I also agonized over my appliance decisions, both during our recently completed kitchen renovation and another one we did at our previous home, about 6 years ago. Last renovation (6 yrs ago), I felt certain that I wanted the most powerful, simplest all-gas range I could find, in the truest commercial style possible (for the best price, of course)! I chose the DCS all-gas 36" 6 burner range. While I liked the high heat of the range and some of its other features, it gave me many problems, similar to those that have been detailed on this forum. For our most recent kitchen renovation, I needed a 48" range, and decided to go with the GE Monogram dual fuel. I had somewhat low expectations, or at least, I knew not to get as excited as I was during my prior renovation, only to be let down like last time. I had started to think that all higher end appliances were finnicky and any one of them is bound to have issues. Believe it or not, the GE Monogram has greatly exceeded my expectations and is really wonderfully and surprisingly great. It has even better burner control from super high high to super low simmer than the DCS. The burners work beautifully and never give me that click, click, clicking during ignition. The burner flame does not go around my small pots, as it did w/the DCS. The gliding racks in the oven are a joy, and the oven (I've used it mostly with the convection feature) roasts and bakes everything evenly and to perfection (in my DCS, this was a problem as things came out unevenly). The only slight negative is that the electric coils for the broiler are not as awesome as the infrared that the DCS used for the broiler, but that doesn't matter much for me because I live in So. Cal, and we grill instead of broil most of the time. This is just a wonderful piece of equipment, and I'm delighted with how it performs. It was much less expensive than the other high end dual fuel ranges (around $7800), so I feel like it's a bargain for what you get (comparatively) and I don't know why more people who love to cook haven't discovered it. Like you, I wondered why I couldn't find more reports about it before I purchased it. Please keep in mind that I've only owned it for a little over a month, but I have to report that I really love it so far (and so does my husband and my daughter, who both cook almost as much as I do). Good luck!

I don't want to ignore his grief & rage, but I don't want to aggravate it, either. That's the tough issue. Sylvia, you're a loving and thoughtful sister. I wish I had some good advice to give you, but all I can do is quote an unusually fine and caring psychiatrist, a friend who told me after my daughter Jill died that some people grieve silently, and in fact withdraw into their grief, and we have to let them do it. I myself dealt with my grief by talking and crying (and talking and crying), but I had to let this person grieve in his own way. It's fortunate that your brother has a strong and loving wife. My sympathy to all of you. Susan

I can identify with your situation on several levels. I currently have fourteen feline kids. Back in 1996, we had six cats when we knocked down our old house, moved into a different house for a month during the rebuild, then moved back into the new house, taking two additional cats with us. Five of the cats were siblings - three from one litter and two from another. The mothers of the litters were sisters. One of the mothers died, so the remaining mother raised all five kittens. The litter of three were all sisters, and the litter of two were brothers. One of the brothers, Noddy, grew to be our 25 1/2 lb Lion King. The other brother, Capri (who disappeared about 10 yrs ago), was a very lean 16 lbs and was bullied horribly by Noddy once they reached adulthood. Noddy, however, has almost always been very tolerant and sweet with his female cousins. There have been moments, though, when Noddy, for whatever reason, gets very angry at one of his cousins and goes after her. When that occurs, I don't hesitate to use a very stern voice to make him stop. If that doesn't work, he gets put into a timeout away from the other cats for 30 mins until he regains his senses and sweet self. I haven't been faced with your exact problem, though. Well, maybe I have. It's possible that the playful relationship that Noddy and his brother, Capri, had when they were kittens evolved into the bully/victim relationship that made Capri's life miserable as an adult because Cappy wasn't able or willing to play as roughly as Noddy when they got older. Once a cat assumes the victim role, as your female is doing now, it's almost an irresistible temptation for other cats to assume the bully role. That's why it's important for you to try to nip this behavior in the bud before your male decides to escalate his overbearing play into actual bullying. Getting a third cat is NOT the answer. A third cat will only escalate your female's anxiety and fear response, setting her up to be a victim to the new cat, as well. You'd be better off getting a cat-friendly dog rather than another cat, though I wouldn't recommend that, either, under these circumstances. Instead, let your male cat know that pushy play is no longer allowable with his sister by putting him into timeouts in a separate room whenever he starts bothering her. With the female, let her know that unwarranted, hissy/growly behavior is unacceptable by clapping your hands sharply in her direction whenever she starts complaining ... unless, of course, her complaints are justified by the pushy behavior of her brother, in which case you should grab him and put him into an immediate timeout. You always have to make sure you are reprimanding the right perpetrator. Don't worry about how your boy will react to these new strategies. I have a houseful of timid cats, several of whom trust only me. Cats are very intelligent creatures. They know the difference between an angry moment and an angry person. If a spat breaks out in my house (a frequent occurrence with 14 cats), a sharp, "HEY!!!" from me will usually send the perpetrator (and any other cat who was considering doing something naughty at that exact moment) scurrying, while the innocents will hold their ground and look around to see who's in trouble. LOL! Within moments, everybody returns to normal. In fact, the perpetrators often seek me out to offer a personal apology for their bad behavior and make sure that Mommy isn't holding a grudge. There are other possible explanations for your female's behavior. It may be displaced aggression - aggression caused by factors other than her brother but expressed as anger toward or fear of her brother. This happens fairly often when an indoor cat sees a feline (or non-feline) intruder in her yard through a window. The indoor cat can't do anything about the outside intruder, so she takes out her anger and anxiety on her housemate, instead. See if you can identify any potential sources of stress for your female that are unrelated to your male cat. The more stressors you can eliminate, the more likely you'll be able to resolve this problem. Hidden illness can also be expressed as anxiety, anger, and/or aggression. You might want to consider taking your girl in for a thorough vet exam just to make sure she's healthy. A full blood panel should identify most major health concerns. If all else fails, you might also discuss the possibility of trying an anti-anxiety med with your vet. I dislike the idea of drugging any animal, but I also know that there are cases in which certain meds can be extremely helpful. Good luck. I know how stressful it can be for the entire household when any member is unhappy. Laurie

This is what I would do. I might even take "just her" out of school on one particular day, and I would arrange it ahead of time with her teacher on a day when little was happening. And I would tell her that, say that on Tuesday (or what ever day you choose) is _______ day. (insert her name). Tell her on that day, she is going to have a special day. You are not rewarding bad behavior, but instead, getting her back on track with your family. It would be a day when just the two of you go out to a special lunch. You go for a long walk while the other kids are in school. You hand her a piece of paper that says "pass" on it, and tell her that this special paper gives her the opportunity to say and talk about whatever she wants to say. Even if it "hurts" for you to hear...let her get it out. And simply listen...really, really listen, and try not to be defensive, etc. Let her talk about what is on her heart, and about her time with her mother. Just let her get it out, and bite your tongue as best you can, as she tells you things you may or may not want to hear. I am imagining that since you and your DH have custody of her, and that her mother moved out of state away from her child, that this "mother" is not mother of the year. Was this young girl "safe" while with her mother? Could something have "happened" or do you simply think that it is as simple as her mother bad mouthing you and your DH, to try and make herself look better in her daughters eyes? Could the slowness be depression or profound discouragement and hopeless feelings created by a mother who "chooses" to be absent from her little girls life? Could it be a young girl who struggles internally with the conflicts over the disappoint with who this mother of hers really is, and not understanding these feelings or how to cope with them? Let her talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. And then you will know what she is struggling with, and what is creating the problems. Some of the problems may go away, simply because she is able to talk about them and get them out, and not keeping them inside creating havoc. I would work with her so that the feelings she is experiencing do not take hold and turn into anger, rage, and all that can make a teenager so difficult. Yes, part of the behavior is part of being 11. And yet, this young girl has more going on than that. Most cannot imagine their "mother" abandoning them at such an age. I remember reading about the actress Meg Ryan whose mother did this, and the pain this caused the actress for years. How she will have no relationship with this mother who abandoned her as a young girl. It might also be the time to talk to her about the "facts of life" and I love the idea of a special box filled with girl goodies, like feminine products, deodorant, lip gloss, etc, for you and she to anticipate and acknowledge the changes that will be coming in the next year or two. IMO, you can get a lot more of what you want from her with honey (understanding) than with anger and punishment. ***I want to add that depending on her fathers personality and relationship with his daughter, all of this might be better if her dad does this with with his young daughter. He might better be able to discuss the things on her heart regarding her mother (and the disappointments) the divorce from her mother, the behavior of her mother, and perhaps some of the things her mother may have told her. If you both decide that your husband should open up these lines of communication with his daughter, tell him to listen...listen...and listen and let her simply "talk" and get all of this out. Sometimes, feeling really "heard and understood" can relieve feelings of depression, etc. But to me, what this child needs more than anything is to talk and work through some of what she must be feeling about her mother, and the disappointment in her, and the guilt for being disappointed, and the realization deep down of who this mother of hers really is, and her lack of presence in her daughter life. Is she the oldest? Does she have a natural sibling that lives with her, or are the other children in the house yours, or children you and her father had together, after getting married? I guess to help you feel compassion, instead of frustration and anger with her, is to try and understand her. Can you imagine if your own parents had divorced, and you went to live with your father and his new wife. And your mom just moved away, out of state for either a job, or a lover, and you were left behind? Even though your dad's new wife might be nice enough, there would still be a struggle over why your mom moved away, and left you. Ya know? I think you are doing a good job in trying to help this young girl, and trying to work with her, and understand her struggles. This is just my take on the whole thing. And last, because she struggles in school, can you find something that she is good at, and encourage her in this area, so that she feels good about herself. For example, is she creative and can you help her to learn to choose recipes and cook special meals once a week for the family. Make sure that the other children in the family are positive about her efforts. She could watch the cooking show and try making a simple dinner, letting her do most of it but you being nearby to lend a hand here and there, but give her all of the credit and make a big deal out of her efforts. Or a sport, etc., so that she builds good feelings about herself. It must be hard to be the one in school who struggles so, because there are always those "perfect" girls who are so bright and their parents make sure they are on top. Perhaps you could explain to her that every one has gifts, and where she may struggle in one area, she may excel in another. And the students who are so bright, will have other areas where they have struggles others may not know about. That some may be great in math, but find vocab a struggle. others may find vocab a breeze, but struggle with math. Anyway, help her find something to feel good about, because a mother's abandonment can set her up right off the bat to feel bad about herself. Anyway, hang in there, and I applaud your efforts at helping this young girl!