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a funny thing happened

Posted by heydeborah (My Page) on
Fri, Sep 8, 06 at 12:49

well it's freezing here 40 degrees! anyways that isn't why i'm posting today. as you all probably know that i'm exhausted taking care of Al. well after going to see my doctor every month complaining of being tired all the time he referred me to a specialist (in canada they are called mental health doctors-lol), so i spend almost 2 hours answering question after question, guess what i have caregiver burnout! gee it took a specialist to figure that out! i should take time for myself, go to self esteen classes and oh yes, get apart-time job oh and get a massage. is it just me or do you think that she's a "nuts", i don't have enough time in the day, just to do routine things-lol. i have another appointment on wednesday, which i will go to, then i guess i better decide if i should return again. i know that some of you out there have seen counsellors, did you get advice like this too? enjoy the day! debbie


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: a funny thing happened

Oh well, they try to help. maybe by just getting out of the house for a little extra time would be beneficial. Even if it's nothing more than a trip to see a mental health doctor.

Good luck....you know all the answers too. There's not enough time in the day to do all the things that you WANT to do, all the times that you SHOULD do, and all the things that you MUST do.

One thing that I truly don't think you need is that self-esteem class. With all that you do, I don't think that you have a poor outlook on your personal value.


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RE: a funny thing happened

  • Posted by
    connie-k
    (gw:connie-k) on
    Fri, Sep 8, 06 at 14:13

They can only tell you what they learned in books--until you have been there (total care-giver) they will never understand.
Yes, you do need to get away, but if it is not financially available how can you.
I suggest the time you have to go so the Dr. you spend with a friend or taking a craft class or something that will help you have a little fun while you are confined to the home.
Connie


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RE: a funny thing happened

Hi Debbie:
Yes, I did see a therapist and her mother had Alzheimer's, so she did understand what it was like to care for someone.

I think what your counselor was trying to tell you is what we have all told one another...how important it is for the caregiver to take care of him/herself, because if we don't, who will take care of our loved one when we can no longer do it? I think your counselor was trying to tell you how important it is to take the time now, before it's too late and you become physically and/or emotionally unable to care for anyone. Debbie, I did everything wrong. I cared for my mom and had a full time job that was very stressful and I felt that I could not take a minute to myself and I ended up paying a very high price -- my health. I am now dealing with several health issues and I know that part of the reason I have these issues is because I did not take care of myself when I was caring for my mom.

For the past 11 months, my sister has cared for my mom in her home and I have been supporting my sister emotionally as well as trying to help her out whenever I can. She too is now showing signs of major stress and depression and I have begged her to go for counseling, but she will not. Instead, she's been calling me daily for the past eleven months and I have become her therapist, until now. Through my own therapy, I am realizing that I haven't had the chance to really heal because I continue to put everyone else before me. Sometimes we have to put ourselves first, as hard as it is for some of us. I always felt that was selfish, but it is not. There comes a time for all of us when we need to think of ourselves before others. Now I realize you are caring for your husband and you do not have anyone else, but you do have two children. Deb, I wonder if you could talk to them and work out a schedule with them so that you could find a few hours a week that is time for YOU..to do whatever it is that you enjoy, whether it is taking a walk, or working on your crafts, or visiting a friend, just taking time for you. You just don't realize how important it is until you "hit the wall"...then you know you can't go on and you have to change your life if you want to be healthy.

I wish you well Deb, and you are in my thoughts,
Mimi


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RE: a funny thing happened

Look at it this way. This would be a regular opportunity to vent to an unrelated and professional individual. If nothing else, you can dump and unload .... That in itself helped me.


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RE: a funny thing happened

How about instead of 2 hours at the counselor, you go do something you enjoy doing to just get away.
I understand the advise of going to a counselor but why pay all that money for what you already know. It's easier said than done to take care of you as who would then take care of them. Honestly, how? Unless you have family or friends to help or can afford the outrageous fees of home health care, there's not much you can do.
For what it's worth, look at the whole situation, who can help? Would it be better to have a day or a couple of days for a few hours? What would you like to do? What makes you feel better or more relaxed?
Wish you the best.
Lynn


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RE: a funny thing happened

well this is the first day of dd going to her higher place of learning, i dropped her off for 8:30 this am and will pick her up at 4. so there is some time now for ME! i have picked up Al's prescriptions and did everything else ihad to do. Al is now trying to take a nap and i am going to cut out a quilt -- i haven't quilted for such a long time, i hope i can get back into the swing of things (that is one thing ihave learnt that if you are depressed you don't feel like doing some of your fav. things.
lynn i only have dd at home, and she is a big help, and ds has been spending the weekends with us, so that is help to. i must say that that is it. if i wanted to get outside help for him it would be 50.09(can't forget those taxes) and then wait for the insurance company to reinburse us. we are lucky in canada, health care is free so there is no problem there.
i guess what i was trying to say was, all you guys are the greatest and you've always been there for me, and have given me wonderful and helpful advice! i will go tomorrow with an open mind, and i'll let you know how it goes!
debbie


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RE: a funny thing happened

  • Posted by
    connie-k
    (gw:connie-k) on
    Tue, Sep 12, 06 at 12:52

I think I hear the old debbie (the one with a little spirit) speaking. I hope you can find her and hold on to her.
We are here for you--always
Connie-friend in Michigan


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RE: a funny thing happened

Debbie, I too get things done while the naps are taken by my husband. I make no long range plans as that just isn't possible.
Do whatever it takes to keep what is YOU. We all have similar situations yet so different. We the caregivers go through good days and bad days and react differently.
Take some time for you. I'm glad your children help. As momma told me, when you can't smile, stand on your head and get that frown into a smile. I was young and did it and of course got a spanking for getting smart! :O)
Forget the "who would take care of them if you don't take care of yourself". If you lose you, you've lost it all.
Take care
Lynn


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RE: a funny thing happened

Hi Debbie,
Just want to say "Hello". I am sorry you are "down" and with good reason. There are no easy answers. I'm sitting here remembering what it felt like to be in your shoes, and wishing there was a way to help. (((Deb))). Derry


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RE: a funny thing happened

well Thanksgiving is over for us here in Canada, we had a delightful meal (well i think we did) made cabbage rolls, turkey, mashed potatoes,gravy, rolls and veggies and don't forget dessert, the best part of the meal! ds spent the weekend with us,dd said no one was at classes on thursday everyone went home for the holiday. the leaves are almost off all the trees and it is so cold out 26 out this am and we are expecting snow tomorrow! PB my name finally came up for Sue Grafton's "S" is for Silence, read it on the weekend!
i did go to see my doctor on thursday morning, he said that the mental health doctor said that i am not depressed, and she feels that my family depends on me too much, and it's time to make myself disappear more. she also said that she hoped that if she was ever ill that she could have me care for her, and that on the other hand that my family is very lucky to have someone like me. she also said that there is no reason for me to see her anymore, but should i need to see her she would let me make an appointment. she also said that i was well spoken (gee thanks!) and if she saw me on the street that she would never think that i was going through what i was going through and that i carried myself well. (now my head is swollen!!-lol). anyways so that is what happened to me.
hope you all had a good Columbus Day yesterday.

debbie


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