This is a terrible situation to be in. It does sound as if your wife is deeply depressed and breaking down under the strain. Unfortunately, when people are depressed they aren't very rational and it can be extremely challenging to change fixed notions. You are lucky that it appears your in-laws are encouraging your wife to get away for a while. You might have some luck if you remind your wife that her collapse in her parents' home is adding to their pain and burden. Ironically, by pushing herself to the breaking point, she is now making their lives more difficult by adding one more point of concern. This argument might get some traction with her as it's a form of selfishness she might not have sufficiently considered. If you can talk her out of the country, then her time with you is an ideal opportunity to come up with an action plan that's more balanced and manageable before she returns. Your MIL's treatment center should be able to suggest respite resources to assist. It is crucial your wife schedule breaks in her duties. Otherwise she's no good to her parents or to herself. You have my sympathy. It must be incredibly difficult for you to be so far away, unable to offer the support you so badly want to provide.

Interesting gadget that you desire to find. I have never heard of anything like that. I'm guessing that anything that can receive a walkie talkie/cell phone type signal is going to need to be charged every couple of days simply because it has to be on all the time. Can you put the charger somewhere where you will see it every evening on your way to bed, and get in the habit of charging up when you go to bed every night? That's what I do with my cell phone and it works well. Maybe a cell phone in your pocket would hold a charge longer than a walkie talkie would? If the item your using has an old battery or is an older model, a new battery or a new device will probably hold a charge a lot longer, since the technology improves dramatically all the time. Perhaps you could rig up some sort of wristband or lanyard that would hold your wife's cell phone? If she has trouble with the cell phone being too hard to dial in an emergency, there are simple cell phones designed for the elderly or the technophobic that just dial a couple of preset numbers, and you could program your cell phone into that and carry your cell in your pocket all the time. Just some suggestions. Maybe someone inventive will design and market a device like you need? I hope so. Good luck.

One of the better choices is a CCRC where the facility is licensed for both asst. living AND nursing/critical care. That way you don't to move the elderly to two different facilities. The older they are, the more stressful it is to move them around. We are currently in the process of getting my MIL admitted to an Asst. Living/Nursing care facility. In her case, and I would expect this is true of most of these places that have both types of units, it is the FACILITY who decides whether an applicant can go into Asst. Living or needs Nursing care, not the family. The paperwork included financial disclosures of assets, her doctor's assessment of mental & physical condition/history, and a current TB test, in addition to the facility's own medical assessment after a 1-hr interview. Most families vastly over-estimate the ability of frail seniors to live on their own. The average stay in AL is only two years, on average. Considering that during our many visits to the specific care facility we want to use for MIL, where we have met a number of AL residents who have been there 5+ years, that means there are a whole lot of elderly being admitted into AL units in this country who aren't even making that 1-yr anniversary before needing critical or nursing care transfers. Generally at the AL level, there are charges for additional care needs. At the facility we are using, there are 3 levels of additional care, which the facility determines based on how much help a resident needs on a daily basis. So the basic rental cost for a studio with 1/2 bath - all showers and baths are scheduled and done with full escort service (but in AL assumes no need to help with hygiene, just in/out) is $3875/mo. This covers the unit the resident lives in, the daily housekeeping and all maintenance, basic TV service, 3 meals a day (in some places it's 2 meals per day), and all scheduled activities and outings. Now come the extras. The following is NOT a complete or absolute list, it's only to indicate how one local facility determines care levels and thus the monthly costs per resident: Level 1 care is minimal - help with medications only - adds $900/mo. Level 2 care is probably where MIL lands: help with medication, occasional regular escort to/from classes, adds $1340/mo. Level 3 care classifies complex medications (needed more than 2x daily), mandatory check-ins by staff at scheduled times, full-time escort whenever out of their unit, adds $1785/mo. If you are in AL and paying for Level 3 care, you are paying exactly what it costs to be in the memory care or nursing care units. Some residents do this because they don't want to move into a new unit on another floor. The critical care units are always temporary stays, where the resident keeps their usual unit, as critical care is considered convalescence (not serious enough for hospital care, but too serious to be in a standard residential unit). It's used for residents who are recovering from illnesses or surgery or accidents, who need more care than just a pair of crutches and an occasional look-in. YMMV on the facilities near you, but hope this helps clear up what it can mean to move into a full-care senior facility. These, btw, are non-profit organization prices. We found that there was little difference between the prices on AL in profit vs non-profit facilities - in fact, the for-profit places were generally lower. But the moment a resident needs critical, memory, or nursing care, for-profit facilities were much higher cost than the non-profit facilities. We looked at seven different facilities near us - there are more, but my MIL has dementia so we restricted our search to facilities with memory care units. HTH others.

Hi, Kay. Yes, she is going through all of the paperwork, and she is getting a bit overwhelmed. My dad left everything to her, and my sister-in-law, who is an accountant, is the executor of the will. She is doing most of the work, but they are waiting on the official death certificate before the house can be put in my mom's name. She can't sell until that is done. She also has to get rid of the car, since she doesn't drive, but one of my brothers needs a trade-in, and he is going to buy the car from her ( at a fair market price, of course). My dad did have his affairs in order, and all of the investments were in my mom's name anyhow, so she doesn't have too much to do. Right now she is slowly going through the house getting rid of things she won't need in an apartment. They lived in the same place for 44 years, so it's quite a big job, although in recent years they did begin to clear out a lot of junk. The biggest job is already done. My dad was into model trains, and had a huge set-up in two rooms in the basement. He had literally hundreds of cars, plus little villages, etc. He kept all of the boxes, but it still took us the better part of a week to dismantle the whole thing. The trains are going to be divided up between my brothers, and my mom didn't have to do a thing. We have been very fortunate that there have been absolutely NO arguements over money or disposing of posessions. I have heard so many stories about how a death in the family can bring out the absolute worst in people, but this is not the case for us. All of my brothers and I just want our mom to have as smooth a move as possible, and to end up with as much money as she can get. She is anxious to sell, she finds there are just too many memories in the house, and she wants a fresh start. Hopefully, she can be settled in her new place before the winter weather begins.