Please don't confuse "guilt" with what you are feeling. It's only natural that you feel "regret" and "sorrow" that you don't have the magic to make her better. No one does. You can't change what's happening. It's so very hard to know that no matter what you do, she will continue her journey.

DonÂt assume that putting your mom in a home is whatÂs caused her mental decline. A trip to the hospital is sometimes so traumatic for the elderly that it causes a permanent setback. If your mom didnÂt know you yesterday, she also might not realize where she is. Caring for your mother was already putting so much stress on you and your household that you were on the brink of finding her alternative living arrangements. Caring for her will be even more difficult now. Give everyone a chance to adjust to this new situation.

As for the guilt? Geez, I struggle with that constantly. But I try to remember that I am a daughter, mother, wife and employee. Striking a balance means compromise, and I regret everything I decide wonÂt happen. But I canÂt do everything, and one of the hardest decisions was that my father couldnÂt live with us. He demands a lot of attention, and I donÂt spend any time with my small children or DH while DaddyÂs visiting. But itÂs hard, and Daddy doesnÂt make it any easier. Take comfort in knowing youÂre not alone. Your mom is one piece of a larger puzzle, and the pieces go where they must to make the puzzle work.