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nwroselady

Men!

nwroselady
15 years ago

I visited my DS, age 25, this weekend. He's been in his present apt at least two years, and in all that time his tub has been absolutely grotty. He can't do anything about the chipped finish, but its always been scummy and dirty. So this time I bought sponges and a can of Comet, and scrubbed all the dirt and soap scum off. A 100% improvement! When I showed it to him he said, "Thanks, Mom. I thought that dirt was permanent." (Never mind that I've been urging him to clean the tub since he moved in.)

Comments (13)

  • grainlady_ks
    15 years ago

    I take exception to the point it's "men" that don't know how to clean. I've seen plenty of women lack cleaning skills.

    My husband was a school janitor to earn money while he went through college, and he's one great guy at household chores. Which was interesting because him and his 3 brothers never lifted a finger in the house - not so much as washing a dish.

    What I want to know, did your son ever clean when he lived at home and learn how to clean properly? If not, then maybe you need to take some of the blame.

    When our kids left home they could prepare a nutritionally-balanced meal, do laundry, AND clean anything that requires cleaning in the home... Things that require instruction and practice. As a family, we all divided the household cleaning tasks on Friday afternoon or Saturday morning and everyone got to "clean". They all helped dirty things, they could help clean them.

    Remember, dust cloths and cleaning cloths/sponges are one-size fits ALL (LOL)!

    -Grainlady

  • jannie
    15 years ago

    I remember a boyfriend's apartment. Grubby dirt everywhere, dirty dishes and pots and pans in the sink, a filthy stained toilet. We got to be very good friends. So much so, that when he became sick with the flu, I came over to "nurse" him. In between bouts of sickness, I cleaned his apartment, washed all the dishes and sanitized the toilet. I never worked so hard in my life. One of his sisters came for a visit and couldn't believe how nice and clean everything was. This was 30 years ago. Why do I remember the details? Because I married him. And he's still the same slob. Our home is kept clean only because of my efforts. It never ends. Little boys never grow up, at least in my experience.

  • linnea56 (zone 5b Chicago)
    15 years ago

    My husband is the neatnik. He was dismayed when we took some things over to our sonÂs new-ish apartment. HeÂs 21, in med school, and only been there 3 months. DH told me not to look in the tub. Of course after that I had to. While we helped son set up some things, the two of us dusted and cleaned a bit, cosmetic stuff. We just couldnÂt stand there watching dust bunnies skating across the floor. Son said, "Mom, while you are at it, how about the tub?" whereupon husband said, "No! You are not asking your Mom, or me, to clean that. You get it that dirty, you have to take care of it yourself."

    The same son is a very good cook, does his laundry, and gets good grades. But cleaning Â?

  • twizzis
    15 years ago

    jannie, I'm screaming with laughter. My husband has an absolute blind eye to dirt and mess. He even takes offense when I try to "tidy" something belonging to him. I let most of it go because he's such a good man.

    nwroselady, it's no reflection on you or his upbringing, but I do feel your frustration.

  • justjustin
    15 years ago

    One thing...
    Having my husband and I both been through medical school, you might want to take a step back and think about how much TIME he has to clean. The first two years of medical school you have soo freaking much reading to do that cleaning is the absolute LAST thing you have to think about. If they hadn't given us scrubs to wear (that we turned in dirty and got clean ones) I don't know that we would have had time to wash clothes to go to class. I remember always telling my mom that the two things I needed were SOCKS and UNDERWEAR! That way, the one day a month I DID have free time I could wash those up and be set for a whole new month of craziness!

    Best of luck to your son and congrats to you. You've obviously done something right if he has had the ambition to go to medical school!

    Justin

  • mcbird
    15 years ago

    When it was time for our son to move from his first apartment we went out to help him clean and pack. Ok, this kid was taught to clean at home, but when we got there it was unbelievable. His tub had to be vacuumed before we could begin to clean it. That's the tip of the iceberg and to prevent much wretching I won't share more. His second apartment was always very very clean. Not sure what changed other than relentless ridicule from us and his friends, but it was disgusting. DH is a retired Colonel and CLEANS, we both ask where did this kid come from!

  • kristas1923
    15 years ago

    I agree that it is not all men. My ex-husband was always too "tired" from work to lift a finger to help clean at home. Fortunately, he is an ex and the wonderful man I am with now helps out with everything. He has no problem coming home from a long day at work, fixing something on my van and then coming in and doing some dishes, laundry...whatever needs done. We each share the housework 50/50. It is such a joy after 10 years of being expected to do it all.
    Don't worry though, your son is still young. Cleaning may not be a priority now but that may change as he continues to mature. As a mom, I would help him out here and there but don't let him rely on you too much. After all, he is out on his own now. Good Luck!

  • dudleyfuddpucker
    15 years ago

    And just to give you a perspective from the other side, and to let you know not all men behave this way, there's my story.

    I am a highly-paid industry consultant who works 45-55 hours every week (plus I have a 1-hour commute each way), and can easily afford to have my wife stay home with the kids. My wife DOES have dinner ready every day. And she does load the dishwasher. And once every two weeks or so she WILL run a vacuum around the house. But everything else, and I do mean everything else, I do. That includes laundry, cleaning the floor, cleaning the carpet, windows, counter tops, anything that needs fixed or painted (every day with my family), taking care of all 3 cars, and of course everything outside the house; yard work, landscaping, snow removal in winter, etc.)

    If it isn't bad enough sleeping 5-6 hours a night keeping up with this schedule, the real bugger is when my wife occasionally chastises me for not spending enough time with the kids, then seems surprised when I explain that these things are not optional; somebody has to do them!

    So, perhaps the title of the first post should have been "People!" ???

  • chipshot
    15 years ago

    Dare we ask what your wife is doing while you're busy working, cleaning, mowing, shoveling, etc? Or are those five-course gourmet meals she has ready every day?

  • dilly_dally
    15 years ago

    "The real bugger is when my wife occasionally chastises me for not spending enough time with the kids, then seems surprised when I explain that these things are not optional; somebody has to do them!"

    Sit down and talk it through. Maybe if you spent more time with the kids the wife would have more time to clean. Kids are a 24/7 job. Take the kids to the Zoo and see if the house is clean or some big maintenace project has been tackled and completed when you get home. If not, you have other issues to deal with and sort out. If you get home and all you see is an empty box of chocolates and a dog eared romance novel on the coffee table, while she is finishing up watching the Oprah episodes she has taped, then maybe go see a marriage mediator or counselor to try to get things on track. Sometimes when a person feels overwhelmed they "just shut down" and get too depressed to do anything that is not demanded of them.

    Also realize that most SAHMs do clean - the counters are wiped, the morning dishes are done, the toys are picked up, the bathroom sick is scrubbed and then the kids follow behind and mess it all up again. By the time you get home it looks like "nothing was done".

  • dudleyfuddpucker
    15 years ago

    Trust me, they are not done. She clearly states she does not like doing these things. We do have very clear communication in our marriage (something I insisit on), so nothing is left to guessing or assumptions, and we have had words many times over how chores "bore" her.

    Instead she is off to the mall, or my daughter's dance class, or to another reading program at the library, or to another music class, or another craft class. My kids are definitely not bored - they don't have time to be!

    Anyway, my original point was that the first poster tried to pigeonhole guys as being the "do nothing at home" type, when this generalization clearly cannot be made so easily. When in her better moods my wife even brags to friends that I run the household and take care of everything while also bringing home the bacon! :)

  • breenthumb
    15 years ago

    Justjustin, amen to the lack of time in Medical School. DD went through that. But internship and residency were far worse. 100 hrs. at the hospital out of the 168 total hrs in a week barely leaves time for eating and sleeping, much less cleaning.

    Glad most states put an end to that.

  • chipshot
    15 years ago

    Have you considered hiring some help, dudley? Even a cleaning service that comes in once a week for a few hours could free you to spend more time with your kids (and your wife). If not that, how about making clean-up a family activity? My kids are great little workers (I know, we'll see how long that lasts), and time spent on projects is definitely time spent together. My two cents.