Just kidding, but I could have though.

I know I can be a cantankerous hostess when people don't use common sense. I have had pretty much the same 45 people for the family Christmas Eve party for 10 years so they know the routine and what the expectations are. Invariable someone will do something that doesn't fit the program. Last year a cousin brought her usual grape jelly meatballs in a 18 quart Nesco roaster and plunked it down in the middle of the buffet table amongst my beautiful serving pieces and taking up valuable space. I asked what was I suppose to the Volkswagen she just put on the table.

And Cathy, when she pulls up with her VW, just park it in the garage, plug it in, and serve the jelly goo in another dish. Her job is to now keep it filled and hot.

Remembering once when "someone" brought a noodle casserole, dumped out of the casserole and wrapped in foil....you couldn't even use the micro to reheat. Said she didn't want us to have to bother to return her dish!
another time when someone who was to bring an egg casserole brought a dozen eggs....and once when I was having a "couples shower" ( that is a shower where both guys and gals come for dinner) for 50 and the woman who said she would bring the main dish but not help withanything else....brought a HUGE precooked casserole that only needed to be warmed up....it had been refrigerated.
Ever try to warm up a casserole that size?
I totally sympathize !
Linda C

These are really nice people (DH's family) for the most part so I wouldn't want to hurt them when they are being generous by contributing to the family get together. But it is frustrating for a person, okay, an anal person, to do so much pre-planning then have things not go according to a well-thought out plan.

To tell someone what brand to buy and what recipe to use, and which dish not to use? That's just way over the top in my opinion. Yikes is all I can say....

Linda

I'm a control freak, which means that I ask people to NOT bring ANYTHING, unless it is someone I can literally trust with my life.

But my control freakiness is more for the cleanup phase. The timing of it. And the ME doing it because I have a small kitchen and only *I* know what I'm doing. OK spouse can help. Can I send a letter to my guests informing them that we will NOT wash dishes immediately after the meal? And that no, they may not wash them while I relax because they must be supervised?

I have issues. :)

fori, I wrote about the "clean up" issue in a post a few months ago when I was doing a lot of entertaining.

Someone implied that it was inhospitable of me not to allow my guests to help clear & wash dishes if they volunteered. I posted to find out if I was the only one who preferred to go it alone, after the dinner or party, and discovered that a number of people feel the way I (and you)do.

Only 2 for dinner this year and that's fine! Love those folks, but let's make it another time!

Now with all that said, I do keep a bottle of wine handy for the cook (me) for "medicinal" purposes on those less than perfect holidays.

I've never asked family to bring anything to a dinner I've hosted, it's not the responsibility of the guests to feed themselves. My dear SIL makes wonderful salads and always brings one (but she always offers), that's a tradition we all look forward to, but if someone expected me to bring that much food I'd stay home.

We had a neighbor, many years ago (who had plenty of money), and decided to invite the neighbors for dinner, since her family had been invited to everyone's home many times. Except.... she asked the neighbors to bring all the food. Needless to say, no one came.

The writer is stuck (or feels stuck) hosting the family thanksgiving every year. No one else will take it on. She is not a natural hostess type and resents being the one who does it every year. She finds herself flustered and frustrated with everyone bringing the wrong food in the wrong containers and expecting to cook/heat, etc. after arriving at her house, creating (what she perceives as) chaos in the kitchen.

The thing is, as an experienced hostess, I (and many of you here) know that that's just how hostessing goes. And we know it's more about the company than it is about the food or how smoothly things go in the kitchen. And sometimes half the fun is the activity in the kitchen as everyone scurries about with last minute prep. But who knows WHAT the family dynamic is -- maybe in their case it's NOT more about the company!

I wouldn't necessarily turn down that invitation, assuming it's a family thing. Instead I'd follow her instructions and then offer to host for next year. And I'd just go ahead and make most of it myself, or play on everyone's strengths instead of commanding they follow my instructions.

Yeah, the letter was horrifying but I actually feel sorry for the hostess because I can only imagine how she must be feeling to actually write AND SEND a letter like that.

I would never ask someone to bring a specific brand, unless it was absolutely critical. And also to insist that a specific recipe was requested is a little over the top.

"...as a married woman you are now required to contribute at the adult level..." Holy condescending!

There are a hundred better ways this letter could have been written to be less offensive, while still getting the same messages across.

But I'm afraid she was more some kind of horrible controlling person who demanded to host the holiday but wanted to tell everyone how to do everything. (If she doesn't like to entertain, it seems like padlocking the door or faking a heart attack would be more effective).

I'll hope along with susytwo that she was kidding. She's from some warm-hearted, talkative Italian family, and she hosts a haphazard but loving Thanksgiving each year, and is known for being extremely laid back, so thought it would be funny to pretend she's Bree VanDeKamp.

Yeah, no, I'm pretty sure she's just psycho.

Not my family, someone else, but it was so funny. My 92-year-old mom has always cooked the entire meal and always will until the day she dies. I set the table, pour the water, carry the serving dishes to the table and we all clear. I wash the dishes and prod my brother and son to dry. They are happy to do it but don't think of it unless asked.

Although I doubt that letter was ever mailed, it sure is over the top.

OR it's what some of her guests feel like she would write because she's a bit bossy...

Just a commentary on how family get togethers can be.

Once I asked what I could bring to a family Thanksgiving (inlaws, naturally). Paper plates. Plastic cups. Jarred olives. Cranberry sauce (canned was implied). I wanted to be offended that I clearly couldn't cook but considered the possibility that they were trying to make it easy for me since we had to drive a ways. I rebelled and made cranberry sauce.

All were impressed.

Fori, I had the same experience, except it was greenbean casserole instead of canned cranberry sauce!

Now when those friends come I just ask them to bring themselves and whatever alcohol they really like. I provide the rest.

Kate

However.....
IF the letter was real and had been sent to me in a serious manner (i.e. know who it was from and the tone intended), I'd be likely to rebel.
I'd probably show up with a box of wine and some store-bought crap food.
When the writer "reacted" in person, I'd just telling her we're eating out anyway. And leave.

Yes, IF it were real, I'd be extremely offended.
I have my doubts that the intent is "as presented".

Deanna