First you are not a bad wife and being a great mom is more important than a clean house. I've never seen written on a tombstone "she kept a perfect house", but I have seen beloved mother.

You just proved the point that things get done when you are busy because when you have more time you tend to put things off. It's not just you everyone is like that only some have more of a routine and the family pitches in.

Make your kids responsible for themselves and their rooms. Even my 4 year old grandsons make their own beds. Kids benifit by learning household chores. If it's not in the laundry, don't go looking for it and don't wash it. Sooner or later they are going to have to fend for themselves and if they've never done things they will be lost.

Take the time it takes to do a load of laundry every morning to put the house to rights. As soon as the kids leave, throw in a load of laundry, and take the time it takes to finish to clean the bathrooms and set the kitchen to rights. Do any picking up that needs to be done. Anything of the kids goes in the middle of their beds to be put away when they come home. Then you have the rest of the day for yourself. Of course I never considered grocery shopping as a chore. It was always rolled in with something pleasureable that I liked to do.

Pick a day of the week to put in some extra time vacuuming and dusting, and have the kids set aside an hour on the weekends to change their beds and vacuum dust their rooms. Once a month tackle a big job

These are only suggestions. You make your own schedule. It is much easier to keep up with things if you have a routine and things are relatively neat to start with. A complete mess is overwhelming.

You may want to join a Website like "Flylady" or "Step Out of Squalor". The first, Flylady, was started by a lovely woman who cleaned up her house starting by cleaning her kitchen sink. She has daily missions for you to do. Something like "Wash all your dooRknobs" . One of her mottos is "Jump in where you are. You are never behind." The second one, Step Out of Squalor" is mADE UP OF MOSTLY WOMEN WHO ARE DETERMINED TO GET THEIR HOMES FROM MESSY AND DISORGANIZED TO CLUTTER FREE AND CLEAN. (Sorry about the caps-my caps lock got stuck. I don't mean to yell.) Both sites allow you to join in, post questions, and get support from other people like you. Good luck!

Try flylady.net (not spam, I have no connection to the site). My house was never as neat as it should be. At one point you couldn't even see my kitchen counters, and I have a good amount of counter space! Flylady is free and it just kind of helps you get back on track. I follow it for a while then fall off the wagon and then go back to it again. Still, every little bit helps. In the few years since I found flylady I've gotten myself into some cleaning routines. Once something is a habit it's harder NOT to do it! Hope this helps and good luck!

Thanks you SOO much for replying.....I really appreciate it....I am trying, and will try harder....i was using Fly lady but the emails overwhlmed me but the "Step Out of Squalor". i havnt heard of i will go and look what they have also......The kids i think get overwhelmed byt their rooms they are just not big enough and i try with just do one thing....or JUST pick ONLY the clotehs and put them on the bed for me to sort.....I have the 11 Son doing the Rubbish and feeding the dog and ask the younger ones to pick anything that inst MEANt o be in the lounge or dinning to be put away...like ANY toys in their own room...and they are normally their toys wchich anoys me they are old enough not to leave a trail of toys al over the place.....THANK you for you help.....Today is Friday and i think i feel better about things plus the weekend being near...i feel like i can tackle things camler today....lol...that sounds a littl weird i know...but i'm going with it...

THANKS xox

Just one thing with the kids. You can'y just say "Clean your room". You have to say "Make your bed. Then pick up all the toys and put them away" Then "Pick up all your dirty clothes and bring them to the washing machine". See what I mean? One thing at a time, don't confuse or overwhelm them. You may want to use a reward system, like stickers if they do well. And if they get, for example, five satickers, you'll take everybody to the playground or McDonalds or whatever they like best.

Excellent point jannie!

Not sure if I read this on Flylady or somewhere else, but it takes 21 days to make something a habit. It was a slow process but I picked one thing a month, whether it was making the bed, taking care of mail immediately so it doesn't end up in a big pile, or hanging coats instead of draping them over the kitchen chairs. While I was learning these things I redirected the kids to do them too. Now we do them without thinking.

Depending on what kind of closets you have, installing closet systems can be a lifesaver! It doesn't have to be one of the fancy expensive ones. I went to Home Depot and figured out what to put in each closet and installed them myself. My two sons share a room and I doubled their usable space.

I totally get what you mean about the overwhelming emails from flylady. Geez, felt like I had a stalker! But I liked the general ideas, so I ordered her book from half.com and unsubscribed from her mailing list. This is going to sound pretty OCD, but I used the book, made a list of what had to be done in my particular house during that 15 minutes a day you devote to that week's rooms (REALLY OCD here, put them in a binder in sheet protectors so I could check off as I went)as well as the daily junk, and I really did whip things into spotless splendor in a minimal amount of daily time within about a month. Once you're there it's so easy to maintain. I found I needed a structure. Small things, like setting the timer for 15 minutes helped--amazing how much you can get done with a deadline, and it almost makes it a game. Get the book, make yourself a schedule and you won't feel so overwhelmed. I found that an IPOD in my ears helped too--dance away the calories while you clean your ceiling fans, lol.

The flylady says to do 15 mins of cleaning each day, and focus on one room a week?? I think I missed something. :\

Yes, you spend an extra 15 min. a day on a particular room or rooms that she designates for each of the 4 weeks of the month with the list of the deep cleaning kinds of things we just don't get to. You check them off as you go, then pick up where you left off when those rooms come around again the next month..then start over when it's finally all checked off because it's most likely time to do it again. This is all described on her website, which I found rather time-consuming and tedious, while the book made it easier to ignore the fluff and get down to what you needed to know.

The method is a good starting point, but you'll want to use her ideas, add and delete, and make your own list. I had far more rooms than she described for example, so had to bunch some rooms into the same week. Some of the stuff that was bugging me wasn't on her list, so I added it, and some things she included weren't relevant to my house.

Please know I don't actually LIVE like this except for a couple of months a year. I'm sure people do, and I admire them, but for me it helps get the house thoroughly clean in a minimal amount of time so I can resume "maintenance mode" knowing that dust on the ceiling fans and the mystery ick in the pantry is at least relatively new crud.

I just discovered FlyLadyÂs Swish and Swipe!

Swish: I was not sure about keeping a toilet brush in a container full of liquid, but I gave it a try. OMG Â this is so easy. I found a brush in a container for less than $5.00 at Target that is almost invisible in my bathrooms. One quick swish each day and I will never have to worry about my toilets again.

Swipe: Still trying to figure this one out  though I know I will like it. I purchased some pre-moistened Method wipes as they do mirrors too. The wipes are not sturdy and large enough to handle the job. I either need to find better wipes, or go with a new cloth each day which will not be as convenient. I like the Wipes sold by CostCo, but IÂm not sure they will work on mirrors.

Now if those Shower Sprays work  my bathrooms (3 of them) will only need a weekly vacuum (hello Roomba!) and mop (Scooba???)

When I have a hard time getting motivated I negotiate with myself. I'll say "Ok, I'll clean the kitchen for 20 minutes and then give myself 20 minutes of computer time as a reward." (Or TV, book reading, whatever! But I thought you folks might relate to computer time like I do. LOL)

It always amazes me how much I can get done in that short time. Then my "me time" is guilt-free and much more enjoyable than when I'm saying "I really should be doing something else" in the back of my mind.

I have the same problem, especially since my hubby died. With it being Mom and I, the emphasis is more on her and her health than cleaning. I'm just couldn't find the umph to make housework a priority.

Then came the LIST.
Monday- vaccuum
Tues- change beds

ETC

Put it somewhere that you will see it every morning. Sounds stupid , but seeing it in print motivates .

I totally agree with the above that says to make the kids/hubby also chore responsible too.

I always laid their laundry on their beds so they had to put it away.

Also found that making a house rule of:
Saturdays--chores have to be done before and games,friends, sleepovers , etc. SO HELPS motivate.