Help,caregiving two relatives,both confuse morning and night

13 years ago

My dad 83 calls me at 3 AM or 1 AM and doesnt realize it is night.His eyesight is very bad and some of the other apartment dwellers in his Senior housing find him sitting on the porch at 3 AM.I am also caring for my husbands elderly aunt who is a meanie! She too confuses morning and night and calls us at all hours.She gets mad and says we are know-it-alls if we tell her it is still night and hangs up! They also will be SO nervous about going somewhere the next day that they cannot sleep and will think its morning and be setting up all night waiting for us. I quit telling my father when he has a DR appt. I just show up in the morning and get him ready and off we go. Otherwise he wont sleep and we get there and hell be grouchy and wont tell the Dr whats wrong.I had to stop bringing him to church because he would get ready at 11 PM then sit on his porch all night waiting for us to arrive,call me at 3 AM asking where I am.The kicker is after I rush around getting myself ready, rush to get him showered and dressed and to church he grabs coffee and a donut and sleeps through the entire service! Finally had to quit bringing him. God forgive me but he is not getting anything out of it.

But the question is has anybody got an invention that will help them know what is morning and what is night? I bought an LCD clock but the AM and PM letters are so choppy and hard to read. Surely someone has an invention out there I do not know about.

tanya

Comments (6)

sushipup1
13 years ago
No invention, I am sorry to say. He's got some level of dementia, so your problems can be worse than him just knowing what time it is. And it won't get any better.

I'll suggest that you start reading up on this, and talk to your Dad's doctor. Some meds might help him, but you need to know what to expect down the road. And it's a difficult road.

You're already doing a wonderful job, but it won't get any better. Take care of yourself, too.

So, search here (use the search function at the bottom of the page, because the one at the top is useless) and read some of the discussions we've had here. That's a good start for you.

You're an angel. ;-)

Here is a link that might be useful: Discussiona about dementia
marie_ndcal
13 years ago
Instead of senior apartments could the Dad and Aunt be in assisted living?
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goldenpond
Original Author
13 years ago
Auntie live in assisted living,,,, absolutely not she would kill us all first. She has enough faculties and money to keep up with everyday living, a housekeeper,lawn boy and handyman do the hard stuff and hubby and I fill in getting groceries etc.We do NOT let her drive and we had to take away her checkbook as people were taking advantage plus she has a terrible case of the GIMMES Then one day she called my DH up and said a check had been returned and she had NO idea why when she did EVERYTHING right. Well we looked it over and said," Auntie why did you send them a check for 0 dollars and 0 cents? She said,"LOOK,,, right here it says amount you owe 0 dollars and 0 cents and I always pay EXACTLY what they tell me!" After that and a BRAND new security alarm being installed that she cannot use we took the checkbook away.She can be perfectly normal then switch to talk about her deceased husband and son and how they mow God and Jesus' lawn in heaven and she gave the heaven contractor 60,000 to build them a home up there and they had to use a helicopter to get the appliances in,heaven has two helicopters you know Then she will start on a casket being delivered to her front door with some guy named Girard and a naked woman having sex in it and on and on and then she snaps right back to reality and her normal nasty self. Honestly I like her better delusional!
My dad loves his little place and people are so good to him. He has a great attitude.I live only minutes away and clean,do laundry shower,order meds and depends from the VA. I do not think we can afford assisted living for him. He Loves people and this p[lace has a lot of parties and functions put on by the catholic church. He would NOT be able to live there if I did not do for him and remind him to change depends etc.
Any way the Social workers and VA and others have told us that they can live alone as long as they are NO threat to themselves or others. So we are sticking it out as long as possiible
dreamgarden
13 years ago
My father in law had Alzheimer's. While the staff where he was staying were very good, I wish he could have stayed at a place like the Beatitudes. They really seem to have the right approach about caring for people.

Giving Alzheimer's Patients Their Way, Even Chocolate
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PHOENIX - Margaret Nance was, to put it mildly, a difficult case. Agitated, combative, often reluctant to eat, she would hit staff members and fellow residents at nursing homes, several of which kicked her out. But when Beatitudes nursing home agreed to an urgent plea to accept her, all that changed.

Disregarding typical nursing-home rules, Beatitudes allowed Ms. Nance, 96 and afflicted with Alzheimer's, to sleep, be bathed and dine whenever she wanted, even at 2 a.m. She could eat anything, too, no matter how unhealthy, including unlimited chocolate.

And she was given a baby doll, a move that seemed so jarring that a supervisor initially objected until she saw how calm Ms. Nance became when she rocked, caressed and fed her "baby," often agreeing to eat herself after the doll "ate" several spoonfuls.

Dementia patients at Beatitudes are allowed practically anything that brings comfort, even an alcoholic "nip at night," said Tena Alonzo, director of research. "Whatever your vice is, we're your folks," she said...."

A link that might be useful:

www.nytimes.com/2011/01/01/health/01care.html?_r=1&hp
goldenpond
Original Author
13 years ago
Wow that was an excellent article. My dad LOVES chocolate ice cream and I told his DR if he couldn't have chocolate ice cream he would want to die. The Dr said ,"then give him as much Chocolate ice cream as he wants" I thought he was nuts but now I wont feel like Im doing something wrong. Just talked to my mom today(they are divorced) she is thinking of moving closer so I can help her. I guess its like cheaper by the dozen as long as you have to do for one,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
dreamgarden
13 years ago
My father in law had Alzheimer's. While the staff where he was staying were very good, I wish he could have stayed at a place like the Beatitudes. They really seem to have the right approach about caring for people.

Giving Alzheimer's Patients Their Way, Even Chocolate
By PAM BELLUCK-NYT
December 31, 2010

PHOENIX - Margaret Nance was, to put it mildly, a difficult case. Agitated, combative, often reluctant to eat, she would hit staff members and fellow residents at nursing homes, several of which kicked her out. But when Beatitudes nursing home agreed to an urgent plea to accept her, all that changed.

Disregarding typical nursing-home rules, Beatitudes allowed Ms. Nance, 96 and afflicted with Alzheimer's, to sleep, be bathed and dine whenever she wanted, even at 2 a.m. She could eat anything, too, no matter how unhealthy, including unlimited chocolate.

And she was given a baby doll, a move that seemed so jarring that a supervisor initially objected until she saw how calm Ms. Nance became when she rocked, caressed and fed her "baby," often agreeing to eat herself after the doll "ate" several spoonfuls.

Dementia patients at Beatitudes are allowed practically anything that brings comfort, even an alcoholic "nip at night," said Tena Alonzo, director of research. "Whatever your vice is, we're your folks," she said...."

A link that might be useful:

www.nytimes.com/2011/01/01/health/01care.html?_r=1&hp

Help,caregiving two relatives,both confuse morning and night

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sushipup1

marie_ndcal

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Help,caregiving two relatives,both confuse morning and night

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sushipup1

marie_ndcal

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dreamgarden

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