I'd probably just smile and say "thanks for your interest" and make a mental note never to invite that person over again.

I'm lucky and don't have people like that in my life. But if I did, I'd get them out of my life asap. If it's someone you can't avoid like a relative, I'd probably react in a bad way. I'm not good at putting up with carp like that. I'd probably respond something like, Glad you noticed! Would YOU like to go out there and power wash for me?

I'm not saying that's what you should do. I'm just not very good at holding in that kind of thing. Now, if someone I liked a lot said something innocent that was clearly not meant to be a criticism, that would be different. But if I knew the whole point was to criticize or make me feel inadequate in some way, it would be no holds barred. Can't help it.

I think I put myself under too much pressure when I invite someone over for the first time and don't know them very well. Of course experiences like those will make you wary. I'm simply trying not to care so much that I don't live in a perfect world; chances are they don't either!

Claire,
Just hand them a mop, dustrag, or drying towel and say, "Go to it!" Failing that, hand them their car keys!

I'm simply trying not to care so much that I don't live in a perfect world; chances are they don't either!

Ya. Exactly. I have a housekeeper who comes every two weeks and aside from that, the only real cleaning I do is to keep the kitchen clean after cooking. I don't have a lot of messy clutter, things are kept picked up so that's not a problem.

If someone is coming over, I put fresh towels in the bathroom, close off bedroom doors and call it good. It's almost never perfectly clean and neat as a pin. I just don't live that way.

Hey, if they are more concerned with how my house looks than with being with me, who needs em? Relax! People who like you for you don't give a flip if everything is perfect. Like you said, there's little chance that their house is perfect!!

Since you only know these people briefly and certainly don't have any idea if they would be critical or not....I would say that your problem lies with your relationship with your mother and not with guests in general.
Relax and enjoy your company....and if they even hint that all things are not spec.....why never ever have anything to do with them again. Polite people don't even hint at such things to their hoses.

Oh yeah, Linda...you can say that again! (Or don't remind me.) Even with that, there are those people who reminded me the deck needed power washed, the windows could use a cleaning, or other things. I didn't hand them my ''Inch by Inch'' and ''Yard by Yard'' list for the entire spring season. (I try to feel no need to justify myself, since I know what's on that list better than they do.) It does take an entire season to slog my way through it, as I remind myself Rome wasn't built in a day, nor my environment cleaned up either. I'm not judgmental, so I'm always taken off guard by people who are. Projects are simply another aspect of living, aren't they?

My friends would never think of such a thing! But at my house you can spin in a circle blindfolded with a pointed finger and when you stop that finger will have found a project that needs attention. So when people tell me what needs to done around here I ask when they are moving in. Or at least have a weekend to spare. Roll up your sleeves if you plan to be critical!

My new neighbor can over to introduce himself so he could tell me all the things that need to be fixed at my house. Yes, we are new best friends. ;)

Maybe you could send them a nice, formal invite to your next powerwashing party. :-)

Sorry. I have no tolerance for rudeness like that.

My motto is:
If you came to see the house, you may as well leave now.
If you came to see me, the coffee's on!

Deanna

Well, first I've never powerwashed anything, ever, and I don't have a power washer, so that negates the need to power wash anything!

The only person who ever said anything like that was my ex-MIL. My response was simple and concise and never varied: "If it bothers you, go ahead and clean it". Sometimes she did and that was OK with me. (shrug)

I have way too much to do and not nearly enough time to do it in, so I do what I can and the rest has to wait. I've learned to not worry about that either.

Annie

I'm one of the (inwardly I hope- I just notice everything but I hope I am always nice and not critical) critical ones so if someone said I needed to clean or powerwash, I would be all over them!

"Tell me what is the best product! What brand of pressure washer do you have? What psi? How do you clean your cabinets?"

Claire, it is just that these people like to feel superior, just like some around here that feel their way of cooking is the only way...the ones that are always poo-pooing the foods others eat...just ignore the rudeness of the person.

What's worse is family and others who point out all the unfinished things around my house that I can't afford to finish. My answer is "the house is a work in progress...I had to choose plumbing and electrical over paint and curtains." That was 12 years ago, and things have not changed. I should ask if they would like to contribute to my painting fund - "I'm taking donations!"

teresa, we got so tired of people, especially family, asking if the house was done yet we just started saying yes if they came over and said anything we would say we are done until we start again. We knew it would take us at least 5 years, we are doing everything ourselves, to do what we have planned but things happen so we are now going into the seventh year.

My dad says the only reason he has lived this long is because he want to see what we do with the wall in the living room. The wall 26Â and 13" high was mostly taken out to put in 5Â pocket doors when we did the bedroom side of the house when we first bought the place. ItÂs been part plaster part funny board since. Except the bedroom and master bath the house still has mostly plywood floors. I donÂt want to spend the money on floors until we get done. I guess it drives everyone but us crazy but I donÂt care. I look at it as I havenÂt had to dust all the stuff that will go on the bookcase or wash floors for going on 7 years.

You could look at it as if you would had painted 12 years ago it would be time to paint again so you just skipped a time. Look at all the money saved!

Claudia

My MIL did that to me...once. I'm pretty sure there won't be a repeat of that.

Teresa, I know what you mean. I'm usually well aware of what needs to be done, and if it is not done, there's a darn good reason for it.

An old friend had a brother who would visit and then criticise the furniture, fittings etc. My friend would get quite annoyed and ask, "Did you come to visit me or the furniture?"

I've been known to ask if one is feeling a little...constipated...when the criticisms begin. Or, ''Are you feeling cranky?'' ''Are you mad at me?''

FYI, my new friends came for the evening and were perfectly lovely. They pulled into the driveway and told me immediately I was making a very good first impression!

Claire,

You can invite me over for dinner without fear.

Jim

I wonder if some people who say things like that, in their minds, are just trying to be helpful, rather than critical. They may have no idea they're being critical. I know a couple of people like that. My co-worker/boss constantly second guessed everything I did when I was re-modeling my kitchen, and she continues to second guess everything I or anyone else does, asking "why'd you do that?" and sometimes following up that question with, "That doesn't make sense." I've gotten to where I rarely tell her anything about what I'm doing. DH has a friend (not my friend, though - I can't stand him) that came to visit our place in OK while we were working, and working hard on the property, and started in on what we should do with the place, including getting rid of a giant magnolia tree that's a little close to the house. I love that tree. I know it's probably too close to the house, but not that much too close. It's one of the reasons I bought the house. That wasn't the only thing he criticized, or offered advice about. I don't remember what the final straw was, but at one point I just walked away, went to another part of the property to do some work, and didn't reappear until he was gone. I don't think he's trying to be critical, but helpful - it just comes across as critical. It's really, really annoying, though.

Sally

Sally2, that is exactly what my family does. Criticizing is the only way they know how to converse!! I even made a joke about it once to my cousin, that they had their own special code language, for example when I come home for a visit, my dad's response is, "When was the last time you had an oil change in your car?" etc. traslation, "Welcome home, glad to see you!" :) If I have my folks over to my house I have to be prepared for every little aspect of the home to be gone over and commented on, it's the only thing they know how to do, it is just an ingrained thing with them. There is no changing the behavior, it is totally ingrained in the fiber of their being. I think I have over compensated in my life by never being critical of anything, thereby I have a large capacity to put up with carp, which if you do, results in people shoveling more carp at you!

Anyway, I learned long ago to develp thick skin and just feel sorry for people who have a mindset like that. Well, at least SOME of the time I feel sorry for them, the rest of the time I get SO INFURIATED. Of course with relatives you can't do much about it, but if these were friends, they wouldn't get many more invitations.

Oh, Sally and Pink, I can relate more than you know. I finally realized my high tolerance for that kind of behavior because I was used to it, was actually drawing those kind of people to me...and stressing me out in ways like never before. Who needs it? Certainly Not ME. I had to mindfully change the types of people I would allow into my life. Sadly, like Sally says, I don't think people who criticize realize their affect on others. I've learned to respond by teasing the person who is being absolutely ridiculous, so they can see their reflection in my mirror. It doesn't stop it of course, but if it's only for a short time, I can manage it to a certain degree.

Jim, I appreciate that!

I'm such a b*tch, no one dares. ;)

If someone tells you that you need to powerwash your deck, just tell them that they need to lose weight. (or whatever is appropriate :) At least that's what I'd *like* to do....

BTW: was it my youngest sister? lol!

Funny, Party Music!

Interesting point, Claire.

Sally

My aunt once told me that when I smiled too much of my gums showed, and that she had heard you could get surgery to correct that. The only reason I bring that up is I think a lot of the time people who criticize just don't know anything else to talk about, so just IGNORE them. I had a British friend once who said, "If people don't like what you do, sod 'em." I thought that expression meant, "Consider them nothing more than a pile of dirt." But I later found out it meant something a little different than that.
:)