I copied the Gag gift list that everyone has added to for over a year now it was ready to fall off page 10. I hope noone minds I just took out the bumps. I hope we can all add to it now and keep it for another year.

Tweetie147

Posted by Brenda (bhartmann@visi.com) on Fri, Nov 3, 00 at 22:59

Last year I saw a posting for gag gifts. Goofy or funny gifts to give. I had a blast last year making and giving the home exerciser, booger keeper, and tampon angels. I've searched the forum but haven't seen anything like it. Am I just not seeing it or am I looking in the wrong place.

I've started something in my family now and need more ideas. These items went over bigger than some of the gifts that were bought.

Any ideas?????

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Follow-Up Postings:

RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Granny2shoes (granny2shoes@usa.net) on Fri, Nov 3, 00 at 23:52

I just got this from a Christmas Bazaar today. 1 marble in a small zip bag a little bigger than a business card. A poem inside was the size of a business card, with decorative trim around the edges. It read: Sometimes it seems we lose our way and life becomes so blue. You think you've lost your "marbles" and others suspect it's true. But in spite of all the odds my friend, life can be wonderful too. Just remember, that no matter what, I'm always here for you. So when you think you've lost them all; pull out my gift to you. It may be small, and only one...but you haven't lost them all!!!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Evelyn (ms-fuhrman@home.com) on Sat, Nov 4, 00 at 12:27

BELLY BUTTON DUSTER.

Take a sparkly pipe cleaner, cut in half, glue a cotton ball on one end and a small bunch of flowers with bow on the

other end.

BELLY BUTTON BRUSH

You need: any color pipe cleaner, long bead, cardboard stock printing paper, small piece of wood (optional).

Cut pipe cleaner in 3" sections. Take one end and push down into bead. Roll remaining pipecleaner into a circle. (The bead & pipe cleaner now look like a small toilet brush.)

Here is a site that has some tags that you could print out.

http://www.craftmallusa.com/projects/noveltygifts/bbbpoems.html

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Grandma Bonnie (pyb@tcsn.net) on Sat, Nov 4, 00 at 15:38

Let's see the Hillbilly washer and dryer are a tiny clothes pin and a metal washer (you use them between a nut and a bolt when building things) in a small baggie with a tag reading Washer and Dryer - I usually use the name of a local town (Pozo Washer and Dryer or Hill Billy or Redneck...) The Hilly billy weather station and windchimes are made with beer cans... I'll post these on the refrigerator door. I'll also post a pic of the baby longjohns too. The Yard Stick is a stick (with personality of course...) I made up a tag which I attached.

This is a yard stick.

I know this cause I found it in my yard.

You can do many things with this yard stick - you can check to see how deep a mud puddle is... you can check to see how much gas is in the lawn mower...You can play catch with dog with it... you can even use it to start a fire.

You can use it for whatever you wish, just DON'T put it back in my yard!!! Oh, just remembered a couple more... There is the All Natural Bubble bath - I use a small bsggie and insert dried beans with the instructions to prepare and eat the beans an hour before bathing... Also there is the Fish bait (these ideas are from my good friend, Marylina) You put dried peas in a baggie with the instructions - Sprinkle peas on the water. When the fish come up to take a P** catch em!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Mar (mandm@reach.net) on Sat, Nov 4, 00 at 17:34

I got a wonderful idea from this forum last year that I used for my brother. I bought two AA batteries, put them in a box with a note saying "Gift not included"

He thought it was a hoot!!

~Mar~

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Amy (Amy6984@aol.com) on Sat, Nov 4, 00 at 20:57

Okay, here's one I have done. I made bedroom slippers out of maxi pads. LOL You need four maxi's to make a pair. Two of them get laid out flat, for the foot part. The other two wrap around the toe area to form the top. Tape each side of the top pieces to the bottom of the foot part. There you have slippers. Decorate the tops with whatever you desire, silk flowers, etc. Somewhere here I have a verse that goes with them. I'll look for it and post later. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me.

Amy in MN

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Amy (Amy6984@aol.com) on Sat, Nov 4, 00 at 21:14

Here's the Note for the Maxi pad Slippers:

Pad About Slippers

(for the Discrete Woman)

* Soft and Hygenic

* Non-slip grip strips on the soles

* Built in deoderant feature

* Keeps feet smelling fresh

* No more bending over to mop up spills

* Disposable and biodegradable. Evirnomentally safe

* Three convenient sizes:

Regular, Light day and Get out the Sand Bags

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Bets (pbat2468@northnet.org) on Sat, Nov 4, 00 at 21:33

The slippers are just to funny. What great ideals!!!! What is a booger keeper? That is something a kid shouldn't be without!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Brenda (bhartmann@visi.com) on Sat, Nov 4, 00 at 22:43

These aren't my ideas, I took them from this last year.

The booger keeper is a wooden box or whatever box you choose to use. Put tin foil on the bottom. Then dab a few areas on a table or counter top with rubber cement. roll each dab around a bit and it looks like a booger. Place them in the box on top of the tin foil and you have a booger keeper. There's a poem that goes with it but I can't seem to find it. If anyone has that please post it for those here who are asking about it.

The home exerciser is a block of wood with this saying printed on paper glued to it.

HOME EXERCISER

1. Place in middle of the floor

2. Walk around it two times

3. Rest, you've just walked around the block two times.

I also used the batteries last year. Everyone just loved these little, easy to make, inexpensive gifts!

Love the marble idea and the pad slippers. Thanks and keep those creative minds going!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Carol (NachoGrany@aol.com) on Sun, Nov 5, 00 at 12:42

I saw this posted on another forum. Thought it was really cute!

BELLY BUTTON BLOW DRYER (ordinary flexible drinking straw attached to a card that says:)

INSTRUCTIONS

Take deep breath. Place one end of dryer in mouth. Bend over. Place other end of dryer near belly button. Blow. Repeat if necessary.

CAUTION * Do NOT inhale when dryer is near belly button.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Paula (pfriedel@qis.net) on Sun, Nov 5, 00 at 19:58

How about for the maxi pad slippers also you could add 28 day warranty?!?!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: judi (jsicoli13@hotmail.com) on Mon, Nov 6, 00 at 8:24

How about a "Senior Citizen's Money Clip? Take card stock and print the print like this:

SENIOR

CITIZEN'S

MONEY

CLIP

Leave enough space in the middle to glue a penny in a paper clip. I sell these for $1.00 and they are a hoot. Judi

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Grandma Bonnie (pyb@tcsn.net) on Mon, Nov 6, 00 at 10:33

Judi. You can also make the money clip out of the tab that comes off a soda/beer can... Just bend it with pliers around a penny. Hummmm wonder if there's a poem there somewhere?

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Dianne MA (deeponte@yahoo.com) on Mon, Nov 6, 00 at 13:23

I saw an ad on t.v. A big box with the lable "Unfinished furniture". Inside the box is a branch, leaves and all! :)

RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Leli (Leli@webtv.net) on Tue, Nov 7, 00 at 0:06

Last year I gave "Pork & Beans" as a gag gift .Glue a small pig on the lid of a baby food jar and inside the jar add some dried beans.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Kris (kma_73@yahoo.com) on Tue, Nov 7, 00 at 8:15

Put some straw in a zip-loc bag and attach a tag that reads "Straw Hat -- Assembly Required"

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Debbie (bamadebbo@hotmail.com) on Tue, Nov 7, 00 at 9:23

This is a cute one a friend gave me one year, and I really got a kick out of it. I've passed it on several times since, and everyone else has liked it as well.

Place several switches in a small brown paper bag, allowing them to stick out the top. Tie with curly ribbon and attach the following poem:

Cause you've not been as good as you could,

You're not getting what you thought you would.

No toys or goodies under the tree,

Just ashes and switches from little ole me.

Santa

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Nancy (nasr_ar@nospamyahoo.com) on Tue, Nov 7, 00 at 16:34

This may not exactly fit this thread, but I have an idea of something cute, practical, or fun to give in the days leading up to Christmas. The idea isn't finished so help me if you want. I'm tayloring mine for my sister who will be going into finals.

"The Twelve Days After Thanksgiving" or "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

On the first day after Thanksgiving, my sister gave to me....a tasty helping of spaghetti.

-I'll wrap up a jar of sauce and some spaghetti to cook up.

On the second day after Thanksgiving, my sister gave to me....two creepy crawly bugs. (Something like Gummy worms)

-or something else (Hershey's hugs, hot chocolate mugs)

On the third day after Thanksgiving, my sister gave to me....3 famous men.

-I like 3 French men, but I'm not sure how to illustrate it so I may give $1, $2, $5

On the fourth day after Thanksgiving, my sister gave to me....four letter words.

-Love, Hope, etc., I thinking about making some refrigerator magnets.

-On the fifth day after Thanksgiving, my sister gave to me....five girls with wings. (Or 5 shiny things)

-I have some angel ornaments made up.

On the sixth day after Thanksgiving, my sister gave to me....a six pack of ??? (Coke)

-can't be Bud

I came up with this today. This is as far as I got. It could be made fun and inexpensively with little gag items from the Dollar Store.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Kris (kma_73@yahoo.com) on Tue, Nov 7, 00 at 22:16

How about a six pack of yoohoo?lol and seven silly snowmen,

eight popcorns for popping (8 packs of microwavable popcorn) nine soaps a sudsing, ten bells for jingling( you could make her a door hanger with 10 jingle bells), eleven candles glowing (votives) and 12 ranchers jolly (jolly ranchers) This is such a cute idea I might use a variation of this for my children for the 12 days of Christmas. Thanks for sharing!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Dorothy (DJST56@aol.com) on Wed, Nov 8, 00 at 8:38

A mini spring type clothes pin with a penny clipped in it, and write on the clothespin "Penny Pincher" :)

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: DianeLea (timelyexpr@aol.com) on Wed, Nov 8, 00 at 12:54

Hillbilly Flashlight - a block of wood with one wooden kitchen match in the end of it.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Elizabeth (egluegirl@aol.com) on Thu, Nov 9, 00 at 1:22

I saw these somewhere. Sawdust in a small zip lock bag. Labeled "Expert Jigsaw Puzzle"

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Robin (onelittlebirdie@yahoo.com) on Thu, Nov 9, 00 at 3:34

Elizabeth... I made one almost like it but I used candy sprinkles that you put on cupcakes and cookies. All kinds and shapes. Then I put a lable on it call "Worlds Almost Smallest Puzzle" with instruction not to open it if hungery or in front of a person with a sweet tooth.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Barb (a.weir@sympatico.ca) on Thu, Nov 9, 00 at 16:40

Check out Crafters Community...funny gifts (Tuit). There is a poem that goes with this easy idea.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Evelyn (ms-fuhrman@home.com) on Thu, Nov 9, 00 at 23:53

Ann, here is a site that has instructions and a picture of

the angel.

http://www.velocity.net/~slapshot/tampon.htm

Here is a link that might be useful: Tampon Angel

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Tami (manykidz@hotmail.com) on Fri, Nov 10, 00 at 12:18

Here is a gag gift for snowman's poop. You take the white packing peanuts put them in a tin can. The note says, " You've been bad

so here's the scoop

all you get

is snowman's poop!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Sarah (sarahkozy@hotmail.com) on Sat, Nov 11, 00 at 9:23

Hillbilly toothpick- railroad spike painted tan and the words written on it with a black marker.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Lisajo (jlwolff@novagate.com) on Sat, Nov 11, 00 at 13:48

Diamond Stick Pin

Glue a dime on a stick ("dime-on" Stick) and add a pin back. A little card that says something to the effect that you have too expensive of taste for our frugal budget or explain the pun.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: kathy (pumkinn235@gateway.net) on Sat, Nov 11, 00 at 14:13

I took pieces of straw and put in cellophane bags with a tootsie roll and a tag that said "roll in the hay"

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Barb (a.weir@sympatico.ca) on Sat, Nov 11, 00 at 20:26

Yoyoma; I had trouble finding this on crafter's community today as well, so here it is, TUIT

Write or type this verse and using a small wooden circle with Tuit written on it. Glue both to a card or put into snack bag.

The faucet that leaks,

The hinge that squeaks.

The crack in the door,

The hole in the floor.

You said you'd do it,

Just as soon as you could

get around to it.

Now the round tuit is here,

So my friend never fear,

You'll have all the time to do it,

Since from this day you can't get

away with the excuse,

WHEN I GET A ROUND TUIT.

Hope this is a help. Barb

Cow herd seeds

Posted by: Grandma Bonnie (pyb@tcsn.net) on Mon, Nov 13, 00 at 14:40

How about these? Put white beans that have black spots painted on them in a small bag. Attach a card that has a picture of a cow and reads "Herd Starter Kit" the back reads...

To start your own herd, plant the seeds in a warm spot right side up (you don't want the cows to grow upside down, do you? Be patient, it takes a long time to start your own hers. For best results, moo softly while watering. There is also golf ball seeds and old age pills. I don't know if anyone needs these.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Elizabeth (egluegirl@aol.com) on Tue, Nov 14, 00 at 23:44

I saw this somewhere....a tiny wooden stool in a prescription bottle....Hillbilly stool sample. Kindof gross! I am making expert quilt kits...tiny squares of fabric in a jar. The jar has a fabric circle to cover the top and a cute little label that says Expert quilt kit. I wanted to make a gift for a cheap relative last year but never got around to figuring out how to do it. I wanted to make him a tiny crow bar to keep in his wallet so he could "pry" it open once in awhile! I thought it would be funny!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Carol (gabegang@mcn.net) on Thu, Nov 16, 00 at 11:59

What a fun thread!!! I love it!

ok- here are some I have done.

I put saw dust in a little craft bag and put in a little paper graphic of a bottle of glue. The card topper says "North Dakotan Build a Home Kit"

(some assembly required)

Ted E. Bear

I put a little hand painted teddy bear in a bag with the following poem:

Ted E. Bear- the world's perfect male.

He'll sit and listen to EVERY detail.

And when you are through, just set him down somewhere.

When you need him again, he'll be right there!

I put shredded wheat in a little bag.

The card topper says:

"When did my wild oats turn into shredded wheat?"

I have more - I'll post again when I have more time!!

Carol

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Carol (gabegang@mcn.net) on Fri, Nov 17, 00 at 2:14

Here are a few more little gifts I've done. Three are originals, but the others came from the crafts and decor. forum!

LUCKY PENNY

My mama always told me

"Lucky Pennies" are a gift.

The angels throw them down here

When someone needs a lift.

And so I give this gift to you,

'though it doesn't look like much.

It is filled with special meaning

And is blessed by an angel's touch.

(Carol G.)

TURTLE POWER (I use a handpainted little turtle)

Let this turtle be a simple reminder to slow down, cherish each moment, and enjoy each day.

IF LIFE IS A RACE, BE THE LAST TO FINISH!

(Carol G.)

A Gift of Love (A small empty package)

This is a very special gift

That you can never see.

The reason it's so special is

It comes to you from me.

Whenever you are lonely

or even feeling blue,

You only have to hold this gift,

And know I think of you.

You never can unwrap it,

The ribbon will stay tied.

Just hold the box up to your heart:

It's filled with love inside!

SMILE... (I use a hand painted plaster smiley face)

It makes people wonder what you are up to.

If you see someone without a smile...give them one of yours.

Lucky Horseshoe (yes, plaster again!!!!)

This shoe is a gift,

It's a powerful force.

It's given to you

For good luck, of course.

So when things go right,

Consider the source.

And always give thanks

To a shoeless horse!

(Carol G.)

I'll look and see what else I can find in one of my many boxes!!!

Carol

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Dorothy (DJST56@aol.com) on Fri, Nov 17, 00 at 8:51

M & M MENOPAUSE RELIEF

To temporarily calm your craving for chocolate, eat the BROWN one.

At the first sign of hot flashes eat the RED one.

Eat the ORANGE one to minimize depression.

The GREEN one calms your frustrations, when you want to be left alone.

If you feel a headache coming on eat the YELLOW one.

The BLUE one reduces bloating.

If all symptoms occur at the same time, eat the WHOLE bag.

TERMITE TEASER

Sprinkle in your driveway

To lure termites from your house.

THen be really sneaky

just like a little mouse

And stomp those little pests

so you can have a rest!

**Take wood shavings in a bag, and attatch this poem.**

WORLDS SMALLEST PUZZLE

Put sawdust in a baggie with this header....

Worlds smallest puzzle...

*Caution* DO NOT try to assemble on a windy day!

I have more on my page if you would like to check it out... don't want to take up too much space here LOL :)

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: sapphire (danas_hints@hotmail.com) on Fri, Nov 17, 00 at 15:10

Yoyoma...to save on the cost of making so many I use the generic Cocoa Puff cereal and it looks great. I used raisins for bat poop at Halloween and found out not a lot of kids liked raisins. :(

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Might offend some

Posted by: Grandma Bonnie (pyb@tcsn.net) on Sat, Nov 18, 00 at 12:23

This is the Exotic Rubber Plant

Blooms usually at night - ocassionally during the daytime...

Blooms in different lengths and sizes - depending on the owner...

Never needs food, water or sunlight...

IMPORTANT - Once bloom has been picked, it will NOT REPRODUCE!!!

Am on my way to the regrigerator door to post the picture - Hi Lina!!!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Tami (diapercake@aol.com) on Sun, Nov 19, 00 at 3:30

Saw this today and just had to share it

MAGIC WEIGHT LOSS BEANS

1 Remove beans from bag.

2 Throw them on the floor.

3 Bend down and pick up each bean.

4 Repeat hourly as needed.

gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: penni (penni912@aol.com) on Sun, Nov 19, 00 at 11:42

Tampon Angel. Here is a tampon angel I made last year.

http://hometown.aol.com/penni912/myhomepage/personal.html

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Brenda (bhartmann@visi.com) on Mon, Nov 20, 00 at 23:59

If you know anyone who has a "tooting" disorder, the following poem sure is cute! I found this on the crafts forum under a poetry heading. Evidently someone requested a Grinch fart poem. Posted by Carol:

GRINCH TOOTS

The Grinch went down to Who-ville

And loaded up his sleigh.

He couldn't resist the yummy smells,

And sampled along the way.

His tummy started to rumble,

Then it began to shout.

Just when he thought he might explode,

He blasted these mighty "toots" out.

THEN SHE ADDED THAT YOU COULD FINISH WITH THIS:

To his releif, he felt so good,

It helped him with his mood.

He returned to Who-ville kind at heart,

But stayed away from all the food!

As soon as I read this I knew it had to be added here!

Hey grandma bonne.....where's the info on the golf ball and old age pills?

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Grandma Bonnie (pyb@tcsn.net) on Tue, Nov 21, 00 at 12:30

I've seen the old age pill posted. Here are the Golf Ball Seeds and

Golfer Tranquilizers.

For relief of distressing symptoms associated with luck opponents and stupid partners

Recommended doses:

Ball in rough - 1 green

Bsll in water - 1 purple

Ball in sand trap - 1 yellow

Ball out of bounds - 1 blsck

Bogie - 2 orange

Double Bogie - 3 red

Arguing Opponant/partner - 1 of each color

Mental confusion - 2 of each color

Really, REALLY mad - eat entire bag!!!

I put jelly beans in a small bag with this as a topper

Seeds On the front

A vine or two will provide you with enough galof balla so you will never have to hunt for one in the rough again and that is a pretty "fairway" to save time and Money

On the back

PLANTING INSTRUCTIONS:

Choose a smooth section of lawn.

The closser it resembles a green, the higher the quality of the balls produced.

Remove a divot of sod using either a 5 or 7 iron.

Use your putter to dig a hole about 6 inches deep - this gives new meaning to "puttering around in the yard..."

Put the seed into the hole,

Place a tall, thin pole on top of the seed as a trellis for the vine.

Use a triangular flag to number each pole.

If you try to grow over 18 plants at one time, they may not perform up to "par"!

If plants are over watered, the balls will be attracted to water hazards.

HARVESTING:

Your first crop should be ready for harvest in "roughly" 18 days.

When balls mature, the flag will fall over.

Carefully pull the vine out of the ground.

Under it, you should find a matched set of high quality golf balls.

After running them through a ball washer, they should suit you to a "tee".

I put these in a seed packet with a hole cut out of the front and put celephane behind it. ZI used clear faceted beads for the seeds I'll put a picture on the refrigerator door. Sure am sorry Les isn't here - there are probably typos and there is nothing worse than a product that you spend time on and find out you have spelled something wrong.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Grandma Bonnie (pyb@tcsn.net) on Fri, Nov 24, 00 at 18:20

I thought the fish bait was already posted. It's a baggy with split peas in it. Make a topper for the top with...

(Name of local lake, river etc.) Fish Bait

Sprinkle bait over a small section of water

When fish come up to take a "Pea",

GRAB IT!!!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Pat (Lazerbird1@aol.com) on Sat, Nov 25, 00 at 20:09

Last Christmas at our family get together, I gave a lot of the gag gifts. One not mentioned here yet is a jar of "Pickled Peckers" I made the little "peckers" out of panty hose, shaped and stuffed them. Put them into a pint jar and added water. I also added some pickling spice for looks. Added a cute label "From the kitchen of". Got plenty of laughs.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Mary Lue (mlnoh@webtv.net) on Sun, Nov 26, 00 at 1:38

How about a cartridge in a bare tree?

In a glass decorativ jar with height, put in a twig. Tied to the twig is an empty shot gun cartridge. Around the base put angel hair, just to jazz it up.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Pat (dj1owner@if.rmci.net) on Mon, Nov 27, 00 at 21:45

Maybe not a gag but cute all the same. Attach a bow to a roll of cookie dough with this note:

We thought this would come in handy since everyone's a little short on dough around Christmas time.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Nancy K (jimnancykohrs@worldnet.att.net) on Tue, Nov 28, 00 at 10:37

Old age pills

(use jelly beans in a large prescription bottle)

Gas-- yellow

Constipation--green

Forgetfulness--black

Arthritis--purple

Baldness--white

Deafness--orange

Wrinkles--pink

Sex--red

The red pill may be cut into fourths if needed.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Brenda (bhartmann@visi.com) on Tue, Nov 28, 00 at 18:14

Just found the poem that goes with the booger keeper. Diane I also sent this to you via your email.

My Mother always told me

Everything had a place...

So I've made this Booger Keeper

To keep them off your face!

Just open up the tiny lid

And place them in, with care..

Nobody need know you have them...OR

SHOW THEM IF YOU DARE!!!

Sorry it took so long to find it!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Craftngo (fuddsfarm@lakesweb.com) on Wed, Nov 29, 00 at 21:39

How about a "Peter Heater" They can be knit, crocheted or sewn. I don't think you need a pattern for one if you get the drift. Here is the Poem and story.

Now that you are growing older

and the nights are getting colder

I thought nothing could be sweeter

than this little Peter Heater.

PETER HEATER

Designed and originated by a genuine old maid,

This Peter Heater will save you wearing long niteshirts,

When closing the string, make sure you're all inside the bag,

With practise you can urinate without removing the Peter Heater

Peter Heater should be removed when attending a party, or

you may find yourself the father of a rag doll.

During the day it can be stuffed with cotton batten,

and placed on the left side of the fly.

This will give you a manly appearance, and surprise your

friends of both sexes.

When storing for summer, be sure to remove YOURS

and replace with moth balls.

DO NOT STARCH as you will only fool yourself.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Sharla (sharla@primenet.com) on Fri, Dec 1, 00 at 2:09

The first year my husband & I were married we got an "electric" toilet plunger. It was just a normal toilet plunger with a hole drilled in the top and an electric cord w/plug glued into the hole. It's been one of the most useful gag gifts we've received!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Terri (TerriLeeRush@aol.com) on Fri, Dec 1, 00 at 17:15

After reading through these, I thought about giving my nine year old daughter with long hair some hare clips for Christmas -- a picture of a rabbit/hare or stuffed animal with paper clips on the ears. Of course, being a kid, we will have to do the adult gifts first so the kids know they are all in fun.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: MillieMo (millie@ipa.net) on Mon, Dec 4, 00 at 22:37

Did I miss this one: Cow patties. Melted Chocolate with coconut or something of texture, poured into a little plate and when almost firm, stir the top around to make it look like the real ones. I would have some melted parafin in it to make it get firmer and not melt so fast in your hands. It would be funny and edible.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Carol (gabegang@mcn.net) on Wed, Dec 6, 00 at 11:09

This one is naughty!!!

Put some duct tape in a little bag. Topper says:

Poor Man's Viagra

"Once it's up, keep it up"

CAUTION: Some assistance with assembly may be required!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Terrica (turboflush@geotec.net) on Wed, Dec 6, 00 at 21:00

How about getting a can of that spray snow, then make a label that says SNOWSTORM IN A CAN!!!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: amy (in2craftn@aol.com) on Thu, Dec 7, 00 at 13:48

my son is a tv land fanatic, and asked me if i could come up with any thing that would work with some of the old shows and commercials or sayings. so last night i was watching gilligans island of corse on tv land and their boat is called the S.S. minnow. and i thought maybe i could find some type of fish that look like a minnow and write s.s. on it do you think it would work. and the other one is to put a toy cow in a bag and a card that read where's the beef. let me know what you think

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Toymom (toymommy16@yahoo.com) on Sun, Dec 10, 00 at 17:48

Here one that I just remembered about, not my idea, Just came acrossed it a couple years back.

Wrap a dishcloth and dish towel in a large and pretty box with

this note attached:

This Christmas our ship has finally come in

We;re feeling so wealthy and rich.

Instead of some small remembrance

This year will be quite a switch

We're giving a gift of high quality

No more cheap presents for us.

It's time we really went all out

But don't worry, its really no fuss.

We considered giving you a sports car

Or maybe a tropical cruise ---

But we decided to be more practical

And give something you really could use.

So, open the box and you may be surprised,

To find not only ONE gift, but two --

We hope you will put your presents to work

It's a WASHER & DRYER, too!!!!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Vikki (Bunchofbeavers@aol.com) on Mon, Dec 11, 00 at 9:45

WHAT A HOOT!!!!!! I love these.....I need one for grandma's and mom's, I had my daycare kids do the fishbait for the dad's and grandpa's and would like something for their mom's and grandma's along these lines. I glued a magnet to the fishbait topper for hanging on the refrigerator. Thanks!!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Mary Jo Ky (Ibuneq@aol.com) on Thu, Dec 14, 00 at 21:56

An idea for using suckers would be - as a birthday gag gift, stick how ever many suckers you need into a block of styrofoam that is glued into the bottom of a flower pot. Put a sign on the pot that says *40 SUCKS* or whatever milestone birthday it is.

Another idea is, paint a face on a large lima bean (just eyes nose and a mouth) and put in a small plastic bag with a lable that says *Grow Your Own Dope, Plant a Man*.

Mary Jo

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: ZooNana (zoonana@yahoo.com) on Fri, Dec 15, 00 at 3:25

I used to do the donut seeds (cheerios) as bagel seeds for craft fairs years ago but I can't find the stuff I used .. does anyone know the "planting instructions" for them.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Lisajo (jlwolff@novagate.com) on Fri, Dec 15, 00 at 8:22

Here are 2 poems for the Dustpan Cookies:

I was in a hurry,

Cuz time was running out.

I'd baked a batch of cookies for you,

And when I turned about,

I saw they'd fallen on the floor.

It made me want to shout!

How could this happen at this time,

When time was running out.

I couldn't throw them in the trash.

Whatever could I do!

I quickly swept them in this pan,

And rushed them off to you.

Or---

I was baking some cookies

When they dropped on the floor.

So I scooped them right up

And rushed them to your door!

Merry Christmas From Our House To Yours!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Debbie (bamadebbo@hotmail.com) on Fri, Dec 15, 00 at 8:49

I saw one that was a little block of wood (about 1-inch thick and about 2 1/2-3-inches square. There was a little chunk cut out of the side (kind of like a side-ways "U"). There was a small tack inside the U and written on the block was "Tacks Shelter" (tax shelter". Thought this one was cute.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Leila (gigglesmom19@yahoo.com) on Fri, Dec 15, 00 at 12:00

I used my left over tootsie rolls for reindeer poop. Who says that all poop is round like a ball. Some do look like rolls. Lemon drops can be put in a bag with a topper saying when life gives you lemons make lemonade, or it could be smiley face poop, I suppose. Suckers ( I use Dum-Dums, they're cheaper) can be bunched up into threes and cover with material and tie off with ribbon and add poem cards. Teacher lollies, sweet treats, etc. I like the 40 sucks idea too. I'll be 40 less than 2 years.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: amy (in2craftn@aol.com) on Fri, Dec 15, 00 at 21:30

i took the dum dum sucker and put two in a bag and write the following for it

from i dum dum to another

dumb idea

and i did the smiley face poop

i loved the idea

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Mar (sognbird@hotmail.com) on Sat, Dec 16, 00 at 0:43

I just left my school Christmas party. I used some of the gags posted here. Everybody loved them. For some other ideas, a toliet seat painted the school colors with the school motto, or the school team name on it. Another thing that was a big hit, was cow bells, and kids games with the pieces missing. Just thought I'd share this with all of you. Mar

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Bonnie (birdhousebonnie@webtv.net) on Sat, Dec 16, 00 at 17:42

Fish Seeds

It's known you like to fish alot,

your line dropped in the water.

But sometimes they aren't biting,

so you can't catch what you oughter!

When these times come, just grab

this pack of ready-to-grow fish seed,

then raise them til they fit the size

your best "fish stories" need!

Put this topper on a little baggie of goldfish crackers. I'm not sure who made up the poem (maybe Les?),but I did get it on here some time ago. It makes a cute little gag gift for the fishermen in your life. Bonnie

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Lisajo (jlwolff@novagate.com) on Sat, Dec 16, 00 at 22:57

Here's the Grinch Poop Poem I copied from the C/D forum...

The Grinch has been here!

He left just one clue...

This little green pile,

Of Grinchy "Pooh."

But why did he do it?

Did he want to get caught?

As the Grinch would say,

"I most certainly did not!"

But Santa and the reindeer

(with nose set on dim),

Landed on the roof,

And scared IT out of him!

He left in a hurry-

Homeward bound,

Leaving little green piles

All over the ground.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Nicole (MsNikkiCole@aol.com) on Sun, Dec 17, 00 at 1:43

Just wanted to add the version of Grinch poop I'm using...

HO-HO-HO, Christmas is near

So here is a bit of Christmas Cheer!

I heard from a little Birdy

Who sits on the stoop,

You been mean and naughty,

So here is your Grinch Poop!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: MillieMo (millie@ipa.net) on Sun, Dec 17, 00 at 19:23

I have been busy making some of these and want to add one I made up. My daughter hates to cook so I copied my checkered cookbook in the scanner, printed two of them on glossy paper, or plain paper with clear adhesive paper over it. I filled it with paper and on the first page I listed all the phone numbers of the fast food restaurants in the area. I added 911 to the list, as she has been known to set off the smoke alarm when she does cook. I added a poem, but would not be suitable for all.

I made you this recipe book

Although you don't like to cook

Just open it wide

And you can decide

To call in, or burn it outside.

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RE: Suggestions for the gag gifts in other posting

Posted by: MillieMo (millie@ipa.net) on Sun, Dec 17, 00 at 19:39

For the jar of pickled "pe--ers" you could use ring bologna, or sausages. Not sure I'd have the nerve, but would save sewing and stuffing.

For the belly button duster and brush. I made a matched set with small dowel rods about 9" long and used the pipe cleaner coiled for a brush end. Wrapped it to the rod with a small piece of pipe cleaner. I glued a white pom,pom to the other rod. For handles, I found some old ball point pens, removed the inside and unscrewed them and they worked on the dowels. Put a little glue in them to hold then on.

I made the pad about slippers, by sewing 1/2 a pad across the toe area. I just zig,zagged all around the pad attaching the toe section as I stitched. Make the toe section long enough that it stands up over the sole, like a real pair of slippers. I glued on a ruffle of lace to the toe section, a little bow also and they look

almost too good to be pads. Sure have had fun.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: craftngo (fuddsfarm@lakesweb.com) on Mon, Dec 18, 00 at 19:11

How about a jar of pickled "boobs" Make little boobs from

pantyhose, place in jar add pickling spice then put lid on.Put a tag on the jar saying "Pickled Boobs"

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Donna L (meow6598@hotmail.com) on Tue, Dec 19, 00 at 20:29

I just got a new one today from my boss:

It has hey and tootsie rolls in the bag and then on the note it says"

I know you like excitement

so this will make your day.

This gift is all you could ask for

Here it is.....A roll in the hey!

Donna

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Bev (AMA250@aol.com) on Thu, Dec 21, 00 at 19:12

How about A melted snow man.

Take a mason jar or some sort of clear jar and put water in it. Put in a carrot, a button and two small pieces of coal. I thought about charcoal??? Put a label on the jar that reads:

Melted snow man. May be refrozen and molded into original snow man head. Warning: Do not drink because, well, it's simply gross!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Deanne Burton (deanne.burton@nf.sympatico.ca) on Sat, Dec 30, 00 at 9:38

I had some choc raisins so I made up this "poopy" poem:

On Christmas Eve as I was snug in my bed,

Guess what some little "creatures" were doing instead?

Little mice were making their stops

And, of course, they left their teeny-tiny "plops".

On Christmas Morn I did awake,

Oh me,oh my, oh goodness sake!

Those adorable rodents had left such sweet gifts,

So I gathered and packaged them up in a "jiff"

And ,now ,this Christmas I present to you

This little bag of mice "doo-doo"!

written by Deanne Burton

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: susie (suzyk2@earthlink.net) on Wed, Jan 3, 01 at 23:26

this year i made "hillbilly kits" for some family members and friends.

I took a pair of men's breifs and sewed the legs shut. attached elastic handles to the waist band with buttons.

then i put the following into the "brief case"

nail=hillbilly toothpick

old car key=hillbilly ear wax remover

cut up newspaper strips the size of toilet paper=hillbilly toilet paper

a jar of beans=hillbilly bubble bath

matches and a jar=hillbilly lantern

belly button brush

i left the fly area open as this held pens and pencils really well, it will also hold a cell phone...lol

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: amy (in2craftn@aol.com) on Sun, Jan 7, 01 at 14:00

i am looking for a candy mold that is a skunk

and then my bag will say

HILL BILLY PERFUME

WHAT YA THINK

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Lori (ordieb@yahoo.com) on Sun, Jan 7, 01 at 20:32

I keep reading and reading and laughing every time! I don't think that these are posted but with allllllllllllll that are here I could have missed them.

Hillbilly Putter: About a 6" cut off a small log and a stick attached to resemble a golf club. On it print "hillbilly putter.

Attitude Adjuster: made similar to the putter just a shorter handle made to look like a rubber mallet. On it print "Attitude Adjuster"

Hillbilly Flashlight: A small board about the size of a half of a wooden paint stirrer. Glued to the top is a hinged clothes pin holding a wooden match.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Pat (robinson.pat@sympatico.ca) on Sun, Jan 7, 01 at 22:03

I got a 'worry wart' for Christmas. I thought it was so cute. It is made out an nylon stocking. A round ball stuffed with cotton about 1 - 1 1/2 inches across. gathered at top and tied with small bit of ribbon. Two tiny eyes glued onto it. Poem attatched......

This worry wart will be your friend,

And when your day is at it's end

Just relax..........worry no more,

Cuz that's what this little wart is for.

LadyBug

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Karen (Karenandmarc@home.com) on Wed, Jan 10, 01 at 1:52

This year I gave my brother and his girlfriend one of my husband's old work socks (complete with holes!) in a zip-lock, and then attached this poem that I got form another post.

(I did "Tweek" it abit!;-)

"Official Santa Sock"

My puppy must have stolen it

On last year's Christmas Eve.

I hope that Santa's toes weren't froze

When he had to leave.

I'm passing it along to you

As quiet as a mouse!

And THIS year if he's lookin' for it

IT WON'T BE AT MY HOUSE!!!!

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: susie (suzyk2@earthlink.net) on Thu, Jan 11, 01 at 21:08

one more for the hillbilly kit....

ya'll need a hillbilly calculator, i added a pair of feet with all ten toes cut out of construction paper then folded like a card and inside the card was all the toes numbered. on the outside it read hillbilly calculator.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Mischelle (randmisc@flash.net) on Wed, Jan 17, 01 at 14:38

I love the Hillbilly briefcase. I now have my mother sewing the legs opening closed on several pairs(she's 75 and is laughing the whole time she is sewing them). The ladies at the craft mall can't wait for me to get them in my booth. Thanks for the idea, Suzie. Mischelle

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: susie (suzyk2@earthlink.net) on Thu, Jan 18, 01 at 18:27

just a couple more for the "Hillbilly Briefcase kit"

Hillbilly telephones=two tin cans with string atached to both.

Hillbilly cell phone=one tin can with an antenna

Hillbilly microwave=magnifying glass(uses the sun to cook)

have fun, I will try to think up some more.

susie

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: susie (suzyk2@earthlink.net) on Fri, Jan 19, 01 at 23:55

I've just seen a couple of more really neat ideas for gag gifts.

over the hill instant face lift=a small roll of duct tape, i'm sure someone can come up with a poem.

Also, over the hill make-up brush=a cheap paint brush for painting walls.

I also found the neatest confetti, small airplanes, boats, cars, trucks, for those who just can't really afford the brand spankin new ones they can grow their own.

Musical notes confetti can be given to the person who just can't carry a tune, you can give them a bag of notes!

I also found on Christmas clearance racks tiny little Christmas presents that are meant for miniatures, these could be given for someone who is wishing for that very expensive present, they can grow their own.

For the treasure jars that someone posted somewhere, I think on this list. you can make theme related treasure or puzzle jars= fishermans treasure jar filled with birdseed and all sorts of fishing stuff like tiny hooks, a bobber can be made from a small bead and a toothpic, tiny rubber worms, a piece of fishing line, ice fishing hooks etc. Then there is the crafters puzzle jar filled with crafting items, the sewers puzzle jar filled with sewing items. the office worker puzzle jar and so on. then for the man's man puzzle jar only add tool related items nuts, bolts, screws, washers, wire connectors, a car fuse etc.

hope you all have fun with these. I know I will find more, and as long as this post stays active I will be here adding more.

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: Nancy K (jimnancykohrs@worldnet.att.net) on Sat, Feb 3, 01 at 9:15

I found this one at the link included.

Cupid Poop

Couldn't send you flowers

And candy wouldn't do

Mushy cards just didn't say

The things I wanted them to

So I got you something special

And here's the inside scoop

I found you something very rare

It's genuine Cupid Poop!

Ingredient Suggestions:

Cinnamon hearts

Sweet tarts

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RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: susie (suzyk2@earthlink.net) on Sun, Feb 4, 01 at 21:17

there is the jack in the beanstalk kit...

take a package of regular green bean seeds or you can use lima beans, a small plastic pot, a little package of dirt

and the instructions are, plant with care not too near the house but where you can get to it easy enough, stand back water and let it grow. (Of course it won't grow like jack's did but hey it is a cute gift for a gardner)

RE: gag gifts or funny gifts for christmas

Posted by: susie (suzyk2@earthlink.net) on Mon, Feb 12, 01 at 22:17

I've found another funny gag gift...

Poor women's boob job

take 2 flesh or clear balloons a straw

and put on a topper that reads:

Poor Women's Boob Job

directions: insert balloon into bra pocket, insert straw into balloon and blow to desired size, add clip or knot to prevent shifting of size or air escape. repeat for other side. Caution: stay away from sharp objects and over squeezing!

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