When one day men can have babies, and when one day men's bodies are not 30% stronget than women's, that's when I would stop acting like a gentleman.

I am very old fashioned.

dcarch

European men of the older generation are still gentlemanly. It depends so much on whether or not parents of younger men teach them to be that way.

I have a super son-in-law who, along with his father, are perfect examples of gentlemanly behaviour to the point where they both stand up when a woman enters the room.

SharonCb

I like it too. Being on the receiving end, it's nice!
I also hold doors for the person behind me (gender, age, etc. doesn't matter).
I'll go out of my way to assist someone who is struggling, be it because of disability, hands full, watching toddlers, etc.
I think it just shows respect and common courtesy for humankind!
There's certainly a lack around here! I live 15 miles outside of "town". In our small rural town, people seem to be politer (is that a word??), in our very liberal (respect all) city, it's the opposite. I find that interesting.

I hope we don't lose respect for one another altogether.
It will be a very depressing, difficult world.

Deanna

It's OK with me. Though holding the door or offering a seat certainly does not make a man a gentleman (far from it I suspect). Plenty of men, and women, young and old, still do that here in urban Maryland. I've had plenty of "older" men and women, who should know better, just walk through a door and let it slam. And I've also had very courteous actions from tough looking young men, wearing their gang colors, with their pants hanging low.

Offering me a seat or letting me go first is kind of irrelevant in most situations. I try to practice courtesy and always appreciate it, when it's appropriate, no matter who does it. My gender shouldn't be the deciding factor. I'm always a bit uncomfortable (and suspicious) when it's overdone.

It's the same here lowspark except many of the younger generation of men do not offer their seat to anyone. Most men do still open doors and yes, we have more and more rude people who will let a door slam in your face. It seems to depend on peoples upbringing. Some people are rude all of their life and don't know how to live any other way.

What the others have said plus I give up a seat or hold a door for a senoir or someone with a handicap. And handicap can also mean thier arms are full of bags/boxes or a mother with children in tow.

Basically, it is treat others as you would like to be treated. And yes, some of the younger ones are not taught manners, but I am willing to help there too. I have nudged surly teens from thier seat to allow the gentleman with the cane to sit or asked a nieghbor to help another with the grocery bags. I just remind them that hopefully they will be 90 too some day. Some get the message.

Men should behave like gentlemen and women should act like ladies. I should think it'll never be passé. I've taught my son to get the door for everyone and I do when I see someone struggling, regardless if their hands are full or if they're senior. He gives his seat up every day when he's at my office. He plays in my conference room and every day, the lab members come in and eat lunch. There aren't enough chairs when he's here, so he gives his up. He's ten. He does these things automatically, so I assume he'll pass it along, and therefore, I can't see it being passé even in his lifetime. I'm sure this world will continue to abound with oafs and louts forever. Just like those before us and those after us. But we won't be in that group!

Lowspark, we now live in Texas also, and I've never been so "ma'am'd" in my life! Our small town is more civil, I think, than larger towns where everyone doesn't know your mama (and her phone number and will tell on you). Young people address their elders as Mrs. or Mr., everyone holds doors for everyone else--sometimes causing traffic jams while the entrants decide who goes first, and men remove hats when inside, or when speaking to a lady. I stopped on a road into town to take a photo of some wildflowers, and three people stopped to see if I needed help. Now that is courtesy, kindness, and general civility!

I'm really glad to read that y'all agree. I think there was a period there where a lot of women were offended by these kinds of courtesies.

LOL regarding the "ma'am" thing. There's a young man in our office (~25 years old) who ma'ams all over the place. When he first started saying that to me I didn't like it because it made me feel old! Till I realized he says it to everyone. I normally don't think anything of it but for a colleague in the office to use it is kinda weird I think.

I remember an incident when I was a teenager. My brother and I were on a train and there was an older couple. I was maybe 16 and my brother was 15.

We were sitting down and my brother automatically got up and offered his seat to the elderly woman, who took it gratefully. I then got up myself so that the man could sit down. He didn't seem frail in the least but I thought I was being considerate since he was clearly a senior.

He stood there for a bit and kept gesturing that I could keep my seat but I insisted. Eventually he grumbled that if I wasn't going to sit down, then he would. But we all felt really awkward that entire ride.

My mom later explained to me that he probably felt impolite taking a seat from a female. It honestly didn't even occur to me at the time - I thought I was doing the polite thing!

For the most part here in OK it's the same as y'all have mentioned. I still hold the door, offer my seat if applicable and help anyone out who needs a helping hand. I agree that some of the younger generation is getting out of touch or not familar with some of this. The Mam thing is interesting too. I know more than one lady that doesn't like it for whatever reason....thinks it make them seem old or something I guess. I know it's not as common up North but is the norm the farther South you get. Personally I like it...not sure it fits into the office place with fellow employees though.

David

David, I have to agree on the office thing. I have a hard time accepting a door that a man has opened for me, and often, they aren't sure whether to get it or not. To ease their unease, I often say, "science before beauty" if they're holding vials, plates, etc., as I get the door for them. But they're my equals and I theirs. So don't get the door or get the door, one of us has to get it! My boss and I have it figured out though. He always gets the door for me, even though he's my superior (in almost every way). It's just so ingrained in our psyches we can't NOT do it that way, and we're more comfortable that way.

Man offering seat to woman okay? YES! !

I am in Texas, too.
But quite a lot farther south.

Yes, we do still get the ma'am and sir here.
I taught my kids to use it, they've taught their kids, and now they are teaching their kids.
It's a term of respect, not of age.

While it does seem as though there is a certain generation and class of people that act as though rudeness is acceptable, they are thankfully few and far between.

I do my best to always practice consideration, kindness, thoughtfulness and respect, regardless of the other persons age or whatever.

Hopefully good manners will NEVER be passé.

Rusty

Here we have no public transportation such as busses or trains, so giving up a seat isn't usually an issue. Waiting in line at a restaurant, even the toughest looking kids usually give up a seat for people who are elderly, frail, holding babies, etc. I get the door for anyone who looks like they could use a hand, again, anyone elderly, with a wheelchair or crutches, with an armful of packages or kids in tow. I don't pay any attention to man or woman, just who looks like they could use a hand.

The kids here do say "sir" or "ma'am", although they are more likely to say "Miss" or "Mrs." or Mr.".

If someone is coming behind me, I hold the door, I don't let it slam shut, and most people do the same for me. A very large proportion of the men will hold the door, whether it's a car door or the front door of a building.

And I really don't care whether I'm called "Ma'am". Most of Ashley's friends, and Amanda's too, call me "Mom". Now Makayla's friends are starting to call me "Grandma"! Several have asked if I could be THEIR Grandma too, and I always agree happily. Everyone needs a Grandma.

Annie

I think a young guy offering a seat on public transport to a woman of his own age who's not pregnant, holding a big bag or with a small child would be seen as a potential wacko. Unless he's really cute and rich.

To offer a seat to an older lady or older man--that seems polite. But the mere fact of being female isn't actually a burden.

I hold doors for people, people hold doors for me, etc. And anyone who thinks European men are more polite hasn't traveled on the Paris Metro lately.

I think a man or a woman should offer their seat to anyone who is elderly, ill, pregnant, has a baby in arms etc but just based on gender, not necessary. Having said that it is wonderfully gallant and I would be impressed if a man did but not annoyed if he didn't.

Holding doors is common courtesy no matter age or gender.

I'm very much impressed by a man the same age or older offering to give me his seat just because I'm a lady. Agree with Chase, it shows he is gallant and men like that are few and far between these days. If he is much older though I would have a hard time taking the offered seat.

I would always think that's OK! It's always refreshing to find chivalry isn't dead, and who am I to deny it?

I think it's a lovely and polite gesture but sometimes I prefer to stand. If I'm getting off soon, or if I've been sitting in my office all day, then I generally let other people sit down first out of my own personal preference. Once offered, however, I would feel bad for declining it because I know it's done out of politeness and usually the man is already standing up and gesturing.

Of course, there are always exceptions. I had a date a few weeks ago where we both had to stand on a train late at night. There may or may not have been some balance issues after 2 fabulous martinis and a pair of heels, and when a seat opened up, he immediately sat down and left me standing there gripping the bar for dear life and trying not to fall over for the next 20 minutes. We didn't have a second date.

Maybe about once a month I ride an elevator with a man and his wife, both in their 90's....healthy but tottering and using a cane. If we arrive at the same time, he always graciously waves me and his wife into the elevator first and stands aside to allow us to exit first. Very gallant!
Some old customs seem to now be but a memory. Well I remember walking with my father and he would do that little courtly hat tip when we met someone to greet. And there were rules in the military. When my DH was in the airforce, something about who to salute and the rules varied if he, or you were accompanied by a woman....I forget.
And it used to be a hard and fast rule that a gentleman always stood when a lady approached a table where they were seated. Back in the day there was a dinner dance monthly at the Club and table hopping, and a polite lady motioned the gentleman to sit if she was going to do more than just say hi to the people seated. I remember one thoughtless clod,s tanding and chatting to me, while my husband stood and watched his dinner get cool. I finally said I hope you don't mind if DH finishes his meal....why don't I see if wwe can pull up another chair? Stupid custom!
I am all for opening doors even though I am perfectly able and in some cases more able than the door opener, but watching a friend stand at the table while I chat with his wife is just dumb.
In my neck of the woods, Ma'am is a term usually used when you need more coffee or another roll! We are very much into first names in the midwest....even the clerk swiping my credit card hands it back saying "Thank you, Linda".
My kids friends all called me Mrs C. Now my Daughter in law is Mrs C to her kids friends. When I stay there one little girl called me Joel's Grandma, I told her she could call me Linda like the other kids did ( not my grand kids) but her parents thought that too informal....so she calls me Gramma Linda....and I love it!
My daughter is also a Mrs C...but different last name than mine ( of course) but she teaches Spanish at the school where her kids go....so she is Senora C....sometimes just Senora.
I guess it's all about respect and being aware of the other person behind or ahead or next to you.
Linda c

LindaC, I once had a waiter in Chicago ask me for smoking or non-smoking preferences. I said "non-smoking, please". He grinned and said "you must be from out of town, you're way too polite".

So, maybe good manners are different in small towns than in big cities? I dunno...

Annie

Annie, I don't think so. I grew up in a big city my Mom taught us proper manners and I taught my kids proper manners and most everyone I know would say please and thank you.

What I think happens in big cities is "big suits" think they are above those that work in the restaurants and hotels and treat them as "help". My Mom would sweep down from heaven and slap me right upside the head if I ever did that!

Chase:
I like your last "Big Suits " comment and many of the other threads, also.

I open the door for everyone. Especially the Ladies.

Sometimes I might say " Oh, I open doors for all the beautful women "
Some return with " Thank you !!! you just made my day "

I have said something to guys that don't offer a seat to a woman.
Lou

Sharon, I had to smile at "slap me upside the head". My Grandmother used to threaten me with a "smack upside the head" if I misbehaved or disappointed her.

My grandma and your Mom are probably both sitting up there shaking their heads...

Annie

I've had plenty of courtesies and chivalrous gestures shown to me over the years of living in the Midwest and East Coast, (even in NYC), so I don't think it's strictly a southern thing. It is a matter of manners, and manners need to be taught. I was taught them by my bubbe, who grew up in a small town in Poland and probably never left there until she came to the US and then she lived in my hometown for 60 years. She couldn't afford to have any enemies, manners were the glue that held her life together. How I used to HATE Bubbe making me talk to people I didn't know and do things for total strangers, and now I am so very grateful for all she taught me.

And on the flip side, I've had plenty of disrespect dished up with a "Yes M'am" in front of it. And men offering me seats on buses and then expecting that it was now OK to hit on me. I think the bottom line of all manners should be respect for the other person, regardless of gender. Having said that, I also agree that since women are "the weaker sex," it is very nice when men help us out in some situations. Sure, I can shelp my luggage thru the airport all by myself, no problem, but it sure makes my day when some nice person holds the door open for me or helps me get my bag up on the luggage rack, etc. Bubbe called that "being a mensch" which means "true human being." How many times I heard, "Go be a mensch and get Mrs. Schulman some punch," or "Go be a mensch and help that lady take her laundry to her car," or "Go be a mensch and give your seat to Mrs. Guttman while we're waiting for the bus," etc. And I'm a girl. And I think it is very SAD that parents aren't doing this, even parents who are trying to raise good, thoughtful kids. Manners need to be taught like conditioning, kids need to be made to DO the stuff, not just understand the principle behind it. Then it becomes second nature to them. And it has to start when they are young. But then don't get me started on all the things that we are neglecting by not spending more time and resources on our young ones! Now days, it's likely mom, dad, grandpa and grandma all need to be working just to keep food on the table and the roof overhead.