Linda, I am at a loss as I have no personal experience from which to relate. But I think I can understand how you would have feelings of guilt and several other feelings as well. You know better than anyone that situations, diagnosis, and treatments are different.

You have my condolences for the loss of your friend.

(((Cathy)))

Linda, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I can relate very well with the feelings that you are experiencing.

15 years ago my Mother and I were in an auto accident. We both should not have survived. I did, she didn't. 20 years ago I was diagnosed with a type of muscular dystropy. Of the 15 people in the support group at that time, I am the only one still living.

I know the type of guilt that you are feeling. I wish that I had some words of wisdom, but I just take every day as a gift now.

I have a deep conviction that God has kept me here for a reason. I just don't know the reason, so I keep doing what I have always done and pray that it is the path that I am supposed to take.

Linda

We have dealt with this alot since my son's car accident.
He ended up with a traumatic brain injury, his sister barely received a scratch. She has really struggled at times.

I believe it's a reminder of who is really in charge!
It just isn't your time yet. The good Lord needed your friend back for a reason.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend. I hope you keep her in your memories and if there's something you can do for her family, it might help you to heal as well.

Deanna

Linda ((Hugs)). All I can really do is support you virtually, but here it is. I'm sure you are missing your friend now, and am sorry for your loss.

Linda, I am so sorry about your friend.

I was terrified about the heart surgery I had and twice when I was still in a coma the Dr.s told Max I would not survive the night. This January my DMIL had a pacemaker put in, a simple procedure that should have left her feeling so much better, she died the following day after being up, alert, talking and eating. I still cannot understand that loss.

You did the right thing to reassure your friend and I know that all your prayers and positive thoughts were with her and helped her.

I too, think you are here for a reason, and you have my good thoughts and prayers for peace and strength.

Lee

Thanks for understanding. I will never understand how "the powers that be" work.

The funeral is tonight, and I have to admit I was really struggling with myself about whether to go or not. Yes, I knew in my heart I would go, but something was tugging at me from the other direction, too.

I just got showered and I will be leaving here shortly to pay my respects and say my farewells to my friend, Linda. I do appreciate all your feedback and thank you for all the kind words and support.

Linda

Linda I am adding my condolences and a heartfelt hug. No one can explain why things like this happen, so I agree with Momof2doxies that we cannot possibly understand the master plan and should live each day as a gift.

Hugs and I am so sorry for your loss

Alexa

Linda, I know what you are feeling....well as much as it is possible to know what anyone else feels. I too am a cancer survivor and a friend or2 who were diagnosed about the time I was are gone now.
But I will say what a pastor said to my husband when he was diagnosed with an incurable cancer...
"don't say why me? but rather why not me"?
I can't answer that....but you have my sympathy and support as you go to pay respects to your friend and her family.
Linda C

Hugs and support from me, too. Each day is a gift.

Eileen

Linda I'm so sorry. Sending hugs and prayers.

Linda,
I am so sorry. You are a good friend for going, and an even stronger one for having the courage to admit your unease, if that is the right word.
Hugs.
Jo

Linda, you have my condolences also. I understnad survivors guilt, and I am sorry you are going through it. I just want you to know, however, how happy I am that you DID survive. You are truly special.

Linda, I don't have the words... but I do know that strange things happen and it doesn't always go right.

My condolences.

Nancy

Words fail me also-- I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, but have to agree, it just wasn't your time.
Hugs,
Ellen

Yes it happens. Soldiers exposed to the randomness of life can become depressed... the wounds that can't be seen they call them. Keep in touch with the forum so a helping hand or at least listening ear is available.

lyra

Oh, Linda I am sorry for the loss. I was once told that we are here to help them through, then to mourn them and finally to keep their memory alive.

Hugs,
Peppi

Linda, I'm also sorry to hear about your friend but happy that you ARE still here with us.

I used to ask Grandma endless "why" questions and she would answer if she could but sometimes it came down to "Child, who do you think you are that you should understand the ways of the Almighty?". Sometimes you just have to take it on faith that there's a reason.

Go and pay your respects to your friend and give thanks that you are still here to serve the purpose for which you were intended. Take it on faith, it's all part of a much larger picture and we are each just tiny pieces of the puzzle that is life.

Hugs to you.

Annie

Peppi, that's a lovely thought for Linda and for all of us who have lost dear friends and beloved family members.

Lee

A hug and teary eyed smile coming your way from Louisiana. Others have already written so eloquently.... I can only say I'm sorry that you've had to say goodbye to your friend. Cherish memories as soon as you can.

Grace

Thank you.

The service was lovely. A lot of funny and touching stories were shared by many. And of course tears.

It still feels strange, but I suppose that feeling will subside over time. It's different than any grief I have ever felt but I can't explain it.

I appreciate all your kind words.

Linda

Linda, I am sorry about your friend. I also want to let you know that what you are feeling is completely normal. Since the time CJ was diagnosed with cancer in 2006, I have been to 5 funerals for children who didn't make it. The last one was on Thursday for a 9 yo little girl who lived less than a mile away from us. She went through her chemo treatments twice after having a relapse. She was doing so well after her bone marrow transplant and then she got an infection that wouldn't respond to antibiotics. It went to her lungs and her brain and she lay unresponsive for almost three weeks before passing.
I have guilt feelings that my son survived even though I know that is crazy. Even the parents who have lost children have told us all that those kinds of feelings are crazy, they just pop up each time. Not only us, many parents of children who have survived feel the same.
I can't profess to know how the human psyche works, but I do know that with time the feelings will lessen. In the meantime, I take the time to rejoice in the fact that my son survived and I take the time to mourn and pray for those families who have lost their dear children. In the end, it seems to balance out.
Lisa (who is also glad you are still here with us)

Linda, I'm sending you my condolences on the loss of your friend. I can't begin to know what you're going through, since I haven't experienced anything like what you're going through, but my heart goes out to you just the same.

Sally

(((hugs)). And more hugs.

Linda, I am also sending hugs. Live your life well and be grateful to be here. It's what your friend would have wanted for you.

Linda, I'm so sorry you have lost your friend and also for the guilt feelings you have. I have never had those feelings so I can't say I know how you feel. I can say that there was never anything at all you could have done to prevent that loss. There's a time for each of us to go and it wasn't your time. My DM would have said to me - "Do you dare to question your maker as to who to take and who to leave." There's a reason you are still here, even though you may never know what it is. Hugs to you friend. I care how you feel.

Beverly

I think Tim is right. Survivor's remorse probably is a real phenomenon and knowing that may be of some help in dealing with your grief.

There is more to it though. We are often told that "time heals", and to some extent it does. I have "gotten used to" the death of my brother after a number of years. However, I probably never will "get over it", if you see what I mean. Some things are hard and we need to have, or develop, strength. I hope it helps that there are others feeling empathy for you.

Jim

Linda, I'm sorry about your friend. I know just how you feel. I lost two friends to breast cancer in the past two months...it's not exactly guilt, it's hard to explain. Not silly at all.

One thing losing friends like that does is remind us how lucky we are and to live life well.

Linda, sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It is hard dealing with things like this for sure. Just sending you a big ole ((hug)). I hope in time that you will feel less guilt or whatnot....it's hard no matter the circumstances.

David

sometime-lurker here.

Your story reminded me of a touching obituary I read in the Dallas paper some years ago.

The last sentence said that, as he had wished, the deceased was cremated & his ashes scattered over the sunken Battleship Arizona in Pearl Harbor, so he was "reunited at last with the brothers in arms he had lost on December 7, 1941".

I have a sense that that man lived more fully & paid more attention to his principles because of his loss & his "guilt", & I hope that each of you derives the same strength & awareness from your own "guilt", however illogical or misplaced it is.