I Need Your Input Please

18 years ago

I'm sitting here, doing a slow burn, and really not sure how to respond; I'd love some thoughts from my friends here. As most of you know, my mom lived with me for the past year. Three week's ago, she moved to my sister's home. Tonight, I get an email from my sister asking me and my other sister if we would commit to "a couple of days" NEXT AUGUST, because a group of their friends are going to Ireland for ten days and she needs to put down a NONrefundable deposit. She feels she cannot ask my mom's aide to be there day and night for ten days, so if me and my other sister would each take a couple of days, actually the aide would be there during the day, when we work, and then we'd go there and spend the night. We'd also have Sat nite and Sunday, and Sunday night.

I guess I'm upset for several reasons. First,I barely got any help from either of my sisters when mom was with me. It wasn't until mom had been with me for six months, and I was about to lose it and finally had to ask my sister did she agree to take mom overnight. Then, two month's later, again, I was ready to lose it, and had to ask again and she agreed to a weekend. Here we are, just three week's and she's planning a ten day trip and wants us to commit to something that is TEN MONTH'S AWAY. I don't see how I can feel comfortable committing to something that is ten month's away. I don't want to be responsible for them losing their deposit. Besides, I guess my nose is a bit out of joint because I was left to take care of mom on my own 24/7 for the first six months, untl she took mom one nite. Am I not seeing this clearly?

In addition, she's been to Ireland before with this group.

Also, this is a large group, about 20 people. Wouldn't you think if she explained to the travel agent her situation, having her mom living with them who has Alzheimer's and not really being able to plan ten month's in advance they just might waive the "NON"-refundable deposit? I mean, with that many people traveling, and having put together many of these trips previously for this group, I would think the travel agent would be willing to bend a bit. I don't know, maybe I'm just not seeing this clearly because I'm pretty upset right now. I'd sure appreciate your thoughts,

Mimi

Comments (6)

User
18 years ago
No they probably won't waive the deposit, that's what travel insurance is for.

Tell your sister you can't go through that again. She can easily hire an aide for the night shift, most home health aide agencies have 8 or 12 hour shifts, it shouldn't be a problem, and you and your sister can visit in the evenings for a few hours.

Don't throw your past experience back at here, she doesn't care and it won't help the situation. Just smile and say you don't want to care for your mom again 24/7, even for 10 days. Explain that it's too stressful, it certainly won't be a vacation for you or your sister and present some options. And most importantly, STICK TO YOUR GUNS.

Good luck.
Logfrog
18 years ago
My guess is that she's not going to be able to handle your mother for ten more months. So maybe the problem would be solved by then anyway. Suggest that she investigate respite care for two weeks at a Nursing Home. It may be that would work out so well, that she would decide that's the place for her to be. I wonder if she knew about this trip when she decided that she wanted to keep your mother. Tell her NO and stick to it.
Related Discussions
I need your input...pretty please.....
Q
Comments (4)
Not sure if this will help but we are planning a party for our DD's upcoming graduation from college as an X-ray Tech. Maybe you can revise this to use for your situation. I added some clip-art in the form of a skull x-ray with a graduation cap on it and some books and a diploma but didn't include them on here as I'm not sure they would show up. Hopefully, you can find your own clip-art if you need it. dd Her Name ___________________________ Will receive her Diploma in Medical Radiologic Technology From S.A.I.T. On May 29th, 2008 Please join us in celebrating this upcoming event and wishing ____________ well in her new career. You are cordially invited to attend a Graduation Celebration in her honour Date: Friday, May 9th, 2008 Time: 6:00 p.m. to ? Place: ________ Residence, 1545 Mtn. View Dr. Event: Come and Go/Appetizer-Dinner Buffet RSVP: 837-______ or reply to this email
...See More
Help! Help! I need your input on the design of my 2nd floor
Q
Comments (6)
hollysprings - Thanks for the heads up. You seem to assume that PRO's aren't involved. As far as the structure goes - all steel, lvl's, ridge beams, joists, rafters, etc.,etc., etc., have been engineered. So there is no doubt that it will not fall down around my ears. What I need is folks opinion on layout, not on structural elements.....do you have any suggestions that way?
...See More
Need your input on bathroom remodel Please!!!
Q
Comments (13)
You can save some space with the claw foot tub by having no plumbing lines going through the tub itself, but just coming out on the wall. Then the spigot can splash its water into the tub itself. There would of course be a tub drain, and an overflow line above it, which go down through the floor, or maybe go into the wall as well. Our new 60 inch claw foot tub is by Restoria and it is I think acrylic, not cast iron. One person could pick it up and move it into the house once it is unpacked. And the finish makes it SELF CLEANING, have never had a ring around the tub. I do have a hand held "British" phone faucet set, which lets me wash my hair etc, while sitting in the tub. Such a tub is not really easy to stand in to shower, so having a separate shower stall, as you plan to do, is the way to go. Our tub is in an alcove and it has plenty of space. I did not realize the contractor could give me that much space, or I might have considered the 66 inch clawfoot tub. But with the back slope, I really love the 60 inch and find it quite long enough. Our walls are beadboard, and one of the beadboard walls is wainscoting height. That would be the one with the sink and the toilet. The tub, without a standup shower, can also be a wainscoted wall, wood like ours, or maybe a different material. But to keep an old fashioned look, the wainscoting out of boards with a painted (durable waterproofed) finish. If so, like our bath, there is no trouble with over spray. And we also got the 2" square unglazed mosaic porcelain tiles. Ours came from Lowes, Rialto Blanco, Italian, mounted on 12 x 12 mesh for easy installation. And it is non skid, and can be used on the walls, the floors, in the shower, and indoors/outdoors. Your plumbing lines can be handled from beneath the bathroom, which is one big plus for having a full basement down there. I cannot offer any ideas for positioning your fixtures, because my mind just will not wrap around where things are in your bath. So many alcoves, hard to visualize. Because you say it is 136 x 92, and that means it is 12'4" x 7'8", and I cannot even locate the door, or where the window is in that setup. I would think about having TWO medicine cabs, sunk into the wall, one over the other if possible. Does not have to be over the sink. Some bathroom walls are 4" thick, others are 6" thick, which can give you a lot of storage space. Make use of as many of these spaces as you can, and always always always, put a couple of extra GFCI plugs in. I recommend a gang of 4 plugs in one box to minimize the wires running through the walls. And remember that a single hairdryer pulls about 15 amps on high, so give yourself enough power to run a good vent fan, and maybe a little wall heater if you live where it's really cold. And, if you have the cash, think about heating the floor....that seems to be quite popular these days. Not for me down south, but where it is cold, your grandkids will love taking a bath...
...See More
Curb Appeal - Need Your Input Please
Q
Comments (26)
Your home is lovely. The first thing I noticed (and the only thing I don't like) is the little roof over the garage door. In my view, it sticks out like a sore thumb and I am not sure why it is there. Do you have to open the door manually? If you have that roof removed, the garage will not stand out so much. Also, you may not want any shutters, but obviously we don't observe the shutters on every window rule at our house (attached).
...See More
mimi427
Original Author
18 years ago
She said she "just found out" about the trip, but this is a group that goes away every year together, usually to Europe...they're avid golfers...all but my sister - her hubby's the golfer, but she goes just to go and the shopping. In any case, this is no surprise, as I said, they've gone every year for at least the past 6 or 7 years, and always in August.
You said what I was thinking...bottom line, we can't predict what will be in ten month's; where mom will be, where we will be with our own health. In just 11 months, I know now what happened to my own health, how much I declined and I'm still not back to where I was -- well, it's only been 3 weeks.
heydeborah
18 years ago
Mimi, you gave me some wonderful advice before -- what goes around comes around. i agree with everyone else, don't give in. it's a shame though that your mom is in the middle. i guess your dear sister will have to look into respite care or maybe offer your mom's aide a bonus to look after your mom. i personally do not make any plans more than 2 days in advance, because from experience things change here from day to day and not to mention from hour to hour. right now it's your own health that you should be worried about, your are tired and stressed abd need to get yourself back on track. i know what it's like i do it all for 24/7 and while my mil has had this pace maker put in and has been at home for 2 weeks, she says she cannot plug in a kettle, or even open a jar, however she did go shopping the other day. Mimi, like you i am soooo tired so i do know how you feel right now, so stick to your guns! debbie
Connie_K
18 years ago
I'll play devils advocate here.
If when you were caring for her, you had taken time for yourself, once or twice a year for a week or two, you might be healthier for it. Do not blame you sister for taking care of herself, on the other hand, it is your right to say, hey I am glad you are doing this, wish I had done it that way, but my health right now will not let me be the caregive-figure out another way and tell her you are glad that she is taking care of herself and Mom. There are lots of ways (many already mention in the other posts). Mom may not like it, but Tough as I use to say to my kids or anyone else that complained.
Connie
derryw
18 years ago
Families have to work together in these kinds of situations. Getting your mother cared for and giving your sister the break she will need by then is in the best interests of all. Lots of good suggestions above. Maybe financial is the way you can help. Derry

I Need Your Input Please

Comments (6)

User

Logfrog

Related Discussions

mimi427
Original Author

heydeborah

Connie_K

derryw

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

I Need Your Input Please

Comments (6)

User

Logfrog

Related Discussions

mimi427Original Author

heydeborah

Connie_K

derryw

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

mimi427
Original Author