Mom with dementia upset about move
netty_73
13 years ago
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netty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agodadoes
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Moving Mom- hope we both survive
Comments (11)This is not my mother's long time home, that was sold years ago. It is a long time apartment and the last place that she lived with dad, who has been gone 8 years. When they sold that house I got all the family heirlooms. The kinds of things I want her to get rid of are 24 glass pickle jars. Wouldn't 6 be enough? A zillion plastic margerine containers. 8 dress raincoats (we are keeping 6), Shoes with too high of heels for her to wear anymore. Double sheets when she hasn't had a double bed for decades. The ratty towels and blankets when she has dozen of nice ones that are "too good to use". It is independent living. She can come and go as she pleases. She can have one to 2 meals a day if she wants. She has a full kitchen and she does enjoy cooking. There is a handicapped shower. She has had nothing but a sponge bath for several years because she is afraid of falling in the tub. It has a large bedroom and lots of closets and storage. It is an apartment with amenities. Someone who comes in and does light housekeeping once a week. A handyman to change a light bulb or hang a picture. (She hates to ask dh, thinks she is imposing. At her current apartment there use to be the maintenance man who went above and beyond his duties for her. The apartment building changed hands and she now has typical landlords. Change your own furnace filter and light bulbs.) And the most important thing, is social contact with someone besides me. She cannot walk like she use to and misses all the people she use to chat with on her walks. There are people that she knows that live at the independenet living apartments. People leave their door open and visit. They have transportation to her favorite grocery store every other week. I will continue to take her on the off weeks. It is a few miles closer to me. It is not in the same town, but the immediately adjacent town. If you are not from the area you think they are the same city, much to the annoyance of residents. She is getting forgetful. She is falling. She starts her walks at dusk, no concept of time. This move is for my peace of mind, and hopefully a new lease on life for her. I sure hope so, 'cause my grandma lived to 96 and if mom lives that long she needs a change. This just sounds like I am trying to justify moving her. Not only to I want what is best for her but what is good for me and my family, too....See MoreA discussion about dementia
Comments (87)We are dealing with my father who has had signs of vascular dementia for a few years as in being forgetful. He has some health issues which has landed him the hospital with an infection in his leg which traveled through his blood stream. He has been so weak, he can no longer walk and get to the toilet without assistance. Up to a day ago, he had a pick line with antibiotics still. He was sent to a rehab hospital where he refused medication, refused rehab and pulled out his pickline. He wants to go home, but my mom can not care for him at home. He was discharged to a skilled nursing center with an excellent rehab facility on Friday night and we have hired Home Instead to have people sit with him at night. He is extremely angry, uncooperative, threatening to take us all to court because he wants home care at home. He is cussing out the Home Instead people at night and calling us at all hours of the night asking why he is there and is unable to hear any logic due to paranoia(we are all out to get him) and/or stubbornness, but until he starts cooperating, it's hard to get him home. Such a catch22. Just looking for advice. I live out of town and for the last few weeks, I have been going up to support them, but it is wearying. Not sure if this is dementia or he is just being self absorbed....See MoreSO upset about counters
Comments (52)Thanks, it is a lot better. I thought I was just accepting it but then I look at the before pictures and am shocked all over again! The picture is a little better than it is in real life, in my opinion - but it definately is better. They etched out the glue and then I saw he had a mix of three different colours that he put togehter. I made him do it again after he fixed it once, too - it was half grey. Part of the problem was that when he used his razor, the material etches grey for some reason - he ended up etching it with the side of a piece of laminate which combined with the new epoxy did the trick. SO - still a seam, which I probably accepted too readily in the first place, but sounds like it is pretty inoffensive as far as they go and I think I am going to go and buy a nice big butcher's block board to put over that area of the kitchen which will cover the seam or disguize it a little anyway. Thanks to all of you for your encouragment and help! Fingers crossed for substantial completion of the project by mid next week... wish me luck and no more disasters!...See MoreBittersweet article about Moms and heirlooms
Comments (18)Sweet article. Haven't read all the comments yet, but had to laugh at the one where the daughter told her mother what she wanted and she said "that old thing?" My sister helps with Mom three days a week. One day when I was there visiting, Mom said "(Sister) wants the tapestry over the MBR FP." I said okay. Then she said something else sister wanted, so I said I'd like my maternal grandfather's mantel clock, to which she said my sister wanted it as well. I said something about the grandfather clock in the foyer, and Mom said "Oh she doesn't want that!" So I just dropped the conversation. The next week I was talking to my sister and brought up our conversation. She said she didn't want and had never told Mom she wanted any of those things. And she about died laughing when I said Mom didn't think she wanted or needed the grandfather clock. Sister said it is about the only thing she wants. I'm suppose to get the enamel bronze Philip and Kelvin LaVerne coffee table since I learned to walk around it. We decided whenever Mom brings up the subject again, we will just nod and say okay. Then have a huge estate sale when they are both gone because neither of us want or need most of their things. My paternal grandmother was hit by a car and killed. My dad and his siblings picked straws and took turns picking from items grouped together on tables, in cabinets, etc. My dad was most upset about the glass jar that always sat on the breakfast room table was missing. Most likely his sister took it since she was staying at the house. My grandmother did have tape with names on the backs of some things, and specified each granddaughter was to get a lamp. I was the only one that took a lamp and it's in a closet now. The grandson's ended up with nothing, so when my parents are both gone, I'm going to see if they want anything from our paternal grandparents. Families are so funny/weird sometimes....See Morerickyrosy
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