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did it but still not sure

Posted by brena (My Page) on
Thu, Nov 3, 05 at 17:14

Hi everyone, as I posted before have been wrestling with putting Mom in a home, well not too long after the post Moms uterus fell and I took her to hospital..They kept her three days and I put her in a home..They cant address the falling uterus till her mind is more eased for she has been combative, not sleeping and not eating since the 31st. I feel I could do a better job of calming her down and I know I could get her to eat, but I think shes trying to shut down cause she has an idea of whats going on, now Im having second thoughts to bring her home..I feel like Im killing her! My family and her Dr. says no, it is just the next stage and deep inside I know its not gonna get any better but how do you get rid of guilt? Yesterday she didnt even know who I was..Please pray for her to get peace in her mind, Im just sooooo confused.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: did it but still not sure

Please don't confuse "guilt" with what you are feeling. It's only natural that you feel "regret" and "sorrow" that you don't have the magic to make her better. No one does. You can't change what's happening. It's so very hard to know that no matter what you do, she will continue her journey.

RE: did it but still not sure

Brena she's in her own world now & I WISH I could say it will all get better.. But sweetie it won't..Reread your post back on Janelovesjeasus thread.. * she's starting to harm herself & YOUR household*

Wise ladies @ local homecare told me when she is harming OTHERS and/or HERSELF it will be time to move onto the next level aka nursing home..

The nursing home is trained & has the resources to deal with your Mom.. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do NOT beat yourself up over this.. This is part of her journey & the circle of life..

Post lots here for support YOU are making the RIGHT decision!!!!! * cyber hugs*

RE: did it but still not sure

Dont assume that putting your mom in a home is whats caused her mental decline. A trip to the hospital is sometimes so traumatic for the elderly that it causes a permanent setback. If your mom didnt know you yesterday, she also might not realize where she is. Caring for your mother was already putting so much stress on you and your household that you were on the brink of finding her alternative living arrangements. Caring for her will be even more difficult now. Give everyone a chance to adjust to this new situation.

As for the guilt? Geez, I struggle with that constantly. But I try to remember that I am a daughter, mother, wife and employee. Striking a balance means compromise, and I regret everything I decide wont happen. But I cant do everything, and one of the hardest decisions was that my father couldnt live with us. He demands a lot of attention, and I dont spend any time with my small children or DH while Daddys visiting. But its hard, and Daddy doesnt make it any easier. Take comfort in knowing youre not alone. Your mom is one piece of a larger puzzle, and the pieces go where they must to make the puzzle work.

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