Moron In The Kitchen!

14 years ago

I just couldn't do anything right tonight. Everybody was super busy all day, no time to make a real meal. We decided to take it easy and just cook up some frozen potstickers and edamame. A no-fuss 15 minute grazing meal, right?

Arrrrrrrgh. In a hurry, I cranked too much heat on the potstickers and welded them too the pan. Then I added too much water and turned them to mush. Shoved the soggy potstickers under the broiler to brown and dry them out, a salvage operation. Got distracted and burned them to black lumps. Dumped two dozen former potstickers in the trash. Plan B, frozen spring rolls. Blackened these too. But my brother-in-law and mother-in-law scarfed them up anyway. Now the kids had nothing to eat. Breaded and baked some shrimp and served with aioli that I had in the refrigerator. Oops, the kids don't like shrimp. Getting desperate now. Dug some cod fillets out of the fridge, sauteed them in a cream-wine sauce and plated over sushi rice. In-laws ate those too. Darn it, kids don't eat fish. What am I thinking? Hunted up some more potstickers. SWMBO started cooking these, since I was beginning to gibber. Then she walked away and forgot about them. I came to my senses and managed to finish these. Wow, I actually managed to successfully cook a pre-cooked potsticker. Kids finally had something to eat. Then the cleanup. Oil was scorched onto my nice new Sur La Table pan, something fierce. I had to scrub for half an hour to get the pan clean. Whew. Finish washing everything and putting it away. Wiping down the oil-spattered range. This 15 minute meal had turned into a two hour fiasco. Wait, what's that in the microwave. The forgotten edamame, that's what.

Moron, just a moron.

Only good thing, I discovered a cheating shortcut for making sushi rice. You know how you're supposed to cook the rice and then carefully fold in the rice vinegar, sugar, and salt while your apprentices fan the rice. Well, if you simply add that stuff to the water in which the rice is cooked, it comes out as a passable imitation of sushi rice. At least, by the wretched standards of tonight, it was passable.

Anyone else have nights when they can't boil water?

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Comments (14)

empress
14 years ago
Yes, and when I do, I try to remember to stay far away from my knives.

Your "saga" had me chuckling, because I have been right there with you every step of the way. Tomorrow will be better. It has to be, right?
beanthere_dunthat
14 years ago
I haven't had one that bad in a while, but one day last week I had the dropsies so bad that it got to the point that I took out the paper cups. Did you know soy sauce doesn't come off white walls very easily?
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Here goes. These are the tips and ideas that DIDN'T come with the set of pastry rings (LOL). 1. Put down a sheet of plastic wrap. I purchased a box of EXTRA WIDE Reynolds Plastic Wrap (50% wider than regular plastic wrap) just for this purpose. If you don't have, or can't find, the Extra Wide Plastic Wrap, just use two lengths of regular plastic wrap and overlap the pieces to form one large sheet - larger than the size of the ring you are using. 2. Place the "puck" of pastry on the center of the plastic wrap and cover with another sheet (or 2 overlaping sheets) of plastic wrap. 3. Place the plastic ring over the top of all the sheets of plastic. The pastry is now sandwiched between the plastic wrap. This keeps your plastic ring clean. 4. Use a LONG, non-tapering, rolling pin (see link below) for easy use and best results, but a regular pin will work. Roll out the dough until the ring is filled. Once you roll the pastry so it is touching the ring on two opposite sides, it should stabalize the ring enough to let your finish without any problems. If the plastic wrap bunches or gets caught in the dough, just lift up the plastic wrap off the top of the dough, smooth it out, top with the ring again and continue rolling. Run the palm of your hand over the entire crust when you are done rolling it to make sure it's level all around. Benefits of this method... It's amazing really, but it seems you can't over-work the pastry. You don't add any bench flour, so that doesn't contribute gluten, and you won't get a tough finished product. That dreaded clean-up is a snap. More hints: a. Still in the plastic wrap, transfer the rolled out pastry to a cookie sheet (a really thin sheet without any lip or edges works best) and chill for 20 minutes to firm it up after rolling it out. b. After chilling, leave the pastry on the cookie sheet and CAREFULLY peel off the top sheet/s of plastic wrap. Center the pie plate on the pastry. c. Flip the cookie sheet and pie plate. Remove the cookie sheet. d. Press the pastry into the pie pan while the plastic wrap is still on the pastry. This is very beneficial because it will prevent you from stretching the pastry, which leads to it shrinking during baking. When satisfied with it's positioning, remove the plastic wrap. If the plastic wrap is sticking to the pastry, stick the pan/pastry back in the refrigerator, it's gotten to warm. e. If you have a really warm kitchen or very warm hands, an old tip is to dip your hands in ice water and dry them to cool them off, while forming the dough in the pan to keep your hands cool. You can also chill the pie pan before using it. f. When you are satisfied with the fit, remove the plastic wrap and flute the edge. Lay the plastic wrap back on the pastry and refrigerate it until ready to fill. If it's a double crust pie, roll out both crusts, leave one flat in the refrigerator. Fit the bottom one into the pie pan, leaving the plastic wrap intact and leave it in the refrigerator until ready to fill. Remove the plastic wrap and fill. Top with the second well-chilled crust (you have removed one side of the plastic wrap - flip it on the pie and then remove the second sheet of plastic wrap. Okay, this sounds rather complex, but it's not really, and you get a perfect crust every time. A friend who uses these always takes the blue ribbons at the fair every time she enters a pie. They are especially great when you have to make a LOT of pies - for the simple fact you don't have to mess with bench flour everywhere. You may get frustrated when you first use this method - your plastic wrap may bunch, or your ring will move slightly, but hang in there, it all works out and you WILL have a perfectly round crust. I used to hate to roll out pastry because of all the mess, but I LOVE using this method. -Grainlady Here is a link that might be useful: Vic Firth Bakery Rolling Pin
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teresa_nc7
14 years ago
And an uncovered bowl of marinating cucumbers can and will explode from the fridge if you are trying to fit(shove) one more dish into an already crowded fridge. Picture it: salad dressing on the fridge shelves, on the inside of the fridge door, on the floor, running down my arm and....in my hair. Step away from the kitchen, Teresa!
John Liu
Original Author
14 years ago
It had better be. 12 of us are spending the weekend at the coast. I'm supposed to head out early and have dinner ready when the rest arrive. The order is for Chinese. I'm bringing a bagful of Asian-specific ''stuff'' that I don't want to buy there (mirin, soy, rice vinegar, ginger, black vinegar, sesame oil, etc), a couple of woks, and my cleaver. The rest will be figured out when I find the local grocery store. Many opportunities to botch it. Here's hoping to have my head in the game. And no salad dressing facial.
caliloo
14 years ago
Yes, I have had days like that and yes, I am VERY thankful when one is over and I feel like I ma in the clear for a while! But I am LOLing at your story.

Good luck, and there is no way you will have another day like that so soon so enjoy your time with your friends.

Alexa
sally2_gw
14 years ago
What impresses me is that your quick dinners include pot stickers, edamame, fish, aioli, etc.! My quick and easy dinners include a can opener and Progresso Soup, or a potato and an oven.

Yes, I've had times like that in the kitchen, too. It's frustrating.

Sally
annie1992
14 years ago
OK, it's not really funny, we're laughing WITH you. Yeah, that's it. (grin)

Yes, I think we've all had those days, mine is usually the result of trying to do too many things at once and doing none of them successfully.

My "fast" meals usually consist of eggs and homemade bread made into toast, or maybe pancakes.

Have fun this weekend and be careful with that cleaver!

Annie
jimster
14 years ago
I love slapstick comedy. I just don't want to star in it. LOL

Jim
sowngrow (8a)
14 years ago
Ha ha ha! I need to print that off to read when my days are going the same way. Then, I won't feel so bad and alone in my ineptness. Thanks for the laugh.
Robin
spacific
14 years ago
Funny you mention potstickers. Last night DH was working late, so I though I'd make potstickers, rice and edamame for myself and DS...one of those "easy" 15-minute meals. Felt one of those days coming on... We went out to eat instead. I think you got my bad potsticker meal. Sorry!
mustangs81
14 years ago
I had a Moron In The Kitchen experience; unfortunately it was Easter Sunday Dinner for 20 family members. I was eager to serve my new recipe for "fried corn". I wanted to keep in warm in the chafing dish; I lit the sterno, walked away and returned to see a blow torch situation that turned the corn into "burnt corn".

Then I didn't taste the bourbon baked beans until the dinner and found the off taste of bad bacon. I suspected it when I was making it but forged ahead.

The eggplant for the casserole was too tough and wouldn't slice. Guests were spooning out a serving only to get half the casserole hanging off the serving spoon.

Teresa-that must have taken a long time to clean up.
shaun
14 years ago
Guests were spooning out a serving only to get half the casserole hanging off the serving spoon.

Cathy, THAT made me laugh!
sheshebop
14 years ago
I have had many moronic days in the kitchen, but the worst one was when I start at 5:00 pm on a Sunday and preheated the bottom oven where we keep the pizza stone, to 500 degrees for one hour. Then I make the homemeade pizza, go to the bottom oven and open it...it was cold. I had accidentally heated the top oven. So. Hubby, who must be much smarter than me, put the pizza stone in the top oven, which was already 500 degrees. Meanwhile, I turned on the bottom oven to 500 degrees, not realizing that he put the stone in the top oven which was already hot. So, 60 minutes later, go to put the homemade pizza in the bottom oven, and the pizza stone was in the top oven, which by now was no longer hot.
So, finally we got our heads together, and moved the stone back to the bottom oven where it goes, and preheated the stone for only a half hour or so. Needless to say, our hopes for an early supper were shot. We ate at 9:30. Hubby looked at me and said, "What will happen when we get old and forgetful?"
So then I removed my head from my butt and washed my hair.
jimster
14 years ago
Please don't do as some idiots have done and hide fireworks or ammunition in an oven.

Jim

Moron In The Kitchen!

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