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Feeling sad today

Posted by lasershow (My Page) on
Sun, May 15, 05 at 20:33

My mother has been gone nearly 8 months. I had to rush to clean out her apartment, so still have bags and boxes to go through in my place, not to mention the chock-a-block full storage compartment. I haven't been able to bring myself to do anything for months. Today I had a lot of ambition, so began clearing out and going through things. Maybe I just did too much at once, because now I am sitting here sobbing. Mom saved everything -- every card, every bank statement, every bill, EVERYTHING. And I found silk scarves that still had her scent on them. Sometimes I can't believe she isn't here anymore. I feel so lonely, having no parents. No matter how old you are, you still feel like an orphan.

Thanks for listening.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Feeling sad today

Lasershow, I am quite new to this forum and have only posted once before. I have a Mom who is 85 and having a lot of problems and I don't know how much longer she will be here. I still remember the scent of Jergens lotion from when I was a little girl and when I would sit on the toilet (seat down!) and watch her put on makeup and the scent of her lipstick and powder. I'm truly sorry for your loss. Did your Mom always have a tissue in her pocketbook if you needed one? What is it about Moms and tissues anyway.


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RE: Feeling sad today

Oh, dear, Lasershow...how terribly sad for you. I can't begin to think how I would ever be able to handle this, so all I can offer is a listening ear and the thought that your Mom is with you as you sort through her belongings, smiling with you, sharing the same memories you are, and trying to confort you through this. Even with my Mom in a nursing home, I'm going through much of the same, as I tidy up her bedroom and living-room consolidating things and like you, I also found scarves carefully folded, and placed in a plastic zip-lock bag...so cherished...

I wish I could offer more comfort, but if you believe she's with you, sharing your tasks, I hope you see the smile she has on her face as you continue to honour her memory...

Blessings
Linda


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RE: Feeling sad today

Lasershow, it is very hard, isn't it? I am sorry for your loss, and thank goodness, it does get better. There are still those bumps in the road...my Mom has been gone for 6 years (her funeral was the day after Mother's Day) and I still haven't been able to go through the remainder of her things. Like you, every time I begin to do so I start to cry. You DO feel like an orphan when both your parents are gone...I understand and sympathize. You have every right to feel sad, but they are always a part of you...


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RE: Feeling sad today

Lashershow...Yes it is sad and I understand as I just recently went through this with a MIL. She lived in my home for 5 years, well 4 years and eight months before she passed on in Febuary of this year. I have found so much that we never unpaked or I never asked her about, and wish so many times ,I would have. Don't make this mistake, of finding out all you can about ,her items and where they came from. Scarfs.....they must have all cherished some little memory of them, as I found so many silk scarfs Some were even tied in a knot, like she just pulled them off. She had old trunks I found them in.What is it with the scarfs. I figured they are keepsakes as you don't see much anymore. I guess they were used as head scarfs back then, now they are neck scarfs. I found two quilt tops and I am going to have them backed sometime. I imagine her mother made them. I still have so much of her lotions, all of her stuff she used is still in her bathroom down that she used. I found bobby pins stuffed everywhere ,something I never did use. We brought her shoes which had a brace attached to them home from the hospital,and that is so hard to see them. Bout all you can do is "cherish ", all the memories, and know she is with you as you sort through her belongings. They leave with us such special memeories. It must be meant this way.....So Many Hugs....Gabby


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RE: Feeling sad today

Thanks everyone. I feel good that I managed to make some headway in the clutter I've been living around for months, but maybe I did too much at once. Not that I won't hurt each time I do this, but perhaps I need to do it in smaller doses.

Woodie, you're so right about the tissues! Well into my adult life, every time I would leave my mother's house, she'd ask "Do you have tissues?" TOO FUNNY!!

Sometimes I can't believe she isn't here anymore. I still can't get used to having my weekends entirely to myself. I always took her shopping and for lunch on Saturday or Sunday, with rare exception. Sometimes we'd go out on Sunday for dinner, too. And then when she was in the nursing home, I was there each day. After she died, every weekend was spent cleaning out her place, with the b**ch landlady breathing down my neck all the time. So come December 1, I was on my own, so to speak -- no obligations to anyone but myself. It's a strange feeling.

I think I am ready now to see out a bereavement support group. I wasn't ready in the first months, but I think I'll benefit from it now.


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RE: Feeling sad today

Lasershow:did you notice that there's a "Grieving" forum here? You probably did, but just thought in case....

I hope you're having better days remembering the good times and knowing she's with you each time you reach for a 'tissue'! ;-D

Blessings
Linda


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RE: Feeling sad today

Hi Linda,

Yes, I did know about the "Grieving" forum, thanks. I've gone there a few times, but it's not as active as this board. I feel like you all are my friends and thus am much more at "home" here. :-)

I'm feeling better today. Tomorrow night I might check out the grief support group at my church.


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RE: Feeling sad today

Good morning,Laser.I,too, hope you are having a better day. Those sad days will come and go...and they can be overwhelming. I know what you mean about the Forum...you are very much at home here. Let us know how the grief support group feels to you. Shalom...Derry


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RE: Feeling sad today

Hoping this is a better day for you as grief does have its wave of ups & downs.

For over a year my SIL could not bring herself to clean her Mother's home. This was after multiple family deaths. Finally, one day I just thought I'd offer to get her started & we have developed such a close relationship. Just wondering if you've a relative you wouldn't really think of asking to help you. Or, a friend to simply go through some things with you. It's amazing the closeness when one can share with others.

Thank goodness, we have each other here & hope you can feel our sensitivity at this time of your need.

Blessings, Sharlee


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RE: Feeling sad today

Hi Laser, i've been meaning to write to you and although i haven't gone through what you have, i remember packing up the kids baby clothes to donate them to the homeless shelter and then last year when i made al go through all his clothes to donate them if he didn't want them (actually, i thought, God forbid if something happens i won't have alot of stuff to go through). i remember how hard that was as these are still people who live in our house! i don't know if you are crafty or not, or even if you thought that this might be a really, really dumb idea, but i have seen people who have made quilts out of a loved ones clothes, hankys, and even a shadow box, with a favourite scarf and broaches pinned on them and displayed it was beautiful. so things just - as my kids say - suck don't they, i can just imagine what you are going through, but just take your time, you'll know in your heart when to do it. i do hope you are feeling better. debbie


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RE: Feeling sad today

Heydeborah, I think you have a wonderful idea for making a quilt or a shadow box (more my style, not being so talented). This sounds like a lovely remembrance. Thanks for the idea.


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well i think you should thank ds for the idea, only because he had his dad's high school football jersey matted on a frame, however he paid a small fortune for it to be done - i think about 185.00 cdn dollars. and i said i could probably do it up alot cheaper, so because al loves his maple leafs, i got a jersey from the salvation army (my fav. store) for 3.99 a huge frame with glass - 1.99, some light blue flannel - 99 cents and went to town with straight pins, and i will say, and please do not think i am conceited but mine turned out better! because al chooses to stay in our bedroom we have these jems on one wall so the room has a "guy" touch to it - lol, my mil when she came over on sunday, just looked at in disgust and just shook her head. well we like it!


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Hello Deb, You are my kind of person....I also see something and think...I can do that alot cheaper....your jerseys framed in Al's room is a great idea. We agree that with your MIL that it is all about her...so if you had put up pictures of her she would have been happy!!!LOL I love to hear about your bargains...I am a bargain hunter. Also like the idea of a shadow box...did one for Mom and Dad...Mom and Dad had saved lots of neat things from way back. I am one that likes to see things so I can enjoy and not pack away. Hope all is well with you and yours. God Bless, Nora


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RE: Feeling sad today

I came onto this forum because I am having such difficulty right now with my elderly mom and need help and found this thread. It's been a while since anyone posted, but maybe I what I can offer can help. Several years ago I lost a best friend - he was the brother I'd always wanted. We were 12 days apart and had the same personalities - the good and the irritating. When his widow had to go through boxes of stuff that he'd kept, she called me to just be with her. So, we sat in the garage together and decided what to keep and what could go. I know most people go thru this alone, but if someone can just be there, even if they're just to keep you from being alone, I think it makes a big difference.
It was more difficult for me than it would have been for one of her sisters as I was closer to him, but it actually helped me as I felt sort of aimless and lost after doing everything I could through months of his illness. And probably it was easier for Deb to have someone that was closer to him.
Plan for a couple of hours in the morning and get a pot of coffee and donuts or a bag of cookies and four to six of the boxes and then plan for a definate stopping time and fix lunch or go out to lunch afterward and talk about everything that's currently going on in your lives.
You're not asking someone else to go through the pain you're going through -it's different for them - they're there because they care for you and if they were close to your mom, their healing is at a different level.
As for all the scarves, maybe donate them to some group that does crafts for kids in the hospital. They'd really dress up teddy bears or make great kites.
Sally


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