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pkguy

Moms dementia: a situation what would you do?

pkguy
10 years ago

Hi all
I just thought I'd ask for your opinions either way. As some of you know my mom has altzheimers and after a year of living at a retirement home we moved her into a nice long term care facility where she's quite happy. She's 88, very mobile, no canes, walkers etc. still remembers us but is confused as expected on most everything. Her only ailment is that she has a proplapse up in her lady parts and it has been impossible to get her to wear the pessary that the doctor has had to fit numerous times. Needless to say it's causing her to be constantly going to the bathroom and she's wetting herself a lot in her room. The staff are great about it but of course they can't be there continually "washing the floor" and mom probaby doesn't say anything so you can imagine her room gets a little "musty" . But they come and clean it right away etc if you mention it. As well she's been drinking less so as to not p so much which is has led to her being constipated and they don't want that.

Now she has a doctors appt in a couple of weeks with a gynecologist and we figure they're going to suggest surgery.
Here's the dilemma. About 4 years ago for the first time in her life mom had terrible stomach pains and was on the floor at home. She was looking after my ailing sister at the time and wasn't eating properly in sympathy. She ended up at emerg and as quick as you could say "quick" they'd whisked her up for an x-ray and saw something so decided to do an "exploratory" surgery to see what it might be. How do you argue when you really don't know yourself what's the best thing to do. It turned out to be nothing. Yet mom ended up in the hospital for almost two weeks recovering from the the anaesthesia and when she was finally released she was never the same. It probably sped up her altzheimers considerably. Even she admitted a few months after that surgery she was never the same and always wondered if that's what had happened. She's forgotten about all that now thankfully.

So if the doctor decides they have to do a surgery and mom says she doesn't want it what do we do. The constant peeing does bother her. Both sis and I have power of attorney but we're of course worried that if she has this one and they knock her out she may never even come back to where she is now. Should we just tell mom the docs going to fix her up, not really mention the surgery aspect. Plus there's the chance she may just be fine with it because she doesn't really understand any of this and the possibilities of something going wrong or worsening her memory.

ps, she does have Depends etc but forgets to put them on and sometimes kicks up a litte bit of a fuss with the staff when they suggest it and sometimes won't. They cannot force her to wear them. My sis and niece are always trying to get her to put them on but if the're not there visiting mom forgets about them.

Maybe someone has another suggestion or heard of something we haven't, All ears here.

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