You have to have a schedule and you have to adhere to it as best you're able. Sounds really draconian, but it isn't. It's the schedule that will keep an elderly person on course (esp. if they are losing mental capability), allow you to accomplish that which you must do, AND schedule help/respite. Help/respite. You must have this. Trust me on this. I have had Mum with me for nearly 3 years now. For fully 2 of them I did it alone. After her stroke I knew she was no longer able to bathe alone. I hired a woman to come in thrice weekly and assist her. Smartest thing I've done in a long time! I don't have to do it, it accords Mum some privacy, and she has another person with whom to interact. I calmly told my brother he had to step up to the plate and do some caregiving, too. It wasn't fair that I gave up my former life and he had to give up nothing. He now takes her for a month at a time; usually every 2-3 months. I'm OK with that arrangement; but know if he scheduled a "bath lady" it would be easier for him to take her more frequently. Try to incorporate them into your daily errands. I pack Mum into the car (along with the dog) and she "rides shotgun". She is perfectly happy to go for a ride, wait in the car in the sunshine while I dash into one place or another... sometimes she wants to go in, too... so I usually allot enough time. If I haven't, I simply say, "No" and explain why. I will grab her a "treat" if she must wait in the car. I make sure we get out to do something "fun" at the next opportunity. It takes practice to venture out with an elderly, infirm person. You will learn the places that easy to access, have comfortable bathrooms, have help that is willing to move slowly and patiently with the elderly. Mum goes every month for a shampoo/haircut/manicure. The woman is a delight; warm, patient, and gives Mum her undivided attention. We are "regulars" at several establishments BECAUSE they are willing to make time for a slow, old woman. It's hard work; not always fun. I miss my freedom terribly, if you want to know the truth. But I can do this and feel it is important for me to do it. She ain't gonna live forever, afterall. (Hi Connie!)

Pets- I'm a 3rd year vet student and want to help. Plus there are tons of really great people with excellent advice on training and other non-medical issues with pets. It's a great forum for me to both give and receive advice. Animal debates- I think that as a future vet, it is important for me to know where people get their information on certain topics and how they feel about certain things. So although I don't always participate in the debates, I do read them a lot. Home decorating- that's my favorite forum, hands down. Mostly because of the people on the forum, how they can be so helpful and really give you another perspective on your decorating dilemnas. They are also excellent resources for saving money- the more you can do yourself, the more money you save. They also know where to get good stuff cheap. I've totally transformed my plain tract home on a budget with the help of the people on that forum. They are wonderful! Household Finances- I usually glance at that one, but not so much now that Dave is gone. Stupid moderators- he was a HUGE asset to the forum, a wealth of information. Now the forum is not as helpful to me. Not that others don't have good advice too, but he really explained things in terms I understood. Marriage- I used to look at that one a lot, but lately it's been so depressing with all the cheating and major problems. I don't seem to have anything in common with the most recent posters, being in a happy marriage and all.

junebug1961, welcome. Last year my favorite aunt started showing symptoms of Lewy Body dementia (had symptoms long before that, but we were clueless.) She was also a former smoker, on 02, had copd, surgery (for breast cancer), and had lost her husband, also a smoker, to heart disease. You and I have much in common. I've posted here a couple of times, but not often because I felt guilty calling myself a caregiver--I was mostly a helper because she was still able to manage her personal care. She needed rides to appointments, help with housework, and a companion at night. I also helped care for her elderly, arthritic, adored dog (who ate only lean ground chuck, cornbread and milk.) Her worst fear was that the dog would outlive her, and have no one to take care of him. My aunt passed away in April, after suffering particularly bad bouts of copd and pneumonia. I had assured her that I would take the dog--he had always loved me and my kids, so he spent his last months in our home, with plenty of attention. It was heartbreaking to watch my aunt's rapid decline, but I'm happy that I was there. I hope you can find joy in this time with your mother.

We're losing a few long-time stores and shops around here, in particular a hardware store chain that started here in San Jose. First it was bought by Sears, then Lowes, then surprise, surprise, Lowes doesn't want them anymore. I do feel like a friend is in the process of passing on. Makes me sad, especially after losing an independent grocery store right after my mom died, that I visited often . The world is a-changin'.