definitely label all of her clothing including all underwear (permanent marker pen); Do her laundry yourself (or have it done outside of the home). Unless she is incompetent and a 'ward' of someone who is responsible for her assets, she should be able to spend whatever she wants on whoever she wants. The issue with 'receipts' is the Look Back period with MEDICARE if she runs out of money and Medicare has to pay for a nursing home. My 99 year old Dad will be moving in with me in August - I really doubt he will outlive his money unless he has to go into a nursing home; that would happen if he is unable to feed, bathe, dress himself. I suspect if he had to go into a nursing home he would just 'give up' and die shortly thereafter. I, too, am retired, living on Social Security and my savings (plus am a widow) so yes, he will be giving me a set amount every month; this is to cover additional food, part of the utilities, (heat/electric/cable TV), gasoline to take him places. wear and tear on my vehicle, etc. In addition, he will have an aide two mornings a week to clean his part of this house (bathroom/bedroom/living area), do his laundry, and take him shopping which he will pay for.

Linda, Just from the research I've done, I believe mom is in Stage 5 of the Alzheimer's staging (1 to 7). She was "diagnosed" with Alz/-dementia two year's ago...at that time, she had an MRI, blood tests and a full psych exam by a pscych dr who specializes in dementia and Alz...after that evaluation, she diagnosed her at moderate stage. It was then that she was placed on Aricept, so she's been on Aricept for two years and the combination of Aricept and Namenda for about 1 1/2 years. You said your mom was fine...just curious...what do you mean by fine? I guess I'm confused because you said she was on Aricept... At this point, my mom does very little for herself. Probably easier to tell you what she can do rather than what she cannot. She gets out of bed herself, washes up and dresses (I have everything out for her in the bathroom...laid out exactly where she wants it to be). She goes to the bathroom herself and so far is continent - she's had a couple of accidents, but I think that's all they were, just accidents. She is able to swallow her medication and eat on her own (her meals are prepared for her and she is served and her pills are given to her). I've notice over the past few weeks she has a tough time using a knife and has at times resorted to using her fingers. I do help her to undress at night because she is SO TIRED and help her to bed. Walking is a problem because her balance is so bad; she has a walker to use around the house but she goes from wanting to use it to not wanting to even see it ("it makes me feel like an old lady!"). She is able to communicate, but not long conversations..just short thoughts... I think what I find the most difficult about caregiving is not taking care of Mom, but feeling that I'm all alone. My sisters are of little help and truth be told, my husband is not much of a help, although if you ask him, he thinks he is, so maybe it's a matter of perception, who knows. I find myself getting very depressed, but this comes and goes. What's been really bothering me lately is I just cannot understand why mom's friends and family have stopped calling and seeing her? I know it is very difficult to have a phone conversation with her; after all, she remembers nothing, but that doesn't mean they can't call and tell her about THEIR day...I don't know, maybe it's me...it's like everyone has written her off. I have thought about writing to her friends and somehow, very nicely, suggesting that they come by and have lunch with her or take her out to lunch or just come for a visit...I'd love some input on this...thanks, Mimi

Dear Linda, Thanks so much for taking the time to write to me. I understand everything you are trying to tell me. I have been in therapy for the past few months, and I am coming to terms with realizing that I will have to place my mom probably sooner rather than later. I do have an appointment next week to view a facility that has been highly recommended by the social worker that works with mom's geriatrician - they are part of a team of doctors that work at a well known local hospital and specialize in Alzheimer's and memory loss. I have had several visits with the social worker as well, and she is very familiar with my mom's past. I believe I have mentioned that my mom is a holocaust survivor. The facility they have recommended is heavily populated with people of the Jewish faith and in fact, they have several holocaust survivors living there. I am hopeful that this will be the right place for mom. As far as having her go there sooner rather than later...my mom has NEVER been a social person. She's always had a few close friends, but she's not one to really socialize. She lived in an assisted living facility that had a wonderful program with daily activities. They have an indoor heated swimming pool, and exercise room, card room, arts and crafts room and a beautiful lobby where people would gather just to sit and talk. Speakers were brought in and gave lectures, bands were brought in and they'd have dances...there were holiday parties...you name it. I often thought I wouldn't mind living there myself! My mom lived there for 14 years and hardly took advantage of any of the activities. She did exercise three days a week in the exercise room, but she'd go before breakfast when no one else was working out. They had their own van that would take them shopping, or to the doctor, or to plays, or to the gambling boats. The ONLY thing she'd do is go to the gambling boats, which was one afternoon, once a month. Mom was 41 when my dad died; I was 13 and my sisters were 16 and 18. From the time dad died, we took over caring for her. She got a job and worked full time and we were expected to care for the house, grocery shop and prepare dinner. As we moved out of the house, we continued to take care of her, taking her to the doctor (she never drove), grocery shopping and errand running. When she moved into the assisted living, we all thought this is great! She'll be well cared for and can take advantage of all the services they offer, but she refused...she wanted her daughters there to care for her. Linda, it hasn't changed..she still only wants her daughters to care for her. Yes, she allows her aide to help her, but if I'm around, she'll ask me first. I guess what I'm trying to say is (and I'm sorry this is SO long) after all she has been through, and the way she's lived her life, she would not be happy in a NH at this point. She still knows who I am and my husband and even when my son calls, she asks about my DIL and grandson, sometimes even by name. If she were to go there now, she would NOT socialize; she'd stay in her room watching TV, and probably feel as if she's been desserted. Let's face it, we all have to be able to sleep at night and at this point, placing her now, I couldn't sleep. I'm going to need to wait until she declines some more. In the meantime, I will continue to care for her and love her and hug her and hope that I can physically and emotionally hold out. I don't mean to sound like a martyr, I'm a pretty tough bird...I think I can do this for a while longer. Thanks again...I hope you're enjoying your free time, you certainly earned/deserve it...

Nobody knows. Not surprised. My studies since the OP find this in general: The medical profession knows very very little about Alzheimer's or vascular dementia. They know even less about the drugs they are prescribing for these afflictions. There is no published preferred method (anecdotal or medical) for stopping these meds. Having these meds stopped after prolonged use generally leads to rapid decline of cognitive powers and behavioral degeneration to aggressiveness. Question: If these drugs are deemed by a Doc to be no longer helping the patient then why does stopping them cause such immediate dramatic declines? Reinstating these drugs after a stop subsequent to prolonged use restores the patients abilities to a much lower level than it was before they stopped. That is the effects of the stoppage are not completely reversible. Stopping the drugs after a very short term (days or weeks) does no harm. My wife's doc suggested she (my wife) is no longer benefiting from Aricept or Nemenda and we might consider stopping them. I have decided to maintain the Aricept as she has been on that for 4-1/2 years. The Namenda is coming off since she has been on that 4 months with no improvement. I decided to initiate a washout schedule that is double the initial titrating schedule. So it will take 42 days starting Tuesday. If anybody can show me one single solitary reference that it should be done another way I'd sure like to see it.