You did say that you didn't know her well and that she was new to the choir. It seems to me like maybe she likes her new acquaintances and would like to get to know you better. It's not necessary to give a gift every time. You could attend the wedding, take a few minutes to greet her, welcome her to married life, the church, the choir and invite her to call on you in the future when she and her new husband are settled. Back in the good old days when calling cards were the norm, it was also considered an honor for a young bride to be invited to call on an "established matron" after her marriage. It was a matter of being accepted in local society. Not necessarily high society, but older folks were prepared to provide young marrieds with their wisdom and an occasional small gift. Young married women who eschewed the invitation were rarely if ever invited again. Now since this is 2009, and the young bride probably hasn't been raised to recognize the signs of graceful society, she might be forgivven if she doesn't come around. But I think that through time, she may well come to recognize you as a wonderful person, and since you go to the same church you may still have opportunities to share the wisdom of your experience with her.

And there's no rule the parents have to be mentioned on the invitation of the first wedding either. Lots of couples these days sponsor their own wedding, so they are the ones to extend the invitation. Wording like you quoted is fine for either ceremony, and there are other choices, too. However the bride and groom want it worded pretty much goes so long it doesn't violate rules of etiquette or grammar such as misusing the word honour as opposed to honor.

I am sure Talley Sue is correct about what Crane's and other authorities say. And I get the point about simplicity, hosts only listed on the invitation, and the invitation not being about credits. However, I can tell you that we get dozens of wedding invitations every year, and they all give the groom's parents' names, too. The only exceptions are the ones from much older couples who are issuing the invitations themselves, or from couples who style the invitation "Together with their parents/families, Petunia Smith and Cuthbert Jones request the pleasure of your company as they are married ...." The latter formulation seems to be when there is some sort of complicated family circumstance regarding lots of stepparents or something. Even the ones that have, in every other respect, the most formal wording, still include the grooms' parents' names: "Mr. and Mrs. Zebulon Smith request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their daughter, Petunia Ann, to Cuthbert Arthur Jones, son of Mr. and Mrs. Norbert Jones ...." I imagine that in many cases, both sets of parents are hosting, or at least contributing money. But even where (as the formal wording indicates) only the brides' parents are, they always name the groom's parents, too. My point is that even though this is not correct per the etiquette rule, it is so firmly established a convention in my community that to leave off the grooms' parents names would be considered a major insult on the part of the bride's parents and would be taken as a real humiliation by the groom's parents. I'm not arguing the etiquette rule; I'm just saying that it doesn't end the analysis.

Since I am looking at this subject as a mother who has just recently completed a guest list with my daughter and her fiancé for their wedding, I would like to give your nephew the benefit of the doubt. Tough job. Who knows what was going through his mind when he invited your mother but it was probably meant to be kind. We are more worried that we will be offending people that feel they should have been invited. But you can't invite everyone you know. DD and fiance said from the beginning that the bride and groom's Aunts and Uncles and their spouses would be invited. And their kids and spouses/guests. Otherwise you are gonna pi** somebody off. Well the groom has 14 paternal Aunts and Uncles. And 8 maternal Aunts and Uncles. Big family. And my DH and I also have lots of sibs. Cuts down on the number of invites and you find yourself crossing people off the list. Anyway, I guess my point is...I think that most of the time there aren't that many invitations to go around and if all of you...and your mom got one, it' probably sincere. Call me naive too :-)