It's not just you. It's a pet peeve of mine too. I hate it when they come over as soon as you have a half empty plate and ask if you're done. OK, I'm exaggerating, 1/4 empty. You know, sometimes I like to linger over the last few bites. Or I get busy with the table conversation and just haven't finished yet.

But even in the case of an empty plate like your kids, I think it's rude to begin clearing the table before all diners are done. It sort of implies that they are rushing you out. In a low price restaurant, I've come to expect it. I guess in fact, they ARE rushing you out the door. I still don't like it though.

Can you imagine if you had guests over for dinner, clearing their plate the minute they were finished, even though other guests/hosts were still eating? No, one would never do that. So why DO they do it in restaurants? The ONLY reason I can think of is to rush us out the door. And when you're paying $$$ in a nice place, they REALLY shouldn't be doing that.

As for the big presentation of his card and email info, I think he should have just included his card with the bill. Making a big deal about the email addr cheapens the "upscale" feeling IMO.

He asked to be told, so tell him!

Well, I went to a fairly nice restaurant, and my waiter (waitress), fairly young and inexperienced, came to get my plate and said, "Wow! You are it all! I have never seen anybody eat that whole meal before!"
LOL.
Sometimes common sense should be the rule.

I hate it when a waiter clears before everyone is through! But i do know that some people don't want their plate in front of them longer than it takes to eat.
I am assuming that the management directed to wait staff to keep the table clear.
When it's "My party" and a waiter starts clearing before we all are through I ask him/her to please wait until we all are finished with that course.
Polite people signal they have finished with a course by knife and fork or spoon placement....and a polite waiter should wait for that signal.
As for his card...I would email the restaurant and tell them that it is polite to wait until all diners have finished before removing a plate.
There is another single woman in town that I eat with sometimes. She eats so fast you wonder how she doesn't choke....and I am always left with the feeling that she's drumming her fingers waiting for me to finish.
Linda C

It's perfectly okay for a wait person to ask if the plate can be removed, and the question should be asked without the hand outstretched to the plate. And use the knife/fork arrangement as a signal, but I suspect that most of the younger staff people don't know that time-honored custom!

On the one hand I'm one of those people that Linda references who want my empty plates gone when I'm finished eating. Especially when the meal comes served in/on multiple dishes, as is so often the case.

On the other hand, there's a chance that I'm going to want my plate when DW starts to get full and I "help her finish."

I like sushipup's solution.

Oh and I hate "obsequious" as much as I hate overly familiar. Do your job effectively and politely and get out of my face. No more, no less.

I'm ok with the waiter asking if I'm done, as in, "may I remove your plate?" or something similar. But I've had to sort of grab it back sometimes when they just assume I'm done and whisk it away. When they ask, my answer is always No unless everyone at the table is done.

Oy Sherry!! Did you leave a tip?

I'm with FOAS. I want my plate removed when I'm finished. I use the standard knife/fork placement to signal I'd like them removed. If I've just stopped eating to listen to conversation or something...I put my knife/fork in the other position to signal that I'm NOT finished. Seems to work, for the most part at places above the Denny's level. What I hate are the wait staff that hovers about 5' away from the table while we're eating. I find it intrusive & I'm uncomfortable having a normal conversation.

/tricia

Have you ever put yourself in the waitpersons place?
They don't know what your dining personality is, so they try to pick up clues... many people take on an entitlement attitude when they dine in fine restaurants. The waitperson has to go by the restaurant standards just in case. Some people seen to enjoy treating the waitstaff as slaves.

That is my real pet peeve.

Ok, so what's this "standard knife/fork placement"?

I like to think of myself as having decent table manners (though I'll be damned if I put down my knife and switch my fork to the right hand for every single bite as my father tried to instill in me!) but I have no idea how to indicate, with knife and fork, whether it's ok to take my plate. I suspect I'm not alone, so I wouldn't recommend training waitstaff to look for this cue. I still say, simply ask.

I completely understand what you're saying Nancy. Which is why I say, if they would politely ask and give me an opportunity to say no, that would be a-ok. Many times they don't. If that's restaurant policy, then I think it's a bad policy.

And I'll add this. If there are what I might call "community items" on the table, bread for example, or chips & salsa at a mexican place, those items should not be removed until everyone's plate has been removed. Again, I've had that happen to me. Other people are finished eating, their plates are cleared, and there goes the bread, chips, whatever. Well, *I'm* not done eating and I might still want those things.

So no matter what my dining personality is, some things are just not good service.

FOAS, the knife and fork are placed together, on the plate, as sign that the diner is finished.

Here is a link that might be useful: Go to the very end of the article

If I am having a nice meal in an upscale place (or a wannabe) I prefer that the plates for each course remain on the table until everyone is finished. It is far more relaxing. In a diner-type place I don't expect it but still find myself slightly annoyed when they start clearing plates and someone is still obviously working on their meal. Me, usually.

It never occured to me that people might want their plate removed when they have finished. I thought a basic rule was to leave the plates so the last one still eating didn't feel rushed to finish. I still feel that way, but I can understand other viewpoints. Another old habit: as kids we were taught not to begin eating until everyone was served (at a restaurant). At home, the idea was to wait until the hostess (Mom) raised her fork; ie began eating. Now, at a restaurant, if my food is served before others, I will never eat, but if everyone else is served, I will implore them to please start. My two kids, 14 and 9yrs old, pleasantly surprised me by insisting on waiting for my dinner to be brought to the table before starting in on theirs, despite my pleas to begin.
I am hoping this doesn't come across as uppity. Some habits are just ingrained.
Jo

Many places (yes, above the Denny's level) train to clear the tables of dishes as quickly as possible. If you press them for why, they'll mutter something about not wanting the table to look cluttered with dirty dishes or some such. What it really does is decrease the amount of bussing staff needed and expedites the dishwashing process. And only in the most expensive restaurant I worked at did they even mention the "finished" position of the flatware during training. Only two of us (in a training class of 19, all under age 30) had any clue what they were talking about. That doesn't excuse it, obviously, but that's the way it is.

The server should ask -- without grabbing the plate already or gesturing -- and respect the answer.

Personally, when I'm the diner, I don't mind. I like the plate to go away. When I was serving, the guests' wishes were the rules.

Sushipup - Thanks for that link! Interestingly, my (German) mom tried to teach us that way but my father insisted that this not-finished position was bad manners at all times. Which makes sense - for him - since he also thinks it improper to eat out of your fork with your left hand so there's no reason for a fork to be set down pointing NNE. I guess he was raised American, and mom the European equivalent of Continental.

And the ultimate annoyance is when you get up to dance and find the other half of your meal gone!!

I'm such a moron, I guess. I never heard of the rule of leaving the plates till everyone was finished. I thought it was the polite thing to do to remove empty plates so people can be more comfortable at the table. Hanging my head in shame, now.

Sally

Linda, I agree. Isn't there some sort of napkin signal that tells the servers that you aren't done yet??

What beanthere said....

I especially hate it when they ask, "Are you still working on that?"

Classy.

I don't like clearing before everyone else is done, either, but if they must do it, perhaps "May I get this out of your way?" is a good line -- contributes to the illusion that the meal is about the customers' experience, not the staff's convenience.

I do indeed sympathize with the waiters, but a restaurant meal is a treat for the diners, and they are paying. I try to be considerate of the staff, but I'm not there for them; they are there for me. So if the diners are eating too slowly for their profit margin and convenience, good staff conceals their frustration rather than making the diners feel rushed.

They may be shortsighted about the profits, too. I am much more likely to be left with a happy feeling and return to a restaurant where I was made to feel like they were happy to have me there and wanted me to be relaxed and unhurried than one where I felt I was a nuisance to be rushed, managed, or pushed.

Probably the answer to all of this is that we all have our individual preferences so we can't expect a given server to have ESP and nail it right each time. What we can and should expect though is that they are attentive and offer options politely. If they do that, and we loosen up and be a little less intolerant of particular phrases they may use, then likely the dining experience will be more pleasant for both the guests and the staff.

It is perfectly proper in an upscale restaurant for the wait staff to remove plates from the table when a person is finished. Either by the fork and knife position (fork tines turned down on plate and knife with edge turned inward toward fork) or by the waiter asking nicely if the guest is finished. I personally don't want to have a dirty plate in front of me when I am done with that course. I like to wait for the next course and talk with my husband in clean surroundings. NancyLouise

I agree with Jo. The plate shouldn't be removed until the other diner is finished. It seems like you are rushing the other person.
If, on the other hand, you want your plate to be removed, you can signal them to do so.
But, they should not ask to do it.Unless the rules have changed..like using "Guys", or "You Guys" to address everyone. :(
Not long ago I was in a restaurant and a customer went over to the manager and gave him a chewing out for not instructing the staff regarding plate removal.

Is it the plate that the server removed that makes the other person feel rushed, or is it the plate that the fast eater emptied?

By the way, my preference for losing the plate is at restaurants only. At someone's house, getting rid of an empty plate usually would mean that someone is getting up from the table and interrupting the meal.

Here eating is a slow and relaxed experience and there is never a feeling of being rushed by a staff member.
It's customary to take as long as you need, especially when dining in a group. Restaurant meals can go on for two hours or longer. The restaurant is happy because it means that the guests will be ordering more wine, desserts, coffee, liqueurs etc. and the bill will be larger. And satisfied customers will return and that's so important here in an area where there are so many restaurants competing for clientele.

It's customary for the server to wait until everyone at the table has finished before starting to clear away the dishes for that course, unless the table is very cluttered with empty bread baskets, wine bottles etc. in which case he will discreetly remove the empties but not the plates while others are still eating.

The knife/fork signal is universal here and a server wouldn't dream of removing a plate where knife and fork were not in that position. However if diners have obviously finished and haven't put their knife/fork in the finished position, and seem to be waiting for someone to come and clear away, the waiter may come over to the table and say with a smile something like..."is everything all right"....or "did you enjoy your meal"..."may I take these away?" But never when one person at the table is still eating.

However if one wishes to have an empty plate taken away, all that is needed is a hand signal to the waiter for him to come and remove it.

The government sponsors training for those who wish to work in the hotel and restaurant industry, since it is one of the main industries of Spain. So wait staff, even when not having passed through these courses, have normally been trained by the restaurant owner to a level equal to the current standards.

SharonCb

I agree, Sharon. It is all in the proper training!

What is considered correct is constantly evolving (or devolving, IMO) based on what's most common. If that weren't true, we'd all still be eating with daggers. :) Example: most of us in the US now consider it acceptable to have the salad before the main course. ThatÂs fairly new, and was driven by the restaurant industry. Serving salad first gave diners something to do while they waited, and took their mind off the wait times. Most people of my generation and younger now consider this normal whether at home or when eating out.

What is common now for those under 40 now? Fast food, out-of-hand food, and lots of eating in casual restaurants where the order of service is determined by things besides traditional etiquette. (One very well known chain I worked for didnÂt even HAVE dishwashers  the service staff took turns washing dishes! -- and so pre-bussing the table was a priority.) More families than we care to admit never sit down to eat together at home at all anymore, so a restaurant meal is the only time they see place settings, or are called on to "show some manners".
Right or wrong, I can see where five years from now, removing the plate in restaurants will seem completely correct.

BTDT, I grew up in a family that had salad after the entree. I thought it was just my German-Russian roots. Didn't know anybody else wasn't accustomed to having salad before the meal. So often, there are very acid ingredients in salad like cukes, tomatoes, onions, etc. They give me tummy problems on an empty stomach! The salad was supposed to serve as sorta like a refresher after a meal in my family.

Interesting.

/tricia