roni, I did take Alex to an OT who specializes in sensory integration, but her response was puzzling. She had lots of great ideas, strategies, and explanations for what is happening to Alex, but she did not recommend seeing her for therapy because her motor skills were fine (?). I was so disappointed, because Alex loved going there and I think she had the most to offer us. She had lots of neat exercises and equipment for it as well as ideas for releasing stress. I need to go back and reread her report, as I can't exactly remember how she explained her reason of not taking Alex as a patient. She highly recommended having Alex tested for auditory processing, which we did today. Alex crashed after about an hour and a half, which the audiologist said was super for her age even though we have another half hour or so to finish up. She found some very interesting things, she said--areas of "brilliance" and areas of real struggle, things that affect her comprehension. Beginning next week, the audiologist, our counselor, and a child psychologist are going to be sharing a building (all their offices together with a shared reception area) and working as a team for situations like ours. When our counselor told us she was going to moving into the building, I hadn't realized what she meant! We got to see the picture they took of Alex the first time she went in for audiology when she was only 3, which was fun. We go back to finish up the testing on July 1, so we won't know any details until then. Anyway, I am now thinking the OT may have told us to first get the auditory processing testing done as she very much felt there was an issue there. Maybe she could join our "team"! Her office is right next door! But I do remember her telling us she couldn't really do much for Alex since her eye/hand and coordination difficulties do not stem from a motor skills problem. I don't understand what that means. If you have problems, why does it matter whether they are the result of a processing disorder or a motor skills (physical as opposed to neurological?) problem. I would think an OT would deal with both, particularly one who specializes in sensory integration therapy. I really appreciate what you wrote here: If her symptoms have some physical cause behind them, all the counseling in the world won't help. I think you're right on target! After today, though, I am hoping it might be a good component in a multi-faceted approach. Sheesh, that sounded hoity-toity! I mean, I like the idea of counseling much better when it's paired with the other specialties and the therapy is shared. Paige, how wonderful to have a fun summer ahead!! I'm very glad for you. After my first marriage broke up, I had a very great fear of men and swore I would never let anyone get close. I didn't, and although I can't be too sad since I got my wonderful dh by waiting (15 years), I still spent all the years of my older children's upbringing alone. In retrospect, I don't think it was very healthy for them as neither seems to be able to form close relationships with the opposite sex. I'm afraid my suspicion and fear is a legacy I've left them, sigh. They are 26 and 28 now so I guess there is still plenty of time, since it took me half my life :)

I much prefer bruschetta to BLT, especially if the bread is grilled. Did you brush the bread with olive oil before grilling? I usually use a mixture of butter, olive oil, and garlic. I finally have a tomato plant that is growing well ( as well as a few basil plants), and so I should be able to make this with home-grown ingredients in another month or two. I get tomatoes late in the season, but I get a long season. We have a cherry tomato plant growing in the ground, and it is doing a lot better than the tomatoes I have started from seed in pots. One seedling is doing fairly well, but I am afraid to transplant it yet. The cherry tomatoes do very well in my soil here, and the last plant I had growing next to the grape vine lived for over a year and produced lots of tomatoes throughout January, although they were fairly small. I should check the Farmers' Market in Playa Vista tomorrow for tomatoes! Lars

jsmith: Salivate, salivate, salivate! That dessert pizza looks yummy! modthyrth: The Nutella pizza does sound wonderful. I'd read about a version with marshmallows, but not mascarpone. (Salivating again!) We're doing pizza tomorrow, weather permitting, so I'll have to try that as we DO have all the ingredients on hand. Can't wait to try it. About the lemon drop pizza, it's a direct steal from the Forno Bravo website. A company called the Pizza Gypsy made it for the first FB Expo last spring. Here's a link to the recipe, as well as a discussion about tweaks to the recipe. We've decided that we like it best when we cut off the rind before slicing the lemons. We tried taking off all but the barest minimum of the rind and pith, but that still left the lemon slices with a tough edge. Your idea of blanching might work well. If you try it, please let me know the result. Whatever approach you take, it's very, very tasty. BTW, we blithely ignore the "spread a thin layer of mascarpone," instruction and spread a thick layer!

yoyobon, "That is a road better left untraveled." I don't understand what you meant by this other than you may feel that it will not help you to move forward and what you define as forward. "...there is nothing...NOTHING...that I can do today to change one moment of my history as a parent." No, you cannot change the past other than to understand it and to acknowledge what behaviors could have contributed to the situation in the present. I don't feel that is nothing. Deep understanding is beneficial. I would not dwell on how you cannot change the past, especially if you are contemplating letting her know of any regrets you may have. I basically don't understand why so many people get stuck here and recite this repeatedly. It sounds too much like they do not want to work on themselves or do the work necessary to make ammends--that point in the relationship where they have deep understanding of the issues. As to making amends, apologizing and expressing heartfelt regret, I also would only take that step after careful consideration as well. It needs to be a sincere effort, not a last resort bandaid to try to fix the situation. People know when it isn't sincere and when someone offers a non-apology, because they demonstrate cluelessness about what happened, stating that they don't understand. They cling to non-understanding in the role they played in the conflict. "I can offer my regrets and apologies...what good are they?" I disagree with the above statement. I think when they are sincere it can make an incredible difference. The problem as I see it as that they usually are not sincere and that there is no remorse or true understanding given. I've also had to learn and to practice grief for people who have died. I've done it for the living too--the new grief that you speak of. I believe that adult children who also estrange themselves do so with full acknowledgement that they are too mourning a loss. In fact, I can assure you that they do. They may just express it differently. "I like to believe that my daughter is better without all of us, her family...for whatever reasons." She may be for this period in her life feel like she is better off or at least feel more peaceful, despite it feeling hurtful for you to contemplate this. I don't know what is going on in her life and what stresses she is managing or coping with. Sometimes people in our lives deepen our burdens and cause more stress to us, even if it is unintended. They do so with their trying to help, when maybe one isn't asking for help. They harm in countless ways which they don't seem to understand. Your daughter sounds like she needs privacy and space and I would give it to her. Be generous with your heart to her and give her this. As for an apology there is the right time and place and it sounds from what you wrote above that she needs a lot of room and space. "Only she knows her true motivation for destroying each of us in the manner that she chose to do it." That is correct. Only she knows her true motivation. Maybe she tried to tell you something, which you couldn't hear. I don't know and saying that to you is not a judgement. Yes, you are not her and do not know what is in her heart. And you may feel hurt and lonely, but she has not destroyed you. If her husband is a narcissist as you describe then she will need you to forgive her. She will have to deal with it on her own or at least maybe she can find what it is that she will need to do without others burdening her heart with guilt, shame or their needs and opionions, whether they intentionally mean to hurt her or not. The best you can give to her would be non-judgement and unconditional love. You can still love your daughter and grandchildren with the full measure of your heart through understanding and generosity--give her time, space and privacy. Maybe what you can do for you now is to consider therapy for yourself. It may help you to cope with this process and grieveing and the pain that is in your heart. Some people don't like taking those steps, but I think it wise to take care of yourself. What you say will stay between you and the therapist and remain confidential, which I believe is a much healthier way for some people to address deep feelings of loss and emotional pain without other people's judgements or personal adgenda's. My in-laws and family members have not taken measures to make amends. It would have made a difference to me, especially if their had been some kind of deep understanding of the issues and if I had been able to have felt their sincerity. It makes a huge difference--it would have for me.