely dress cooperbailey.

I am going to stand up for the MOG and say that there is nothing bad or wrong with the MOG wearing black.

ML


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Emma Thompson wore flats for the SAG awards this year...they looked great on her. Of course they were Christian Louboutin....


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Maddielee, by tradition and convention the MOG asks the bride for guidance with respect to the color and style of her dress. If the bride doesn't have a problem with black, or if it fits into the overall color scheme for the wedding, black is lovely. It sounded in this situation that the MOG chose her dress without consulting with anyone....a faux pas regardless of the dress color.


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My son got married last year. I wanted to wear navy. When DIL announced that the bridesmaids were going to wear navy the MOB and I both lamented about how we both had wanted to wear navy and now we cant. I even said I had passed up several dresses I liked because they only came in navy or dark blue.

Well, she is built like Susan Lucci and price is no object for her. Lets just say Susan Lucci I'm not and I have a hard time finding clothes in general, let alone a MOG dress (havent worn dresses in years!). Imagine my surprise when I show up at the church and there she is in navy blue! She is a size 2 and could have had her pick of a 1,000 dresses in 1,000 shades. I struggled to find a dress, especially not navy or dark blue. I was not amused!

And yes, when my son married I did not feel like I gained a daughter, but lost a son. I liked my DIL until they moved in together...about 1 1/2 years before the wedding....she totally changed after that and it was obvious she did not want to be around us. I was basically dictated to by her ,via my son, about the rehearsal dinner we were hosting and paying for. I wanted them to have what they wanted but I wanted to be involved and have a LITTLE say. My son's wedding was not as joyful for me/us as it should have been. Yes, there were some things I could/should have handled differently, but I relented on almost everything for the sake of my son. I confided my experiences with DIL to some close friends(thinking I was really in the wrong)...and one friend turned to me and said "Sara could have gotten the MIL from hell but she didn't. She is spoiled and doesnt care who she hurts to get what she wants." That made me feel better about things. Im sad I don't have a nice relationship with her...it is polite, but that's about it. I have tried, but she is unresponsive. My son got upset when we told him we were moving away in a few years when we retire..."what about when we have kids? Dont you want to watch them grow up?" Well, I know we will only see those kids when they need a babysitter..and maybe their birthdays...so I dont feel guilty about moving away. They live 15 minutes from us and 5 minutes from her parents...we hardly ever see or hear from them. It is all about her side of the family. It breaks my heart, but I have accepted it.


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JP, she's young yet...stay open to what may happen as she may change. Even if not reciprocated, do invite them over and keep the lines of communication open. I would include her parents as well, so even if she doesn't care to spend time with you, she will with her parents and it may be a way of bringing the family together.


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Joanie, I am so sorry about your in law situation. You are a lovely person on GW and that's impossible to sustain over time if it's not who you really are. I hope you are able to move somewhere that makes you happy in your retirement. <3


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Joanie I am sorry too. But people do change over time, so don't give up hope.
My DD became engaged last Valentines Day and I have been working hard to have a good relationship with my future SILs family. I have been also encouraging my DD to see all the good in them, and realize that they communicate in a different way than we do.
Julie a pip is a word I learned from my DM perhaps it was slang in her generation, I am not sure. I always took it to mean different in a not good way or difficult to be around. I googled but I couldn't see the definition the way I had learned it so, maybe its not really used that way!
But like I said, we are working on a friendly congenial relationship by gosh by golly.


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CB congratulations! Your daughter has come such a long way. If your daughter is fine with the navy, then go for it!

Joanie, what you are going through is my biggest fear with my two daughters.
I feel for your situation. I have a SIL that I just don't like. Long history. I am respectful when we gather but you will never see me initiating an invitation if I don't have to.
I also see what you are going through with my older sister. She describes herself as someone who doesn't intrude, yet she only sees the grandchildren once a month and they live only two towns over. I found out through my niece, that the DIL thinks my sister is bossy and takes over. I agree.

My thoughts on this would be to use my sister as an example with a future son in law. We often have one view of ourselves and yet can be interpreted a totally other way.

Joanie, could you have a heart to heart talk with your DIL because you want a closer relationship? Be open and not defensive in what you hear.


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thanks. I was trying to figure out what P I P would be short for. I think that sarcastically it would be "pretty important person" from your definition. As in, she acts like a pip, but geez give me a break.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

My mother used the term "pill" for difficult, demanding women.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Maureen, my mom used the word pill all the time but she applied it to anyone, not just women. Mainly I remember she used it with me and my siblings when she was annoyed with the way one of us was acting. I think in modern terms, it would basically have the same meaning as someone who is a PITA.


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We used pip to refer to someone who was a character...funny, odd, energetic. We used pill to refer to someone who was a pain in the neck or purposefully difficult. Both terms are gender neutral.


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My mother used pip often - especially when she was annoyed with my son's behavior when he was acting up.

This is from the urban dictionary.

(1) A pain in the ass.
(2) A real character.
(3) Someone who tends to be difficult, but still likeable.

Here is a link that might be useful: pip


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I was thinking pain in the patootie.


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A bit of a different slant--Father of the groom shenanigans. When we got married, I bought my fiance a nice navy suit, which was quite the chore back in the day before there were lots of options for tall guys; he is/was 6'4" and 180 lbs.

Anyway, I found a nice 3 piece suit in a conservative navy. My father had a nice suit in a conservative navy. I asked my future FIL to wear a nice suit in a conservative navy. At which point he went out and bought a nice suit in a conservative BROWN! I was sooooo angry at him, and since he was the best man I was convinced my dream wedding image for the guys was ruined.

So, on our wedding day there was my FIL resplendent in his brown suit. I was still a tad miffed, right till we were all leaving the church and as we walked out the doors, he suddenly gave me the world's biggest hug, with the joyful comment 'now you're part of the family!' and the world's biggest smile to go along with it.

He's gone now but thinking of that moment still makes me smile every time. It was a good lesson too about whats important and what's not on a wedding day.

Happy memories come from what we do and say, not what we wear...have a wonderful wedding!

Ann


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

Ann, you should have bought him the right suit yourself after he demonstrated his inability to follow directions, lol. You're right that a suit is not that big of a deal in the scheme of things--- but, conversely, it also shouldn't have been that big of a deal to him that he would disregard your request.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

"He's gone now but thinking of that moment still makes me smile every time. It was a good lesson too about whats important and what's not on a wedding day."

You are so right!

Ann - that was my daughters attitude about her wedding. She was an anti-bridezilla. I think that's why it was such a wonderful day.


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Joanie said:
" They live 15 minutes from us and 5 minutes from her parents...we hardly ever see or hear from them."

You can't put all the blame on your DIL. Your son is an adult and chooses not to come over to your house. My MIL and FIL (now gone) are very nice, but when the kids were little I would rather spend time with my family and would drive a few hours with the kids to spend time with them. I didn't expect or force DH to go. In laws were only 50 minutes away and DH didn't go that often. I encouraged/pushed him to go! Many times I just let DH and the kids go to bond alone with his family ... DH didn't like that I'd rather have a few hours to myself than spend it with his family.

Just like most husband's do not plan or help with social events, it gets "passed" down to the sons.


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Chispa---it's funny, but until they got married, he would come over often--always without DIL unless it was a holiday. We would always ask "where's Sara?" and there would always be an excuse. Since the wedding, it has really slowed down...I know they are busy with their own life and are closer to her parents and have accepted it.


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Joanie, I think that's just the way it is with most boys/men. I only have boys (one still in elementary school) so I know I'll probably be experiencing similar behavior, 12+ years from now.


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Cooper...btw I love the navy dress..I think it will look very pretty....and thanks to you, Annie, Ellendi, and Kswl for the kind words.


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RE: Mother of the Bride dress and questions

I love your choice of the navy dress! I think it will look lovely on you, and it is very feminine! It brings me back to my own DD's wedding 16 years ago! She chose navy dresses for her BMs, and accented with apple green and pink in their flowers. It was lovely. I chose a periwinkle blue and the grooms mother chose wore pink. It was a happy occasion and everyone was comfortable. At my youngest son's wedding (17 yrs ago) the theme was black, accented with fall colors, so the MOB and I did wear black. Bride said yes to it, so we did. I felt uncomfortable at first, but it was an early evening wedding in the fall, so again, it worked fine.

As for shoes with your dress, you could always have something dyed (yes they still do that), or go with a bronze or coppery color.


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My Mom used to say 'A son is a son until he takes a wife but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of her life,'

Maybe the saying is true but I love my DIL. We text almost daily. She comes to visit even when Max can't. We are blessed. She is such a brilliant and mellow person who is in Grad School, studying to be a Children's Librarian.

My sister feels like her GD married beneath her but her GD is very happy and loves her DH very much. My sister is the one missing out on their lives. Once her GD knew how she really felt, she quit reaching out. She has gravitated toward his side of the family, who accepts them. Her first baby is due in seven weeks but my DS won't be around for the birth. They are going to Mexico. I find it sad.


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outsideplaying-
I went with a coppery bronze strappy shoe with small heels! I never, ever would of thought of that myself! the color is amazing with the dress. You should see my daughter's smile! Thank you! And thanks to all of you that responded!


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