Hi Everyone, My mother died of Alzheimer's (which I will refer to as AD) on Dec. 26th 2001. I am a flight attendant with American Airlines, so while she was in the emergency room, I was watching the twin towers explode. We were forced to move her to the AD wing due to her wandering. She was very coherant when we moved her and did not want to stay in the AD wing. The nurses would call me every night and put her on the phone screaming to go home. It was Very stressful. To make a VERY long story short, they told us she would have to go into a Psychiatric ward or she would be kicked out. We had no where else to take her (another long story) so we went along with them. She entered the hospital walking, speaking, feeding herself etc. When she finally left, two months later, she was in a wheelchair and could not speak.They had given her electroshock therapy and anti-psychotic meds. She developed bedsores because the nurses in the AD wing never moved her. She ultimately died from the bedsores. We had her on a feeding tube and had the painful decision of removing the tube. She died of dehydration. This is a VERY condensed version of what happened. As far as moving someone to a AD wing, check them out before hand. Our facility had no experience with AD patients. They had no idea how to handle the various stages of the illness. Visit the facility several times unannounced. How do the residents look? Do they look content or are they all asleep? Do they have activities or access to fresh air. Do they seem overly medicated. I have so much to tell you, I could write forever. I am actually on the Kitchen forum, as I am remodeling. I don't have the time that I would like to take to really help. Please ask me specfic questions and I will try and answer you. I am so busy with my project right now, but I feel so much compassion for all of you. I will try my best to help. I just want you to know that you will make some decisions that you will regret. I am still struggling with a tremendous amount of guilt for some of the decisions that I made. Many times I wished that she would die so that I could have my life back. Now that she is gone I wish to have her back even on her worst day's. I miss her so much. I feel for all of you, take care, Donna

Lenvt, I have to agree with the other posters. From your description, there doesn't seem to be any compelling reason for your mom to be moved into the memory care unit. If she's not incontinent and can do word puzzles and enjoys watching TV, why move her into a special care unit? You say that the facility is starting up a new memory care unit. My guess is that your mom will provide a guaranteed & immediate resident in the new unit, one they won't have to spend marketing time & money for. I do know that in my state (California) once a diagnoses of dementia has been made, AL residents must be moved to a memory care unit. So, if there is a diagnoses, you may not have a choice. However, before letting your mom move, you might want to take her to her primary care physician for an updated evaluation. Explain the situation to him. He might even be able to revise an earlier evaluation or explain that she has some diminished capabilities but is not fully incapacitated and needing memory care housing at this time. My experience was similar to what you're facing. My mom's AL felt she was ready for the special care unit, although she was doing OK in AL. He best friend from AL was moving there too. So I stupidly went ahead with their judgment. They assured me that she'd thrive in her new environment and there'd be a lot more hands on care. Long story short, my mother never adjusted. The change was too much and her capabilities declined even more quickly. Eventually she came to live with us for a while. That was a disaster too. I finally found another assisted living/memory care facility for her. She went through the evaluations and was placed in the AL unit. She's been there a year now. I know that she might eventually have to be placed in the memory care unit, but as long as she can function in AL, I want to leave her alone. I've spoken with the staff too and they feel the same way. As far as I'm concerned, moving to memory care should not be an option unless there are very real compelling reasons. Your mom just doesn't seem to fit the criteria at this time. Take your time, investigate, and don't let yourself be bullied. Tell the facility that you're making doctor appointments for re-evaluation. Ask to see any records they have of your mother's physical & mental state. Discuss with your sister your fears and concerns. And then be sure to let the doctor know about them too. Good luck. I know this is hard for you.

Make several visits--some with an appt, some 'drop ins'. We had started the process a few years back, when we thought we might get guardianship of MIL. The homes that impressed us the most, were the ones where the rooms looked more like apartments, than hospital rooms, where it was obvious that the staff loved the 'guests', where the food was nutritious, and beautifully served in friendly surroundings, where there were plenty of appropriate activities for the residents to enjoy. There should be onsite medical staff. One of the first questions you want to ask, is 'what happens if the money runs out'--not all facilities deal with medicare (that's US--don't know if you have something similar in Canada). You don't want to get mom settled, and then have to move her in a couple of years. The home we finally were impressed with offered a beautiful facility that looked like a gorgeous country inn. Rooms were beautiful, and included a small kitchenette (sink, microwave, small fridge), they were relatively spacious. The staff was fantastic. There was a dog and cat. The dining rooms were beautifully appointed--lovely drapes, linen tablecloths, small tables--looked like a pricy restaurant (although meals would be served in rooms for those unable to get to the dining room). We ate there, and the food was exceptional for an 'institution'. There were all kinds of activities, every day, all day long--music, crafts, parties, exercise, cooking, etc. There were no visiting hours, because guests were welcome anytime, night or day. They had field trips. They planned frequent family events--parties, pet days, octoberfest, etc. There was a 'bistro' where the guests could meet to visit and for (free) snacks any time during the day. Fulltime nurse on staff, dr. a couple of days a week. And one of the really amazing things was that while the facility was truly the best we visited, it was about mid-priced compared to others. Most important thing you can do is take your time, visit many, many times, talk to other residents and their families. And the more you look, the more questions will occur to you to ask--just keep asking until you find a place that gives you the answers you want. Good luck.

One other perspective fwiw: I have an elderly parent with Alzheimers and we learned the hard way that hospitalization and anesthesia (as well as pain and/or pain meds) can precipitate a condition called delirium - and it's especially common among the elderly and those with dementia. My father was living independently, with a lot of personal care help etc, when he had a minor medical incident. After a day in the hospital he basically shut down, physically and mentally, in what we later realized were classic signs of delirium. It was a six week ordeal, life and death, much of it restrained and/or semi-conscious -- even though there was literally nothing wrong with him physically. He ultimately survived, but never returned to anywhere near his baseline. He was living in a continuing care community at the time and so we moved him to the skilled nursing wing instead of his own apartment. 18 months later, he's now under hospice care. I'm sure that he wouldn't have declined so dramatically and so quickly if it weren't for this episode. There's nothing we could have done differently; the original ER trip was necessitated by an anaphylactic reaction. He had an Epipen but the only prudent thing was a quick trip to the hospital, which had happened plenty of times in the past. Now, having done a lot of reading on delirium and dementia, I would avoid elective procedures and anesthesia with someone who has dementia. One other thought -- we got great help and guidance from the palliative care specialists at the hospital throughout this ordeal. The regular doctors and nurses were terrific, but they were focused on fixing the problem, such as it was, rather than ensuring his quality of life.