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If Ever It Is Me

Posted by katclaws_mo (My Page) on
Mon, Jul 3, 06 at 17:34

I found this posted on the Alzheimer's Assoc. website and thought it was wonderfully written. I hope this helps someone else today, like myself, who thinks of this and wonders & worries.
Blessings, katclaws

IF EVER IT IS ME by Deborah U.

With my father, his brother and their father having had late onset Alzheimer's I can't help but wonder if someday it will be my fate. This is what I have told my family.

If it is ever me with Alzheimer's disease please protect me. I don't want to be lost. I have a terrible fear of ever being lost. Keep me safe from those who would take advantage of my confusion. Keep me fed and clean and dry. That having been said...please don't try to keep me at home any longer than you can do it without taking a toll on your lives. If this is my fate let me be in a happy place in my mind where you are my babies and I will give you hugs and kisses even if I don't call you by name.

Let me be a part of your life but don't surrender your life for mine.

I want my husband to have a wife. I don't especially want to meet her, but I do want him to keep living once I no longer understand. I want to keep as much dignity as I can for as long as I can and I want those who love me to understand that if I am not myself on the outside I am still me on the inside.

Bring me a puppy to cuddle, home made cookies to eat and soft blankets to cover me. Fill my room with pictures of my life so I can look at them and know I am loved.

Don't ask me about my life...tell me about my life. Feel free to leave out the times I wasn't at my best, or times that bring back painful memories (deaths of those I loved).

Tell me about the Good Times.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: If Ever It Is Me

Thank you so much for sharing. I'm sure there are many of us who have parents with Alzheimer's that are wondering if we are next. Thanks again,

RE: If Ever It Is Me

I think this is a burden that all of us that have a parent with AD faces. We want to know will it happen to ME! My doctor assures me that if I were going to have a dementia problem, I would already be showing some small signs. That sounds great, but I have a hard time convincing myself that it is true.

My sons know that under no circumstances are they to burden their wives with my care. I don't want them to see me go down mentally either. I want them to remember me as I was. I have a difficult time remembering my mother or my aunt as they once were. The images of the bad times are too strong.

My doctor used to keep after me for regular mammograms, colon tests, etc. Anything that might help me live a longer life was a good thing. I reminded her over and over that everyone in my family lived a long, long time and ended up healthy but with brains of mush. She never quite understood how I felt until her own mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers. That was about five years ago. She now understands how I feel. The longer that life goes on, the more likely that some sort of dementia will occur.

RE: If Ever It Is Me

No truer words have been spoken. Over the age of 80, half the people will have dementia. To me, that is nothing to look forward to. Before mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I did look forward to a long life. Now, I'm not so sure.
And, as far as caring for me, I have had the same conversation with my son. I know my daughter in law would take me in and care for me in a heartbeat because we have a very special loving relationship, but there is no way that I would want that. Watching my mom decline is heartbreaking and like you, I wouldn't want my son to go through it.
I hope your 4th is a good one,
Warm regards,

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