What are you doing? How many people? Are these people you know well enough to predict their eating preferences? I think the most hospitable thing to do would be to have the same food offered for all; but if you know everyone well enough to say "here's the kid food and that's the grown-up food", you could probably pull that off. Generally, I think I'm with mom on this issue.

Yes, people I know well enough to know their eating preferences. To a T. Only 2 of my siblings and their kids. We spend every holiday together. I know we don't need three of everything for everyone. And she should know this, she always ends up with WAY too much. It's good to have enough, but we're talking loads too much. I finally said, just sit back, relax, and I'll cover it. Even though it'll kill me financially. She's calmed down. Makes me sad, but there you have it. I'm sick of being poor. But it's just money.

:)

I'd just make what you're comfortable will be plenty and just don't discuss quantities with her. Hopefully what you make will be good for leftovers, too, so at least extras are not a waste.

What happens often is kids, especially when pressured by parents, will take adult food (the pork chops) but won't eat it. Then they'll get the hot dogs. I know how it is with the "gotta have enough" which turns out to way the heck too much.

Do it your way, and use your judgment. When she asks how much, you just reply there's going to be plenty and change the subject. AND, if finances are an issue, don't hesitate to call them up and suggest a pot luck, or just bring something, maybe even assign them what to bring. You shouldn't have to foot the bill for everything especially if you can't afford it. Furthermore, they should understand your situation and shouldn't be expecting you to foot the bill.

Let's face reality, even if you run short of food, nobody will starve, the world won't end and the puppy won't lose its hair. Wasting food is obnoxious and that's what happens at so many holiday get-togethers. You can always have some hot dogs or burgers in the freezer to pull out if it's way short if you want too.

Good luck.

I understand I get volunteered for things every time I go to visit. I try to stand my ground but get tired of the fight. I like the pot luck idea. Good Luck some moms are so controlling.

Robin, I agree with cynic, you shouldn't foot the bill for everyone, I'd be getting with the siblings and talking to them, asking what they can bring and making suggestions. Or demands if that's what works in your family, it's what works in mine, LOL. I just tell my brother to bring his "secret" BBQ sauce because I know he does not cook. Mother always brings a vegetable tray and no one eats it except her. (grin) Amanda will bring hot dogs and buns, Ashley will bring chips and drinks.

I still have too much, always. I have this horrible fear of running out of something so I over-estimate, but I'd rather have leftovers than run out so I think I understand your Mom's point of view.

I agree, the kids will eat the hot dogs, for the most part, and you don't need one of every protein for everyone.

You could, however, "assign" a protein to eat family. One brings the pork chops, one burgers, you provide the hot dogs, they all get cooked on site.

And no, I don't have any problem at all telling my family what to do, LOL, you've met me. I usually do all the actual cooking because I like it, not because it's expected or required. Someday my kids will take over, but not yet.

Good luck!

Annie

I know what you mean about the kids taking a pork chop and then a bite or two and getting a hot dog -- happens all the time at our church potlucks -- the kids somehow get in line first -- take all the BIG pieces of fried chicken and when you clean plates in the kitchen, you're scraping that chicken into the garbage with maybe 3 bites out of it!!! Sigh!!!!

Do what you think is right and as was said -- just smile and tell her you've got it covered -- it's not a lie -- you DO have it covered.

And I agree, have the siblings bring the sides -- that's only fair! That's a fairly common practice here -- the hosts do meat and drinks and the guests bring the sides and desserts. If you want something special to drink you bring that also. That way the burden of cost is not on one person.

Good luck -- sometimes these family things are maddening -- but what can you do with family?

Martha

Y'all are the greatest. I just didn't want to say it to family. She's changing. She's never been controlling or a worrier, but the older she gets the more she worries.

I'm typically like cynic and say, "Go with the flow!" to balance her out, but the last few times have been a bit more difficult. "Is Mark coming? Did he say he s coming? Should we wait on him? Call him. Maybe he's close by." Mark is my brother who walked into the wedding AFTER I walked down the aisle. He shows up when he shows up. If at all. He's a busy busy guy and I would never work anything around him. I'm glad he comes, but it's a crap shoot. And I'd never call him. He won't answer if he is close by because he's driving a huge Harley. heavy sigh. She's not "getting it" any more. It's getting worse.

I guess that's what's really bothering me. The lack of reasoning is really beginning to show... I hate parents getting old.

Yes, it's difficult when parents get older, but at least they're still here to confound you.

My Mother is becoming more of a worrier and my stepmother makes me crazy. They have nothing to do other than sit around thinking about whatever it is that needs to be done or should happen, and then they want us to make it happen. Now, preferably. Yeah, right, that'll work.

Still, we're lucky to have them and I do have to remind myself of that sometimes.

Have fun anyway. maybe the next family cookout should be at Mark's house. (grin)

Annie

"Yes, it's difficult when parents get older, but at least they're still here to confound you."

LMAO - was that an original quote? (I actually googled to see and didn't find it.) How true.

Rob, if the cost of the gathering is a worry, then just be honest with Mom and tell her you can't afford it. There is no point in breaking the bank over hot dogs. you could also change the menu to something with less cost. Chicken on the grill might work better for the wallet.

As for parents getting older, it is frustrating but remember, you still have her to give you a migraine.

Yes, FOAS, that was an original, and I'm sure I'll think of more. (grin)

I do like Peppi's version. All their lives, our parents are giving us things. Even now. LOL.

Robin, Peppi is right, you need to just say you can't afford it. If the family does not pitch in, perhaps everyone will have to have hot dogs and then there will be the same protein for everyone. Family matters far more than the food anyway, I'm happier eating peanut butter with people I care about than filet mignon with strangers or those I care little or nothing for.

Annie

Oh, I don't know, a good filet with strangers picking up the tab...

You didn't ask but I'm just wondering. Age-related issues certainly can cause a lot of trouble but by chance could it be something as simple as boredom? When my dad got bored it gave him more time to worry and nitpick on things. When he got a hobby and something to keep his mind occupied he relaxed a lot more. And when he had the cat around that helped too. It is true how relaxing pets can be. Anyway if you need to change the subject, and tax her memory a bit make a list of things and keep handy. Ask for her recipe for _____, or who was it that was at the ____ event. Just some suggestions.

Hope all works out well. Try to relax if you can.

I really appreciate you all so much. (((group hug!)))

I managed to pawn several things off on other people, a pot luck. So far, I have ended up footing $15 of it. I can swing that. I think I have everything I need too.

Mark's house. Heh. He'd love that! Trust me my dear sister, I wash every inch of me in my parents, usually. This is a small hiccup. I called daddy the other night and I think I cried the entire time. He wasn't saying anything earth shattering, it's just I know I am really gonna miss him. He's very ill.

cynic, I wish she was bored. She's still not retired. All of her lifetime girl friends are, but not her. She's getting financially ready. Emotionally, I think it'll be especially difficult for her. She's a very social person and loves being at her job with her work friends. She is just really changing. I had a class my last semester of university for my psychology minor, the psychology of aging, and they required us to do an interview with someone who was aging. I could've picked my grandmother, she was still alive, but I picked my mom. My younger sister joined us. Susie and I both told her she wasn't like she was, as kindly as we could, that we were worried, would she consider the new Alzheimer's medications out there? She'd just been through it with her father, and it was prime time. She never did anything about it, and she seems to be going down that same path. Just not enough oxygen going across that brain barrier is wreaking havoc on her acumen. I'd give a million dollars for her to be like she was. This is just a really noticeable difference. Those suggestions are exactly what I'm doing with daddy. Ancestry is the fun one there.

I'm ready for some fun! I had two tires go out on the car. Well not yet, but they're going. Bulging. So I can't drive it. Nor can I find tires since everyone is getting road worthy. Mom has to come pick me up to get there on Monday. It's so much fun being me.

(((Rob))), It's tough hearing the issues that you are dealing with from one end of the spectrum to another (health to wealth). You are just too nice of a person so it's NOT FAIR as Beau would say. I hope those close to you gather around for support; trust me...they will wish for DO OVERS once our parents are gone.

Cathy

If it makes you feel better, I tried one more time, and I got tires. Job is great, fantastic, phenomenal! The boy is healthy. The kitties are pretty. And I have friends like you Cathy. (((Cathy))) back attacha.

;)

Yes, Rob, we miss them even more than we think we will. There are still times when I think "Dad will know that". He would know it, too. (sigh)

Elery's mother was in a nursing home for 7 years befoe she passed away with Alzheimers. You and your sister may have to intervene, even if your mother doesn't agree. But she's still functioning at work, so that's a good thing, I think.

Have a great holiday and enjoy the family. I still think the party should be at Mark's. :-)

Annie

Good thing it wasn't at Mark's! Mom only whined once and then I said, call him. When she did it was after 2PM and he was still in bed. Probably worked the night before (he wasn't on the schedule, but they will call him in, often). She was complaining the day before that I hadn't made any plans for burgers. We were at the church picnic with burgers. I told her to eat up! and get her fill then because I wasn't changing the menu. She footed the entire bill on the backend, so I got reimbursed. At least she still realizes that part.

That's how I envision it Annie. I won't be able to pick up the phone and call. That's the hardest part for me. I guess, being older, and having my own plans on holidays some, that part isn't as hard. The day to day talks will be gone. (((Annie)))) I'm sorry you can't call your rock.

Some days it's still very difficult, especially on the farm. Other days he's still there, telling me where to drive every nail, stretch every piece of fence, set every post. And, more times than not, I'll look at something I've done and think "Dad would like that".

The difficult days are fewer and the good days are more frequent as time goes on, but much of the time I still wish he could see what I've done. He and Ashley were very close, I wish he could see her children and I wish they could know him. But, Dad used to tell me "If wishes were horses, the beggars would ride", and so they'll have to "know" him through us.

It's hard, though, Rob, when we get to be the "oldest" generation, it sucks. Enjoy your Mom while you can.

And I STILL think it should have been at Mark's, because then your Mom could have just gone in and wakened him, no phone call required. (grin)

Annie

That can be a threat for "next" time. We can show up on his doorstep if he doesn't come to us!

My momma says if wishes were horses... and leaves the rest off now since she's said it so much, she knows we know the rest.

:)