Hi all, First, this forum is great. My wife cares for my mom who lives with us. She is 67 with Parkinson's and plenty of panic attacks and worrying. She has shown signs of sundowners syndrome as well. Regarding the guns, don't lock them up, get rid of them! This is an article from our local paper. This occurred two nights ago! From the Sun-Sentinel Paper (Ft. Lauderdale) Cooper City family left to ponder why man shot girl, 14 By Georgia East and Danny Sanchez Staff Writers Posted June 17 2005 COOPER CITY In the two months since Hans Bechtold moved in with his daughter, he had played an active role in the family even as he dealt with his own illness. He taught his grandson to drive and the family often went out to dinner together. Close friends thought Bechtold, 74, had settled in after the move from his Miramar home. On Thursday, family, friends and neighbors were left wondering what led him to shoot his 14-year-old granddaughter Wednesday night before killing himself. "What happened last night was not the man we know," said Deborah Whitehead, a friend of Bechtold's daughter, Diane Riley, and her husband Guy Riley. "He's very loving, very kind, very neighborly." About 7:45 p.m. Wednesday, Bechtold shot Nicole Riley as she talked on the phone with her boyfriend, said Hugh Graf, a spokesman for the Broward Sheriff's Office. The two were home alone at the time. Josh Chuven, who lives directly across the street from the Rileys, said he saw Nicole run out of the house, followed by her grandfather, who still had the gun. "If I didn't yell and she didn't duck, that would have been it," Chuven said. Nicole continued to run as her grandfather fired the gun, said Graf and neighbors. The teen was flown to Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood, where she remained in critical condition Thursday evening, hospital officials said. After the shooting, Bechtold barricaded himself in the house as deputies and neighbors tried to contact him. Close to midnight, the Sheriff's Office SWAT team entered the house and found Bechtold motionless on the floor with a self-inflicted gunshot wound, Graf said. "It's pretty clear-cut," Graf said. "We have the who, the what, the when and the how. There's just the why to answer. That's the big part of the focus." The Rileys are a well-known family in their Cooper City neighborhood. Diane Riley works as a secretary at Cooper City Elementary School. Their son, Brian, attends Cooper City High School, where Nicole is supposed to begin classes in August. She attended nearby Pioneer Middle School, neighbors said. Friends said Bechtold was battling leukemia and had lost his wife to diabetes about a year ago. Recently, the Riley family built an addition to their house to accommodate Bechtold. Neighbor Charley Fazio said he had seen no signs of trouble. "He's been sick, so he has good days and bad days," Fazio said. "They've been living next door to me for about 15 years. Other than them yelling at the kids, I never heard no real arguments or anything." Fazio said he saw Bechtold earlier on Wednesday and the two said hello. No one answered the phone at the Riley's home on Thursday. Plywood covered the windows of the house, which earlier in the day neighbors helped clean up, said Chuven. "This is the perfect neighborhood," he said. "We're all one big family." For now, the focus is on helping Nicole get well. As of Thursday afternoon, she didn't know her grandfather had killed himself, said Whitehead, the family friend.

Hi, my husband informed me that I should do a search engine simple search for "Dealing with husbands dementia" as he did it for me this morning. My father has been diagnosed with a SEVERE case of Dimentia, we don't know yet if they will label it with an Alzheimers tag. His behaviors are very much the same as the first lady in the string that we are replying to. He drives perfectly, obeying traffic lights, stop signs, etc, never getting close to the curb or swerving into traffic. He also knows where he is going, can take us to Kmart or the grocery store, drive to church, mother is sure that he could drive back to the old farmhouses that we used to live all of his life. Of course, mother is with him always when he is in the car, and thus far we have never seen signs that he doesn't know what he is doing. On with the show... Dad has a soft side and a mean side, with major anger issues. I have personally witnessed many many times in the past where he has hurt her physically, slapping her, knocking her across the head with his fist, poking her with his cane... ARGH!!!! and none of us kids can do anything about it because she doesn't want for us to confront him and "cause trouble"... He constantly bashes her mentally, verbally, controls every move that she makes, (trust me, I've been begging her for years to leave him while he was still at least had his mind with him but the threat was always there that he would kill her if she left him)... of course, she is the Christian woman that her mother raised her to be, and believes that SHE is the one who must care for him, and carry this burden alone. Her 4 adult children disagree, and are bringing her around to see our point of view slowly but surely (lord willing)... She does almost everything, offers to help bring in wood for the stove, shovel, etc.. he is 80 next month and she is 73 in April. She has all of her functions (besides having lost her right breast to cancer 6 years ago). Both have Hypertension, and both have diabetes type B. Oral meds. Dad's current condition. Yesterday, mother was to go to quilting circle at her church, a regular Wednesday morning meeting... He knew she was going to go, he is ok at the house himself, he does set a few things down and forget where they are, but it's mainly that he wants mother to run around after him (or so we think).. I guess he's trying to keep her out of trouble.. haha. In the morning, he was very agitated, and she offered not to go, when this happens, he starts yelling at her and telling her that she HAS to leave and go, and that he doesn't want her here, and doesn't want to talk to her, and that he is going to be gone.. "I'm LEAVING" and then will say something to the affect of and I'm just going to be GONE, meaning he is contemplating removing himself permanently from life. We the children have been telling mother that she is much faster than him, and if she would just stay a few feet away from him rather than trying to get close to him to calm him after he has said these things, that maybe she could try going in another room that he can still see her in, she would be THERE but not really THERE on top of him. I begged her 4 times to get back away from him and help me in the kitchen, but she said she saw in his eyes that he was contemplating something bad so she kept going back to him and apologizing for everything she did and everything under the sun to try to calm him down. Instead, he just becomes MORE agitated, and then he becomes aggressive. He said he was going to kill her, and himself, and then goes to stand and leave the room, but she tried to block him leaving, and he Shoved her out of the way. I was close by and saw everything, and since he got up aggressively, I anticipated that he was going for the gun. I called 911, but he heard me, and came out into the other room where I was calling from, and said I was next. Then he went outside, like he always does, and was messing around in the garage when the police came. 5 cars, 5 cops, all very nice, I told them to act friendly, and like there was not any problem, and see what happened, but know that he has always put down women, and he is buddies with all guys. (the brothers have it good....) The police came in, said he was talking, nicely, and not agitated, but that they couldn't understand anything he was saying. He speaks his own language. Like babies before they learn to talk, I had twins, who spoke their own language to each other but nobody could understand them. I'm home from Colorado for this exact reason. I've been staying in their guest room 2 doors down from them for almost every night and day for the past little over a month. My younger brother who is a tremendous help to them, and lives only a few minutes from town is available for her to call, and can get to her within less than 30 minutes if called in a panic. I did not feel it right for me to return home until my brother returns from Atlanta and is able to assist again. He needs only come over and visit with dad for sometimes a few minutes to often times several hours. I don't feel mother is safe without someone being able to get her quickly. The police were told of the threats, and said that because there is also a weapon in the home and was used as part of the threat (though he never went to go get it in his hand) that they automatically must take the person in question to the hospital for an evaluation for a minimum of 2 days. They gave us the option of going and signing temporary committal papers so that they could get him placed in a hospital. Mother said no immediately, but the police officer said if they find that he needs to be checked out and evaluated, that the doctor and nurse would sign the papers for us, so we could agree, or agree to disagree, but he was going. The hospital worked fervently to find a place for him, but we had 6 No answers before someone accepted him 3 hours away, and 4 hours after arriving there. Every time mother and I or either one of us alone would enter the room, he would become immediately agitated, shoots daggers with his eyes, (well, she's unhappy that I just said that, so I told her I would say giving her the stink eye instead..) at least I got a laugh out of her just now.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED :) So far he has been most excellent to all health care providers and police, and has caused no negative issues or comments from any of them. Today, the doctor called who is over him during this stay, and told us of the SEVERE Dimentia diagnosis. She said not even mild or moderate, but she needed to inform us of the SEVERITY of the situation. Mother freaked and started crying right away, she said "I WANT HIM HERE"... and our goal is to actually just see if they can mess with his medications a little so that he can have relief from some of his symptoms, but not be in a completely vegetative state where her work with him is even harder than it's always been. We also have discovered in talking and comparing notes, that he has been experiencing symptoms a little at a time over probably 2 to 4 years before the past 2 years, but the past 2 years have been the biggest problem. Mother retired from her job and stays home with him now.. that just brought a break through, and we figured out that he has been unhappy with her working the whole 6 years she was at her job she had problems with leaving for work because of him. Dad's mother was always kind of crazy... She had a horrible case of dementia as well, and suffered for over 10 years with it never knowing any of our names, and always thinking that she needed to pack to go "HOME" which would have been her childhood home, not the home she was in prior to living with them here. Grandma was violent enough that she could throw mother down the stairs, and she was 88. I have great patience for older people, and those suffering from mental illnesses, but I don't do well with violence, as I came from an abusive marriage before my current. We were told today by the doctor that he would HAVE to quit driving to come home, and she asked what kind of thing does he do around the house. Since he was always a TV repair man, and a Farmer all of his life, those are the things that he knows the best, and can do without thinking about them. She said it's his long term memory working in the background, but that he is not actually capable of KNOWING full well what he is doing and being able to do it. I told her that I believe he is perfectly capable of driving a car wherever, but that driving requires dexterity and mobility and flexibility, none of which he possesses. He has bad problems with arthritis, his hands and feet swell because of diabetes, and he has no feeling in 2 of his fingers on both hands & feet because of the diabetic nerve pain as well as frost bite over the many years. When he gets a little warmer after coming inside from shoveling, his nerves shoot pain as they warm (I have it too from delivering mail for 9 years) but the pain always comes, and is constant. I always refer to it as feeling as if your hands and feet and face are being held over a raging fire 24 x 7 x 365. This is a MAJOR CONCERN. Because dad doesn't vocalize well, he does talk about a great many subjects, but nobody understands what he is saying and can follow along, or what he is talking about at all, unless they have spent all day every day with him, knowing the things that go on in his life day to day so they can follow and TRY to decipher what he is saying. If we don't agree with him, or understand him, he becomes immediately agitated and then just starts saying the same thing over and over and over again, giving hand gestures, and trying in his best way to describe what he just said, but we are STUPID and EVIL and HORRIBLE and mother was never so bad up until 3 years ago when she suddenly became this terrible person he says she is. (which she ISNT)... As I said before, he does have a good side, and many times quite a few days since I have been here in the past month, I have witnessed lots and LOTS of words of kindness maybe not directly to her all of the time, but to me, in front of her about her what a good woman she is, and a great wife, and he really has a good one (he says).. Mother's definition of abuse is much different than mine. As well as her definition of suicidal tendencies. She told the nurses in the ER that he is only suicidal maybe once every 2 weeks, but I have witnessed many comments that were talking of killing himself approximately 3 times a week every week I've been here. I told her that they cannot help him unless they know the truth, and they need to know the true answers. I told them twice a week, sometimes more. Doc says he has to have all saws, and anything else dangerous in the house that he could get harmed with even by accident. Obviously that doesn't mean he has to live in a padded cell, but that obvious things that he shouldn't be doing anymore must be dealt with before she will allow him to come home. Mother is devastated, and is already worried about the way he will behave once he is home, but now we also have to deal with the issue of no driving and no saws and no chain saws, etc.. He will be livid. My brother won't yet be home and it will be mother and I to save ourselves. I do NOT recommend lying to your husband if you are still reading, and telling him that the State wants to take his license. Though the doctor is telling you he doesn't need to be driving anymore, have the doctor be the "Fall Guy".. they will be more than willing to break the bad news so that YOU are not the target. This doctor offered before I asked. I said we need to talk about it, and try to wrap mother's head around the idea before they start giving him restrictions. He hasn't made a fuss for them yet, but we're kind of afraid for what could happen as we know he is capable of causing a problem. We don't want him to have a heart attack in the meantime, and we want him at home to care for, as that's what our families have all done for each other (unless someone breaks a hip or something and cannot have them at home)... She slept last night from 9 to 7 am straight through, the best she has slept in years. AS you can imagine, that caused problems first thing this morning for her, she felt guilty for being able to sleep at all let alone sleep the whole night. She feels that she has FAILED her husband, and my remark to that statement is that what she is doing now by getting him the help that he needs is what "taking care of him" is all about... if she had NOT aided in getting him this care, THEN she would have failed him. Over and out for now... Signed, Longwinded from Iowa Good luck everyone, please keep pouring your hearts out to everyone who will listen. Take the good advice, leave what doesn't pertain to you, and lean on others. Look for your 5 most important people and make them your prayer partners, start prayer chains, let others be aware of your feelings, take care of YOU so that you can take care of them (my hubby had a traumatic brain injury a couple years ago and was hospitalized for exactly a month losing 48 lbs in 3 weeks because he wouldn't eat or do anything for anyone) he would have been institutionalized but I cried over him and he came out of his state a couple of times. I told him what they were planning for him and he FINALLY started coming around. But only when I was broken down over his lap and for short times (but it opened the door to healing)

I agree with the others that she first needs to have a thorough physical by the vet. I don't see anything in your post that would make me think the dog has dementia but I do have some questions. Does she have access to the outdoors while in the garage or is she still dependent on you to go outside? Is there anything in the house (or going on in the house) that is causing her to prefer staying in the garage vs the house? How often is she exercised and how often is she taken outdoors (if she relies on you to open the door)? Keep in mind that, like humans, dogs often need to go out more often as they age so be prepared to either take her out every couple of hours or give her easy access to the yard. Also......observe you dog and see if she moves as though she is stiff and/or sore. She may be dealing with arthritis, but this is something that a vet can also help you with. IMO, it sounds as though medical treatment and other changes may be all she needs. The following is a group you can subscribe to and chat with others that own the breed. They may have more input.......Yahoo Group

My mom became the best BS'er up until this last month and even though she couldn't carry or start the conversation she had her way of making you do so without realizing she didn't have a clue what was being talked about. Most anyone that met her for the 1st time was surprised that she had Alzheimer's even though seconds later she wouldn't remember them or the conversation. My sister's and I chuckle about this as we now wonder how much she BS'd before the disease as we never knew her to do this and especially so well! And then there was the day my high styling mom who always had her make-up on before anyone got up in the morning in her other life was asked if she would like a bib during her meal and she gleefully said "yes" rather than the glare they would have gotten before, My sisters and I figure she saw all the other residents with one on and she wasn't going to let her peers out style her-lol... This is a horrible disease on so many levels. My mom's 3 siblings and mother had it. I have more friends than not that either they have a spouse or parent that have it or have died with it. And since this disease is different for each individual and your road may be different than the path I'm on, the best thing you can do is educate yourself (so you don't beat yourself up), find a support group especially if you do not have other family members to support/share this, give her lots of love, have an open mind, be flexible, take what humor you can out of the situation and be the best advocate you can for her.