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I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

Posted by Fairegold (My Page) on
Thu, May 12, 05 at 16:50

But she doesn't hear and when she does, she doesn't listen.

Now she has decided that acetominaphin is not Tylenol. And because I bought the store brand last time, no wonder she has all the problems. She's been reading all the labels of all her medicines. Sigh....

I went straight for the heart of the issue, and told her that if she does not believe me or trust me, then she makes my 'job' almost impossible to do. She will believe the ladies that she shares a table with at meals, but she does not believe me.

So I'm yelling into the phone, and just thankful that our house is on 3 acres and the neighbors aren't home.

Tomorrow, I have to be over there at 7 AM, because she's refused to have a shower since we started assisted living a week ago last Monday. The aide shows up, and Mother says that she's already had a sponge bath, and that she is fine. So tomorrow AM should be interesting, no?

I have my limits, and some of those limits are way past. I honor my Mother, but now I must treat her as a child. Which really breaks your heart, as you all know.

Thanks, I feel better now.


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

Fairegold, this sounds just like something my uncle would do...can't hear but won't listen, questions his medications (when something doesn't work, it's either no good or my fault because I got the wrong thing), will not bathe without an argument "I just had a bath." It is just so difficult sometimes to deal with...but it does make you feel somewhat better just to be able to put it into words...nothing wrong with that...just hope things get easier for you...


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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

If it wasn't so frustrating, and personal, it would be funny.

Here's hoping that some day you and your family can sit around and reminisce about your mother...."remember the day mom decided that acetaminophen was not tylenol, and she turned off her hearing aid so I was bellowing into the phone trying to get her to listen...that was also the time se decided to stop bathing.....!!

Maybe if you climb into the tub with her..... wait....I'm trying to picture that...never mind!!!!

When I worked at the retirement community, we had a 90+ year old resident who didn't bathe - he said that his sweat glands had all dried up, so no need to bathe. Trust me when I tell you that they didn't all dry up.

Good luck and give mom a hug from us.


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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

Oh, goodness, Fairegold! LOL! When I used to give my Mom her meds, I'd dump them out of the bubble-thingies they were in (each days morning/noon/night meds separated into bubble-pacs), and she was fine with them during the day, but her dinner ones? hahaha! She'd stare at them in the med container....pour them onto the table, separate them by colour, then capsules together only, then rearrange them, all the while looking sceptically at them as if I were trying to put one over on her! LOL!! I'm so happy not to be doing that anymore now that she's in a nursing home! Our visits are much more pleasant! As for bathing, she's accustomed to her care-giver bathing her every day, so no worries, she loved 'em!

Sorry about the troubles you're experiencing with your Mom at this time...but we do have to chuckle sometimes, right? I hope?

Good luck in the morning!! Isn't life exciting?!

Blessings
Linda


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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

Tonight, while getting Mom ready for bed, we were in the bathroom and I put out her meds she takes before sleep, she looks at them and says "what's this? are you trying to poison me?" Honestly, I couldn't tell if she was serious or kidding with me, so I decided to laugh it off and she just took them...maybe there's a full moon?
Tuesday, it was 84 degrees...really a beautiful day in Chicago and I come home from work and my house is completely closed up, no windows open, no A/C on....I ask mom's caretaker what's going on and she says "your mom is cold"...now...I am going through menopause and I am HOT, so I say to mom "I really need to open one window, right behind me on the couch" she says "no, don't, I can feel the draft" I say "but I am really HOT" and she says "you'll get use to it"....believe me, it wasn't funny, but now looking back I can chuckle about it. So I decide to get smart and the next day I had her wear a warm jogging suit. It was in the 70's and I was able to open some windows!!! Today, it was in the 40's (yes 40's) and tonite she tells me she doesn't want to wear that outfit again because it's too warm...GO FIGURE!!! Just when I thought I had her figured out. I just had to put my two cents in here ladies...we really really need to have a sense of humor or we will all go nuts....and thank heaven for all of you...Mimi


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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

Thank you all for making me laugh a little! It's not funny today but I like your perspective.

I'll report in tomorrow after the shower!


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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

I wonder what it is about some elders that they don't like bathing. Does anyone have any insight into that? My mother never experienced that, fortunately, but I've heard of so many instances like the ones described here. Is it traumatic for them?


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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

Mother was afraid that the aide would wash her hair. Mother's always gone to the Beauty shop for shampoo/set, and was not about to have an aide give her a wash and wear job. I got her a new shower cap, and I've told all the aises and the office to make note of this.

I guess that a lot of seniors think they don't need to bathe because they don't do much all day? Just a guess... there are probably a lot of other reasons, too.

And it's also giving up another freedom to have someone help you bathe, and I think that was another one of Mother's fears.

But it went well this morning. Whew, I think we are over that little bump!


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RE: I hate shouting at Mother over the phone...

Oh, good! Glad your Mother accepted the shower. Yes, it's hard as same thing for us with Mom at her facility.

My Mom no longer has a phone as it got to the point where she would forget to hold the receiver to her ear. She hears quite well most of the time, so visits are pleasant in that regard.
The best to you & take care of yourself,
Sharlee


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