Talk with a probate lawyer post haste. CAVEAT, this is my opinion!!!: Make sure it's truly a lawyer with whom you speak. The first consultation is free at all law firms, so it's not necessary to use the work free stuff. It's actually better if you are asking from someone whom you might hire, because they will tell you if it is worth the trouble or not (they won't waste their time or yours if it's a deadend). It seems like a big tangle and they can at least tell you if it's worth purusing. Sounds like it is worth it because of all he's done from buying stuff to using an alias. It's fishy, but knowing what to do will help. Good luck with this. It sounds difficult to deal with. (((SQ)))

-Robin

So if I call our company lawyer, what should I ask??
I mean specifically what do I say first....I have this problem...

He had my mom fooled and now he has the siblings fooled as well.

I try to stay on the high road but yep the money sure would help my kids student loans LOL!!

Thanks!
SQ

What about contacting the attorney who wrote up your mother's trust/will? The executor owes all parties a detailed accounting of all funds. It is within your right to know the bank balance at the time your mother died and all expenditures.

I reported to my brothers every single month, even the months when nothing happened while we waited for a refund due her estate. Those months I could only report small interest income, but it's the duty of the executor to report EVERYTHING to all heirs.

Your company lawyer? Probably won't help at all. You want to talk to your Mother's attorney or another specialist in trusts and estates.

Here is a link that might be useful: Trust administration

No, don't call your company lawyer. They would be no help. You must find a trustworthy trusts & estates attorney. Go sit down with the person you choose and be totally honest. Bring along whatever papers you have to prove your point.

I think you've got a battle on your hands but if I were in your place, I'd fight to the end! Your brother bought a boat with your kids college fund. That is unforgivable.

Helene,

I mis spoke...the second boat was purchased on June 12 2010. Mom passed on June 15th....he went and picked up the boat on the 18th.
Whats really weird...Mom was actually slowly declining in her final weeks and she spoke often about "letting her go".
My oldest brother never disclosed the contents of her living will until he called a family meeting on June 13th...Sunday night. It was then and only then did we all learn that mom requested a DNR.
So "technically" he used her money to buy the boat ($55,000) then told the family about the DNR...then signed the papers on Monday and she died Tuesday.
So at the time of her death, his gravy train came to a hault.

See, just by putting all this down in writing its all so much clearer.

Who knows how much he skimmed and for how long!!

I know he did pay off his mortgage, he added an addition onto his home so his DD could have her own apt on the property (she was pregnant-the baby is now 2 1/2). He did his kitchen all granite and stainless and also did his main bathroom. The first boat was oh geez, I want to say 20 ft outboard (?) He also got himself a suv...an avalanche...you know there were other small things like laptops for everyone in the family which we all thought was odd and the vacations...Disney every year as well as 1-2 cruises. I know he already has an Alaska cruise booked for Feb/Mar.
He wanted Frank and I to go with him but we didn't have the money LOL!!

I think I will call moms attorney....couldn't hurt.
Will they be able to s[eak to me since I am not an executor of the estate??

See I doubt my mom had any clue how much cash was involved so I doubt she would have disclosed it to her lawyers.

You know I just cannot wait till this house sells and I can get on with my life!!

SQ

Thanks Pam....I am very calm about this but holy heck you should hear Frank!! He is fit to be tied!!

My mom was a tough cookie in life and even now in death....why she trusted him when she knew how he is!!

SQ

Susie, the attorney may not know about any of this. The attorney who did your mother's paperwork worked for her, not for your brother. The attorney's duty is to the estate, as I read it, not to him. And your brother must do 'due diligence' in settling the estate.

Just be aware that you are opening a can of worms here, and it may forever affect your relationships with your siblings. But if you are like me, you won't sit still in the face of dishonest behavior, no matter what the relationship. Ask the attorney for guidance.

And good luck. This is all wrenching, I know.

Having been through three estates (executor/personal representative for two) I agree that the first and best option is to contact the lawyer who was your mother's representative.

The duties and requirements of an executor vary depending upon whether disposition of an estate is via a trust or via probate.

So your first question is to determine specifically what your brother's duties are and what documentation is required of him. Until the estate's assets are distributed none of it is your brother's money. He has a fiduciary duty to the estate which is defined by law.

I've arrived at the conclusion that grief is a kind of insanity. We lose our bearings and it's not our best moment to make decisions. Once you know what is required of the executor you do need to think long and hard about the direction you want to go and whether it's in your family's best interests to pursue action.

Carol

Been there....((hugs)).

Di

Your brother is in no way doing his duty to your mom's estate. The question is, to you want to make him accountable? Your mom didn't in her lifetime, probably for a whole lot of reasons--intertia and not wanting the grief. So do you want to keep up with status quo? It will get ugly if you don't. I have the same issues with my brother. He loathes any type of accountability. Luckily, I am the executor, etc. of my parents estate. What burns me is I get a lot of nastiness from my brother whenever I try to do anything responsible. At this point he has just turned his back on the whole family in order to avoid any type of responsibility for anything. He just doesn't want to deal with it. Sounds like your brother is the same way, he is taking the path of least resistance, he doesn't want to do the tough things that need to be done, is still expecting mamma to take care of it all. Very common behavior in a lot of families unfortunately. And yes, I am the one who tells the hard truths in my family and I am the one who gets all the grief from it, the whole "Kill the messenger" mentality. So I feel your pain. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. Do you want slow torture as this drags on, or one big horrible blowout, lol! Pick your poison! :)

A lot of really good answers. To answer your question of what you say when you finally talk with a lawyer? "I feel my brother, executor of the estate, is not being accountable, and has spent money that wasn't his to spend. What should I do?" That's what you're after isn't it?

Actually, what you want are the documents that can solve the answer. But all you have is your gut feeling (unless you have receipts for the purchases that show her cards being used or bank statements showing the exact party involved), so what you truly want is the proof. You and I both know feelings are very important, but courts frown on anything that isn't backed by a paper trail. He said/she said won't go far.

What a lawyer will do is give you legal recourse to get those documents, i.e. an order making him produce them. A lawyer will file the order with the correct courts and the judge will be the one who makes him cough it up. He does have a legal obligation (not just moral!) to provide them. You can ask nicely, but I'm betting he'll fight you tooth and nail to the end.

Oh Susie.... I can't offer any advice you haven't already been given, I just hope everything works out for you in the end. Good luck and hang in there!

Alexa

If you were one of the beneficiaries named in the will, no matter how small the amount may have been for, the estate can not be closed out until you sign a paper stating that you are happy with the amount you have received. It is at this time that you can get an estate attorney and get him/her to make the executor accountable for every dime he spent. He will have to show all receipts and deposits, etc.

I hope no one forged your name on that document.