This could get "sticky" the mom is mobile now but "closing the fridge door" how often would you have to be checking it. What if she starts spilling milk, are you going to have to clean up half dried messes, will they start taking you for granted & expect you to "take mom to dr." clean up after her if she gets sick, etc. Will "walking the dog" be your job for the mile walk if she can no longer do it? It's his mom but wife may want out from under it completely & you may be helping bathe ,diaper or who knows, also looking for her if she gets lost, any fences, can she just take off & your job to "find her". Probably better write list of things that may come up & how it will affect you if he doesn't think you are "doing enough" or she thinks you "should do more"(probably for same pay) a lot would depend on how compatible you are with the couple, is their marriage stable(don't want to get in middle of fighting couple)or have to take sides. If she is good friend will that last if you try it & quit or will she hold it against you as she will have more work to do. Lots to think about. More than likely mom is going to resent you for awhile, maybe daily, elders don't like to think they are failing. I know from friends & 90 yr old mom. 1 friend's parents got help 4 hrs a day. the wife wanted her out of her house even tho hubby was getting lost etc. Dog food could be locked up & you take out just enough for that day so dog would be Ok. Fridge could be slightly higher in front so would close on its own as most have screw feet. Mine closes by it's self. Are they going to pay s.s. taxes & income taxes? What if she falls 5 minutes after you leave to go do your other duties, will you be responsible for her "laying there for 4 hrs". Lot to think about!You will definitely need 1 weekend off a month & 1 day a week,because you have the other job, you will burn out otherwise.Good Luck!

At night I would try 2 veggies ,little piece of meatloaf or some other kind of meat, chicken or fish. May have to try different veggies. There are lot in frozen food section but check back for salt content some are loaded, some have almost none. If she has high blood pressure than be sure to get ones with almost no sodium. Some of the ones with sauces are loaded with sodium so would raise her BP if that's already a problem. Canned peaches, pears, apricots, prunes, applesauce or fruit cocktail make good snacks or dessert for evening meal. If she doesn't like water, try weak decaf ice tea, V8 Fusion drinks or any of assorted juices, fresh grapes, cut up apple with skin off, fresh ripe pear, bananas or orange cut up but some older folks can't take much acid so may have to stick to bananas & grapes, melon, or watermelon. My mouth has started cracking in corners from too much acid so I have to be careful & I'm much younger. Jello is easy to eat & can have fruit added.

You HAVE to get her to the dr. What you're describing is definitely some sort of dementia. If it's Alzheimers, there are meds that can help--won't cure the disease, but can slow it down, and give the person more control. Secondly, from what you're describing--and I know you don't really want to hear this--your mother is at the point where she is truly not capable of handling her finances. If she told you she'd go and get you $10,000, just because you asked, you really DON'T know who else she's decided to help out (might be that 'tight as a tick' charateristic no longer applies). I've been through Alzheimer's with my MIL, and through my mom getting confused an unable to handle her affairs (not officially diagnosed as Dementia, but that didn't change the fact that she needed a LOT of help, for a number of years). I totally understand that you really DON'T want to admit that your mother is past being self-sufficient. It's so hard to see, and much more difficult to accept--our mom's are supposed to be the ones in control, who can do anything, right? But you really do need to take some steps now. Getting her to the dr. is first--and do call him ahead of time, and let him know what your concerns are, what symptoms you've seen. If you're not listed as someone he can discuss your mom's situation with, he can at least listen, and then he'll have the info to do the appropriate evaluation. As I said, there are treatments for some causes of some kinds of dementia--and cures for some other things that can be causing it. And even if it's an untreatable situation, there is lots of help for you--but you have to know what you're dealing with. Second--you need to speak with an eldercare attorney. If your mother runs through too much money too quickly, and then needs residential care in the near future, you could be in a very difficult situation. A lawyer can explain the legal requirements of getting help and can help you conserve and protect her assets, and can, if you all want, help set up your mom's affairs in the best way possible. Lastly, it occurs to me--maybe you should let your mom give you that $10,000, and put it in a separate account, that you keep for her. There are a number of advantages to doing that. Of course, you'd have to pay the tax on the interest, but she can legally give you that amount, and you'd be able to see that it was saved for her when she needs it. Good luck to you. I know how very difficult this time of life is going to be for you. I took care of my mom for the last 12 years of her life, and the one thing you need to understand, even though it's hard to accept--is that today is probably as good as it's going to get. Unlike children who advance and become more able and independent, our parents go the other direction, some slowly, some more quickly, some aware of what's happening, some not; some accept it, some fight every step of the way--but we have to be able to help them, the way they helped us learn to become the people we are. Again, my thoughts are with you, and my hope you'll find the strength it takes to parent a parent who doesn't want to be 'parented'.

Wow, this thread took wings again! Let's see if I can answer. missymoo - we wonder, too, about the discomfort of being still. But as I said upthread, she stops the pacing when we're not paying attention to her. She was never a particularly active dog, so other than maybe being bored, I'm not sure it's discomfort. Yesterday DH was gone and I was puttering around the house. She landed in one of her favorite spots and was there the entire afternoon. tibbrix - We live in NC, so the water is really cold right now. I just don't think I could do that. I wouldn't want someone tossing me in a cold lake in February. And she hates water unless DH is in there with her. I don't think he'll go for that. :) mimi - the vet has done a bunch of range of motion and that type of testing. There haven't been any tests with machines or anything. She doesn't think the dementia is really an issue because of the dog's attentiveness, being in-the-moment when she's there, etc. She said there is still a lot going on upstairs, and there are no other symptoms of dementia. We have her on pain management drugs, which are limited because she is also on Prednisone, which means she can't take NSAIDS. She's also on a supplement and fish oil for arthritis. I will look into the PAWS, that might help some. starsplitter - we have not used glucosamine/chondroitin for this dog, although we gave to another dog years ago. I'd have to ask and research it, it might not work with the Prednisone. The Pred is for a chronic liver ailment, and is keeping that well controlled. She only get 5mg every other day, so super low dosage, but long term. Thanks to everyone for all of the suggestions and words of advice. We've never had a dog live this long, so we're in new territory.