Rest peacefully "Pa Dude"

annie1992

11 years ago

I'm sorry I've been out of communication for the past week, but my father-in-law passed away on Tuesday. Many of you prayed for him after his surgery in August for colon cancer and I think that surgery gave us just a couple more months with him than we'd have had otherwise.

Until last week he was doing relatively well, although a bout with pneumonia and dehydration put him back into the nursing facility several weeks ago. As recently as last Saturday he was still talking, singing and recognized people most of the time, although the home called Hospice in about two weeks ago.

Sunday we got a call from Hospice telling us to come immediately if we wanted to see him. We packed for an unknown period of time and made the 7 hour drive. He recognized Elery on Sunday night, but on Monday was uncommunicative although restless. On Tuesday he was calm and quiet and about 4:45 pm his breathing slowed and he peacefully left this world with all of his family around him except his wife. Elery's stepmother has not been feeling well and passed out at the nursing home on Sunday and had to be taken to the hospital.

There was a funeral in Ohio on Wednesday evening at his church there and his wife, Frances, was able to attend that service. Elery and his siblings had to handle all arrangements, flowers, transportation to Tennessee for burial as she was too ill and frail to do any of it.

Tuesday evening we all started for Tennessee and on Wednesday at noon Elery said a prayer, his brother sang "Amazing Grace" and his sister read a passage of scripture. He was buried next to Elery's Mother on the mountainside.

We left in such a hurry that we had to take Cooper with us, so he's spent the last five days living in the truck. We got a motel room that allowed dogs but he was so afraid to stay alone that we just took him along. Fortunately the weather was such that he could nap in the backseat of the truck and I could come every few hours and let him out, give him a drink of water, play with his toy on the lawn. He was a good boy the whole time.

His pastor in Ohio cried during the service and said that the thing everyone remembered best about "Pa Dude" was that he always thought you were better than you were, and that wonderful things were always around the corner for us all. He believed it and made everyone else believe it and we were all better because of it, trying to live up to what he thought we were. I think the most telling testimony is that Elery's ex-wife and her brother came to the funeral. They've been divorced for at least 30 years and it's a five hour drive, one way. Still, she drove that 10 hours and before starting back told me "you've just lost the best father-in-law in the world". Of course, I already knew that.

James Elery Barnes, may you rest in peace. You were an example for all of us and a blessing in my life and I can only hope that I'm half as good a human being as you always thought I was.

Annie

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Comments (29)

doucanoe
11 years ago
Annie, he sounds like a great guy.

Hugs to you and Elery and the entire family.

Linda
compumom
11 years ago
My sincere condolences, Pa Dude sounds like someone I would have liked to have known. I admire his philosophy of life and his belief in the goodness of man. It sounds like something we could use a bit more of in this world.
Please let Elery know that I am thinking of him and the entire family at this sad time.
E
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mustangs81
11 years ago
Sincere condolences to Elery and his family. Too bad there wasn't more time and less distance for you and Pa Dude to get to know each other better, sounds like it would have been a good relationship.

What a lot to deal with in a short period of time especially considering the time of year. I hope you get back on track quickly and can dedicate the holidays to what sounds like a "Wonderful Life".
colleenoz
11 years ago
Condolences to you both, Annie and Elery. Hard enough any time to deal with a sadness as this, but I always think having to deal with it at Christmas makes everything so much worse. Big hugs to all.
Rest in peace, Pa Dude.
wizardnm
11 years ago
Nothing can prepare us for the passing of a loved one, even when we know it's going to happen. Pa Dude sounds like a wonderful person to have known. No wonder Elery is such a great guy.

My best to you both.

Nancy
dedtired
11 years ago
I'm so sorry to hear that the world has lost such a good guy. My thoughts are with you , Elery and your families. I'm sure he is proud of all of you.

(Good dog, Cooper)
sally2_gw
11 years ago
Oh, Annie, I'm so sorry. I'm sending hugs and condolences to you and Elery, and the whole family. He sounds like a wonderful man. Your eulogy of him was heartfelt and painted a great picture of him.

My thoughts and prayers go out to your stepmom, in her grief and her illness. It's hard to heal when you hurt so much.

Sally
tami_ohio
11 years ago
I'm so sorry Annie! I'm sending my sympathy and prayers to you and Elery.

Tami
mitchdesj
11 years ago
oh my, how sad, my sympathies to all of you.
ann_t
11 years ago
My condolences Annie, to you and Elery and family.
What a beautiful tribute. "Pa Dude" sounds like a very special man.

~Ann
teresa_nc7
11 years ago
Annie, my sincerest sympathies to you, Elery, and all the family. "Pa Dude" caught my attention the first time you mentioned him here. Sounds as if he left behind a legacy of good memories for all who knew him.

This has been a difficult year for so many people that I know who have lost parents. Too, too many are gone now.

Thinking of you and Elery,
Teresa
lpinkmountain
11 years ago
So sorry for your loss Annie. But it sounds like you were lucky to have him as a blessing in your life. So nice to hear about those who "get" what life is supposed to be about.
mtnester
11 years ago
Annie, I'm so sorry to hear this sad news. I'm glad that Pa Dude was able to remain with you for a few months longer; it gave family and friends a chance to show him how much they loved and appreciated him. Deepest condolences to you and Elery for your loss.

Sue
jimster
11 years ago
My condolences to you and Elery, Annie. I'm sure you are comforted by the wonderful families you have.

Many of us here must be of the age where we are losing out parents. CF is becoming a support group, and a good one, for those who go through that.

Jim
pkramer60
11 years ago
Oh my friends. I saw the post your step son left on FB and noticed you were MIA, so I feared the worst.I clearly remember Elery talking about him.

A hug of comfort to Elery and you, and a kiss to Cooper for being the best dog.

Rest in peace Pa Dude.
blueiris24
11 years ago
I'm so sorry for your loss- he sounds like an amazing man.
Lars
11 years ago
I am so sorry to hear about yet another tragedy and am also surprised that the funeral was so quick. You have my complete sympathy and condolences, and I only wish that I could be with you in person to help comfort and hug you and your family. However, for some reason, this makes me feel very close to you, and I hope we will see each other in person again soon.

At least you had the best father-in-law for as long as you did, and I know you will cherish the memories.

Lars
momto4kids
11 years ago
My condolences to you, Annie, and your family. You, Elery and all are in my thoughts.
annie1992
Original Author
11 years ago
Lars, I also hope we see each other again soon. Elery is talking about making another trip to California, perhaps driving through the Badlands and Yellowstone, he hasn't seen that part of the country. I'll be sure to spend time with you when we do come. AS you know, Elery's oldest son and his family live there and you know we'll visit sometime.

I hope you and Kevin are OK and that your family is coping with everything, I'm sending hugs and good thoughts right back to you.

I was also surprised that we got everything done so quickly and I've gotten my days all messed up. PaDude actually passed away Monday, I think. The funeral in Ohio was Wednesday evening and burial in Tennessee on Thursday. It was so chaotic as Elery's sister is from Tennessee, his brother from New York state and Elery's oldest son came from California, so we tried to get everything arranged as quickly as possible.

Thank you, everyone, for the good wishes.

Annie
trixietx
11 years ago
Thinking of you and your family and so sorry for your loss. He must have been a wonderful man for an ex DIL of 30 years to say what she said! What a compliment to to Pa Dude!!!
It is so hard to loose a parent.
arabellamiller
11 years ago
I'm so sorry Annie. He sounds like a man that was truly cherished by his family.

My very best to you, Elery, and your family.

AM
jessyf
11 years ago
Annie, so sorry for yours and Elery's loss. +1 to the ex-wife for coming and her kind words. Looking forward to your visit out to the left coast, I'll warn the state, grin.
rob333 (zone 7b)
11 years ago
(((Annie, Elery, and everyone else))) I am truly sorry.
caflowerluver
11 years ago
So sorry to hear about your loss. He sounded like a great guy. My condolences to you and Elery.
Clare
lsr2002
11 years ago
Oh Annie, I am so. sorry to be reading this news. My condolences to you, Elery and his family.

Lee, sending you hugs and wishes for strength and peace. And yes, Good Boy Cooper!
cloudy_christine
11 years ago
I'm sorry about Elery's dad, Annie. He sounds like an extraordinary person.
riverrat1
11 years ago
Oh Annie! I'm so sorry to hear of this sad news. He sounds like someone that I would want as my friend.
triciae
11 years ago
Annie, just getting around to reading about "Pa Dude's" death. Please accept our condolencenses. It sounds as though your DFIL will be remembered with fond smiles and memories. You have all been Blessed to have had "Pa Dude" in your lives. Please pass along to Elery our thoughts are with him. It's always hard to lose a parent.

/tricia
KatieC
11 years ago
Condolences to you and Elery and the family, Annie. I'm glad Pa Dude's passing was peaceful....he sounds like quite a guy.

Rest peacefully "Pa Dude"

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doucanoe

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Rest peacefully "Pa Dude"

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annie1992Original Author

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