Lars, I'm so sorry. Just know that my thoughts are with you and Kevin.
~Ann

Lars, my deepest condolences to you and your family on the loss of your mother. May her memory be a blessing.

Oh Lars, I'm so sorry to hear your news. It's good though that you were able to spend some time with your Mom before she passed. I hope you and Kevin travel safely and you don't have to stress too much. Take care of yourselves.

Lars, I am so sorry to hear this latest news. Hugs to you. Take care of yourself.

Linda

Sending my very sincere codolences to you and your entire family. I'm very sad for you.

I'm so sorry Lars. You and Kevin are in my thoughts.
Nancy

Lars, you and Kevin and the rest of your family have my deepest condolences. It is so very difficult to lose your mother, I know, as mine passed away 9 years ago, and I still want to call her from time to time to tell her about something, or ask her a question. It's difficult, but you'll get through it, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. I hope your traveling is uneventful, and you have a meaningful time with your family.

Sally

Sending thoughts and support. What a difficult time for you all. I lost my mom 12 years ago....like Sally, I still reach for the phone.

Lars, I'm just so sorry for the loss of your mother. I hope knowing you're in the hearts and thoughts of others here on the froum helps you and Kevin through this time of sorrow. Although no words can really help to ease the loss just know that you are very close in my thoughts and prayers.

Although it's difficult today to see beyond sorrow may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow. Grieving takes it's own time and way for each of us. We can not hurry the process. Be gentle with yourself as you work your way through.

Sending wishes for easy and safe travel to/from Texas.

/tricia

Lars, my greatest sympathies to you and Kevin and the family. I lost my mother 6 years ago, and yes, the empty space is forever. But the memories are golden.

Hugs,

Helene

Lars, I'm so sorry for your sudden loss. I'm glad you could feel your mother was taken care of in the end. It's not surprising to me that you don't feel well yet. Recovering from surgery takes serious downtime, and added with the emotional stress you've been experiencing, it sounds like it's going to take you a while to start feeling like your old self. I know when my mother died, the emotional stress of all of that laid me flat for quite a while. Now is a good time to lean on the others around you. ((Hugs to you.))

Very sorry to read of your mum's passing Lars. Saying a prayer for you and your family. Take care of yourself too. NancyLouise

I am grateful your mother did not suffer longer, Lars, but very glad you were able to be with her for a while. This is a harsh time for you both and I hope the outpouring of caring by your friends will help ease your pain. We are all thinking of you with much sympathy.

Kathleen

I am so very sorry to read this sad news. You have my most sincere sympathy. I lost my Mom a little over a year ago and I still feel the loss. Take good care of yourself.
Clare

Lars, I'm also so sorry for your loss. I'll say some prayers for you and your family at this difficult time. (((Lars)))

Lars, I'm still thinking of you and your family.

Sally

I'm thinking of you and Kevin.

Eileen

You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Lee

I know it's been a tough weekend. Still with you in spirit and prayer, Lars.

/tricia

I was away last week and missed your sad news; my sincere condolences in this difficult time for you and Kevin.

I know no other bond exists like the one with a parent. In order to work through the grief of a parent's death, individuals need to be open to dealing with their emotions completely, and to express them honestly. So I just glad that you and Kevin can provide support to each other at this time.

(((Cathy)))

Lars, I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my mom this year and it has been a struggle. Thinking of you and sending you strength

Thanks for all of your support and condolences. I really got more here than anywhere else, and what you gave me here really helped and made me stronger.

We got back this afternoon, and the trip was very strange - and very different from what I had expected. I also feel much differently than I thought I would, and I am much more at peace. The funeral itself was somewhat of a travesty, but it is over and behind us now. DF is now ready to get help and has actually asked to go to the V.A. home - he really did not have other options, and I am glad that he was able to reach that conclusion himself on his own in his condition. I believe that DB Mike will be taking him there tomorrow, which is sooner than we expected.

I think I am feeling a bit numb right now, but I am taking it day by day with the realization that this day had to come sooner or later, and I think my mother chose when she was ready to go and went without excessive suffering. Also, she died at DB's house and not the hospital, which is also what I think she wanted. It is going to be more difficult for DF because he never wanted to leave his house, but he realizes that he cannot be left there, and he more than anything else does not want to be left alone.

I have to go back to work tomorrow, and I'm not sure I'm ready, but I think I will be able to manage.

Please, everyone know how much I appreciate your thoughts and how much you have indulged me. I felt bad about discussing this here, but the benefits I received from you were so healing for me.

Lars

My condolences, Lars. It sounds like you are handling it well. It's never easy, but there's lots of comfort in knowing things happened in the best way they could. I'm glad that your Dad is willing to go and be around other people. He'll be busy and busy is good.

Have a good day at work. Busy is good.

Lars, I'm glad to hear your father is being cared for. My heart goes out to him, as this must be so difficult for him.

I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you return to work, and cope with getting back to "normal" life.

Sally

Lars, please never say you feel bad about coming here for comfort. Most of us have known each other for years, and we aren't indulging you, we care about you.
I'm glad you can feel that your mother died at peace, and it is a blessing that she died at your brother's instead of the hospital. Thank goodness your father made his own choice to go where he can be cared for.

Karen

(((Lars)))

Karen, I don't feel bad about it any more, but I did have a bit of misgiving at first because I thought it was too depressing. However, after the responses, I have gotten over that and realize how supportive everyone here is.

At work I received a gift certificate to buy a plant to plant in memory of my mother. I will try to do that this week-end.

Lars

Lars, I've planted a yellow rose in the gardens of every home I've owned in honor of my Mom. I think that was a wonderful gift you received.

/tricia

Lars, I am just now seeing this. Please know you and your family have my sympathy and are in my prayers. Also, prayers for a swift recovery from your surgery.

Tami

Lars - Just want to say that I've been following your posts and thinking about you and your family. You've had so much on your plate in a relatively short period of time.

Sue

Hi Lars I just wanted to let you know that you're on my mind and am sending you soothing thoughts. I have found that the grief process is just that and the pendulum of emotions swings widely. We are here for you.

Lars, my dear, I just wanted you to know that you are still on my mind, and so is Kevin.

I'm sending strong healing thoughts to both of you, and I hope you are recovering from your surgery quickly and feeling better physically.

Hugs.....

Annie

Thanks! I do feel better from receiving your thoughts, and I am also feeling better physically after my surgery, finally. I find that I am able to bend down and pick things up without getting dizzy, and this is one of the things that the surgery was supposed to correct.

Today Kevin and I went to an orchid nursery to spend some of the gift certificate that I got at work that specified that I should buy plants to have in memory of our mother. I bought three orchids and two bromeliads that I will nurture to their next blossoming, which should be at the same time of year and therefore remind me of the anniversary of her passing. I picked flowers that I know she liked, and I feel sorrow that I am unable to share these flowers with her or even tell her about them. There are so many things that I want to tell her now, and it will be a long adjustment for me to realize that I can no longer have our regular phone conversations.

Lars

Here is an album of photos of our mother that Kevin has scanned and posted on flicker. I will be scanning photos in time as well, but Kevin got an album that our mother had made herself of her own favorite photos.

Lars

Here is a link that might be useful: Kevin's photo album of DM

Oh Lars she was beautiful. I see so much of you in her.

I think the plant certificate was a lovely gesture.

Your mom was beautiful and had a fabulous sense of style. The photo album is a lovely tribute. I enjoyed it very much.

Eileen

Oh Lars, the photo album is a treasure. She was a classy beautiful woman. You and Kevin are fortunate to have all those pictures. I'm sure you both will look at them many times going forward. Thank you for sharing.

I think the orchids and bromeliad were fantastic choices for your gift certificate. You gave thought that they're bloom time would generally coincide with the time of her passing.

Also glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. Hope you're sleeping better also.

How's your Dad doing? Is he settled into the Veteran's home?

/tricia

Here is a photo of some of the plants we got. The orchids on the left are very fragrant, which is why I got that plant, and the bromeliad in the middle now has a second purple blossom on the opposite side. I bought two phaelonopsis orchids because I've had good luck getting them to rebloom, and I can grow them outside when they are not blooming.

DF went willingly to the Veterans' home because he was so lonely after DM passed, and after that, he did not want to be in the house by himself. He has friends at the VA, and I think he will be happier there - I've been told that it is a really nice place, although I did not get the chance to visit it while in Texas. I called my sister yesterday to get an update, but she did not answer. I think if something were wrong that I would be notified, but I cannot be sure of that.

My sleep is not yet back to normal, and I have a bit of trouble concentrating, but I am able to do most of my work.

I always did think of my mother as being very cultured and that she was stuck in somewhat of a cultural wasteland being so far from a major city. She majored in music education at North Texas University in Denton, which supposedly has the best music department in Texas, and she was trained in opera. When I was a child, she used to play the piano and sing opera to me, which I enjoyed very much - she has a lot of sheet music and librettos. She took me to the ballet and the symphony when I was very young, partly because DF refused to go. I saw Swan Lake when I was four and then wanted to become a ballet dancer, but DF forbade that as well.

Lars

Thanks for sharing the photos, what a beautiful woman. We certainly could see where you inherited your sense of design. It was striking how she stood out in the photos against the dry backdrop.

Beautiful flowers for a lovely lady.

I have been out of the loop recently, and am just now seeing this.

My best wishes go out to you and your family during the grieving process, and I know you all have the strength to see you through.

Those photos are wonderful.

I have an update on DF: it appears that he tried to escape the VA home yesterday and threw a wheelchair at someone, missing them of course, but he did injure his own ear somehow. The doctors believe that he has Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, going back to WWII. This does not surprise me, and I know that he suffered from it severely during the early years of his marriage. The bad thing is that he has PTSS, but the good thing is that because of the diagnosis, his care will be paid for by the VA. I definitely believe in veterans getting this kind of benefit, since they sacrifice so much for everyone when they have to go to war. DF does not like to accept help from anyone, which has made his life and his family's life more difficult than it needed to be.

Here's a picture of the phalaenopsis that we got at the orchid store.

Lars

Oh dear, Lars, I'm sorry that your father hasn't settled in a bit more calmly at the VA. You are right, our veterans sacrificed greatly for us and deserve care for health issues that result from their service.

I greatly enjoyed the photo album, I especially liked the picture of your mother with the cat when she was small, and the picture where she was sitting on the railing in Ohio. I don't know why I was surprised that her hair was so dark. I do see your mother in you but you look very much like your father.

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better physically, at lest you will be strong enough to deal with issues as they arise.

Hugs to you and Kevin. The flowers are beautiful.

Annie

I'm so sorry about your father. He is grieving on top of his other issues. I'm sure it will take a while for him to adjust. I hope they are kind and gentle with him.

E

Lars, I'm sorry I have not checked in for awhile. I SO enjoyed the pictures of your mother. What a special lady -- such style.

What a time for you with your mother's passing, your father's health and emotional issues and your own health issues. It sounds like you are feeling better and I do hope that your father will find his way. Getting old is so hard.

Thanks for sharing the photos of your new flowers. I'm glad they are bringing you pleasure.

The pictures are beautiful, such nice souvenirs. Is that you Lars in the family picture, with the bow tie , on the left ?

Mitch, yest that is a picture of me in a bow tie on the left in the family photo, and there is another picture of me in the following photo - I am the smallest one and in the front. That second picture was taken at my parents' house with relatives on my father's side, including his brothers (both older) and their children. Aunt Ruth and DF's mother are in the photo, but the other aunt had died. My mother is holding Mike (the middle child) in that photo, and my sister Karen is standing beside me. This is only one of two photos that shows all of my first cousins. DM was an only child, and so I have no first cousins on her side. DF had a sister (not shown), but she had no children.

Lars

How fabulous--oh, the memories! I am honored to be in the group that you shared your lovely mother with.

Sorry to hear about your father. That's why my donations are primarily to veteran organizations, the latest being WWP. My brother, the 3 tour Viet Nam Ranger, was arrested recently for driving his lawn mower down the highway naked. I never know what to expect but I have to support him because while he was fighting in the jungles of VN I was having a good ole time in college.

Kevin posted pictures of our father from when he was young as well.

Cathy, that was very interesting to hear about your brother, and I can understand how he could have been traumatized by his tours in Viet Nam. I personally was not army material because I do not have the personality for it, and the army rejected me (after trying to draft me) on psychological grounds. I had a note from my psychiatrist explaining why I was not fit, and I got classified 4F for mental/emotional reasons. I was terrified of guns and let them know that there was no way I would ever be able to handle a rifle. I don't know how other people are able to do it. I do support veterans, however.

Lars