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Got dad moved today

Posted by mikeandbarb (jetman1979@aol.com) on
Fri, Nov 7, 08 at 21:02

Hi everyone, Well, I spent the whole week looking and working on getting dad into the skilled nursing home. The place is not near as pretty as the one he was in but they are fully staffed with the proper nurses and a doctor on hand everyday. Poor dad I feel so bad for him.
I knew when I went to get him he'd want to go home that is why I asked them to pick him up. I packed his bags and got everything to take over to the new place while we were waiting and dad said ..Now Barbara let me tell you I want to go home not anywhere else. I told him dad I knew you'd want to go home but you can't right now. You need care that I or yourself can do right now. I told him he's have to be able to use the phone to check his pacemaker. This quitted him down and I didn't here anymore of going home. He knows he can't use a phone hasn't been able to for some years now.
I stayed and put his thing's up in the new place while he ate dinner and then sat with him and two of the other men at his table. Dad was really confused and his balance was off, he kept falling forward not falling down but uneasy on his feet. I know that moving one with dementia isn't helpful but in his case I didn't have a choice.
When I was walking him down to his room after dinner he mentioned he was missing his friends at the other place. I know he'll really miss one of the ladies there, they talked a lot and spent quite a bit of time together.

Barb


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Got dad moved today

Barb, I know this was very hard on you, but just having a doctor on hand everyday will mean a lot to you. So take a deep breath and try to relax a little.

This may be rough right now, but it will be better for both you and him.

Take care!


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RE: Got dad moved today

Proper medical help is more important than the looks of a home. Sounds like their are better qualified to handle medical issues and you will get more rest. Sending hugs for the situation to settle down and he will make new friends.


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RE: Got dad moved today

The main thing is it's clean and fully staffed. He'll get the care he needs and perhaps some quiet for you. You've found an arguement he doesn't disagree with, he can't use a phone.
Why does he fall forward? Ever had his medications reviewed for side effects?
Does he have a room by himself where you might be able to add some of his pesonal items to make him more cofortable with it? If not, is it large enough to do something?
Hope this works for him. It's just so hard to grow old and lose all you thought would be there forever. I think the biggest issue is "HOME". Something they worked for and cherish and now it's gone. How do you fill that void? It's so hard to see this happen to our parents.
I'm a caregiver for my husband. Don't like it one bit. It has made me make some decisions. I am NOT leaving my home. I'll get a 12 gauge and ain't no way I'll leave. Of course if I shot it, it'd kick me all the way to the back of the 6 acres!!! That would be a sight. Oh well, something new to do. :O)
Growing up and hurting so much when a pet died, momma said it was hard for her too. She said when your child gets hurt on the outside you can put a bandaid on it. When they cry on the inside, you can't take that pain away. Now, I guess it's reversed.
Take care
Lynn


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RE: Got dad moved today

Lynn, your statement says it all. You can't always stop the pain on the inside and to him he's lost his comfortable life he cherished so much.
It hurts me too to see him away from his home. When I have to go over to the homes to check on them it is so lonely and so empty with everyone gone. It's all I can do right now not to cry but I have a lot of work to clear them out. My grandparents kept paper work dating back to 1900. Some of the stuff is cool, some I'm holding dear to my heart, like post cards to my great grandmother from her kids. My dad told me about her and how loving she was. I would have loved to have know her.

Barb


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RE: Got dad moved today

Growing up we look at things in a totally different perspective. Things my mom would say were beyond what I really wanted to think about. I was young and just wanted the fun part, no tears. She's such a smart lady. She would tell me that in life sometimes we understand things right then, some things take a while, but then some things we'll never fully understand as only God is all knowing.
You have a lot of memories to go through in boxes, hanging on the walls and in drawers. It will not be easy but you are finding things that touch your life.
Going through "things" has made it possible for you to get to know someone you never met. Make that memory book of her picture and what information you can gather including the cards. Take a trip back in time. Talk to your dad about her and show him what you are doing. I'm sure he'll come up with some good stories. I found out my dad was onery. Not in a bad way but doing things he shouldn't have. Such as the time one halloween when the guys decided to knock over outhouses. He thought it would be funny to do his families too. BIG problem!!! His mother was inside when they did it. I love him dearly and miss him so much. A very special man.
There will be some tears but try to look at it as an opportunity for you to learn so much. There will be smiles too. It's a gift of your heritage.
Take care.
Lynn


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RE: Got dad moved today

I am very proud of you Barb, even though this is one of those incidents that cuts through like a knife, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!
Having the doctor there is such a good thing and the staff will know how to handle his "complaints" of chest pains.

I too am hanging on to a few things from the past, but not all because there is so much! I am picking and choosing and getting rid of the rest.


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RE: Got dad moved today

I think you did the right thing, Barb. I know this whole situation has been so stressful for you, but it sounds like the skilled nursing facility will be better able to monitor your dad's medical condition and better able to deal with his progressing dementia. As the others have said, give it time and he'll eventually adjust to his new situation and make some friends. He'll always want to go home; I think that's normal for most elders placed in a long term care facility. But he'll be OK. Take care of yourself.

And, window dressing isn't necessarily important. My mom's first AL was very nicely appointed. It was upscale in its decor, etc. The one she's at now is a little older and not as fresh in its decor. But the care level is far superior. So looks are definitely not everything.


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RE: Got dad moved today

I don't know what I would have done without all of you. It is because I'm able to reach out to others who have been there that I'm able to do better for my dad.
I went to see dad today and took him some of his army blankets cause he's so cold natured now. We had a good little talk and he was doing better today. He is feeling safer and better cared for in the new home. This is worth everything to me and to him for sure. Everyone I've come across is nice. Dad realizes he's in the home for good and he understands but as you say he will always want to be at home.
He has a hernia in his stomach so there going to have it looked at. He's had problems for so time with it and it's gotten worse.
It sure was hard to know if some of the thing's he told me about the other place was really going on or if he was trying to get me to just get him out of there and take him home or if his mind was not clear but now I'm taking some of the thing's he told me was real. Might not all be real but some thing's he's telling over and the story hasn't changed. He's asked me if I could do something about the place. Have someone look into how it's ran. He tells of how the workers yell at the residents, ignore them when they ask for something. Now I know they can't hop to everyone's needs right then and there but he said they would just smile at them and walk on by. He said they don't let them eat in peace and are hurried up.
I know he's concerned about the ones left behind and if you all think I should have the AL looked into I will.
My son has worked in nursing homes so he knows who to report to about abuse.

You know I think dad would love to see something put together of his beloved grandmother and I can show him how I'm keeping her memory alive through us.

My dad and I thank you all from the bottom of our hearts for the help.


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RE: Got dad moved today

Wow, what a change! You must feel a great sense of relief. I'm so glad that this move seems to be working out for you and for your dad. Of course, there may be future concerns, but knowing he's in a good place will give you the strength to handle them. I'm sure your dad would appreciate anything you put together to remind him of his grandmother. It will be a source of comfort to him.

Now you can start daydreaming about what you want to plant in the Spring. Don't overdo working on clearing out the houses. Take care of yourself.


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