I haven't read the book, but will definitely put it on my list.
As to how I got my life back after my husband's death? I didn't hit "re-start" but rather did a slow "re-boot"....not forgetting to save my settings.
A local escape would be to a beach get away....and a dream journey would be called..."see".

I didn't hit "re-start" but rather did a slow "re-boot"....not forgetting to save my settings.

Wow, Linda -- I love that!

I read the book and enjoyed it -- my favorite section was definitely Eat! Which goes to the point that if I could do my dream journey it would be called Eat, Art, Eat... Specifically Eat Greece, Art In a Huge Barn Studio, Eat Vietnam!

I will say that my feelings about the book soured a little when I later read that Gilbert sold this book idea *before* she made the trip, and financed the trip based on the book advance...

I MUST see the movie. Even though it will be a chick flick, I absolutely have to get the image of Javier Bardem's character in 'No Country For Old Men' (Anton Chigurh, the psycho assassin) out of my head.

I too was put off by the book because I felt her trip was influenced by it; ie, on some level making decisions because of how they would play out in the book. I wish she hadn't told us that she planned the book before the trip. Would have preferred to hear that she had such a life changing trip that she decided AFTERWARDS to write a book.

That being said, I did see her on a talk show and loved what she is all about. I decided I loved her message, just not the choice of vehicle to deliver it. She really did inspire me to lead a simpler life.

I read it, did not really like it. She's smart and self effacing and parts were intersting, but she seems to hook up with fascinating handsome men wherever she goes and seems to need to get wisdom and self definition from them. For a woman who self-reportedly goes out on a journey of self discovery, she sounded WAY too boy crazy for me! Plus like others have said, it all played out a little too neatly, like how she manages to find such marvelous places to live. I'd really like to know where she gets all her money to do all these things!! She hangs with a way more chic chic crowd than me.

Oh, and stay tuned to this channel, because if I don't have a full time job or graduate assistantship by spring, I am selling my house to get money to live off of, and going on a journey of self discovery to my ancestral home of N. Britain, S. Scotland, plus a jaunt around some of Scotland's natural wonders. I'm going to call it "Rain, Rain and Then Some More Rain." That has been my life's ambition for quite some time, to have a great adventure, write about it and have all the poor saps of the world buy it and read it and I can spend the rest of my life living off the royalties in the lap of luxury!!

Oh my!!
Let's not lose site of the fact that it's a BOOK...with an advance from the publisher, designed to make money for both the author and the publishing company.
You don't have to love NOR admire the author to find it entertaining.
Now I really have to read it.
Linda c

That's part of the point Linda -- not all books are written with advances. Many personal memoirs / travel stories are not -- someone goes out and has a great adventure, and then winds up writing a book about it after the fact. And while you don't *have* to love the author of a book to find it entertaining, in the case of a memoir or travelogue, I've found it makes a very big difference if you do...

Oh dear. First, I haven't read the book and I probably won't because the premise is, I believe, irresponsible. "Leave behind the trappings of life to find what you really want" smacks of an extremely self-centered society. Leave children, elderly parents, a (maybe or not) devoted spouse, pets, people who love you and depend on you? Nope, not here. The "trappings of life" are what make me happy and I don't need a "voyage of discovery" to figure that out. I'm already made happy by the simple things in my life. The Princess who tells me I "make her heart happy", a horse trying to nudge a treat out of my pocket, feeding a red cow powdered sugar donuts, watching the sun set over Lake Michigan, the scent of a tomato plant that I coaxed from a tiny seed into a healthy and sustenence giving live thing, all will make me smile, soothes my soul, is a voyage of discovery without ever leaving home.

That aside, where would I go on a local trip? I'd take the Lake Superior Circle trip, a circle around Lake Superior, 1500 miles, stopping where ever I choose and doing whatever I want, eating whatever suits me, or not eating at all if I don't feel like it. After that I come home, LOL, I'm always ready to come home after 4 days, that's my maximum threshold.

Life crisis? I was married at 19 and stayed married for 30 years, when my husband moved out and moved in with his girlfriend. I was nearly 50 with two kids and starting over, and it was not where I had ever envisioned my life to be at 50. My friends here gave me a 50th birthday party. They called me and emailed me and sympathized with me and ranted with me and told me to pull myself together a couple of times. Like LindaC, I did a slow reboot with the help of my friends and got back on track. Then my single child left at home went to college. Empty nest, so I went camping, all by myself, with my tent and my WonderWeiner to protect me from monsters, and learned that all by myself was just fine.

Then, disaster. The WonderWeiner got sick. I was devastated, I couldn't function. I didn't really fall apart when my marriage did, but I fell apart when I lost WW. My boss, who is also a dear friend, called me every night at home for two weeks, because she was "afraid for me". My friends here propped me up. There were mornings when I could barely drag myself out of bed, it just didn't seem worthwhile and the house was empty so there was no one to prod me along. I became even more solitary.

Chrystal grew more worried, finally told me I needed a new life. She dragged me to lunch, to parties, had my hair dyed red. She signed me up for eHarmony, bullied me into filling out the forms, paid for the membership, told me to talk to everyone, that I was spending far too much of my time alone.

So I got emails from a commercial pilot in Georgia, a detective in Florida, a pastor in Pennsylvania, a popcorn farmer in Ohio, an accountant in Texas. And Elery.

So, in six years I got divorced, became a single parent, sent my youngest child off to college, became a Grandmother TWICE, lost the WonderWeiner, lost my Dad, my Stepdad, my last living uncle, went into even more debt to buy a piece of the farm I grew up on, got remarried. Now I'm considering retirement, LOL, and I got through it all with the help of my friends here on the forum and my friends that I see every day.

Give up the trappings of my life to be happy? Nope, not necessary. People choose to be happy or not. I choose to be happy with what I already have.

Maybe I'll write a book, though...

Annie

Annie....you just did!
One very wise "counselor" or perhaps "life director" once said...pretend all the things that are going on in your life were your choices...
And I forget who said "you are responsible for your own happiness. you can choose to be happy...or not"
And you can choose to get an idea for a book sell it to a publisher, then live out your idea...I just may like to read it!
Linda c

I read the book a couple of years ago. I thought the Italy part was interesting because I like to read travelogues about Italy because I really like Italy. But for me, it is necessary to feel some connection or admiration or interest in the author's story in such a memoir-type book. And in "Eat, Pray, Love," I just didn't care enough about her or her story to get really engrossed in the book.

Unlike Annie, I love to travel, and I have used traveling as a way of just "shaking the jar" and getting a different perspective. After graduating college, it was a 4-month road trip from Michigan through eastern Canada to Maine, down to Florida and back to Michigan. After my first divorce, I went to Bora Bora to sit on a beach. When I was changing careers, I quit and spent six weeks traveling through Spain, Portugal and Morocco. After a bad break-up, I went back to Michigan to watch those sunsets over Lake Michigan as Annie describes. But then again, I travel when there's nothing wrong whatsoever!

As for getting through difficult parts of life, you just do. It takes time. Travel doesn't fix anything. (Though in my '20s I thought it would.) But sometimes, it takes you out of the day-to-day routines enough to allow you to see what's important. When I get back from a trip (as we just have from Italy), the first thing I do is reconnect with close friends, call my mom, play with the dogs, dig in my garden and realize that I have a really good life no matter where it is.

A favorite quote of mine is from the movie, Buckaroo Bonzai. He says, "No matter where you go, there you are."

Actually, I am divorcing presently. Before arriving here, I'd already made the "journey"; maybe it's why I made the journey? I found out what makes my life happy. It's taken a good decade. From the divorce, I have been stripped of most of the material thing in my life and so I can't go on a trip to Europe and Asia. Besides, I believe the whole "trip" thing is what they call "stinkin' thinkin'" in AA (mom's been sober 30 years!), i.e. you can't change who you are just by changing where you are; change comes from within.

But I did command a complete stop of all the activities surrounding me and my son, in order to truly avoid ending up where I am again. Now, every time I add an activity or process into my life, it has to be exactly right and exactly what I need or want. I am very careful about my choices so that I don't end up in this same mess. I, for one, am really glad the stuff has disappeared. It's made me appreciate the very few treasures that stayed, and gaining them back via monetary means... means I focus on every dime spent. I haven't begun dating yet, but you can bet that I will be very choosy who is near me, teaching my son. I've already told my son, divorce doesn't mean never love again. I will NOT settle for anyone that doesn't appreciate me for who I am. He must take care of me and let me take care of him. Someone who listens and wants to know what makes my day great. Afterall, life isn't what you do, it's who you miss. I better miss the heck out of him all day long and long for him when he's in the other room, relishing his return. Mostly, I now take time for me. I forced myself to slow down in speech, thought, actions, and reactions. Whatever I do it's because I want to do it and I want to enjoy it.

My mantra became Deliberate, Relish, Enjoy!

P.S. Deliberate=both the type where you think about something (deliberATE) and the type where you completely mean what you do (deLIBerate)

Oh, my journey if I could choose any? I'd take my Mother to Ireland because she's always wanted to go. It would be called Babysit Mom, Plug your Ears, Bite your Tongue.

Annie

LOL, Annie!

I totally agree with lpink's assessment. I thought the book sections should be titled "eat gelato and meet mildly sexy man; eat lentils and meet another sexy man; meet really sexy man and have a lot of sex."
But according to my 24-year-old daughter, many of her friends found the book "life changing." So maybe the book speaks differently to the next generation.

Just time for a quick comment now. I didn't read the book. No interest.

I could cut and paste Annie's paragraph that starts Life Crisis? It is pretty much what happened to me, except I was 43 when my marriage ended. I went off to a cabin on a lake in New Hampshire for a week without a dog. Just me and my thoughts.

My marriage died slowly and I recovered gradually too. I wish it would have been as easy as pushing a restart button. However, a slow journey allows more time for learning.

I'll add a little more later.

Would men be allowed to participate in this conversation?

I am profoundly touched by the poignancy of Annies and Rob333Âs life accounts.

Not trying to patronize anyone, and also donÂt mean to go off-topic here, overall, fundamentally men are the causes of most womenÂs problems. John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, Jesse James, -------

It is very curious to me, why after millions of years of evolution, the chasm between men and women seems to be growing wider and deeper.

I was invited to a book launching event recently. Barbara Hanna Grufferman wrote a book, a non-fiction book titled "The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts' Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money and More". Of the few hundred who attended, 98% were women. The 2% men who were there most likely were there because they were designated drivers.

In the audience, most women were over 45, many over 55, and quite a few around 70. There were a lot of discussions between the author and the audience during the presentation. It boils down to one theme: men problems. I have not been in a gathering like this before. It saddened me that a great many of them were or have been in Annie and Rob333Âs predicaments.

Sorry to go off topic again.

Without pornography, Internet would have been in the Dark Ages. 85% of Internet traffic is for pornography. With no censorship, small boys can now view porn and all will. How will they treat women when they grow up?

No, I have not read Eat, Pray, Love. I will.

Sorry gwtamara. Delete this post if you want.

dcarch
----------------------------------------
Back on topic:

 If you've been through a divorce or mid-life crisis or another difficult period in your life, how did you hit the restart button?

My crisis have been nothing compared with others.

 Where would you go? Obviously everyone can't just drop everything and jet off to Italy...where would you go if you did a local journey?

Traveling is great but stressful. I am happy staying home, my garden, my workshop, my kitchen, my home office.

 If you could take off on your dream journey -- where would you go and what would it be called? (i.e., Shop, Dance, Run?)

One day, IÂd like to visit all famous chefs home kitchens, eat with them and then tell you guys that many of them really cannot cook like you guys.

dcarch

I haven't read the book. My cousin really liked it and we plan to see the movie. If it's mostly about how the woman meets sexy men then I'm sure I won't really be interested.

Dcarch, you answered your own question. You said - "It is very curious to me, why after millions of years of evolution, the chasm between men and women seems to be growing wider and deeper"

One answer is from your own words - "Not trying to patronize anyone, and also dont mean to go off-topic here, overall, fundamentally men are the causes of most womens problems. John Edwards, Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer, Jesse James, ------- "

I can say as a woman for every problem caused in my life by a man, there has been another blessing given to me by a man. My three best friends are men, they have given me so much joy in my life, practically saving it on many occasions. And also, there are plenty of problems I've given myself or been caused by a woman, so I think it's overstating to say that all women have a lot of problems caused by men. As far as I could tell from "Eat, Pray, Love" the author just up and decided she didn't want to be married anymore, then perhaps understandably from the side of her husband, the divorce was a "tad" bitter and then she fell into what is commonly termed at "rebound" relationship with someone who she just didn't "click" with long term. Not exactly uncommon. As far as divorced women having to pick themselves up after leaving toxic marriages, yes, it does happen. But I also know for a fact it happens to men. One of my best friend's wife ran off with another man and ended their marriage. I am dating a man now who was miserable in his marriage for many years but stayed to provide a stable home for his kid, something many women do too, stay with bad marriages for the sake of the kids. And both these guys had to start their lives over from scratch, but they just aren't sitting around writing intimate memoirs about it. Not that there's anything wrong with the author writing the memoir, it just seemed to me that she wrote about such things as if they had some special spiritual import. And that's the rub I had with the book--must be nice to have enough money to nurse your broken heart in Italy, India and Bali.

I agree, L, I've had as many blessings from men in my life as I have had painful experiences. That's why I took my second chance with Elery. He's kind to me, props me up, helps me. He puts up with my bad farming habit. The only problem we have is that he loves to travel and I don't so much. He'd like to go someplace warm in the winter for a month. I'd like to go someplace in the winter for a long weekend, LOL.

Maybe if I'd travelled when I was younger I'd be better at it, but it was never a financial possibility. The long weekends were possible and so maybe that's what I learned to enjoy because I know that. I certainly never had the financial means to go to Italy/India/Bali or even to another state, but I could camp in the Upper Peninsula for not too much money, or take the train to Chicago and come back the same day.

I know men who have raised their children when their wife left them and men who have been left in financial disaster and men who have had their hearts broken. It's the same from both perspectives, I think.

Life happens to all of us. What we make of that is up to us and it is not gender specific.

So, no, dcarch, it's not your fault. (grin)

Annie

See d? Annie and I didn't talk with each other and we both came to the same conclusion. That just proves it is true.

:)

There is nothing sadder than to lose your spouse, especially when you are in the advanced ages.

Men are so consistently selfish; in general, they leave their wives 6 years earlier, making their wives the grave diggers. The untold amount of grief and suffering women have to endur when they should be enjoying contentment near the end of their lifes challenging journey.

A mystifying plot of the Grand Scheme by the divine All Mighty.

dcarch

I think that, in part, women tend to marry men older than they are, so they're left widows more often. Plus, it gives us incentive to take better care of our spouses, so we're both around at "advanced ages".

Elery says he's a little afraid to move out to the farm, though, because there are so many widows. Not a single living male relative of my father's generation are left on either side of my family, only widows, and though no fault of the men they were married to, unless you can blame bad genetics.

Men also lose wives, though. Ask Lou, or JimTex. My own Grandfather was widowed five times, his first wife died when my Dad was 9. I guess he was pretty hard on women!

Annie