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Cooking
minnie_tx

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;

minnie_tx
10 years ago

Can you relate?
Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen; I was cooking and baking and moanin and b!tchen. I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest. This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed. They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need! My feet are both blistered; I've got cramps in my legs. The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing; frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging. Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done; my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore; Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor. He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady; then grins as he chuckles "The egg nog is ready!" He looks all around and with total regret, says, "What's taking so long...aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife; He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life! He flees from the room in terror and pain and screams, "GOOD GRIEF WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell? Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to he//.
I hate to admit when I make a mistake, but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead? If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays; It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed. But I promise you one thing, if I live 'til next year, You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter; and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!!

Comments (16)

  • booberry85
    10 years ago

    Love this! I just sent it to my sister-in-law who's hosting Christmas.

  • dedtired
    10 years ago

    Too true. Christmas is soooo stressful for the person who has to make it all happen, and that is usually the wife/ mom. I can't even imagine throwing a big party into the midst of it all!

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  • dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
    10 years ago

    T was the night before Christmas, ----not a thing was stirring---

    There are many families who have planned big elaborate dinners. Lots of planning, food buying, preparations, ------ Everything is ready, then the power goes out because of bad weather effecting a good part of the country.

    dcarch

  • dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
    10 years ago

    T was the night before Christmas, ----not a thing was stirring--- including the blender.

    There are many families who have planned big elaborate dinners. Lots of planning, food buying, preparations, ------ Everything is ready, then the power goes out because of bad weather effecting a good part of the country.

    dcarch

    This post was edited by dcarch on Mon, Dec 23, 13 at 20:29

  • shirl36
    10 years ago

    Ho Ho Ho......I love this!!
    So cute.....and can relate to this.....
    Thanks for the laugh!
    Shirl

  • pkramer60
    10 years ago

    I just finished baking the chocolate cheesecake for Wednesday and I can relate.

    -Dad decided that then was a good time to mix the dogs dinner....right were I was beating cream cheese. I almost beat him.

    - He started to put the ingredients and bowls away while I was still mixing...I know, he meant well.

    -I can smell the chocolate so I just made sure the oven was off as the cake is cooling.....

    Happy cooking everyone! (this is why I like to sip some wine while cooking)

  • kittymoonbeam
    10 years ago

    We used to trip over each other making cookies for giving out while trying to get preparations going for the big family dinner. Now we just make the cookies and give them out @ Dec. 12th. Everybody likes getting a treat early in the season so it has worked out well.

    My friend's mom solved it this way. She has an open house on Christmas day from 11 to 10:30 and the food just changes all through the day depending on when you arrive. Some people stop by and some stay all day. It starts with finger foods and cookies and ends with dinner fare and desserts. Very low stress for everyone.

    Can you imagine how it used to be with cooking it all in wood fired ovens or over the hearth?

    Please, weather be kind to our hard working cooks.

  • minnie_tx
    Original Author
    10 years ago

    I kind of miss "doing it all" My sister and I used to trade off Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner we had mom and the five grandsons now most are gone I throw in a tv dinner. I did every Christmas Eve, We always had Spaghetti onion dip and chips and jello etc. So it started around 7:30 and ended with taking presents home for Christmas morning So long ago
    Merry Christmas all !!

  • mustangs81
    10 years ago

    I'm there with you! I haven't been around to do gift shopping, decorating, or cooking and I've got 35 people for Christmas Brunch. But as DC points out, at least I have good weather and electricity so I'm going to count my blessings.

  • bcskye
    10 years ago

    Just loved it, minnie_tx! I've been trying to get to my cut out cookies since yesterday afternoon and had to break all day for other things.

    Thought there was going to be about six here on Christmas Day because I hadn't heard from anyone else. Now I know I will have 12. Do you think an 11 pound ham will be enough? I've got a turkey breast that I might have to thaw and add to that.

    Yes, I'm grateful that I have electricity and the weather hasn't been all that bad.

    Madonna

  • dcarch7 d c f l a s h 7 @ y a h o o . c o m
    10 years ago

    A lot of the stress of making large Chistmas dinner can be managed by sous vide cooking.

    Many of my main dishes have been cooked days in advance. For instance, leg of lamb, 7-bone prime rib, -----

    They are in the refrigerator and will be brought back to perfect temperature in the cooker, then blasted in the 500F oven for a few minutes just when dinner is served.

    dcarch

  • annie1992
    10 years ago

    I guess I'm weird. I like to cook and just don't find cooking for a bunch of people all that stressful.

    There are 500,000 people in Michigan with no power from Saturday's ice storm, but I'm not one of them. I'm warm and my stove works.

    I've done 20 pounds of fudge, 32 dozen cookies, 4 of Ann T's cream cheese Danish and a stuffed pork loin for Elery's family. My family Christmas is tomorrow night and I've done 6 Stromboli, another 10 dozen or so cookies and more fudge, plus a crockpot full of apples, and "goodie bags" for 20 kids, there'll be about 40 of us at the Town Hall. And my Christmas shopping is done and wrapped as of last night.

    Elery cleans as I cook and it works out for us. I kind of like it, actually, both the cooking AND having someone clean up after me!

    Annie

  • bcskye
    10 years ago

    Annie, haven't we convinced you yet that you are Superwoman when it comes to the kitchen and cooking? When I was younger I did so much more for Christmas and I was working full time.

    I got the Bailey's Irish Cream Truffle fudge done this evening as well as baked about six dozen sugar cookies. Half are already decorated and the other half I'll decorate tomorrow. My Eggnog Snickerdoodle and Mexican Wedding Cake doughs are in the freezer. The Chocolate Crinkle and Cherry something-or-another doughs are in the 'fridge. I'll bake all of those tomorrow. Will still try to get AnnT's Creamy Maple Fudge made.

    Oh yes, will be going to Church tomorrow evening, but think I'll cheat and go to the early evening service.

    If I don't get back on here before then, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas!

    Madonna

  • grainlady_ks
    10 years ago

    What a delightful rendition ...... ;-) It's been awhile since I've had a crowd in.

    Take Mario Batali's advice and wear Crock's, and my advice -- do as much ahead as possible.

    We had our low-keyed Christmas and our granddaughter's 18th birthday celebration in Tennessee. Left on Friday and got back last night to 13-inchs of snow, and wonderful neighbors who had our drive cleared by the time we got back. I think we'll be clearing their drive the rest of the winter to pay them back :-).

    Our son has the flu, so we'll hopefully see him for New Year's Day and hold off on Christmas Dinner until then. Since we'll be free on Christmas Day, we'll volunteer at the annual FREE Christmas Dinner a friend of my parents has done for the community for 30-years, and deliver meals to shut-ins. With all this snow, there is sure to be more requests for deliveries than normal.

    You just never know how things will turn out, do you :?) Merry Christmas everyone.

    -Grainlady

  • wintercat_gw
    10 years ago

    Would the husband's earlobe qualify as leftovers?

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    10 years ago

    Love the poem! Thanks for sharing it.

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