Moved my folks to NH

15 years ago

My dad has gotten worse and worse with Alz. He was starting to wonder and couldn't find his way back to their apt. in indep. living. He even walked into the wrong apt. and used their bathroom (they'd just moved in and this was rather frightening to them I'm sure). Mom can't chase after him when he goes out the apt. door, so the stress was increasing for her. She finally agreed to move to NH with him, since I wouldn't want her to stay by herself and dad being 40 mi. away near me. The adjustment has been difficult for her, cuz she has "no one to talk to", hopefully she'll adjust and start making friends. Dad has been doing okay, fretful at times, but he sleeps a lot and then is up and down all night. They found out his sugar was 400, so he's been given insulin; but mom says they give him mashed pot. and gravy every day. He does love to eat. I don't know what to believe; they supposedly have him on a diabetic diet.... It's all a challenge, but Dad is where he needs to be. I can visit Mom so much easier with them both in my town.

I'm having trouble keeping Dad in enough pants; they keep disappearing (I think truly, they go to the laundry, but still...). We've marked everything, but in the Alz. Unit everything is everybody's sort of :) I am so thankful for those aides that work the Unit; they have such patience!

Comments (8)

stargazzer
15 years ago
I would buy him all new light colored sweats, pants and shirts. Buy new white underwear and socks, mark everything with permanent magic markers. Then most important of all, bring them home to launder them. Don't take home anything that has been laundered in the home unless you take it a commercial laundry first. They are nasty, just touch an iron to one of his shirts and you will know how nasty. I think they wash clothes and human waste together. I am sure there are some homes who pre clean soiled clothes first, but I think from experience they are few and far between. I had to go to the laundry many times to go through the clothes looking for my husband's. Usually found a piece or two then just picked up anything without a name.
lindajewell
15 years ago
I can tell you that stargazzer is right, if you can launder the clothes yourself you are much better off. I do both mom's and my brother's clothes, they have nice things and they stay that way because I launder them. Also make sure you put a sign up telling the staff "Family will do laundry". Then make sure you tell everyone and if something does come up missing then go to the laundry yourself to look for it..........and don't be afraid to cause a little bit of a "stink" (no pun intended!) once the staff knows you are serious they will keep their hands off his clothes. What happens many times is they end up going to another resident because the staff could care less..........
At one nursing home my brother was in I threatened to file a theft report with the police, his clothes showed up within a day or so and were never "missing" again!
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I have visited 3 AL and I was surprised how different the atmosphere was in each one. They all have NH or AZU nearby, so that was good news. You're right, my mom does not want to leave my dad...she says it would kill him, but I KNOW that it would hurt HER to be alone (even tho she knows that he is the one with alz.). I also talked to a gal that runs a very small home for the elderly and she was so sweet, she said we work with the people to get them back on the right schedule for sleeping nights instead of being up all night like dad is--and then he sleeps in his chair or wherever all day! I want to hear that someone "will work with them to help them". The bigger AL places have the gorgeous buildings and commons areas but I didn't get that gorgeous feeling IN the rooms that my parents would live. I don't know if they need to move yet, but it sure is a struggle for them where they are now, but I am beginning to see that the struggle is going to be there as long as they are there and ...together. Mom doesn't seem to want to accept any help from the CNA's where they are do how can I think that she will if they move from IL to AL????
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stargazzer
15 years ago
The place my husband was at really tried to take care of my him, not all of the staff did, but people in charge of them. When I finally went to the office with a complaint, they asked a lot of questions and they ended up with 4 pages of things that shouldn't have been done. They fired one staff member because she lied to me and no telling what else she did.

Take a tall hamper or trash container with a lid to them, line it with a plastic bag and paint on the side...family will do laundry. I am sure you are there often, so you can take it every day or two. In 9 months I probably spent $200 for clothes and that doesn't count the clothes I sent in with him. If you can afford it and have space for it, I would have a washer just for their clothes.
lindajewell
15 years ago
I just have a laundry basket in their closet so the aides can just throw the clothes in there. Both my mom and brother have to wear adult diapers and they are cleaned up pretty good afterwards because their clothes are not ever that messy.........once in a while I have to use a ton of Shout to get peepee stains out of moms pants, but that is because of the water pill they give her so sometimes there is just a lot that comes out and it leaks.

I don't put a lot of money in to pants, but have to admit I just spent way to much on my brother for 4 shirts for his 60th birthday, but he really liked them so that is all that counts.

My mom had 3 closets filled with clothes here at the house, there was no way I was buying new clothes. She is wearing what she has, I launder them and keep them nice. She had outfits with tags still on them, lots of them! What the heck, she is not coming home so she should at least have the clothes she was use to wearing. She loves making her choice of what to wear everyday, even if she can't dress herself she can still choose the outfit.
stargazzer
15 years ago
Linda, if your mother can choose her outfits, she is in a good home or at least has a good care giver in her unit.
lindajewell
15 years ago
I guess we are lucky, but even the nasty home my brother was in before I got him moved, let him choose his outfits, especially if he was going out. I guess part of this is due to me advocating that residents be allowed to maintain choices in their lives. It has always bothered me that once in a nursing home it seems like that person no longer has choices..........no wonder they don't live long, families take every thing away and then ask "why are they so depressed?" I believe that families should speak up and make sure their loved one be allowed to do as much as they can for themselves, even if it is just picking the clothes they will wear each day.
My mom is going to the Civic Light Opera next month and she already wants to start planning what to wear! LOL!!!!
I should add that the CLO is an outing planned by the activities dept. They take them as many places as possible just to get them out of there for a while. Of course the residents have to pay their own way, but since even medicaid allows them to keep a small amount of money most usually have enough to pay for themselves for an outing here and there...........and it makes them feel good that they can do it!
donnawb
15 years ago
I agree with taking them home and washing yourself or you will never see most of them again. Same thing with my DH, he was in the NH for 6 months and I had to keep replacing his clothes even though I said I would bring them home and do it. I found some in the laundry room there but most were gone. The day he was leaving his brand new nikes were missing. He had to go home in socks because slippers were gone also. I think they were taken by a worker.
dreamgarden
15 years ago
Buying clothes at the local thrift store is one way to keep costs down.

Moved my folks to NH

Comments (8)

stargazzer

lindajewell

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