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Posted by ginnier (My Page) on
Mon, Aug 6, 07 at 15:09

The dr. makes a visit to see my folks occasionally at their apt. I was there the other day when he visited and after chatting about blood tests for's is 150, but he's already on lots of meds. for diabetes, so we are to watch his sugar intake and the dr. said "only a very small scoop of ice cream!!!" Dad has early alzheimer's and is a very quiet version of the old dad. There was some chatter about other meds and mom made a crack about cialis and then she said no she meant adavent or something or other. Well, dad went out in the hall with the dr. and had some man talk...when I followed a few min. later the dr. said he send a script to the pharmacy but they were evasive about for what so I didn't intrude...I thought something for diarrhea!!

It was for Cialis!!!!! The dr. prescribed 4 pills and there can be refills, I was just about livid. Why would anyone provide a man whose 86 and NOT sexually active such a prescription? I hid it in their apt. and then dad called me several hours later and said where's that medicine??? I told him that I put it "away" and I really wondered if he knew what the stuff was...he was evasive and said yes he did... and that I had no right to take it away from him. I asked if mom knew about it and he said yes...well, I talked to her this morn and she said he wants it back and that if it makes him mad to not have it, then let him have it... I argued that this man cannot even take his own daily meds without assistance, how can you let him have this stuff???

What am I missing? This man never asks for anything, is always appreciative, has turned into a quiet shell of a man and yet he insists on having this. Mom sorta wants to stay uninvolved apparently. This is a whole new side of is it the Alzheimer's? Or is it just his private... time and maybe I should leave it alone??

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Cialis

Leave it alone. It's hard to explain how vital that feeling of being MALE is to a man. Your parents may have had a very good sex life and he misses it. It's no more your concern than it was when you were a teenager. It's just another pill.

As most men say, they can't think of a better way to go.

RE: Cialis

Leave it alone. You don't know everything.

You hid it from him? How dare you!

RE: Cialis

I dared! I am responsible to see that his meds are in that med box and Mom tries to see that he takes them each morning and night. He has no clue what he's taking anymore, let alone that he's taking something for blood sugar control OR alzheimer's. He doesn't ask, he just takes whatever's in the box.

Cialis is not a medicine, at least from my understanding, that you take morning and night like Celebrex! You cannot leave any pills around or he will take them--as if he forgot to take them and surely if they are sitting there, then I should take them right now.

He can tell you all about his experiences flying a B-17 in WWII but he cannot tell you what he ate for breakfast or what he just spent an hour reading in Readers Digest.

I know that I don't know everything and I am trying to understand where he is coming from when he asks for THAT medicine. I have told Mom where it is and that he should be allowed to have one of the pills IF he asks for it.

Today we went out for a ride and no comments were made until I dropped them off at their apt. Dad was very quiet but seemed content, just like usual. He said Where is that medicine? And I said that Mom knew where it was and he should talk to her.

It's just like pain med.: I'm not going to leave it in his hands...or even an antibiotic...the one he takes before his dentist appts....

I'm not really convinced that Mom understands what the med. is but if Dad wants it, she wants him to have whatever he wants. So it is in her hands now.

RE: Cialis

He understood what it's about enough to ask the doctor about it, didn't he?

I think you may misunderstand your father's condition. Just because he can't remember what he had for breakfast does not mean that he doesn't get hungry. Just because he can't remember what he read, doesn't mean that he no longer enjoys reading. This isn't about memory.

You don't refuse to feed him just because he can't remember what he had to eat, do you? This is another type of hunger.

He can remember things long past, doesn't he? It's only his short term memory that is faulty. And his short term memory has nothing to do with this.

This is a basic urge, like the urge to sleep, or to eat, or to move around. The diabetic condition prevents him from getting an erection. It didn't take away the URGE.
And the URGE is normal, even at his age. This Cialis may make it possible for him to have an erection.

I suspect that your problem is not your father's mental condition, but you just don't want to imagine your parents having sex. Men far older than your father still have sex. And most importantly, THEY ENJOY AND NEED IT.

Talk to his doctor about it if you have concerns.

RE: Another thought

You really do need to talk to the doctor about this. He may know more about this side of your father's problem than you think. I am sure that he can address your worries. It may be that the pills won't work for him and then your concerns would be over.

Talk to your mother too. You may be right in that she doesn't quite understand, but she is the one that mentioned it to the doctor, wasn't she? Perhaps between the two of you, you can think up a schedule for taking them that would be the most appropriate.

RE: Cialis

"You cannot leave any pills around or he will take them--as if he forgot to take them and surely if they are sitting there, then I should take them right now. He can tell you all about his experiences flying a B-17 in WWII but he cannot tell you what he ate for breakfast or what he just spent an hour reading in Readers Digest"

You say your dad has early alzheimers, is already on lots of meds. for diabetes and randomly takes pills that are laying around? Hmm

The dr. doesn't sound like he is doing your dad a service by adding yet another med. The interaction could complicate things further.

My MIL was taking 6 different kinds of meds. She was having side effects. Dizziness, etc. so I wrote down everything she was taking and showed the list to her pharmacist.

He pointed out at least two meds that could be causing the side effects she was complaining about. He suggested we speak to her dr. about lowering the dosage.

When it comes to medical interactions, I have a lot more faith in pharmacists than doctors.

Since your father has "memory problems" (and is likely to take whatever is sitting around), I think it might be helpful to ask the dr. to prescribe a placebo, instead of Cialis.

You didn't say how your mother feels about your dad taking Cialis. How is her health? Is there a delicate way to ask if she is happy with the degree of intimacy they share, or is dad the only one complaining?

Since she has the job of taking care of your dad and making sure he takes everything he is supposed to, I would be hesitant to give your dad something that might only create more "stress" for your mother.

RE: Cialis

I was just about to suggest what Dreamgarden mentioned. Perhaps the doctor isn't fully aware of your father's deteriorating mental capacities. As Agnespuffin suggested, I think a frank talk with the doctor is needed. He needs to know your concerns.

Your father's desire for intimacy is understandable, and your mother's desire to accommodate him is also understandable. But if she doesn't really understand what Cialis is, she also may not fully understand how to administer the drug and what to expect. Your dad may not understand what to expect either. ED drugs don't always work as expected. After a bout with heart disease, a dear friend's husband tried Levitra. Instead of improving things, it just made him lightheaded & weak.

RE: Cialis

Thanks everybody for your input. I really appreciate your advice. I have simmered down, but I am still glad that I trusted my instincts and put those meds out of sight. Dad asked about them (I think it was the only thing he talked about, in 10 words or less, so sad to not have my chatty papa...sigh) and I told him that Mom knows where they are.
We have done the pharmacist discussion about interaction of meds with a couple diff. pharmacists at different times and they don't see a problem. We also visited with a gerontologist...went thru some testing for the degree/likeliness of Alzheimers; she also looked over his meds...took him off Provigil (a mood brightener) and put him on Exelon (to slow the Alz.). Mom always thinks Dad's on way too much meds but he does have several issues that need attention, she almost whines about it. But now Mom will hardly go to the dr., whereas Dad used to feel a twinge and go straight to the dr. --- in years gone by (good insurance too).
He's healthy physically but almost silent these days, whereas Mom is wobbly and frail but mentally she's so much sharper...unfortunately, she's far more difficult to deal with. Together they are just about one person...LOL

I have wondered if she would get anything out of going to an Alzheimer's support group...she doesn't hear very well in a group tho.

Thanks again. I am thankful my folks are now in an apt. in independent living that provides housekeeping and meal, plus more if they want to pay more. GR

RE: Cialis

Many elderly women suffer from dryness or a disease that makes them unable to have sex. If she can't, she would be in terrible pain as a result and if he is not in his right mind, he might not stop.

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